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Black women without black friends

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Printed Date: Dec 16 2017 at 9:27pm


Topic: Black women without black friends
Posted By: sbrownie84
Subject: Black women without black friends
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:02am
Does anyone know of other black women Without black friends? Do you categorize that as an identity issue?



Replies:
Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:22am
Originally posted by sbrownie84 sbrownie84 wrote:

Does anyone know of other black women Without black friends? Do you categorize that as an identity issue?
yes I do know them.  They are very much in tune with who they are.  no identity issues


Posted By: blaquefoxx
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:27am
A few of my cousins smh. Seems like the only negroes they hang with are relatives. They live like 8 hours from me, so I didn't get a chance to get in they ass about it lol. One in particular go on like camping trips, parties and get high with them, which I'm not a fan of at all. 


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:34am
not that i know of. i used to have only white friends. but this was elem/middle school


Posted By: *Belle*Femme*
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:37am
I couldn't imagine having friends who are melanin deficient. And I aint talking bout albinos. I couldn't say ni99a, they wouldn't understand when I would reminisce about when my mom used to whoop my ass, we couldn't talk about natural hair.

nah I like my black friends


Posted By: trudawg
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:37am
Originally posted by *Belle*Femme* *Belle*Femme* wrote:

I couldn't imagine having friends who are melanin deficient. And I aint talking bout albinos. I couldn't say ni99a, they wouldn't understand when I would reminisce about when my mom used to whoop my ass, we couldn't talk about natural hair.

nah I like my black friends


I feel the same way about a S/O, there would be so many things we couldn't talk about or relate to with each other.


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:38am
Originally posted by sbrownie84 sbrownie84 wrote:

Does anyone know of other black women Without black friends? Do you categorize that as an identity issue?
they usually have some unresolved issues


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:42am
I know one that longs for more black female friends (she only has me) but she says that she can't seem to meet females that she gets along with.
 
 
Wayment...now that I think on it.  She now has met another one.  And she was ecstatic about it.  She was cute she was so excited.  Talmbout she had to play it cool so she didn't scare her away n'sh*t.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:42am
Yes, I am one. But I have been having a hard time making friends, so I don't consider it an identity issue.
My brother says some black girls in his college do not hang out with blacks; he finds that strange.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:44am
Keep that


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:45am
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Yes, I am one. But I have been having a hard time making friends, so I don't consider it an identity issue.
My brother says some black girls in his college do not hang out with blacks; he finds that strange.

they dont wanna be associated with "those" blacks. "They're" different.


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:45am
lmao, oh boy


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:47am
i dont personally think i know anyone like that.. but sometimes when i see them in groups (all white with a token black) i wonder how that works and like.. if they have to deal with awkwardness about race convos sometimes and stuff.. 

i remember being around a group of white ppl briefly and they had a token black friend.. one of the white guys said the N word.. the token just kinda looked at me.. but didnt say anything. 
i left.

i dont have any white friends.. i wouldnt mind it though.  


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:52am
how is not having any female friends that different to not having any black female friends

discuss!


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:55am
from what ive seen, the token laughs along and adds to the joke, cooning basically. very sad to watch actually.


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 11:56am
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

how is not having any female friends that different to not having any black female friends

discuss!

damn, how u gonna just hijack her thread like that? LOL


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 12:00pm
Originally posted by eanaj5 eanaj5 wrote:

Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

how is not having any female friends that different to not having any black female friends

discuss!

damn, how u gonna just hijack her thread like that? LOL


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 12:01pm
I dont like being the only blk person at work!!!  Sometimes I dont mind it cuz ppl are politically correct & know how to act, other times they think its a free for all to do cultural jokes & put up anti-obama cartoons in the workplace, like wtf!!?


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 12:04pm
i was typically the only black in dance class.. sometimes there was one other. 

it was awkward.. but i got used to it. 




Posted By: gemini1591
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 12:11pm
I could never be the token. One day i was sitting outside waiting for my class to start and this token asian was with a group of yts talking about he could never date an asian girl cause theyre eyes are ugly and a whole bunch of other crap and the yts were just laughing and eating it all up.


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 12:14pm
they were laughing at him, im sure


Posted By: gemini1591
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 12:18pm
Im sure they were too. It was so obvious he was being extra for them


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 12:18pm
Originally posted by gemini1591 gemini1591 wrote:

I could never be the token. One day i was sitting outside waiting for my class to start and this token asian was with a group of yts talking about he could never date an asian girl cause theyre eyes are ugly and a whole bunch of other crap and the yts were just laughing and eating it all up.
LOL the visual I had...


Posted By: smaison
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 12:31pm
that's one phenomenon that i will never be able to understand. just doesn't make any sense to me. black women are the shyt when they ain't getting on my nerves. i can't see myself being friends with a bunch of clear women; i might end up in jail. and im scared of jail.


Posted By: honeyb87
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 12:35pm
Originally posted by smaison smaison wrote:

that's one phenomenon that i will never be able to understand. just doesn't make any sense to me. black women are the shyt when they ain't getting on my nerves. i can't see myself being friends with a bunch of clear women; i might end up in jail. and im scared of jail.


idk why this made me LOLLOLCry


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 12:47pm
Yes I know someone like that. He grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood and joined a white fraternity when he went away to college. Till now, all his friends are white. He is 30 years old. I was also the first black women he ever dated.

Its obviously not healthy or normal. I won't make that mistake with my children though.


Posted By: Dapheny
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 1:20pm
some people just don't "click" no?


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 1:35pm
Originally posted by Dapheny Dapheny wrote:

some people just don't "click" no?


you don't click with no other negroes? why? that's weird and not normal

it is no different from

1. not having female friends and 
2. insisting on only dating non-blacks bc brothas ain't -ish


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 1:39pm
I don't trust hoes with no black friends. Usually they got some lame excuse....


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 1:39pm
ppl have their preferences.  idc who they like or dont.  maybe the ppl that they're compatible with are far away, so they seem alone, but they are really content


Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 1:40pm
Originally posted by Dapheny Dapheny wrote:

some people just don't "click" no?

With an entire race of people? The race in which they belong to?


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:04pm
At the moment I don't have any close black women friends. Don't work with any, there are none in my neighborhood, I don't go to church anymore, and I'm not currently active in my sorority.

Meh...all the women I hang out with are white. Just worked out that way.


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:11pm
I have 3 black friends.  2 are close friends.
I have 1 white friend.


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:12pm
I hate fakeness, i hate the devil, i don't like pasty skin, and i hate the smell of rank flesh.

What am I gon do with some white friends?


Posted By: Cream1970
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:13pm
I only have 4 close friends. All different races/ethnicities.
Black - in Chicago
Samoan -in Hawaii
Mexican- in NJ
German- in GA

They were cool azz people. Never felt I had to have Black friends.



Posted By: Jewelsnyc
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:13pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

I hate fakeness, i hate the devil, i don't like pasty skin, and i hate the smell of rank flesh.

What am I gon do with some white friends?
oooh kill'em


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:17pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

I hate fakeness, i hate the devil, i don't like pasty skin, and i hate the smell of rank flesh.

What am I gon do with some white friends?


Smh. Offensive.




Posted By: KottonKandy
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:23pm
I knew one, she invited me to her house party one day. By the end of the night, she told me I was the first black girl she hung out with in years. She's Jamaican, white boyfriend, white friends. I was the only black female besides her at the party. We used to work together, at lunch one day I told her I was dating (not in a relationship) a Cuban dude, so I guess she figured I was with the swirl and felt I was harmless. lol


Posted By: KottonKandy
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:26pm
I don't have white friends though. 


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:29pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

I hate fakeness, i hate the devil, i don't like pasty skin, and i hate the smell of rank flesh.

What am I gon do with some white friends?


Omg Derri.


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:30pm
Originally posted by Dapheny Dapheny wrote:

some people just don't "click" no?



Posted By: Cream1970
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:32pm
I had all white friends until 10th grade until I met my ex husband. I had very few Black friends in my classes all my life.I was bullied all thru elementary school. I befriended whowhoever had common interests that didn't pick on me. I didn't feel the need to attempt to befriend Black folks just because they were Black. If you're cool with me, I'm cool with me. Race has never been a requirement.


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:33pm
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by Dapheny Dapheny wrote:

some people just don't "click" no?

that person is so uglyDead


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:34pm
you would be too if you were making faces



Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:35pm
The only time I had all white friends was at theriding barn and that's because there was literally 0 black people there. Other than that, the majority of my friends have been Black with some white Hispanic and Asian sprinkled in.  I just have more in common w/black people. 


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:36pm
what does he/she look like without making a face? 


Posted By: dazed&
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:37pm
all of my close friends are black. but most of my weekend activities are with a majority non-black crowd (not just white though). just because most of my black friends don't find enjoyment in what i like to do for fun. i like to go to live shows/raves and do outdoorsy things. most of my black friends just like to go to clubs/bars. that got old for me a looong time ago. so it's simply because i don't share the same extracurricular interests as my black friends.  

my nonblack friends=weekend friends. 


Posted By: Cream1970
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:40pm
And if you live in a place where there is an abundance of Black women who don't have concerns about the newest Baby Phat dress, when their baby daddies are getting released or them actually getting a job affecting their food stamps that they sell, consider yourself lucky. I live in San Antonio, TX. It's not a lot of us here and the majority of the natives are on some different ish.

If I were still in Chicago, things would be different.


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:43pm
Originally posted by Cream1970 Cream1970 wrote:

And if you live in a place where there is an abundance of Black women who don't have concerns about the newest Baby Phat dress, when their baby daddies are getting released or them actually getting a job affecting their food stamps that they sell, consider yourself lucky. I live in San Antonio, TX. It's not a lot of us here and the majority of the natives are on some different ish.

If I were still in Chicago, things would be different.
LOL oh cream, we're not doing this today.  kEmbarrassed


Posted By: blaquefoxx
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:43pm
Originally posted by Cream1970 Cream1970 wrote:

And if you live in a place where there is an abundance of Black women who don't have concerns about the newest Baby Phat dress, when their baby daddies are getting released or them actually getting a job affecting their food stamps that they sell, consider yourself lucky. I live in San Antonio, TX. It's not a lot of us here and the majority of the natives are on some different ish.

If I were still in Chicago, things would be different.
Ermm


Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:46pm
Originally posted by Cream1970 Cream1970 wrote:

And if you live in a place where there is an abundance of Black women who don't have concerns about the newest Baby Phat dress, when their baby daddies are getting released or them actually getting a job affecting their food stamps that they sell, consider yourself lucky. I live n San Antonio, TX. It's not a lot of us here and the majority of the natives are on some different ish.

If I were still in Chicago, things would be different.
I've never met (rather gotten to know) a black women who has any of these problems or concerns. The black women I know are worried about grad school applications, finals, and internships...


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:46pm
i had a lot of white friends growing up
but that's bc my lil immigrant parents worked hard to buy in the best school district in the state and i used to feel....uncomfortable around black people at school tbh...my black friends were from church..i just felt like i wasn't black enough i guess
it wasn't until i got to college i was like omg...there are loads of black people just like me



but I can agree about cities.  my friend is in St.Louise right now struuuuuuuuuuuuugling.



Posted By: Cream1970
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 2:57pm
Meh..*shrugs*


Posted By: ShadyLady
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:00pm
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

how is not having any female friends that different to not having any black female friends

discuss!


Exactly!

If you have a problem connecting with an ENTIRE group of people, the problem is not them...it's you.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:01pm
I think it's just hard to make friends period, no matter the color.

I am just not interested in 90% of the things most  late 20's black women are interested in.


Posted By: Cream1970
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:08pm
Originally posted by _ConcreteRose_ _ConcreteRose_ wrote:

Originally posted by Cream1970 Cream1970 wrote:

And if you live in a place where there is an abundance of Black women who don't have concerns about the newest Baby Phat dress, when their baby daddies are getting released or them actually getting a job affecting their food stamps that they sell, consider yourself lucky. I live n San Antonio, TX. It's not a lot of us here and the majority of the natives are on some different ish.

If I were still in Chicago, things would be different.

I've never met (rather gotten to know) a black women who has any of these problems or concerns. The black women I know are worried about grad school applications, finals, and internships...


Lucky you.
Do you live in San Antonio?
If so, my sister, who has ALWAYS had plenty Black friends until she moved here, hasn't had much luck meeting unmarried women in her age group. She's an AKA that did her undergrad at an HBCU. All of her friends and line sisters live in other cities/states. She's been here 5 years and meets very few young ladies, like herself.

She's always had plenty of friends, she is very sociable and makes friends easily. Maybe you can give her some pointers because she hasn't had much luck in this lovely city.

In a city that's 6.9% Black, with the vast majority living on the opposite side of town, it's hard to meet and get to know people that you share common interests with. And realistically, you're not going to befriend each and every person you meet. She's in a Grad Chapter and has participated in a few events.

So if a person has never had an issue meeting like minded people until they move to a city that doesn't have a lot of like minded people, and you're not going to meet each and every one that is like minded, isn't it fair to surmise that you may have issues that you've never had before meeting like minded people?


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:12pm
Cream, yall best bet is to move to one of them cities in pty's thread where the good blk ppl are


Posted By: Cream1970
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:12pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

I think it's just hard to make friends period, no matter the color.

I am just not interested in 90% of the things most  late 20's black women are interested in.


I don't know why that's so difficult to grasp.
My cousin loved acid rock as a teen. Painted his nails Black and work all Black.

Of course, there are other Black folks that love acid Rock. What was his chances of meeting them, and of the ones that he met, making a connection that could lead to friendship?

Law of Averages, he was going to have far more White friends than Black ones. Guess for some folks, he wasn't supposed to hang around folks he shared common interests with, but seek and befriend ones that he didn't.


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:12pm
OP with her usual hit n run bait thread..lol


Posted By: Jewelsnyc
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:12pm
Originally posted by Cream1970 Cream1970 wrote:

Originally posted by _ConcreteRose_ _ConcreteRose_ wrote:

Originally posted by Cream1970 Cream1970 wrote:

And if you live in a place where there is an abundance of Black women who don't have concerns about the newest Baby Phat dress, when their baby daddies are getting released or them actually getting a job affecting their food stamps that they sell, consider yourself lucky. I live n San Antonio, TX. It's not a lot of us here and the majority of the natives are on some different ish.

If I were still in Chicago, things would be different.

I've never met (rather gotten to know) a black women who has any of these problems or concerns. The black women I know are worried about grad school applications, finals, and internships...



So if a person has never had an issue meeting like minded people until they move to a city that doesn't have a lot of like minded people, and you're not going to meet each and every one that is like minded, isn't it fair to surmise that you may have issues that you've never had before meeting like minded people?


Shocked tongue twister....LOL


Posted By: joileprincess
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:14pm
I generally find Black people who don't interact with other Black people to be strange. That would include women of course. 

A lot of the time they're on that unicorn ish with statements such as "I'm the only Black person who ______ (fill in the blank). I look at the them the same way that I look at women who don't have female friends. Its like do you really think that you are that damn unique? You're the only non-rachet, really?


Posted By: Cream1970
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:17pm
Originally posted by Senior Detective Senior Detective wrote:

Cream, yall best bet is to move to one of them cities in pty's thread where the good blk ppl are


Economically, SA is great. Socially, it sucks.
We are considering moving to the Houston or Dallas area. I just bought a house 5 yrs ago and need to at least break even.

It may sound ridiculous, but it's like moving to New Hampshire and being expected to have a passel of Black friends.

Unless you've lived in San Antonio,(not being from), you really can't begin to understand.

I have yet to meet a Black person that is not from here that didn't say San Antonio is "different" and that they have a hard time meeting like minded folks.

But the economy is good.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:21pm
but you didn't say your sister doesn't have black friends
she does
she doesn't have black friends in her current city
that's different


Posted By: juicifruit89
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:21pm
Originally posted by Cream1970 Cream1970 wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

I think it's just hard to make friends period, no matter the color.

I am just not interested in 90% of the things most  late 20's black women are interested in.


I don't know why that's so difficult to grasp.
My cousin loved acid rock as a teen. Painted his nails Black and work all Black.

Of course, there are other Black folks that love acid Rock. What was his chances of meeting them, and of the ones that he met, making a connection that could lead to friendship?

Law of Averages, he was going to have far more White friends than Black ones. Guess for some folks, he wasn't supposed to hang around folks he shared common interests with, but seek and befriend ones that he didn't.


Yep, it's more important to make friends based on who are similar interests--or there WILL be tension eventually. Been there, done that.


Posted By: AmiliaCabral
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:22pm
they weird and are more annoying than white women


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:22pm
I am unique, but to me it's not about a ratchet/nonratchet dichotomy. I think "ratchet" interests/behavior/pursuits are just as valid as "nonratchet" ones.

I would love to find another 27 year old black woman with no kids, no man (and no interest in getting one), who is non-theist, a plain/modest dresser, not super social, and is interested in reading, watching movies/tv, eating good food, and just generally enjoys quiet, simple things in life.

So far it's impossible.


Posted By: juicifruit89
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:24pm
Originally posted by joileprincess joileprincess wrote:

I generally find Black people who don't interact with other Black people to be strange. That would include women of course. 

A lot of the time they're on that unicorn ish with statements such as "I'm the only Black person who ______ (fill in the blank). I look at the them the same way that I look at women who don't have female friends. Its like do you really think that you are that damn unique? You're the only non-rachet, really?


I agree with this too. Especially in the workplace, I miss interacting with other Black people who are similar to me.


Posted By: Cream1970
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:27pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

but you didn't say your sister doesn't have black friends
she does
she doesn't have black friends in her current city
that's different


You're right. That's exactly what I said. Location and common interests directly affect who you befriend. You can't befriend people you don't meet and why force friendships with people that you can't relate to?

That's all I was trying to say.

I don't know any Black people that purposely not have Black friends. I don't think it's a conscious choice. They just clicked with who they clicked with.

It's likely some people who purposely avoid friendships with their own race. I just don't know any.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:31pm
Originally posted by Cream1970 Cream1970 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

but you didn't say your sister doesn't have black friends
she does
she doesn't have black friends in her current city
that's different


You're right. That's exactly what I said. Location and common interests directly affect who you befriend. You can't befriend people you don't meet and why force friendships with people that you can't relate to?

That's all I was trying to say.

I don't know any Black people that purposely not have Black friends. I don't think it's a conscious choice. They just clicked with who they clicked with.

It's likely some people who purposely avoid friendships with their own race. I just don't know any.

those are the people i think this thread is discussing
circumstances and happenstance can make it hard to have friends who are black

but i know im talking about people who purposely do not associate w/negroes

but the OP lives in the Caribbean--idk how a black person could avoid black people there


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:33pm
I understand living in a place where you don't relate to the ppl around you, even the ones who look like you.


Posted By: dazed&
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:38pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

I am unique, but to me it's not about a ratchet/nonratchet dichotomy. I think "ratchet" interests/behavior/pursuits are just as valid as "nonratchet" ones.

I would love to find another 27 year old black woman with no kids, no man (and no interest in getting one), who is non-theist, a plain/modest dresser, not super social, and is interested in reading, watching movies/tv, eating good food, and just generally enjoys quiet, simple things in life.

So far it's impossible.

TRUTH. i'm in my early 20's but it's hard to find at my age too, especially being in Atlanta...full of girls doing the absolute most. During my entire college life I only met one girl who fit this (but she's religious, so not completely). I made her my best friend. Wish I could ind that nontheist black girl though, then I'd be set. I've kinda lost hope with that though. I have to have all of my discussions about religion with non-blacks, because I don;t know any black non-Christians. 


Posted By: Omgitsdannie101
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:39pm
In high school and middle school I had the same group of friends of years that included one half black half puerto rican girl who hated her black side Confused . In my defense my neighborhood is pretty white. Most of the friends I've made in college though are black.


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:46pm
But at the same time, maybe ppl are looking for an identical twin in friendships.
I used to be like this when I was younger. Then i had a thought, maybe it was ok if my friends had other interests separate fom mine. They could teach me a new perspective and vice versa. Or not..and that's ok with me.

I'm not suggesting go befriend welfare queens..i'm not really addressing any poster just having thoughts that are kind of related.


Posted By: joileprincess
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:50pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by Cream1970 Cream1970 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

but you didn't say your sister doesn't have black friends
she does
she doesn't have black friends in her current city
that's different


You're right. That's exactly what I said. Location and common interests directly affect who you befriend. You can't befriend people you don't meet and why force friendships with people that you can't relate to?

That's all I was trying to say.

I don't know any Black people that purposely not have Black friends. I don't think it's a conscious choice. They just clicked with who they clicked with.

It's likely some people who purposely avoid friendships with their own race. I just don't know any.

those are the people i think this thread is discussing
circumstances and happenstance can make it hard to have friends who are black

but i know im talking about people who purposely do not associate w/negroes

but the OP lives in the Caribbean--idk how a black person could avoid black people there

I am definitely referring to those people. There are people in major cities who say stuff like this. Like you can't find any Black people who you gel with in NY, Chicago, DC, etc. Like really? Side eye instantly activated.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 3:58pm
Originally posted by dazed& dazed& wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

I am unique, but to me it's not about a ratchet/nonratchet dichotomy. I think "ratchet" interests/behavior/pursuits are just as valid as "nonratchet" ones.

I would love to find another 27 year old black woman with no kids, no man (and no interest in getting one), who is non-theist, a plain/modest dresser, not super social, and is interested in reading, watching movies/tv, eating good food, and just generally enjoys quiet, simple things in life.

So far it's impossible.

TRUTH. i'm in my early 20's but it's hard to find at my age too, especially being in Atlanta...full of girls doing the absolute most. During my entire college life I only met one girl who fit this (but she's religious, so not completely). I made her my best friend. Wish I could ind that nontheist black girl though, then I'd be set. I've kinda lost hope with that though. I have to have all of my discussions about religion with non-blacks, because I don;t know any black non-Christians. 


I can totally identify. Honestly my closest black female friend was at church...and church was just a built in social circle. But once I decided to leave...it just couldn't work anymore. Aside from not being able to discuss religion, morality, and values. Jesus just permeates throughout her whole life and it just made things difficult...when she dropped a class she desperately needed to graduate because it conflicted with choir practice schedule and she refused to "put anything before god"...I just couldn't handle the difference in our life philosophies anymore.

Oh well. It's easier now just to stay to myself. And if I find that magical unicorn friend I swear I'm gonna treat her right and love her forever and ever lol.


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:09pm
http://www.lipstickalley.com/forumdisplay.php?f=94

maysay & dazed, there are more like you.  u need to just reach out


Posted By: Oladunni
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:10pm
I've only see this happen with mixed girls n girls who live and grew up in areas that don't have much black people...


Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:30pm
Originally posted by Cream1970 Cream1970 wrote:

And if you live in a place where there is an abundance of Black women who don't have concerns about the newest Baby Phat dress, when their baby daddies are getting released or them actually getting a job affecting their food stamps that they sell, consider yourself lucky. I live in San Antonio, TX. It's not a lot of us here and the majority of the natives are on some different ish.

If I were still in Chicago, things would be different.

you're doing too much to prove you're not the problem which is only making you look like you're the problem


Posted By: sbrownie84
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:30pm
I ask this because there is this black girl at and I swear she is a house nigress. She tries to be well spoken and classy but I find her trying to hard to be subservient to white people and never trying to relate to blacks. Her best friend is an Asian girl who seems to make insulting comments about blacks. What irks me the most about get is that she tries so hard to come across as a 'not one of them' type of black women and tries to hide her identity and has a ghetto mentality. She works against other blacks especially the ones who are well spoken and go against the stereotype. I lost all respect for her when she talked loudly about 'loving Billy joel's music' and wanting to go to his concert She's 29 born and raised in The hood. Gtfohwtbs.


Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:33pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

I am unique, but to me it's not about a ratchet/nonratchet dichotomy. I think "ratchet" interests/behavior/pursuits are just as valid as "nonratchet" ones.

I would love to find another 27 year old black woman with no kids, no man (and no interest in getting one), who is non-theist, a plain/modest dresser, not super social, and is interested in reading, watching movies/tv, eating good food, and just generally enjoys quiet, simple things in life.

So far it's impossible.

why does she have to not have a man or want one? or why does her wardrobe matter?

some of the best ppl are polar opposites..


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:33pm
...i mean...i like Billy Joel


Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:35pm
LOL


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:41pm
Originally posted by mrshairdo mrshairdo wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

I am unique, but to me it's not about a ratchet/nonratchet dichotomy. I think "ratchet" interests/behavior/pursuits are just as valid as "nonratchet" ones.

I would love to find another 27 year old black woman with no kids, no man (and no interest in getting one), who is non-theist, a plain/modest dresser, not super social, and is interested in reading, watching movies/tv, eating good food, and just generally enjoys quiet, simple things in life.

So far it's impossible.

why does she have to not have a man or want one? or why does her wardrobe matter?

some of the best ppl are polar opposites..


Well if she has a man or is interested in getting one eventually, lots of her conversations will revolve around that. And she'll like activities that are centered around that (like going to bars, parties, clubs, etc). I'm just not interested so we wouldn't have anything to talk about/do together on that front.

Wardrobe matters because for many women fitting a certain mold matters to them...wearing whatever is most trendy, shopping, getting their hair/nails/makeup done, showing off their body, and wanting their friends to be, for lack of a better term, a "bad bitch"...none of which am I interested in.

Those are just some of the areas that influence the things people like to talk about and do...and we don't have anything in common in those areas a friendship isn't likely to work out.


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:41pm
Originally posted by mrshairdo mrshairdo wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

I am unique, but to me it's not about a ratchet/nonratchet dichotomy. I think "ratchet" interests/behavior/pursuits are just as valid as "nonratchet" ones.

I would love to find another 27 year old black woman with no kids, no man (and no interest in getting one), who is non-theist, a plain/modest dresser, not super social, and is interested in reading, watching movies/tv, eating good food, and just generally enjoys quiet, simple things in life.

So far it's impossible.

why does she have to not have a man or want one? or why does her wardrobe matter?

some of the best ppl are polar opposites..
cuz thats what she wants & is comfortable with.  Is it a crme to find like minded ppl?   Would u marry a man who was great in all areas but thought bitchonce was a worthless ho?


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:41pm
I wish I had more black female friends. I mean I think I have a good amount but I'd like more, you know?

I find that a lot of black females in my college I come across either just aren't the kind person I am interested in befriending. It could be a woman who is unnecessarily catty, one too interested in drama, or they've internalized a lot of racism and parrot ugly racist thinking their white friends planted in their head and feel comfortable saying it to me because I do not fit their programmed stereotypical image of their own freaking kind.

But to be honest, these are qualities I avoid in general. I suppose I just give an actual fuck about it being in black women purely because I am a black woman who looks for a sense of solidarity.


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:48pm
the women who don't want to befriend other black women seem cattier and pettier to me. so you don't like dressing nicely, aren't you Gandhi 


just get to know a wide array of people


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 4:56pm
Originally posted by SoutherNtellect SoutherNtellect wrote:

the women who don't want to befriend other black women seem cattier and pettier to me. so you don't like dressing nicely, aren't you Gandhi 


just get to know a wide array of people


Lol, that's exactly the problem...my definition of dressing nicely doesn't match other people's.

Women on this very board constantly opine about how they only chill with other "bad bitches", all their friends are cute, they and their friends are always put together (makeup, weave, perfect outfit, designer bag, 5 in heels, etc). So many times posters have stated how every women needs at least a little makeup or she doesn't look "put together", "sophisticated", "like a lady", "grown", etc. That men and women won't take you seriously if you don't at least put it in some "effort" where effort=makeup, hair, nails done, dressed like a style blogger or reality star.

I personally can't be friends with people with those beliefs...not because I'm better than them...but because it wouldn't be fun for me to be constantly judged by a friend...or have that person feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to be seen with me.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:04pm
my best friend wears no makeup and dresses like a hobo and likes girls
i mean if you were to look at at superficially we have nothing in common



Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:07pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by SoutherNtellect SoutherNtellect wrote:

the women who don't want to befriend other black women seem cattier and pettier to me. so you don't like dressing nicely, aren't you Gandhi 


just get to know a wide array of people


Lol, that's exactly the problem...my definition of dressing nicely doesn't match other people's.

Women on this very board constantly opine about how they only chill with other "bad bitches", all their friends are cute, they and their friends are always put together (makeup, weave, perfect outfit, designer bag, 5 in heels, etc). So many times posters have stated how every women needs at least a little makeup or she doesn't look "put together", "sophisticated", "like a lady", "grown", etc. That men and women won't take you seriously if you don't at least put it in some "effort" where effort=makeup, hair, nails done, dressed like a style blogger or reality star.

I personally can't be friends with people with those beliefs...not because I'm better than them...but because it wouldn't be fun for me to be constantly judged by a friend...or have that person feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to be seen with me. 

this board and it's consistent 10-15 posters are representative of what total percent of the black ppl in the US? Or even in your state? city? town?

common now...


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:07pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by SoutherNtellect SoutherNtellect wrote:

the women who don't want to befriend other black women seem cattier and pettier to me. so you don't like dressing nicely, aren't you Gandhi 


just get to know a wide array of people


Lol, that's exactly the problem...my definition of dressing nicely doesn't match other people's.

Women on this very board constantly opine about how they only chill with other "bad bitches", all their friends are cute, they and their friends are always put together (makeup, weave, perfect outfit, designer bag, 5 in heels, etc). So many times posters have stated how every women needs at least a little makeup or she doesn't look "put together", "sophisticated", "like a lady", "grown", etc. That men and women won't take you seriously if you don't at least put it in some "effort" where effort=makeup, hair, nails done, dressed like a style blogger or reality star.

I personally can't be friends with people with those beliefs...not because I'm better than them...but because it wouldn't be fun for me to be constantly judged by a friend...or have that person feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to be seen with me.

don't let bhm be an indicator of anything in life
if you had friends like what's said on bhm, you'd be the topic of a princess grace thread


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:12pm
I thought this was more of a coon black guy thing.


Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:14pm
I understand what you're saying and Im not knocking it, but consider this: my best friend is an outgoing partier who was a humanities major  and Im a quiet introverted stem major who likes to play it "safe". We're interested in different shows, books, guys, clothing you name it. I love her though. I feel like we help each other grow. You don't have to be exactly the same as a fried to respect each others personalities and interests. Requiring things like a friend can't have a man just seems like you'll be missing out on some great possible friendships. Not saying that common interests aren't important, they are. but not a clone.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:15pm
Originally posted by mrshairdo mrshairdo wrote:

this board and it's consistent 10-15 posters are representative of what total percent of the black ppl in the US? Or even in your state? city? town?

common now...


Most people don't share my aesthetic, on bhm or just in general. That's just fact.




Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:16pm
yall stay tryna help people who clearly dont wanna be helped.



Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:22pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

my best friend wears no makeup and dresses like a hobo and likes girls
i mean if you were to look at at superficially we have nothing in common



But I'm sure you guys have important things in common...like you like different genders...but at the core you both believe in romantic attachment/relationships. Or you clearly care about intelligence/education...I'm sure she is not a high school dropout who can't string a paragraph together and has no plans for her life.




Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:25pm
I would like to have clone friends, clone husband, clone kids & clone siblings.  That way I'd never argueApprove


Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:26pm
Originally posted by eanaj5 eanaj5 wrote:

yall stay tryna help people who clearly dont wanna be helped.




Posted By: AmiliaCabral
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:26pm
Convos like this make me scared to ever leave New York

Brooklyn is the home of the black weirdo. My homegirl hardbody wears the same outfit every day. She washes it every night but she wears it every single day. She wears no makeup and cut her hair bc she's too lazy to maintain it. We're totally different and hardly share any interests but thank God she loves me anyway. 


Posted By: AmyAmyAmy
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:29pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by SoutherNtellect SoutherNtellect wrote:

the women who don't want to befriend other black women seem cattier and pettier to me. so you don't like dressing nicely, aren't you Gandhi 


just get to know a wide array of people


Lol, that's exactly the problem...my definition of dressing nicely doesn't match other people's.

Women on this very board constantly opine about how they only chill with other "bad bitches", all their friends are cute, they and their friends are always put together (makeup, weave, perfect outfit, designer bag, 5 in heels, etc). So many times posters have stated how every women needs at least a little makeup or she doesn't look "put together", "sophisticated", "like a lady", "grown", etc. That men and women won't take you seriously if you don't at least put it in some "effort" where effort=makeup, hair, nails done, dressed like a style blogger or reality star.

I personally can't be friends with people with those beliefs...not because I'm better than them...but because it wouldn't be fun for me to be constantly judged by a friend...or have that person feel embarrassed or uncomfortable to be seen with me.

Truuuthhhhh ....im experiencing this now lool


Posted By: AmyAmyAmy
Date Posted: Jan 07 2014 at 5:32pm
Its tough to make friends period.
Black women are tough to make friends with..no word of a lie....
I would prefer black friends though..



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