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Should my man call him out?

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Category: Lets Talk
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Printed Date: Nov 22 2017 at 4:15pm


Topic: Should my man call him out?
Posted By: used2braid
Subject: Should my man call him out?
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 4:08am
BHM is f**'ed




Replies:
Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 5:52am
Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Sorry girls, this is long! But I need help!

I moved to this new town last year, met this guy at my new job. At first I could tell he was kinda interested but I shut it off real quick by talking about other guys in front of him. 

At first, we were inseparable at work because we both started at the same time and didn't know anyone. Eventually, we started kinda just chillin and he'd invite me around because I didnt know anyone. We were really cool and helped eaach other out for job applications, all that stuff. Hed give me advice on guys (this town I'm at is full of dirty dogsThumbs Down and im from a small town of all white peopleLOL). Eventually, he got a gf so I backed off. WAyyy off. I know how girls think and I respect the guy, so I just cooled it and stopped hanging out as much. Sometimes, we'd catch up and go for coffees but never really chilled anymore, though we still stayed close.

Anyways, i've been with my new guy for 4 months and he's THE ONE. However, when my coworker and I go on breaks and we catch up, we kinda talk about our relationships and I'll just tell him random things about our relationship to get his input. My bad. He's always kinda remained impartial though but always gave me semi-sound advice from a guy's perspective.

Last night was my last night in town before I moved back home and he invited me to his bday. I came in to his house, met his family, his gf, his boys. His gf at first was checking me hard wondering who the hell I am. But just to make her at ease, I mentioned my bf and we kinda girl-talked about our relationships and she was cool. The rest of the night was fun, chilled with his family. Good times. When it came time to go, he was like "oh, I'll walk you out to your car"

I kinda knew that it was kinda awkward cuz his girls' watching me and stuff but I thought that its harmless and he was just being a gentlemen (though a bit extra). He's REALLY drunk, slurring and stuff. But as he's walking, hes like "I just wanna say that you can do sooo much better than your man. Like..your 10 times more attractive. Like..trust me on this. When you go back to your town, do you ok?! Do you." 
He's soo drunk that I'm like "ok...Wacko" and brush it off as him just being drunk. But then he goes, "Ok, I wanna do something but don't get mad? and he reaches over and grabs my butt!" And he starts going on like "wow ive been wanting to do that for soooo long. I've always wondered if it was fake the whole time" and I'm just standing there like "Shockedwoww... I didnt see that coming". I was just like Wow...umm.. And he was like "I'll come visit you ok? Like..3 weeks? But I'll need a place to stay, not at your parents house though..." 

I didnt say anything but bye and left, I know I shouldve but like..wow. I was so blind-sighed because I genuinely thought he was just a friend to me. I feel stupid that the whole time I was telling him things, he took the opportunity to make a move when I literally just saw him like a brother and saw no signs. I already recognized what I did wrong there by telling him so much. 

I ended up writing him a long email telling him like "yoo this whole time, I thought we were friends but it sucks to think that all this time you thought I was down and "that kinda girl" and you were disrespectful"...

I felt really bad about it, and told my bf. My bf is pissed and since we all work together (same building, same job, everything) he wants to call him out because he says its "blatant disrespect"...

I told him that I handled it, I cut him off and I'm outta town anyways, but he thinks that since he works with him still and he'll see him around he HAS to say something.
I was checking my phone today, and my bf admitted that he saw that my coworker had texted me something along the lines of "Hey, just read your email. I was drunk. What did I say? And basically said I see you only as a friend, thats why I put you in the friendzone" but confessed that he deleted it while I was sleeping.

Anyways..what the hell happened and how do I convince my bf to leave it alone?!

keep us posted



Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:03am
If I was your boyfriend I'd break up with you for not knowin' how to keep your damn mouth shut.
Stop runnin' your business to the next nigguh plz.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:25am

Well, like I said in a previous thread in the RELATIONSHIP section.. men and women can never 'be friends'. Never.

 

It's because men have such big egos in terms of 'planting their flag' and whatnot and if he thinks you are attractive enough to be seen with in public with etc ... then he thinks you are attractive enough to go boom boom with as well. (I have never seen some GREAT LOOKING guy being good friends with some UNATTRACTIVE female that looked like heck. L  Nooooo. Unless he grew up with her so he’s kind of stuck with her as a friend ..but even then as he ages – he will distance himself from her.)

 

Now initially maybe he was looking for some other kind or girl or whatever .. but in the end whether he is married or just has a gf .. he will make a play for sex.

 

Women are different though. Typically, if a guy is a friend to me .. then that's it and if he makes a play .. it's over because it would be the same as sleeping with my brother.

 

In this case yes, you shared too much about your love life with him. (Mistake number 1). In fact I have learned over the years NOT to share my love life even with girlfriends - but for other reasons. If you have something on your mind .. write a letter to yourself or post anonymously like you are on this board – but don’t give a running commentary of your love life to your girlfriends.  Never a good idea. :)

 

You told your bf about it (Mistake number 2). I mean what did you THINK he was going to do when you told him what happened? If he had just shrugged it off .. probably you would have been hurt that he did not want to step up. Men will always make a play for you – you just have to get them out of your life once they step out of line. Now, if he had tried to force himself on you .. that would be a WHOLE OTHER STORY. Then you TELL THE COPS FIRST and then you tell your bf. That will still led to a big mess .. but then .. he asked to get his ass kicked.

 

I must tell you .. this business about him being DRUNK and not knowing what he did is an age old LIE! People are always trying use drinking as an excuse for bad behavior but if you understand how alcohol affects the brain .. you would know that’s a lie. He knew what he did .., he walked you out that night because he had already planned to grab your butt. So yes, he was disrespectful .. so cut off the ‘friendship’.

 

As it is .. your bf knows. All you can do is it try to talk him out of going off but in truth .. you can’t get the spilled milk BACK into bottle no matter how much you try.

 

You are just gonna have to live with it. Your bf should confront him VERBALLY on some level since so he KNOWS he on ‘probation’ and not expect to be ‘friends’ with this guy.

 

But if your bf is some hothead NUTCASE .. that actually wants to BEAT HIM UP because he grabbed your ass – well, this tells you what kind of guy you are involved with – take a hint.

 

Good luck.

 



Posted By: tatee
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:31am
Quote
I felt really bad about it, and told my bf. My bf is pissed and since we all work together (same building, same job, everything) he wants to call him out because he says its "blatant disrespect"...


Ermm
at some point you may have to admit to yourself that you wanted drama in you life and got it.  you could have easily shot him down real quick and let that be the end of it but no you wanted the drama to continue after youre gone. 


Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:35am


you told your boyfriend?





Posted By: IslandSuga
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:39am
There was no point in telling your boyfriend especially because you're moving. Also it could jeopardize his job if he were to mess with the guy that grabbed your butt. Did you think about that? Jobs are hard to come by these days.


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:20am
Never go to another MAN about you and your man. You set yourself up for that Confused
Just drop it. Tell your bf to back off, its not as if it can happen again since you moved away. There are more pressing issues in life...


Posted By: Beautiful_One
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:28am


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:05am
He is the "One" after four months. Am I reading that correctly?


Girl just move back home and start over. 


Posted By: Miss SDY
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:36am
Not to be a bitch, but what did you get out of telling your bf? I know you want to play the open and honest role but sometimes things should be kept to yourself. You should have set down and thought about how would this benefit anyone involved in this situation. All it has caused is extra drama that didnt have to be created.

Another thing, dont tell things about your relationship to anyone. It if often a recipe for diaster! Your issues with your man should stay between you and your man. You have people out there who feed off of things like this who wait for sh*t to hit the fan!!!

At this point, if you tell your man to back off of your "friend" he may side eye the sh*t out of you and think you must have a thing for him if you wish to protect him..Since you were moving anyway, you should hsve just cut him off and kept it moving...

A drunk mind speaks a sober heart... so they say...

So just let the chips fall where they may and learn from this...


Posted By: femmefatale85
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:56am
You made things more complicated than they had to be. I wouldn't have even sent an email or told my boyfriend. It was unnecessary.


Posted By: Tbaby
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:08am
Originally posted by eanaj5 eanaj5 wrote:

Never go to another MAN about you and your man. You set yourself up for that Confused
Just drop it. Tell your bf to back off, its not as if it can happen again since you moved away. There are more pressing issues in life...


And the poster who said your bf will be side eyeing you is correct as well.  I don't think your bf is going to let it drop...so if he punches him ou at work and they both get fired, you better be helping him look for another job.


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:14am
you told your bf because you wanted him to go say something.. or wanted him to be jealous… 

tf would you tell him for…? ESPECIALLY knowing that they work together and see each other… and you knew your friend was hella drunk.. you didnt need to tell bf but you wanted to cus you wanted this. 


Posted By: joileprincess
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:19am
He said that he would come to visit you even though he knows that you have a man? A man that he works with? And he has a woman?  He's bold.Geek

He says that you could do better? He's probably an opportunist and  he may know something about your man that you may not be aware of. Possible since you all work so closely together and share a lot. Ermm

Like tatee mentioned, you may have wanted this drama/messiness on some level. Too much (avoidable) brewing drama in your personal and work life.  Never heard the phrase "Don't sh*t where you eat?"

He's "The one" after 4 months? Even if you have such strong feelings (which is totally possible), that is just not enough time to confirm or refute it. That in of itself deserves a thread. You sound naive and gullible.

Oh, and he was totally out of line with grabbing you. 


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:22am
Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

I moved to this new town last year, met this guy at my new job. At first I could tell he was kinda interested but I shut it off real quick by talking about other guys in front of him.



Anyways..what the hell happened and how do I convince my bf to leave it alone?!


Contrary to some others, I feel your mistake was well before talking about your relationship. It began when you thought someone who was interested in you shelved their feelings. That's what happened-- You didn't shut anything off, you continued to hangout with him and foster a (familiar) relationship.

And you don't "convince" your boyfriend of anything. He's entitled to feel how he feels, but he's mad at the wrong person (IMO). It's you who should've known better. You've explained the situation and he'll do what he wants; you don't control his actions.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:23am
what's done is done, learn your lessons and move on




Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:28am
your bf saw him text you, didnt do/say anything to him but just asked you what you wrote back?

Looks like he isn't going to do anything to dude, but is watching you

Are you staying with the "one" even though you're moving?  You still work at the same place?




Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:36am
OP I would have told my boyfriend too.... not to get him to do anything but I dont think I would have anything to hide....Its not like you invited the attention deliberately


However you were extremely naive wrt the dynamics of male-female relationships...
take it as lesson learned and move on....


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:50am
Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

OP I would have told my boyfriend too.... not to get him to do anything but I dont think I would have anything to hide


but its not about having something to hide.. its about trying to avoid unnecessary drama. 

most guys are pretty territorial and want to feel respected.. with them working together.. her boyfriend could see that as pretty disrespectful being that the friend knew they were together and knew that they see each other pretty regularly.. like thats blatant disrespect.. like you playing besties with my girl and trying to get her on the under when you know she's with me. 

but the friend was really drunk.. so i feel like he should kinda get a pass.. idk if the boyfriend knows how drunk the friend was..  



Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 10:04am
I don't ever like to seem to appear that I'm not able to conquer these types of problems on my own. I think that my man doesn't like to hear that a dude touched my butt and I didn't handle it. This may b a bad mind set, but it makes me handle it. Every time I feel good that I did. Because I didn't used to. I used to tell him things like this when I was younger. I think it was a turn off. But for a few years, I've kept this kind of info to myself, because it really would b dealt with.

Don't feel too bad. Lots of people would've or have done what u did. Just a bump in the road. You'll figure out how honest is too honest in YOUR relationship. Every relationship is different, but there r some general practices that make things flow easier.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 10:07am
I don't see the big deal in her telling bf. If some chick grabbed my husbands balls i would want to know. But the fact that they all work together does make it messy. 


Posted By: Iowabred&fed
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 12:15pm
Originally posted by tatee tatee wrote:

Quote
I felt really bad about it, and told my bf. My bf is pissed and since we all work together (same building, same job, everything) he wants to call him out because he says its "blatant disrespect"...


Ermm
at some point you may have to admit to yourself that you wanted drama in you life and got it.  you could have easily shot him down real quick and let that be the end of it but no you wanted the drama to continue after youre gone. 


Whaaa? I don't understand this logic? Why ya'll going so hard? Confused 


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 12:26pm
Originally posted by petiteone29<b> petiteone29 wrote:

I don't see the big deal in her telling bf
. If some chick grabbed my husbands balls i would want to know. But the fact that they all work together does make it messy. 


Exactly...
I know everyone's relationship is different, but I wouldn't think twice about telling my man...
esp if I stopped being friends with the dude after that incident... if my man wondered why, would i then tell him a lie?

Now if she was just telling him to stir up drama, that is petty and immature...


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 2:14pm
Women and men handle info differently.....some shyt I don't tell Mr00 cause he's a nut and he has laid hands in a negro over me......


But I'm more concerned he went through your phone and deleted messages......both those niccas lame as ......and ima side eye you for not checking his ass when it happen....don't ever let a man invade yo space like that.......


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 2:16pm
I would tell my bf. I got nothing to hide.


Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 3:40pm
I told im becasuse I picked him up on the way back home an he could tell something was obviously wrong. This guy was a good friend so I was pretty bummed right?

As for what happened, he ended up texting me this morning and my boyfriend saw it while I was sleeping. He said:

Hey I've been trying to figure out why your mad at me and I really cant remember. It must be something horrible. Do you remember when I told you I wouldnt get drunk around you when we became friends thats because when I'm drunk I'm a diff person, not a good person at all. you've become a great friend to me and I consider you like a cousin. I want you to know that I would never disrespect you. I'll ask for forgiveness at church today and hopefully one day you can forgive me too.

So yah. My boyfriend saw it, flipped out so more and told me not to reply. He saw that i was a bit hesitant about not replying so he basically took it upon himself to message him on Facebook and tell him that he wants to talk to him at work tomorrow and to not message me anymore. My friend basically wrote back like "I'm soo sorry I dont know what I did...you can hit me if you want. blah blah blah. I wont message your girl anymore but please just forgive me.

At this point, I'm feeling kinda hesitant. I just want to say I forgive you, and move on but I dont want him to not respect me or my relationship or piss off my boyfriend. But it's not like he tried to rape me you know. Just bad judgement I guess. Yo..can this even be salvaged? I just feel like things will be MAD awkward so I dont even know how to turn this friendship right except to let time heal wounds and play it out or just cut if out.

Anyways, I'm not really that concerned in the long-run, Im just sad I lost a friend that I really trusted. Lesson learned. On another note, my man just asked my parents for their blessing to propose soon. Long distance thoughThumbs Down


Thanks for all the insight..


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 3:47pm
"I moved to a new town and met a guy. He liked me but I wasnt feeling him but we remained cool and hung out. He eventually got a gf and I got a bf and we both backed off but still met up for coffee and talk about our relationship and give each other advice. Before I was set to leave town I was invited to his bday party. While it was awkward at first meeting his gf it  changed and we chatted and had girl talk. When I was set to leave he offered to walk me to my car which was strange but I thought nothing of it. (he was drunk and wobbly but i thought he was being a gentleman) We we got to my car he started telling me I could do better and groped my butt. I was stunned and left. When I got home I wrote him an angry email and told my bf. My bf is now mad at him because we all worked at the same place. The guy texted me saying he was drunk and dont remember.. Should I tell my man to back down and let it go?"



^^^Just wanted to show how all that in the OP could be said with far  less words^^


Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 3:49pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

"I moved to a new town and met a guy. He liked me but I wasnt feeling him but we remained cool and hung out. He eventually got a gf and I got a bf and we both backed off but still met up for coffee and talk about our relationship and give each other advice. Before I was set to leave town I was invited to his bday party. While it was awkward at first meeting his gf it  changed and we chatted and had girl talk. When I was set to leave he offered to walk me to my car which was strange but I thought nothing of it. (he was drunk and wobbly but i thought he was being a gentleman) We we got to my car he started telling me I could do better and groped my butt. I was stunned and left. When I got home I wrote him an angry email and told my bf. My bf is now mad at him because we all worked at the same place. The guy texted me saying he was drunk and dont remember.. Should I tell my man to back down and let it go?"



^^^Just wanted to show how all that in the OP could be said with far  less words^^

Yo...Embarrassed


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 3:54pm
Lol gkisses is bright and facety


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 4:03pm
please.


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 4:15pm
that apology is quite odd and I wouldn't consider it authentic by any means

step back and away, he's already shown you what's he's interested in


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 4:20pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

Lol gkisses is bright and facety






Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 4:25pm
lol



Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 4:40pm
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:


But I'm more concerned he went through your phone and deleted messages......both those niccas lame as ......

i was thinking this..
thats that bish sh*t. 


Posted By: tropical-punch
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 5:14pm
just messy


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 5:31pm
I'm finna be messy......is yo man really a 4 tho?..


Posted By: Katrenia
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 5:34pm
Why did you go to his bd function alone?? 
Had you brought a guest, the playing field would have been more even.


Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 5:50pm
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

I'm finna be messy......is yo man really a 4 tho?..

what do you mean? Is he attractive your asking?


Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 5:54pm
Originally posted by Katrenia Katrenia wrote:

Why did you go to his bd function alone?? 
Had you brought a guest, the playing field would have been more even.

My man at first wanted to come but then admitted that hed be there just to watch me so decided not to go. That guy was my friend so didnt think much of bringing someone else as it was only his family, gf and close friends


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:11pm
Watch you? U leaving parts out.......


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:18pm
The more you talk about this man the more Im wondering if your friends was right...


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:20pm
Like Ricky said, what's done is done. Let the chips fall where they may and take it as a lesson. Now about your man proposing to you after 4 months... Girl, slow it down a bit. Just give yourself time to truly know about him and his values. I've been blindly in love like that and it can really alter your judgment.


Posted By: Katrenia
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:22pm
He knew and now and you know; it was his last chance to get at you before you left town. He played the lecherous bastard role, I wouldn't trust him again. 
He was probably pretending to be more intoxicated than he actually was so he could use that as an excuse.



Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:32pm
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

Watch you? U leaving parts out.......

Guess the shortened version wouldnve done any good then eh!Wink


Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:33pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

The more you talk about this man the more Im wondering if your friends was right...


Elaborate


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:38pm
Why is your bf looking all in your email and text? Confused


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:39pm
Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

The more you talk about this man the more Im wondering if your friends was right...


Elaborate



Going through ya phones only going to the party to "watch" you....he sounds possessive  You probably could do better but this friend wouldnt be a better option... and this is based off of what you shared here..Who knows what other details were given to this friend to form his opinion.


Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:46pm
Ok so hes kinda possessive, who isn't? He just had a bad run with women and is taking it out on me like some women do on men to a certain extent.

It will probably get better once he sees that he can trust me.


Posted By: DiorShowGirl
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:48pm
dayum so glad i am single and my only drama is getting blasted here for that credit card and dealing with my daughter's drama...

Confused


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:51pm
Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Ok so hes kinda possessive, who isn't? He just had a bad run with women and is taking it out on me like some women do on men to a certain extent.

It will probably get better once he sees that he can trust me.


Nah, it won't. Don't believe that lol




Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:55pm
U2B are u hanging in there long enough to get an Xmas gift because Im not seeing what other benefit there is to sticking this out.


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 6:58pm
You told him about it because you talk too much.
You told your coworker about your relationship because you talk too much
You wrote this long op because you talk too much.

You just talk too much.I am sure you ran this story by a few other people.


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:10pm
Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Ok so hes kinda possessive, who isn't? He just had a bad run with women and is taking it out on me like some women do on men to a certain extent.

It will probably get better once he sees that he can trust me.


uhm no...it will get worse

wtf?




Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:10pm
Possessive niccas love chics that run their mouth all the time and tell on themselves. You are a fountain of Intel and motivation for their control.

You tell on youself under the guise of being honest, but in truth it is because you can't help yourself


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:11pm
How old are you by the way?


Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:11pm
Originally posted by nitabug nitabug wrote:

You told him about it because you talk too much.
You told your coworker about your relationship because you talk too much
You wrote this long op because you talk too much.

You just talk too much.I am sure you ran this story by a few other people.

dry LOL


Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:14pm
Originally posted by nitabug nitabug wrote:

You told him about it because you talk too much.
You told your coworker about your relationship because you talk too much
You wrote this long op because you talk too much.

You just talk too much.I am sure you ran this story by a few other people.

How about you leave this section? It's called talk, talk and more talk no? Click on another topic if you dont wanna hear about it.


Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:15pm
Originally posted by nitabug nitabug wrote:

Possessive niccas love chics that run their mouth all the time and tell on themselves. You are a fountain of Intel and motivation for their control.

You tell on youself under the guise of being honest, but in truth it is because you can't help yourself

how about you go? You don't know me. Bye


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:17pm
I was trying to help you stop talk, talk, and more talk. -shrugs

Your mouth is your biggest problem...like old folks say.


Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:24pm
Originally posted by nitabug nitabug wrote:

I was trying to help you stop talk, talk, and more talk. -shrugs

Your mouth is your biggest problem...like old folks say.

You're just an unhappy troll hiding behind a computer trying to start up s***. 

I got the advice I needed so I'm out.

Peace



Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:29pm
If it involves more talking then you are doomed


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:48pm
Lmao!


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 7:55pm
I'm in awe that people still come to BHM for advice.


Posted By: tropical-punch
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:17pm
straight to hell


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:22pm
Your bf is a loser. He's real comfortable for 4 months. You sound like prey to both.


Posted By: Miss SDY
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:33pm
Originally posted by tropical-punch tropical-punch wrote:

straight to hell


In a handbasket..


*backs out slowly*


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:36pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

I'm in awe that people still come to BHM for advice.




Why you say that Derri?


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:39pm
derri is so right… 

its soooo sad… but ppl cannot come here for advice. 

i wish i could… there is actually a good/smart group of ppl on here.. and i am the type of person who loooe to hear varying opinions.. but y'all are assholes… to the 4th power.. who love to bring ish back up whenever it'll get you an 'lol'... i wouldn't dare… 



Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:43pm
Smile I give good advice... It may have a sarcastic/humorous (at least to me ) coating but I think its good stuff.
When folks ask questions maybe they should include if they want a str8 answer with no filter, a str8 answer with fluff or just want they want to hear to confirm the choice already made.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:46pm
Lol I agree with Derri though.

And ppl think they are being "real" when they are only being unnecessary.
Something about being insulting on the Internet ppl really get up for ....


But In this case I think the OP wanted to get a rise out of her boyfriend .


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:46pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

Smile I give good advice... It may have a sarcastic/humorous (at least to me ) coating but I think its good stuff.
When folks ask questions maybe they should include if they want a str8 answer with no filter, a str8 answer with fluff or just want they want to hear to confirm the choice already made.

I think OP did the latter.


Posted By: miiszjanae
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:54pm
Originally posted by nitabug nitabug wrote:

If it involves more talking then you are doomed
Dead


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 8:57pm
It's a viscious cycle on here.

One thing I never understood was the BHM culture of a burning love for drama threads.
I mean, if it comes about naturally, great. It's entertaining. But is that really the
'Best' or most acceptable form of entertainment here? Why?

I'm not directing these thoughts to any poster in this thread per se. Just a general thought I've had for a while now.

It's almost like everyone comes into 'advice threads' on the offensive side. It's ironic that I am mentioning this in this thread because it was fairly mild. So i must put the disclaimer out there that the seeds of my thoughts were not planted here.


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:04pm
What I mean is, there is a culture of thirst for drama here, seeking it out and not finding it (these days) then in an act of desperation creating it yourself just for the giggles. But doesn't that defeat the purpose?
It's like tickling yourself and laughing.

Because there is a drama drought, every semi-dramatic thing is heightened.

Trolls and attention seekers don't help the situation.


Posted By: Brownsugar1
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:06pm
Pow


Posted By: blaquefoxx
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:07pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

I'm in awe that people still come to BHM for advice.
gurrlLOL

Now I only read advice threads on here for the sole purpose to see who will be the first to do the absolute most for no damn reason and how many will soon follow.


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:15pm
Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Ok so hes kinda possessive, who isn't? He just had a bad run with women and is taking it out on me like some women do on men to a certain extent.

It will probably get better once he sees that he can trust me.



Pre-Battered Woman Syndrome


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:16pm
Pahh, I may be rambling.
I totally used this chic's thread as my very own random thoughts thread. Lol my apologies. I just figured everyone knows by now not to bring real life stuff here because it will have the OP looking ridic.


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:20pm
Op, I didn't mean shade by saying Pre-BWS, but really, it is scary that you are calling this dude The On after only four months of dating and it is scary that he has already grown so possessive in four months and you are trying to rationalize his irrationality..


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:21pm
people shouldn't come to strangers for advice if they don't want brutal honesty.  i'm sure there are forums where folks can be coddled.  the vast majority of these stories are pure y and the people who have serious problems always get help.


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:23pm
*Munches popcorn*

This thread was entertaining.

There's some hypocrisy up in *here but because I am a drama loving O it's fine with me.Approve

*No names shall be named! lol



Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:25pm
Originally posted by carolina cutie carolina cutie wrote:

*Munches popcorn*

This thread was entertaining.

There's some hypocrisy up in *here but because I am a drama loving O it's fine with me.Approve

*No names shall be named! lol


lol, i thought i was the only one who caught that


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:26pm
is one of y'all gonna elaborate? Geek


Posted By: Katrenia
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:36pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

I'm in awe that people still come to BHM for advice.

Me too!! LOL
One must have think skin to survive BHM.

I come her to laugh and look busy while at work. Stern Smile


Posted By: Katrenia
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:43pm
New people will be too scared to come in here, then we'll have no one else to laugh at and if that happens we'll start to turn on each other. . .Damn, that's already happened. LOL
 Evil Bishes

                    


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 9:52pm
Originally posted by Katrenia Katrenia wrote:

New people will be too scared to come in here, then we'll have no one else to laugh at and if that happens we'll start to turn on each other. . .Damn, that's already happened. LOL
 Evil Bishes

                    



Yeah,This has been going on for as long as Ive been on here upstairs in waves and down here in TTT. I've been laughed at, talked about,made ppl feel sum kinds of ways and given the side eyes more than I can count. Some ppl take it better than others ....You have ppl who run away and folks who get banned... Maybe its due to the fact that Ive been on forums far worse...this place is rather tame.


Posted By: AmiliaCabral
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 10:07pm
Originally posted by Katrenia Katrenia wrote:

Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

I'm in awe that people still come to BHM for advice.

Me too!! LOL
One must have think skin to survive BHM.

I come her to laugh and look busy while at work. Stern Smile
 
some ppl survive cancer, other ppl survive natural disasters, and then others survive BHM
 
 
everybody has their cross to bear


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 10:44pm
I will never make a thread on my relationship but I post about them in other threads....I like it better that way. I get good advice without the drama.


Posted By: Katrenia
Date Posted: Nov 17 2013 at 11:10pm
BHM deals in lots Black Humor and nothing should be taken too seriously. I've read and participated in threads that have brought tears to my eyes and many have angered me but most are just colorful humor.

Not everyone can understand or appreciate good Black Humor. 


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 2:37am
yes, elaborate on the hypocrisy.  


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 3:14am
Saw that peuf coming


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 3:20am
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

Originally posted by Katrenia Katrenia wrote:

New people will be too scared to come in here, then we'll have no one else to laugh at and if that happens we'll start to turn on each other. . .Damn, that's already happened. LOL
 Evil Bishes

                    



Yeah,This has been going on for as long as Ive been on here upstairs in waves and down here in TTT. I've been laughed at, talked about,made ppl feel sum kinds of ways and given the side eyes more than I can count. Some ppl take it better than others ....You have ppl who run away and folks who get banned... Maybe its due to the fact that Ive been on forums far worse...this place is rather tame.
yeah

Bhm is a Sunday school sandbox compared to other places ..

But "fountain of Intel and motivation for their control" though...

Dang!!


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 4:19am
Lol



Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 5:12am
I wasn't being dramatic. OP reminds me of my sister and her husband.

My sister has the same problem. She talks too much. She calls me, tells me a story. I do a internal "smh" and "eye roll"

The only difference between her  and OP is that my sister knows she talks too much and she doesn't ask for advice, because she knows I am going to be honest.

She just wants somebody to listen, OP asked for advice. I told the truth.


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 5:19am
Originally posted by CherryBlossom CherryBlossom wrote:

Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Saw that peuf coming

and that's why you ftp'd the op...I c uLOL

I hope bhm didn't scare her away though and she lives to post another day
lol

The title and a quick skim was just begging for a record for the people


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 5:38am
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by used2braid used2braid wrote:

Sorry girls, this is long! But I need help!

First line: You don't need help. There is no need for you to try to "control" your BF. You told him about this situation and now you want to "control" his reaction. You can't really have it both ways. Imho, you told him not be be honest, but just in case he found out.

(Talking too much)



I moved to this new town last year, met this guy at my new job. At first I could tell he was kinda interested but I shut it off real quick by talking about other guys in front of him.

Again, talking too much. Instead of being a real friend and being honest, you tried to manipulate the situation by your go-to fix of talking too much. This doesn't make you a bad person, but it isn't what a good friend does. You know that he likes you but instead of being honest/compassionate, you chose dishonesty/sympathy. You didn't want to talk about guys, you chose to talk about guys to deter his behavior----see the pattern?


At first, we were inseparable at work because we both started at the same time and didn't know anyone. Eventually, we started kinda just chillin and he'd invite me around because I didnt know anyone. We were really cool and helped eaach other out for job applications, all that stuff. Hed give me advice on guys (this town I'm at is full of dirty dogsThumbs Down and im from a small town of all white peopleLOL). Eventually, he got a gf so I backed off. WAyyy off. I know how girls think and I respect the guy, so I just cooled it and stopped hanging out as much. Sometimes, we'd catch up and go for coffees but never really chilled anymore, though we still stayed close.

I side-eyed this, you 'were in a small town of whites, but now there are blacks and dirty dog thing'...telling on yourself by talking too much. Anywho, you kind of allowed the him to "have" you emotionally, but without the title. You know how girls think, because you are girl. You know what you were doing. It is almost like y'all had a relationship with out the title and sex.

Anyways, i've been with my new guy for 4 months and he's THE ONE. However, when my coworker and I go on breaks and we catch up, we kinda talk about our relationships and I'll just tell him random things about our relationship to get his input. My bad. He's always kinda remained impartial though but always gave me semi-sound advice from a guy's perspective.

People rush in to things all the time, so the 4 month/he's the one didn't bother me. Talking about your relationship to a guy that likes you...he really isn't impartial. I am not going to say he wouldn't try to be. But given yall's foundation, this conversation shouldn't have been had. (talking too much)

Last night was my last night in town before I moved back home and he invited me to his bday. I came in to his house, met his family, his gf, his boys. His gf at first was checking me hard wondering who the hell I am. But just to make her at ease, I mentioned my bf and we kinda girl-talked about our relationships and she was cool. The rest of the night was fun, chilled with his family. Good times. When it came time to go, he was like "oh, I'll walk you out to your car"

He you go again, talking too much. Like you said, she saw a red flag so you tried to make her comfortable/manipulate the situation, but talking too much again. In this entire party, you are the only one she is ice-grillin. You know why, which is why you are trying to make her feel comfortable by talking...I've come to learn that if I am making another woman uncomfortable in her home, it's time for me to leave.

I kinda knew that it was kinda awkward cuz his girls' watching me and stuff but I thought that its harmless and he was just being a gentlemen (though a bit extra). He's REALLY drunk, slurring and stuff. But as he's walking, hes like "I just wanna say that you can do sooo much better than your man. Like..your 10 times more attractive. Like..trust me on this. When you go back to your town, do you ok?! Do you."

He was
being a drunk gentleman? That's what you really thought. Be honest and say. "No, I was just rationalizing." His own chic's spidy senses were raised.

He's soo drunk that I'm like "ok...Wacko" and brush it off as him just being drunk. But then he goes, "Ok, I wanna do something but don't get mad? and he reaches over and grabs my butt!" And he starts going on like "wow ive been wanting to do that for soooo long. I've always wondered if it was fake the whole time" and I'm just standing there like "Shockedwoww... I didnt see that coming". I was just like Wow...umm.. And he was like "I'll come visit you ok? Like..3 weeks? But I'll need a place to stay, not at your parents house though..."

One of the few times that your talking could have done some good. You could have thrown in some good ol' honesty, but you didn't.

I didnt say anything but bye and left, I know I shouldve but like..wow. I was so blind-sighed because I genuinely thought he was just a friend to me. I feel stupid that the whole time I was telling him things, he took the opportunity to make a move when I literally just saw him like a brother and saw no signs. I already recognized what I did wrong there by telling him so much.

More people needed. You honestly thought you friend-zoned him? lol

I ended up writing him a long email telling him like "yoo this whole time, I thought we were friends but it sucks to think that all this time you thought I was down and "that kinda girl" and you were disrespectful"...

This is a day late and a dollar short and that whole "that kinda girl thing" is irrelevant. Even if he thought you were were "her" it was disrespectful. I don't think the message of that (long) email, i'm sure, was filled with honestly and appropriately addressed his behavior and how you really felt this whole time.

I felt really bad about it, and told my bf. My bf is pissed and since we all work together (same building, same job, everything) he wants to call him out because he says its "blatant disrespect"...

You told your boyfriend because you felt bad/guilty. You didn't care about just flat out being honest. You didn't care that he might approach him and cause a hostile work environment for your own b/f. You know he is possessive so you kind of had a clue how he would react, but now you want him to know curb his natural reactions. If it wasn't something you wanted him to address, then you should have thought about your approach.

I told him that I handled it, I cut him off and I'm outta town anyways, but he thinks that since he works with him still and he'll see him around he HAS to say something.
I was checking my phone today, and my bf admitted that he saw that my coworker had texted me something along the lines of "Hey, just read your email. I was drunk. What did I say? And basically said I see you only as a friend, thats why I put you in the friendzone" but confessed that he deleted it while I was sleeping.

If you thought you handled it, then why did you feel bad? Do you really think you had a good resolution? Even I feel it's unresolved, because your idea of handling it is really leaving.

Anyways..what the hell happened and how do I convince my bf to leave it alone?!

You shouldn't. Let him be a grown ass man and learn from his own mistakes if he made one. You should stop talking about it. You handled it right? You are just going to come off as you are taking up for him. Just don't bring it up. It's resolved. If you b/f tells you he handled it, just say "good" and give him a kiss, turn around and make a bowl of cereal.

Delete the fake friend from facebook, and block his number, and send his emails straight to the trash, don't read them.

keep us posted



Posted By: Diane (35)
Date Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 6:20am
That's why I love nita!

oh and joilep has spoken!


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 6:25am
So many grammatical errors. I hate my phone and love/hate Swype :(


Posted By: tatee
Date Posted: Nov 18 2013 at 7:45am
Ermmdamn Nita, the girl was already in a headlock screaming uncle, what the hell you need to kick her in head for.Pinch



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