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Nobody else will want me...

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Printed Date: Sep 21 2017 at 1:23pm


Topic: Nobody else will want me...
Posted By: petiteone29
Subject: Nobody else will want me...
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:24pm
Question:



If you were with someone and contracted an incurable std from them like Herpes 2 would you stay in the relationship even if its unhealthy because you don't want to be alone and you feel like no one else will want you because of your disease? 


Back story:

A girl I know found out she had herpes 2. She got it from her current boyfriend who (in my opinion) is no good. He doesn't have a steady job because of a criminal record, he leaves his son from a previous relationship with her while he parties and doesn't come home at night. He has been unfaithful before also. 

So anyways she says that they went for STD testing including HIV testing before they slept together and everything came back clean. Well apparently Herpes testing isn't done unless specifically requested. I guess they didn't request it. She finds out that she has herpes. He accuses her of cheating. He "finds out" he has it too. They don't know who gave it to who. One day she gets into an argument with his baby mama and the baby mama says " Thats why I gave him herpes"

He swears he had no idea he had it. (I don't believe him though)

She is now pregnant. He is still up to his old antics like dumping his son off on her, unstable employment, etc. She pays majority of the bills in the house and works 2 jobs and goes to school. I asked her why she deals with him. She said that she feels like if she leaves him no one else would want her because of her disease and she is scared of the reaction she might get when she discloses this info. So she figures since they both have it mind as well stick it out. And now there is a child involved.

I feel so bad for her because she really is a sweet girl. She has a good head on her shoulders but she was young and naive when she met him. He is 30 and she is 23. She doesn't want to be alone and feels like she has to settle.





Replies:
Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:27pm
She needs to leave him and have an abortion.


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:29pm
i don't even have words for this. any of this. 

i'm chuffin' gobsmacked.


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:31pm
The problem is he doesn't really want her either. She's a baby sitter and a back up plan when he's bored with running around for the time being. There's drugs for her condition so with proper protection procedures and building trust she could definitely find someone else. The relationship will only continue to be strained once baby #2 arrives. This is definitely an abusive relationship but she's gonna have to gather her self esteem and want better for herself.

ETA: She's self sufficient so he's just a hard dick.


Posted By: BrownQtee
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:31pm
Yea...this is one of those instances where an abortion would be a good idea. And shes only 23? She has her whole life ahead of her..please encourage her to move on.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:36pm
Originally posted by GG GG wrote:

The problem is he doesn't really want her either. She's a baby sitter and a back up an when he's bored with running around for the time being. There's drugs for her condition so with proper protection procedures and building trust she could definitely find someone else. The relationship will only continue to be strained once baby #2 arrives. This is definitely an abusive relationship but he's gonna have to gather her self esteem and want better for herself.


Yeah I agree. She is taking her meds to prevent an outbreak especially so she won't have one around the time she gives birth. And it definitely is an abusive relationship. She thinks that she is being a good woman by taking care of his son. She does everything for that little boy. She definitely has some self esteem issues though.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:39pm
Originally posted by BrownQtee BrownQtee wrote:

Yea...this is one of those instances where an abortion would be a good idea. And shes only 23? She has her whole life ahead of her..please encourage her to move on.


She wants this baby so bad. She feels like this is her only chance to become a mom because no one else will want her. I told her before she got pregnant to not get pregnant and to focus on school. I told her that she was gonna be stuck at home with their kid and his kid while he out having fun.

And he also has 2 other kids that he doesn't even see. SMH


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:43pm
There are dating sites for people with diseases.

And I keep saying use condoms.


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:43pm
Quote Nobody else will want me, so instead of being alone, just me, my Herpes and free time, I should have a baby.

Yes, me, my Herpes and a baby.


How in the hell....


Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:46pm
She's not even with him to begin with.....


Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:47pm
Originally posted by nekamarie83 nekamarie83 wrote:

i don't even have words for this. any of this. 

i'm chuffin' gobsmacked.

Ya.....with each paragraph the situation kept getting worse and worse.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:48pm
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Quote Nobody else will want me, so instead of being alone, just me, my Herpes and free time, I should have a baby.

Yes, me, my Herpes and a baby.


How in the hell....


Yeah i'm mad she thinks having a kid is a good idea. 


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:53pm
Abort the baby and abort the f*ck boy.

If she won't abort the baby, she still needs to cut that f*ck boy out of her life. Move on and learn from this mistake. Be a good mother to her child, get some therapy, and put any sort of sexual relationship out of her mind until she has matured and made the emotional changes necessary to handle having a responsible sexual relationship.




Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:55pm
She is 6 months pregnant by the way. 


Posted By: bindy
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:56pm
A lot of people have herpes....she can still find some one....


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 2:59pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

She is 6 months pregnant by the way. 

You should have pushed her down some stairs 3 months ago.

If you're not a religious person......


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:00pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

Question:



If you were with someone and contracted an incurable std from them like Herpes 2 would you stay in the relationship even if its unhealthy because you don't want to be alone and you feel like no one else will want you because of your disease? 



Herpes affects differently people differently, and you can live with it without much problem, and have a healthy relationship and good sex life. Some people rarely ever have any outbreaks.

But i guess when you learn that you have it the first thing you'll think is that no one will ever want you.

I can imagine having to disclose it to a new partner must be frightening. I can see how someone would rather just stay with who they are with or not pursue any new relationships.



Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:00pm
Originally posted by bindy bindy wrote:

A lot of people have herpes....she can still find some one....

Thats what Im thinking but I guess she is worried about actually having to tell them and getting rejected. I told her finding a man is the least of her worries. She needs to finish school and get her degree so she can take care of her baby and just start loving herself first of all.


Posted By: K_Camille
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:00pm
Originally posted by bindy bindy wrote:

A lot of people have herpes....she can still find some one....



Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:01pm
If this was my close friend (and not just some girl I know) she and I would be having a raw come to jesus moment where I would make it clear to her that she needs to stop acting like a dumb ass little girl, put her grown woman panties on, and get her ish together for herself and her child. And frankly the last thing she needs to be worried about is nobody else wanting her diseased vagina because she has more important problems like how is she going to raise a child with a f*ck boy.


Posted By: BrownQtee
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:02pm
Maybe your friend thought getting pregnant would keep him? Doesn't seem too far fetched. At this point there really isn't anything you can do or say to her..just be a good friend.


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:03pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

She said that she feels like if she leaves him no one else would want her because of her disease and she is scared of the reaction she might get when she discloses this info. So she figures since they both have it mind as well stick it out. And now there is a child involved.



So sad. He is going to hurt her - emotionally and healthwise- to the point of no return.





Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:04pm
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

She is 6 months pregnant by the way. 

You should have pushed her down some stairs 3 months ago.

If you're not a religious person......


No I don't believe in abortion. But I believe in having a right to make that decision. I was upset when I found out she was pregnant. I told her to wait before it happened and she agreed and said that she wasn't ready to have kids and that her focus was school. I guess she changed her mind.


Posted By: Lonisha87
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:09pm
She needs to grow the eff up and leave him. This happened to a friend of mine. He cheated while she was pregnant and knowingly gave it to her while she pregnant claiming he thought it was a less severe std. The baby had these weird sores everywhere and was hospitalized for quite a bit of time and we didn't know why. My friend finally told me why like a yer and a half ago. I was reall pissed off cuz had I known this I wouldn't have ever given her advice abounworking on her relationship or anything back when they were having problems


Posted By: Lonisha87
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:13pm
Oh I should add that now my friend has herpes and unfortunately her daughter was born with it. I didn't know it was possible. But she finally moved on


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:14pm
Originally posted by Lonisha87 Lonisha87 wrote:

She needs to grow the eff up and leave him. This happened to a friend of mine. He cheated while she was pregnant and knowingly gave it to her while she pregnant claiming he thought it was a less severe std. The baby had these weird sores everywhere and was hospitalized for quite a bit of time and we didn't know why. My friend finally told me why like a yer and a half ago. I was reall pissed off cuz had I known this I wouldn't have ever given her advice abounworking on her relationship or anything back when they were having problems



Cry Thats what I was worried about when she first told me she had it but she has been taking her meds. I don't want anything to happen to the baby. She has kept this a secret from me for two years. I had no idea she had a disease.She just told me a few days ago. She was embarrassed.


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:14pm
Foolishness just to keep someone around, sadly a lot of people will go thru the drama that comes with coddling nonsense.


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:18pm

Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

Originally posted by Lonisha87 Lonisha87 wrote:

She needs to grow the eff up and leave him. This happened to a friend of mine. He cheated while she was pregnant and knowingly gave it to her while she pregnant claiming he thought it was a less severe std. The baby had these weird sores everywhere and was hospitalized for quite a bit of time and we didn't know why. My friend finally told me why like a yer and a half ago. I was reall pissed off cuz had I known this I wouldn't have ever given her advice abounworking on her relationship or anything back when they were having problems



Cry Thats what I was worried about when she first told me she had it but she has been taking her meds. I don't want anything to happen to the baby. She has kept this a secret from me for two years. I had no idea she had a disease.She just told me a few days ago. She was embarrassed.


if she really wants to save her baby from this --the effects can be life-threatening to a baby, the baby could be blind, etc - she can opt for a cesarean
, so the baby wont pass through the birth canal. its not automatic that the baby will be infected, but the risk is too much.





Posted By: AmiliaCabral
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:18pm
won't find someone bc she got herpes...girl please
 
either she leaves him or he gonna leave her, cuz they not about to stay together. he gonna bounce when the baby comes so she better get used to living without his wack ass now


Posted By: femmemichelle
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:19pm
An abortion, though? She made her bed and now she has to lay in it. 


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:19pm
Originally posted by Wildfire Wildfire wrote:

if she really wants to save her baby from this --the effects can be life-threatening to a baby, the baby could be blind, etc - she can opt for a cesarean, so the baby wont pass through the birth canal. its not automatic that the baby will be infected, but the risk is too much.

yeah thats what her ob told her. I think she said as long as she isn't having an outbreak around the time of birth than she could have it vaginally or something like that.


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:19pm
Originally posted by AmiliaCabral AmiliaCabral wrote:

won't find someone bc she got herpes...girl please
 
either she leaves him or he gonna leave her, cuz they not about to stay together. he gonna bounce when the baby comes so she better get used to living without his wack ass now


Precisely.
But I can guarantee you she wont leave now though. Most people dont want to be alone and pregnant, even if the father is a swine
.
OP, just be there for her as much as you can, while encouraging her to leave.



Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:23pm
The part that pisses me off is that she honestly believes he didn't know he had it. I think he did and purposely didn't tell her. He probably knew it would keep her around because she doesn't want to be alone. He benefits from having her in his life. He has a roof over his head, a babysitter for his weekends that he is supposed to have his son etc. 


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:26pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

Originally posted by Wildfire Wildfire wrote:

if she really wants to save her baby from this --the effects can be life-threatening to a baby, the baby could be blind, etc - she can opt for a cesarean, so the baby wont pass through the birth canal. its not automatic that the baby will be infected, but the risk is too much.

yeah thats what her ob told her. I think she said as long as she isn't having an outbreak around the time of birth than she could have it vaginally or something like that.


the problem is...she could have a lesion on the inside...or remnants of an outbreak that she didn't even have symptoms with, so she wouldn't know, and the doctor wouldnt know...unless they plan to test her right up to the actual minute the baby is coming? i believe they have drugs she can start getting now to reduce possibility of an outbreak before the baby comes..

either she asks about that or hopes if shes having an outbreak around delivery time she knows it, and the doctors realise it too

bless that baby's heart. sigh


Posted By: AmiliaCabral
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:29pm

sometimes you gotta learn the hard way that being alone can be the best choice. you can do bad all by yourself but shyt you can do great all by yourself too.

 
but this dude isnt gonna stay with her, i promise you that. a man can string you along for years then forget you were ever born. don't be out here getting got. she's gonna have a baby and her perspective gotta change...but it wont anytime soon


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:31pm
Originally posted by AmiliaCabral AmiliaCabral wrote:

sometimes you gotta learn the hard way that being alone can be the best choice. you can do bad all by yourself but shyt you can do great all by yourself too.


 

but this dude isnt gonna stay with her, i promise you that. a man can string you along for years then forget you were ever born. don't be out here getting got. she's gonna have a baby and her perspective gotta change...but it wont anytime soon


Men are amazing with this bs!


Posted By: AmiliaCabral
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:31pm
Originally posted by Wildfire Wildfire wrote:

Originally posted by AmiliaCabral AmiliaCabral wrote:

won't find someone bc she got herpes...girl please
 
either she leaves him or he gonna leave her, cuz they not about to stay together. he gonna bounce when the baby comes so she better get used to living without his wack ass now


Precisely.
But I can guarantee you she wont leave now though. Most people dont want to be alone and pregnant, even if the father is a swine
.
OP, just be there for her as much as you can, while encouraging her to leave.

 
All this


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:31pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

The part that pisses me off is that she honestly believes he didn't know he had it. I think he did and purposely didn't tell her. He probably knew it would keep her around because she doesn't want to be alone. He benefits from having her in his life. He has a roof over his head, a babysitter for his weekends that he is supposed to have his son etc. 


she is making herself believe that because she doesnt want to leave


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:32pm
Originally posted by Wildfire Wildfire wrote:

Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

Originally posted by Wildfire Wildfire wrote:

if she really wants to save her baby from this --the effects can be life-threatening to a baby, the baby could be blind, etc - she can opt for a cesarean, so the baby wont pass through the birth canal. its not automatic that the baby will be infected, but the risk is too much.

yeah thats what her ob told her. I think she said as long as she isn't having an outbreak around the time of birth than she could have it vaginally or something like that.


the problem is...she could have a lesion on the inside...or remnants of an outbreak that she didn't even have symptoms with, so she wouldn't know, and the doctor wouldnt know...unless they plan to test her right up to the actual minute the baby is coming? i believe they have drugs she can start getting now to reduce possibility of an outbreak before the baby comes..

either she asks about that or hopes if shes having an outbreak around delivery time she knows it, and the doctors realise it too

bless that baby's heart. sigh


she takes meds. hopefully nothing happens to the baby.Cry


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:33pm
hell naw.  she need to go ahead and leave antyways.  she can find someone else.  they have dating sites now specifically for this...so folks who already got incurable diseases can date each other.


Posted By: Princess_S
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:33pm
She doesn't think anyone else will want her?  So what else is she waiting on to catch from him? HIV?She needs to leave that damaged peen alone. 

She can focus giving all her love and attention to her kid.  poor thing..smh


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:35pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:



she takes meds. hopefully nothing happens to the baby.Cry


she should be good with the meds and close monitoring. Hopefully.



Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:46pm
Originally posted by Princess_S Princess_S wrote:

She doesn't think anyone else will want her?  So what else is she waiting on to catch from him? HIV?She needs to leave that damaged peen alone. 

She can focus giving all her love and attention to her kid.  poor thing..smh


Believe me when I tell ya that I told her all of this. She swears she love him and that they have grown strong together.DeadDead

I don't know what more I can say to her at this point. I really can't stand his fat funky behind. She was always too good for him. But she is grown and I can't tell her what to do. Its hard sitting back and watching someone ruin their life.


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:51pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

Originally posted by Princess_S Princess_S wrote:

She doesn't think anyone else will want her?  So what else is she waiting on to catch from him? HIV?She needs to leave that damaged peen alone. 

She can focus giving all her love and attention to her kid.  poor thing..smh



Believe me when I tell ya that I told her all of this. She swears she love him and that they have grown strong together.DeadDead

I don't know what more I can say to her at this point. I really can't stand his fat funky behind. She was always too good for him. But she is grown and I can't tell her what to do. Its hard sitting back and watching someone ruin their life.


"Love" can have you out here looking like a fool. She's only going to see he wasn't worth it after its way too late.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 3:57pm
But I don't want too late to be AIDS. Hopefully she will get it together.


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 4:03pm
I pray that she finds her way out sooner rather than later.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 4:04pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

Originally posted by Princess_S Princess_S wrote:

She doesn't think anyone else will want her?  So what else is she waiting on to catch from him? HIV?She needs to leave that damaged peen alone. 

She can focus giving all her love and attention to her kid.  poor thing..smh


Believe me when I tell ya that I told her all of this. She swears she love him and that they have grown strong together.DeadDead

I don't know what more I can say to her at this point. I really can't stand his fat funky behind. She was always too good for him. But she is grown and I can't tell her what to do. Its hard sitting back and watching someone ruin their life.


There isn't anything more you really can say. Sadly she's proven she was never too good for him or it wouldn't have been this easy for her to sink to his level.

Yet another child born to ain't sh*t parents. Poor thing.


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 4:27pm
Its not about her medical condition, its her low self worth. 


Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 4:33pm

Lord these situations just get more ratchet and more ratchet....




Posted By: AwesomeAries
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 4:37pm
She better pray and go see Dr. Sebi


Posted By: jmarie
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 4:41pm
The same exact thing happened to my friend when I was in high school. She took her meds and the baby is a teenager now, and doing fine. The only reason she broke up with the father was because he got mad at her and busted her mothers door down and beat her ass. Her mother made her leave him.


Posted By: Wildfire
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 4:43pm
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Its not about her medical condition, its her low self worth. 




and fear



Posted By: jmarie
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 4:46pm
She's scared about meeting a new man, when she SHOULD be worrying about that baby.


Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 4:49pm
ya she needs a counselor or therapist.....


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 4:58pm
This is so sad. She's only 23 and her self-worth is under the ground already. The last thing she needed was herpes and a baby to top it off.


Posted By: Diane (35)
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 5:06pm
I I never read the OP but answering the incurable STD part. I've told men i have the herpe or HIV (knock on wood) and they still wanna smash and raw too, sprout some ignorant ish abt STD transmission, symptoms or treatment (2 pills for herpes- i nearly keel over and dead), how they are somehow immune etc etc I recall an experiment like that on youtube which yielded the same results.

An HIV+ male (also a spokesperson for living with the virus) told me that the amount of women who still wanna eff him is ridiculous AND the numbers that ask to do so raw! 

The amount of info that's out there and still people wanna play with their lives and reproductive health.

 So she never hear about those website where persons with incurable STD meet up, positive singles is one. She needs some counselling, I'm sure there is a Herpes support group or something nearby. 


Posted By: Ds2nice
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 5:16pm
Damn!  She won't be satisfied til the dude gives HIV.  She better cut off her ties with him and move on.  Hopefully she has a good understanding that she will be the only one taking care of her child and if she knows that, then wish her and her newborn baby the best.


Posted By: bindy
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 5:32pm
A dating site for people with STDs

http://www.positivesingles.com/" rel="nofollow - http://www.positivesingles.com/



Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 5:50pm
Ok, tell your friend that she doesn't have to settle with trash. If he were a good guy who happened to have herpes, that wouldn;t be the end of the world. My cousin is a gyno and she heard similar stories from girls with STD ("no one will want me anymore", "i will never have a healthy sex life again"), etc, and eventually they get over their std. Your friend is currently sad and probably depressed about the situation. If you look up the pics of herpes on lips and vagina, you'll understand why she is concerned.
She could have had it before him and it never manifested.

Now, she needs to get rid of this guy because he just wants a girl whom he can crash with, have sex, and then go out and look for another one to f*ck, while the first girl is with the kids and paying his bills.

About her STD, she doesn't have to disclose it to anyone. But if she doesn't it is kind of mean. If she does, the guy may drop her. Right now, she should focus on herself and saving money for the baby's arrival, for she won't get child support from this dude and children are expensive!


Posted By: danieb23
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 5:56pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Ok, tell your friend that she doesn't have to settle with trash. If he were a good guy who happened to have herpes, that wouldn;t be the end of the world. My cousin is a gyno and she heard similar stories from girls with STD ("no one will want me anymore", "i will never have a healthy sex life again"), etc, and eventually they get over their std. Your friend is currently sad and probably depressed about the situation. If you look up the pics of herpes on lips and vagina, you'll understand why she is concerned.
She could have had it before him and it never manifested.

Now, she needs to get rid of this guy because he just wants a girl whom he can crash with, have sex, and then go out and look for another one to f*ck, while the first girl is with the kids and paying his bills.

About her STD, she doesn't have to disclose it to anyone. But if she doesn't it is kind of mean. If she does, the guy may drop her. Right now, she should focus on herself and saving money for the baby's arrival, for she won't get child support from this dude and children are expensive!


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 6:00pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Ok, tell your friend that she doesn't have to settle with trash. If he were a good guy who happened to have herpes, that wouldn;t be the end of the world. My cousin is a gyno and she heard similar stories from girls with STD ("no one will want me anymore", "i will never have a healthy sex life again"), etc, and eventually they get over their std. Your friend is currently sad and probably depressed about the situation. If you look up the pics of herpes on lips and vagina, you'll understand why she is concerned.
She could have had it before him and it never manifested.

Now, she needs to get rid of this guy because he just wants a girl whom he can crash with, have sex, and then go out and look for another one to f*ck, while the first girl is with the kids and paying his bills.

About her STD, she doesn't have to disclose it to anyone. But if she doesn't it is kind of mean. If she does, the guy may drop her. Right now, she should focus on herself and saving money for the baby's arrival, for she won't get child support from this dude and children are expensive!

She said that by law she is required to disclose that info to someone before she sleeps with them. But I have never read about it. I know you have to do that with HIV. But I think anyone with an STD who plans on having sex should let the other person know.


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 6:02pm
I think sexyandfamous meant your friend doesn't have to tell people she's just casually seeing/not having sex with.....I think.


Posted By: danieb23
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 6:23pm
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

I think sexyandfamous meant your friend doesn't have to tell people she's just casually seeing/not having sex with.....I think.

Nahhh, homegirl said if she did the dude may drop her.....we all know what she meant




Posted By: Az~Maverick
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 7:01pm
Originally posted by danieb23 danieb23 wrote:

Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Ok, tell your friend that she doesn't have to settle with trash. If he were a good guy who happened to have herpes, that wouldn;t be the end of the world. My cousin is a gyno and she heard similar stories from girls with STD ("no one will want me anymore", "i will never have a healthy sex life again"), etc, and eventually they get over their std. Your friend is currently sad and probably depressed about the situation. If you look up the pics of herpes on lips and vagina, you'll understand why she is concerned.
She could have had it before him and it never manifested.

Now, she needs to get rid of this guy because he just wants a girl whom he can crash with, have sex, and then go out and look for another one to f*ck, while the first girl is with the kids and paying his bills.

About her STD, she doesn't have to disclose it to anyone. But if she doesn't it is kind of mean. If she does, the guy may drop her. Right now, she should focus on herself and saving money for the baby's arrival, for she won't get child support from this dude and children are expensive!


Wait....what?!?!? Confused


Posted By: melikey
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 7:10pm
when i was younger an HIV+ woman spoke at my school.
she was engaged to be married to a man she met after she found out her status. He was negative and put a ring on it. she said she never had any trouble dating, and i believe her. 

i'm sure you can find youtube videos on line of beautiful women with STDs sharing their stories about dating.




Posted By: melikey
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 7:13pm
actually i don't even know why i had to go way back for that story. 
there is a woman who is a friend of the family who we all know is HIV+, she's that close to the family she told us. well anyway, fast forward, she stay boo'd up. and she has been outed on at least two occasions, and both times the men act like they didn't know, but they continued to date her. i wouldn't be surprised if they knew all along and didn't want to be judged. 


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 7:23pm
I feel so bad for her....Unhappy i wish her and her baby the best


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 7:23pm
Wow I'm surprised so many people who are disease free are willing to knowingly date someone with a disease. I guess its good for the person with the disease but I couldn't do it.


Posted By: GoodGirlGoneGr8
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 7:36pm
Leave.

Abort.

Herpes 2 is curable.


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 7:41pm
I'm wondering if delivering her baby by C-section would prevent the child from contracting the disease? But then again I'm assuming that the danger is coming through the birth canal when the mother's blood could contaminate him? In any case, it can't be easy to have herpes in the dating world. I'm sure it's not insurmountable and that plenty of folks have positive stories in that regard, but I can understand the fear.


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 7:43pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

Wow I'm surprised so many people who are disease free are willing to knowingly date someone with a disease. I guess its good for the person with the disease but I couldn't do it.
I couldn't either. My idea of a nightmare would be meeting an otherwise "perfect" man and find out he has herpes or HIV. I can't front.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 8:17pm
Originally posted by GoodGirlGoneGr8 GoodGirlGoneGr8 wrote:

Leave.

Abort.

Herpes 2 is curable.



How so? Everything that I have read so far says that it isn't curable but it is treatable.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 8:20pm
Just curious.For all of you who are saying abort, are you saying she should abort because of the herpes, the dude, or just the overall situation?

I don't think having herpes means that she should never have children in the future if she meets a good guy and get married and if the meds can prevent it from infecting the baby.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 8:27pm
I said to abort because the child will have a mother who is dumb, a bad decision maker, and more worried about future peen than she is about her baby...add to that a father who is a deadbeat disease spreader who doesn't care about anyone...this baby is better off not being born into this bullsh*t.


Posted By: uppitynegroid
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 8:35pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

Just curious.For all of you who are saying abort, are you saying she should abort because of the herpes, the dude, or just the overall situation?

I don't think having herpes means that she should never have children in the future if she meets a good guy and get married and if the meds can prevent it from infecting the baby.
 
I didn't post abort, but if I were her I would because of the overall situation.  At 23 she still has ample opportunity to put all this behind her and have a fresh start.  If she was let's say 35 I'd say just keep the baby because you never know when another opportunity will come to have a child.


Posted By: AwesomeAries
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 8:41pm
Originally posted by GoodGirlGoneGr8 GoodGirlGoneGr8 wrote:

Leave.

Abort.

Herpes 2 is curable.

There is no cure.


Posted By: AwesomeAries
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 8:56pm
I gotta say bhm was extremely positive
I'm proud of y'all


Posted By: Girl101
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 8:57pm
Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:


Lord these situations just get more ratchet and more ratchet....




Who you telling? Depressing and sad..


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 10:48pm
Is she still sleeping with him?


Posted By: Bored w/Out Me?
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 11:02pm
Herpes is the least of her worries, stay out of it aint nothin you can say to seperate a fool from a part time losers penis....


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 11:07pm
with medication, aren't outbreaks kinda rare?  i mean, herpes is manageable.  it does suck to have that cloud hanging over you, but it's better than diabetes or hiv right?  it won't kill you.  odds are, the next guy she dates probably has it too.  HPV and Herpes are probably all over this board.


Posted By: TexturizedDiva
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 11:07pm
Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

I'm wondering if delivering her baby by C-section would prevent the child from contracting the disease? But then again I'm assuming that the danger is coming through the birth canal when the mother's blood could contaminate him? In any case, it can't be easy to have herpes in the dating world. I'm sure it's not insurmountable and that plenty of folks have positive stories in that regard, but I can understand the fear.
 
The virus is not passed in blood.  It can be passed to the child if sores are present in the genital area while giving birth.  It is contact with the sores that causes infection.  If there is an active outbreak, the child will be delivered by C-section.  Some docs prescribe meds before birth to reduce the risk.


Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 11:29pm
Yup. That's why people with herpes can donate blood.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 30 2013 at 11:40pm
Originally posted by GG GG wrote:

Is she still sleeping with him?



i assume she is. they live together.


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 12:13am
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

Originally posted by GG GG wrote:

Is she still sleeping with him?




i assume she is. they live together.


I hope he doesn't bring anything else home but good luck to her.


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 12:40am
Originally posted by TexturizedDiva TexturizedDiva wrote:

Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

I'm wondering if delivering her baby by C-section would prevent the child from contracting the disease? But then again I'm assuming that the danger is coming through the birth canal when the mother's blood could contaminate him? In any case, it can't be easy to have herpes in the dating world. I'm sure it's not insurmountable and that plenty of folks have positive stories in that regard, but I can understand the fear.
 
The virus is not passed in blood.  It can be passed to the child if sores are present in the genital area while giving birth.  It is contact with the sores that causes infection.  If there is an active outbreak, the child will be delivered by C-section.  Some docs prescribe meds before birth to reduce the risk.
 
That's what I thought but I wasn't sure. If I were in that position, I'd deliver through a C-section to eliminate the risk altogether.


Posted By: atexaschick
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 1:26am
Herpes is not a routinely tested STD because almost 80% of the population has it. Many people don't have outbreaks and never know they have it so it is possible her boyfriend didn't know. People who have herpes don't always have to take medication for it, it just depends on the number and severity of the outbreaks. Just like HPV herpes is not the end of the world because it can live dormant in your body and you can possibly never have an outbreak. She doesn't have to go date someone else with herpes because 80% of the population has It and its a few that actually have an outbreak. Many are misinformed about STDs in general so please tell her its not that serious. Just like chicken pox most people get that outbreak 1 time and sometimes they get shingles later (chicken pox, shingles, cold sores, etc are all forms of herpes). If anyone has ever had a cold sore for example then you had an active outbreak of herpes. If you continuously get cold sores then you can also be prescribed antiviral meds. She was diagnosed with hsv2 which is typically known to have more break outs in the genital area because its passed on through genitalia either in the genitals but it can be in the mouth, but if she had hsv1 its normally in the oral area and could have come from oral sex, stress, or illness any she would probably not have another break out, but Iit can be in the genital area also. Sorry for all the information but pass this to your friend, I see people with a history of hsv all the time, so it's not uncommon and not that bad (which is why its not a routine test, just live hpv. Doctors will put you on meds normally the last 3 months of pregnancy to prevent an outbreak in the birth canal during a vaginal delivery. Not everyone has an outbreak some do some dont


My Aunt is an OB and I work at her office as a nurse sometimes and have to educate about different stds, cancers, etc. Tell your friend that she can still live a normal life and just like everyone continue to practice safe sex until she in a committed relationship.


Posted By: purple.chuckz
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 6:03am
Uuuummmm, there are dating sites/support groups for people with herpes and other diseases. 
My friend's brother met his wife at a herpes support group. Herpes sounds like the least of her problems. 


Posted By: Miss SDY
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 6:31am
Herpes is the least of her worries in this situation.
Your friend needs to find her self esteem and get lost from that nothing ass man! I can bet my paycheck that if she will not leave first, he will once this baby gets here. This is one of those situations where your friend will have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired and leave on her own. I am going through something similar and I am thinking of making a thread just to vent..

But just be there for her as much as you can. This will be a hard knock life lesson for her. Its really hard and its draining mentally and emotionally to watch someone you care for and love spiral down.

I feel so bad for her and the baby.....


Posted By: GoodGirlGoneGr8
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 7:22am
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

Originally posted by GoodGirlGoneGr8 GoodGirlGoneGr8 wrote:

Leave.

Abort.

Herpes 2 is curable.




How so? Everything that I have read so far says that it isn't curable but it is treatable.


I am not a doctor, so I am not qualified to give medical advice. But from my experience, the best anti-bacterial and anti-viral "medicine" that I've used thus far has been colloidal silver.

If you research online, the FDA reports that some guy turned blue from taking this. I've been taking this stuff as needed for years and I have yet to see a change in my skin color.

Starting in 2004, I started getting sinus infections twice a year. I would go the doc, get some amoxicillin and it would be gone. A few years ago, I had a vicious one and the antibiotics were not working. I began doing research and stumbled upon this colloidal silver gem. I began taking it and I was better within 2 days and fully cured by the fifth day. I live by this stuff. Since I began using colloidal silver, I have not had a sinus infection.

I had a scratched cornea that got infected, I put a few drops of colloidal silver in my eye and I was healed in 2 days.

I got a cold last month for the the first time in years and I didn't take anything, not even cough drop. My body wasn't achy like it usually was when I had colds in the past and I fought off the cold in about 4 days. I think taking the colloidal silver over the years has helped build up my immune system.

When I researched this stuff, there were testimonies/reviews claiming that this stuff has cured STD's...including hsvII and I was skeptical. But after using it for my ailments, I am almost confident that this stuff could treat and subsequently cure just about any bacterial infection/virus. I've used it on my mom for a scalp infection and my bf for strep and they were both healed completely within a few days.

But she needs to do her own research. There is no cookie-cutter response or treatment when it comes to alt medicine. When tackling any illness, especially the ones deemed in curable, lifestyle changes need to be made, including a change of eating habits, getting her pH balanced, REFRAINING FROM SEX, and taking the necessary steps to get herself healed.


Posted By: GoodGirlGoneGr8
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 7:23am
And those saying certain diseases are only treatable...(very long again, sorry)

When I was on my quest for bigger boobage (sans surgery) I kinda came to the realization that the body is like a machine. If you nourish it, treat it well, and cater your treatments to your bodies specific needs, your body will pretty much do whatever it is you want it to do.

I am against conventional meds, BUT in some cases, it's necessary to get the ball rolling.

For example, my mom was diagnosed with Graves' disease back in 2009. She began taking synthroid and levothoroxin (two very popular drugs to treat thyroid disease).

The very first year of treatment, she made a conscious effort to not be solely dependent on the drugs and to eventually ween herself off all conventional meds.

Today, my mom is off all meds and no longer has thyroid disease. That was major because we lost both my grandma and my aunt to thyroid cancer. I was a lot younger when they passed away and I didn't know half of what I know now about alternative meds...

My mom also has fibroids. We decided to tackle her fibroids once her thyroid was balanced and her hormones leveled out. She was scheduled to get a myomectomy to have the fibroids removed, but everytime she had a sonogram, the docs found that her fibroids got smaller and smaller, so she decided to postpone the surgery.

My uncle, diagnosed with type 2 diabetes...cured by taking ACV.

Long back-story, I know, BUT I say this to say, both my mother and uncle were told they'd pretty much have to take meds for the rest of their lives because their diseases were only treatable.

I know this probably deserves a separate thread, but please don't settle and believe the propaganda that there is no cure.

Seriously, let's take a moment to think about the integrity of pharm companies. Why I would want to cure your disease in one shot if I could make money "treating" you for the rest of your life?

She does still needs to go to the doc to be tested regularly to determine her progress.

And no, I understand that fibroids, thyroid disease, small boobage, and diabetes are not STD's...but when it boils down to it, they are all ailments of the body. With research, you begin to learn A LOT about how the human body works. Illnesses and diseases become less scary--less of an ultimatum and more of a challenge.


Posted By: HeyBeautiful18
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 7:50am
Don't know if this is a silly question but, won't the baby get the didease too? Or no?

Anyway she needs to run. Nothing good will come from this

They do have dating websites for people with herpes...


Posted By: Princess_S
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 8:08am
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

with medication, aren't outbreaks kinda rare?  i mean, herpes is manageable.  it does suck to have that cloud hanging over you, but it's better than diabetes or hiv right?  it won't kill you.  odds are, the next guy she dates probably has it too.  HPV and Herpes are probably all over this board.
Confused


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 8:20am
Michael Vick has herpes and I still want him.

Not a good excuse to stay in bad situation.
The situation is bad I'm assuming??????
Didn't really really read.


Posted By: K_Camille
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 8:33am
You guys gave some insightful info.  I'll look into it when I get some time.  Thumbs Up


Posted By: Princess_S
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 8:34am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Michael Vick has herpes and I still want him.

Not a good excuse to stay in bad situation.
The situation is bad I'm assuming??????
Didn't really really read.

Ma'am


Posted By: Senior Detective
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 8:34am
Originally posted by Princess_S Princess_S wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

with medication, aren't outbreaks kinda rare?  i mean, herpes is manageable.  it does suck to have that cloud hanging over you, but it's better than diabetes or hiv right?  it won't kill you.  odds are, the next guy she dates probably has it too.  HPV and Herpes are probably all over this board.

Confused
if the sex section and the confessions thread are any indication of how ppl behave , then Wonderland told no lies.


Posted By: AwesomeAries
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 8:58am
Yep the stats are 1 in 6 people have it


Posted By: BrownQtee
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 9:09am
Originally posted by HeyBeautiful18 HeyBeautiful18 wrote:

Don't know if this is a silly question but, won't the baby get the didease too? Or no?

Anyway she needs to run. Nothing good will come from this

They do have dating websites for people with herpes...
 
The baby runs the risk of getting herpes if delivered naturally during an outbreak, or if the mother contracted herpes while pregnant.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Oct 31 2013 at 9:23am
Originally posted by atexaschick atexaschick wrote:

Herpes is not a routinely tested STD because almost 80% of the population has it. Many people don't have outbreaks and never know they have it so it is possible her boyfriend didn't know. People who have herpes don't always have to take medication for it, it just depends on the number and severity of the outbreaks. Just like HPV herpes is not the end of the world because it can live dormant in your body and you can possibly never have an outbreak. She doesn't have to go date someone else with herpes because 80% of the population has It and its a few that actually have an outbreak. Many are misinformed about STDs in general so please tell her its not that serious. Just like chicken pox most people get that outbreak 1 time and sometimes they get shingles later (chicken pox, shingles, cold sores, etc are all forms of herpes). If anyone has ever had a cold sore for example then you had an active outbreak of herpes. If you continuously get cold sores then you can also be prescribed antiviral meds. She was diagnosed with hsv2 which is typically known to have more break outs in the genital area because its passed on through genitalia either in the genitals but it can be in the mouth, but if she had hsv1 its normally in the oral area and could have come from oral sex, stress, or illness any she would probably not have another break out, but Iit can be in the genital area also. Sorry for all the information but pass this to your friend, I see people with a history of hsv all the time, so it's not uncommon and not that bad (which is why its not a routine test, just live hpv. Doctors will put you on meds normally the last 3 months of pregnancy to prevent an outbreak in the birth canal during a vaginal delivery. Not everyone has an outbreak some do some dont


My Aunt is an OB and I work at her office as a nurse sometimes and have to educate about different stds, cancers, etc. Tell your friend that she can still live a normal life and just like everyone continue to practice safe sex until she in a committed relationship.


Thank you Heart That was very informative. I will definitely pass on this information to her. 



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