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 IT HAPPENED TO ME: Racism b/c of my IRR

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Topic:  IT HAPPENED TO ME: Racism b/c of my IRR
Posted By: Alias_Avi
Subject:  IT HAPPENED TO ME: Racism b/c of my IRR
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:10pm
Stern Smile

IT HAPPENED TO ME:
My Life Was Threatened Because Of My Interracial Relationship
http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2013/10/happened-life-threatened-interracial-relationship/" rel="nofollow -


I remember sitting in Sunday school every Sunday of every February and learning about Black History Month. The teachers would talk about everything from Harriet Tubman’s escapades on the Underground Railroad and Frederick Douglass’ journey out of slavery and into freedom, to Martin Luther King’s civil rights activism and the murder of Emmett Till, a story that always managed to bring out a special kind of fear in me.

As I grew older, I started hearing the same Sunday school Black History lessons in my actual history classes. But even then, all these lessons were just stories to me. Simply history.

As much as the African-American community tried to make my generation aware of racism, it was dead to me. The world seemed like a completely different place than it did back in those days. The most racist thing to me was a white person using “the N word” and that wasn’t even too serious to me, personally. We didn’t drink from separate water fountains or anything like that.

In fact, I got more hell from black people than I did white people. I was being taught that black people need to unite and support each other, but the black people in the real world ridiculed me for having my pants secured at my waist (or SLIGHTLY below) with a belt; called me a nerd for reading Harry Potter instead of watching BET.

I felt so shunned from the black community. The only black friends I had were either friends from church or other black kids who were similar to me. But my white friends were so nice to me that racism wasn’t even a thought in my mind.

In high school, I branched out and my friends became much more colorful, and I developed a strong equal view of every human being. Of course I had encountered small incidents of “racism,” but I could find a logical view behind all of these incidents. It still didn’t look like racism to me. People were just people, regardless of their ethnicity.

When I started dating, I usually dated whoever I could come across that would appreciate my company. In my junior year of high school, I met my current girlfriend (we’ll call her Mary), who became the first white girl I would ever date. As soon as we started becoming close, the images and the stories of Emmett Till crept into my mind. But she assured me everything would be okay. I met her parents and they both seemed to like me; I even spoke to them at her softball games.

We started dating on May 31, 2012, the day after her birthday. There were very few interracial couples in my community, so this relationship felt so special.

However, looking back at everything now, I was so naive. Young, dumb, and blinded by love. I should have been able to read the signs. After about 10 months of dating, we had gone out in public very few times, there was always an excuse for why I couldn’t come to her house, she tended to avoid any direct contact with me on Twitter, she posted very few pictures of us together on her Instagram, and she couldn’t even do the grand march at my senior prom with me because she was “too nervous.”

But her kisses were sweet, her eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and we were hopelessly devoted to each other.

Then, sh*t got real.

My mother came to the school one day and pulled me out of my guitar class. She said Mary’s dad called her at her office and he was PISSED. He made it clear that he didn’t want me anywhere near his daughter and that he would die for his kids. He said that he wasn’t part of the Klan but he “knew people,” he knew what I drove, and he knew where we lived. I had never heard my mother curse before this day, and I will never forget her words: “Leave the white girl alone before you around and get your black ass killed.” And she was serious as a heart attack. Both my parents and I took this man’s comments as a threat to my life.

Mary and I were devastated. I wouldn’t wish that feeling upon my worst enemy. She didn’t understand how the situation felt to me because she wasn’t in danger. No matter how much she said he was “just making noise,” he was a serious threat to me. She was saying one thing, but other adults who actually knew her father would talk to me and tell me how crazy he was and that I should take his threats seriously.

Several people, black and white, told me about a situation similar to my own that happened in my hometown about 23 years before that involved Mary’s father and some of his cousins. And the result ended in a black boy being beaten, having his testicles cut off, and shot. There was never a trial.

Racism was real to me.

Nothing was the same for a while. I couldn’t go out in public alone, I couldn’t go to any sporting events because he would more than likely be there, and I had to let my parents know my whereabouts at all times.

Our breakup lasted about 2 days, but I couldn’t continue to pretend that I didn’t miss Mary. We found ways to communicate. We got cell phone apps that worked around blocked numbers, we passed notes in the hallways, we found teachers we could trust and we met in their classrooms, even if it was just for a hug and a “have a good day;” and we secretly continued our relationship. I was foolish for risking my life for one girl when there are a million others, but I would also be foolish if I let myself cut ties with someone who made me so happy.

Eventually, after laying low for a few months, everything calmed down on my end, but Mary pressed assault and battery charges against her father for physically abusing her, something that I was completely unaware of. He was forced by the law to move out and he is still waiting for his trial. I was by her side through every step of her emotional process.

Today, even though I am in college about 120 miles away from my hometown, I come home to a warm welcome from Mary and her mother. We are able to visit each other freely and our relationship has finally come to the point where we have always wanted it. We go out on dates, we go out to eat, we have minor arguments, and we kiss and make up; everything normal couples do.

We have been together for 16 months, and we’re still counting. I don’t know if I mistook my bravery for idiocy, but I don’t regret any of my decisions.

XOJane

This post http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/it-happened-to-me-my-life-was-threatened-because-of-interracial-dating" rel="nofollow - originally appeared on http://www.xojane.com/" rel="nofollow - XOJane . Republished with permission. http://www.xojane.com/author/tycarius-cummings" rel="nofollow - Click http://www.xojane.com/author/tycarius-cummings" rel="nofollow - here for more
Tycarius Cummings on XOJane!




Replies:
Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:16pm
Lol. Niccas.


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:22pm
"the most racist thing to me was a white person using “the N word” and that wasn’t even too serious to me, personally. We didn’t drink from separate water fountains or anything like that.

In fact, I got more hell from black people than I did white people. I was being taught that black people need to unite and support each other, but the black people in the real world ridiculed me for having my pants secured at my waist (or SLIGHTLY below) with a belt; called me a nerd for reading Harry Potter instead of watching BET."


Lawd this c00n here rofl.

Thank you for the late night laugh Alias.


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:22pm
His parents failed him.


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:25pm


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:25pm
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

Stern Smile


My mother came to the school one day and pulled me out of my guitar class. She said Mary’s dad called her at her office and he was PISSED. He made it clear that he didn’t want me anywhere near his daughter and that he would die for his kids. He said that he wasn’t part of the Klan but he “knew people,” he knew what I drove, and he knew where we lived. I had never heard my mother curse before this day, and I will never forget her words: “Leave the white girl alone before you around and get your black ass killed.” And she was serious as a heart attack. Both my parents and I took this man’s comments as a threat to my life.

....

We have been together for 16 months, and we’re still counting. I don’t know if I mistook my bravery for idiocy, but I don’t regret any of my decisions.





Since I read this the other day I can only hope and pray that a few of his college classes will open his eyes and he will be re-educated before he gets strung up on a tree somewhere.


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:28pm
Lmao.
Gtfoh nigguh.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:28pm
Sidenote...I have mixed feelings about Clutch's and xoJane's partnership.


Posted By: india100
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:30pm
Stern Smile
He made it clear that he didn’t want me anywhere near his daughter and that he would die for his kids. He said that he wasn’t part of the Klan but he “knew people,” he knew what I drove, and he knew where we lived


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:31pm
Niccas got strung up for white women back then and there's no change today.

Only difference is, no trees.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:32pm
This negro is in danger and he is shrugging it off in the name of a yt woman.


Damn.


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:40pm
Can't help who you love but her daddy is just too much. What are they so scared of? This black man is gonna ruin his white daughter?


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:41pm
Originally posted by GG GG wrote:

Can't help who you love but her daddy is just too much. What are they so scared of? This black man is gonna ruin his white daughter?
you can help how you handle it


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:46pm
You can help who you love.


Posted By: ThatGurlD
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:46pm
Mary though? LOL  Better than Becky I guess......


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:47pm
Idk young love is tricky. They always find a way to see each other.


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:48pm
Originally posted by Sang Froid Sang Froid wrote:

Lmao.
Gtfoh nigguh.
CryLOL


Posted By: nekamarie83
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:56pm
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

As much as the African-American community tried to make my generation aware of racism, it was dead to me. The world seemed like a completely different place than it did back in those days. The most racist thing to me was a white person using “the N word” and that wasn’t even too serious to me, personally. We didn’t drink from separate water fountains or anything like that.
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

But my white friends were so nice to me that racism wasn’t even a thought in my mind.
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

 There were very few interracial couples in my community, so this relationship felt so special.
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

However, looking back at everything now, I was so naive. Young, dumb, and blinded by love. I should have been able to read the signs. 
yeah, ok then... 



Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 9:58pm
Daughters>>>>>>>


Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:14pm
Gurrrrrrrrrllllll

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Sidenote...I have mixed feelings about Clutch's and xoJane's partnership.


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:15pm
want to be so different then the rest of us you willing to die for it. smhh
 
I just don't get it, and it's not even like he had to leave all white girls alone.  let me go read


Posted By: Lonisha87
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:17pm
It's a shame he had to go through that. I understand being in love, but wouldn't risk my life for it


Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:26pm
XoXoJane is a White woman's blog

He wrote this for the eyes of White women lol


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:27pm
is it wrong I want to see a picture?  I have a feeling mary started dating him just to see what a black man was like.... Then she saw he didn't get scared away and  fell in love.
 
And for him, falling in love with someone that treated you like dirt? hmm ok And to claim you were shunned by the community but had black friends? hmmm 
 
I hate that "there are no black ppl like me" excuse


Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:30pm
Yea, I noticed that too HaitianDiva,

He said he never experience racism from Whites and yet his own girlfriend was embarrassed by him *eyeroll*


Btw... he's answering comments on Clutch's comment section lol

http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2013/10/happened-life-threatened-interracial-relationship/comment-page-4/#comments" rel="nofollow - http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2013/10/happened-life-threatened-interracial-relationship/comment-page-4/#comments


Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:33pm
Damn He's not getting ANY LOVE in that comments section! Lmao LOL








Posted By: Iowabred&fed
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:38pm
I kind of feel bad for him -- on some level, I understand where he's coming from. They went IN over at Clutch. I mean, damn. Come on now. Some of that was just uneccessary bitterness. Confused


Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:40pm
Some of those Clutch commenters crack me UP!

A lot them date white men and have so much anger and bitterness toward Black men
Scandal is their Bible and you can't tell the NUTTIN negative about a White man


That's why it's always interesting to read these dumb ass XOXO articles on clutch. Such an odd relationship. Same with the "Frisky" articles


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 10:45pm
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

Some of those Clutch commenters crack me UP!

A lot them date white men and have so much anger and bitterness toward Black men
Scandal is their Bible and you can't tell the NUTTIN negative about a White man


That's why it's always interesting to read these dumb ass XOXO articles on clutch. Such an odd relationship. Same with the "Frisky" articles
 
So he should understand where they are coming from.


Posted By: Iowabred&fed
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 11:06pm
Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

Some of those Clutch commenters crack me UP!

A lot them date white men and have so much anger and bitterness toward Black men
Scandal is their Bible and you can't tell the NUTTIN negative about a White man


That's why it's always interesting to read these dumb ass XOXO articles on clutch. Such an odd relationship. Same with the "Frisky" articles


I agree -- sort of. I mean it is interesting to see they extreme variance in opinion but Clutch knows exactly what they're doing when they publish those articles on their site; that partnership is strategic. It's more clicks for them and ups their SEO. They knew their readers were going to be pissed...


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 25 2013 at 11:21pm
Originally posted by Iowabred&fed Iowabred&fed wrote:

Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

Some of those Clutch commenters crack me UP!

A lot them date white men and have so much anger and bitterness toward Black men
Scandal is their Bible and you can't tell the NUTTIN negative about a White man


That's why it's always interesting to read these dumb ass XOXO articles on clutch. Such an odd relationship. Same with the "Frisky" articles


I agree -- sort of. I mean it is interesting to see they extreme variance in opinion but Clutch knows exactly what they're doing when they publish those articles on their site; that partnership is strategic. It's more clicks for them and ups their SEO. They knew their readers were going to be pissed...


It's a smart business decision on Clutch's part...but it's definitely a "yay look at us white women pretending to be intersectional and care about the plight of the downtrodden coloreds" on xoJane's part and I'm sad Clutch is going for it.





Posted By: femmemichelle
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 8:20am
Why are people ridiculing him for saying he caught more hell from black people? I do, too in some areas. I'd never known what it felt like to have people think your skin was truly inferior until I came across ignorant, young black men, Twitter, and Instagram LOL It seems to wane off as people get older, though. 

IR dating is a must for me. I'm not going to be waiting until my mid 30's for a black man who won't be offended by my blackness when there are men of other races who see the hue of my skin as an attribute.....

But I digress. Y'all have to remember not everyone has the same experiences as you.


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 8:30am
Originally posted by Sang Froid Sang Froid wrote:

Lmao.
Gtfoh nigguh.


'zactly


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 8:31am
Originally posted by femmemichelle femmemichelle wrote:

Why are people ridiculing him for saying he caught more hell from black people? I do, too in some areas. I'd never known what it felt like to have people think your skin was truly inferior until I came across ignorant, young black men, Twitter, and Instagram LOL It seems to wane off as people get older, though. 

IR dating is a must for me. I'm not going to be waiting until my mid 30's for a black man who won't be offended by my blackness when there are men of other races who see the hue of my skin as an attribute.....

But I digress. Y'all have to remember not everyone has the same experiences as you.




Posted By: femmemichelle
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 8:40am
lol all right Afro LOL I know it's an unpopular opinion but that's my one gripe with the black community in general! Do I care who agrees? Hell nah, bruh. It's been my life experience and if you haven't had to feel the effects of colorism in the South, congrats! It's the only reason why I even started to date out and still do, so I somewhat feel where the OP is coming from. *kanye shrug* 


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 8:41am


Posted By: femmemichelle
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 8:45am


Posted By: AmiliaCabral
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 9:17am
LOL @ our relationship seemed so special


Posted By: Ladybird0724
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 10:26am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by Iowabred&fed Iowabred&fed wrote:

Originally posted by Alias_Avi Alias_Avi wrote:

Some of those Clutch commenters crack me UP!

A lot them date white men and have so much anger and bitterness toward Black men
Scandal is their Bible and you can't tell the NUTTIN negative about a White man


That's why it's always interesting to read these dumb ass XOXO articles on clutch. Such an odd relationship. Same with the "Frisky" articles


I agree -- sort of. I mean it is interesting to see they extreme variance in opinion but Clutch knows exactly what they're doing when they publish those articles on their site; that partnership is strategic. It's more clicks for them and ups their SEO. They knew their readers were going to be pissed...


It's a smart business decision on Clutch's part...but it's definitely a "yay look at us white women pretending to be intersectional and care about the plight of the downtrodden coloreds" on xoJane's part and I'm sad Clutch is going for it.





yep


Posted By: Naturalchick30
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 10:33am
This thread has potential...


Posted By: bunzaveli
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 10:47am
so much lack of fcuk  given in this thread, where is the compassion ? empathy ? nobody here can relate to white lust ?


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 10:48am
Sorry, I wasn't taught to die over dck


Posted By: Naturalchick30
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 10:53am
Originally posted by bunzaveli bunzaveli wrote:

so much lack of fcuk  given in this thread, where is the compassion ? empathy ? nobody here can relate to white lust ?
LOL


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 11:38am
Originally posted by femmemichelle femmemichelle wrote:

awww


Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 12:14pm
I can understand him continuing the relationship for the woman he loved, HAD she not been "embarrassed" to be with him because of his race ConfusedConfusedConfused

Let's be honest here, this guy sounds like a colorstruck guy with an inferiority complex. Let's not act like we can't spot them


Posted By: Naturalchick30
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 12:25pm
Maybe after things got serious, her father got in her ear about dating him.. I think he said something about after 10 months, they barely went out in public.  I'll read it again later.


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 1:01pm
Originally posted by nitabug nitabug wrote:

Sorry, I wasn't taught to die over dck
Not even over love *and* dack?LOL

If I ever IR date and praise my non-black mate while throwing my fellow Black folk under the bus like the male in the OP, Neka and the 2013 Drop Squad have permission to come find me and save me


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 1:09pm
Ive found that most blk folks or ppl in general dont give a damn. Ive only had one real encounter with a group of blk dudes when out with a SO but they just looked and said stuff for a reaction. People who go into IRR because they think its "Special" are always looking for discrimination or hatred even when its not there. Somehow it fuels the "taboo" of it for them. Ive seen this first hand from IR couples in public the grabbing of the hands  stares and whispers... as if someone is really checking for or has an issue with them. To this day Its really no more than a passing glance....Truth be told as ive said before  most of the "mumbles and stares" if any that Ive had have come from white women.


Still didnt read OP... seriously so many word..I just formed a summary in my head based on the responses lol


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 1:21pm
Originally posted by Gkisses Gkisses wrote:

Ive found that most blk folks or ppl in general dont give a damn. Ive only had one real encounter with a group of blk dudes when out with a SO but they just looked and said stuff for a reaction. People who go into IRR because they think its "Special" are always looking for discrimination or hatred even when its not there. Somehow it fuels the "taboo" of it for them. Ive seen this first hand from IR couples in public the grabbing of the hands  stares and whispers... as if someone is really checking for or has an issue with them. To this day Its really no more than a passing glance....Truth be told as ive said before  most of the "mumbles and stares" if any that Ive had have come from white women.


Still didnt read OP... seriously so many word..I just formed a summary in my head based on the responses lol
yes yes yes yessssssssssss!!!



Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 1:34pm
Gkisses hit the nail on the head.

And I think he thought the discrimination would come from blacks and was in shock when it was her daddy


Posted By: yurika975
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 2:51pm
I took issue with her not going out and wanting to be seen with him in public. Mmmhmmm then he went back to her anyways. Young and dumb. If she can't stand up for herself he needs to leave her be. 


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 6:16pm
Awwww, he thought he was spethial. Po baby....































Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 6:37pm
Originally posted by bunzaveli bunzaveli wrote:

so much lack of fcuk  given in this thread, where is the compassion ? empathy ? nobody here can relate to white lust ?

can you?
LOL
LOL


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Oct 26 2013 at 7:08pm
Bunz, this is not a problem BW/WM couples have. Ain't nobody gon threaten to kill a black women for dating a white man...except maybe her daddy nem. And of course, that's an empty threat.

Ain't nobody threatening white men, especially not for dating a black woman....again, except maybe her daddy nem. And that's usually an empty threat too.

The worst that will happen to either of them is disowning and/or disinheriting. 



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