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Frustrated!!!!!!

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Printed Date: Nov 20 2017 at 11:39am


Topic: Frustrated!!!!!!
Posted By: P31chick
Subject: Frustrated!!!!!!
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 2:30am
I have a family member that is ordered to pay Child Support for his two daughters.  Since day one of his order he has ensured to keep a job so that he can supply insurance for them as well as have his salary garnished. He got layed off from work and since he has three other kids that live with him, times got tough financially.  He went ahead and filed a modification with the court due to his hardship (That was the right thing to do) and since he couldn't afford a lawyer or file, asked the court for a deferral. but his ex wife found out and purposely avoided being served (She called him and let him know her plans). He suggested to have his daughters come and stay with him so that he can make things easier for her until he can find a job and get caught up with support but she refuses to have her daughters stay with him outside of their court order.  She now has sent him threats that since he has not paid any child support that she is going to have him arrested.  I am not a lawyer and I tried to assure him that since he reported his situation to the court he should be fine but I am not a lawyer so who knows what kinds of thing scan happen in these situations.  This just angers me because he is clearly trying to do the right thing.



Replies:
Posted By: DiorShowGirl
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 2:50am
wow she really is being a spiteful person....
he should still contact a lawyer just to be on the safe side of things cause these types of situations are very tricky and sticky.  he should keep record of all her doings also...at least he is trying to work with her and doing this by the law and it looks good for him. but courts nowadays seemed to always side with the mother even if she is acting like a trifling no good mother...

wait to read some more advice on here and good luck to him and his children...ashamed of her also using the kids like this...


Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 2:55am

5 kids?



Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 2:56am
Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:


5 kids?



Gurl come sit next to me......


Posted By: P31chick
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:03am
Yes 5 kids...two with his exwife and he remarried and has twins and a newborn.  She got primary custody of the Children and he sees them every two weeks on the weekends.  They have built relationships with their other three siblings when they can and in the past he has tried to increase his visitation since they live less than 5 miles away from one another but she is really good at avoiding service which after a certain amount of days will allow cases to get vacated. And the more time he gets with his girls the less money he would have to pay for child support.  Whats more important? Time with your children coupled with provision.  Or just provision with little to no time.  I say give these girls a fair chance to develop a healthy relationship with their dad as a good man who can give them paternal guidance.

I'm just tired of well meaning people getting the raw end and the abusers staying on top.


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:12am
He should record his phone calls.


Posted By: liesnalibis
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:25am
Why does this topic seem so familiar? Maybe it was someone else.


Posted By: P31chick
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:30am
Perhaps because it happens so often which is sad to hear. Do you remember what the outcome was for them if any?



Posted By: Krystal Klear
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:42am
He needs to be snipped. I can't stand males like him that keeps populating with no regard to his or anyone elses pockets. The procedure is quick and cheap. Cheaper than paying for FIVE kids


Posted By: P31chick
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:59am
Krystal, you are entitled to your opinions based on your experiences that is fine.  But let me ask you this?  Why would a man who had no children out of wedlock, who planned for a promising future prior to his divorce, who before he got layed off was making enough money to support all children.... but because life happened, and divorce happened, and because his new wife wanted to have his children, would snipping him be the best solution?  His regard for his or anyone elses pockets was made when he got educated and landed a wonderful career.  The layoff was not a choice he had to make.  I pray that you are in good financial standings and nothing ever happens to you that can affect you and your loved ones financially, times are unpredictable. 


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:10am
Originally posted by Krystal Klear Krystal Klear wrote:

He needs to be snipped. I can't stand males like him that keeps populating with no regard to his or anyone elses pockets. The procedure is quick and cheap. Cheaper than paying for FIVE kids
comprehension fail?


Posted By: Krystal Klear
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:11am
After the twins, he Should have said 4 is enough. Then he goes on to have a 5th? It doesn't make sense to me why anyone NEEDS all those kids, married or not. If he's smart, he'd go on ahead and do it now.


Posted By: Krystal Klear
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:12am
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by Krystal Klear Krystal Klear wrote:

He needs to be snipped. I can't stand males like him that keeps populating with no regard to his or anyone elses pockets. The procedure is quick and cheap. Cheaper than paying for FIVE kids
comprehension fail?
on your part not mine.


Posted By: Krystal Klear
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:13am
He's not going to get custody if he isn't employed. He should still make partial payments every month, so the courts can see he is trying.


Posted By: thewonderfulwa
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:13am
When he married his wife he knew he already had obligations they should come first now hard times come but children need to fed, clothed, etc.


Posted By: P31chick
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:28am
Krystal you said something very obvious....it does'nt make sense to you and I  don't think it ever will. Like I said you have your opinions....stand on them, don't back down girl, stand yo ground and choose how many children you want to have.  Another question? Are you a minimalist?  I am sure you have just the right amount of everything in your life. Good for you.


Posted By: Krystal Klear
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:45am
You answer my question first. Is he going for a vasectomy now?


Posted By: P31chick
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:50am
I don't understand your question. Are you trying to say if the act of going for a vasectomy is something trending?  Like is it in style?

You said "Is going for a vasectomy now?"

My answer:  It depends on a mans taste.

YOUR TURN!!!!!!


Posted By: herwoman
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:55am
I swear this is a repost lol it seems so familiar

Anywho, Im not buying the "he is so amazing until being laid off," story. Gut feeling.


Posted By: TokyoRose
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:06am
Krystal Klear, is your name an oxymoron?


Posted By: P31chick
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:09am
No not a re post, though I can't speak on it being familiar.  I am sure many people have issues like this with variation, it is just hitting home so I decided to share and receive views on it. As for him being so amazing, no one is perfect but his effort is consistent. All his children are suffering.  His ex is employed so his two girls are doing okay, with his help which he intends to give once he is employed again will definitely help, but his three at home are experiencing a bit of a struggle. Putting him in jail when he is clearly trying to make things right is my issue.  Once he's in jail, then what?


Posted By: Jewelsnyc
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:11am
Originally posted by TokyoRose TokyoRose wrote:

Krystal Klear, is your name an oxymoron?


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:13am
I don't believe in reduction.....those kids cost of living hasn't reduced so he needs to do what these single women do that don't have help do......make it work.....


And you need to mind yo business......


Posted By: Jewelsnyc
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:15am
Originally posted by P31chick P31chick wrote:

No not a re post, though I can't speak on it being familiar.  I am sure many people have issues like this with variation, it is just hitting home so I decided to share and receive views on it. As for him being so amazing, no one is perfect but his effort is consistent. All his children are suffering.  His ex is employed so his two girls are doing okay, with his help which he intends to give once he is employed again will definitely help, but his three at home are experiencing a bit of a struggle. Putting him in jail when he is clearly trying to make things right is my issue.  Once he's in jail, then what?
Then he's screwed. They'll take his license, even his passport. He won't be able to get a job if they do a background (most do) check. Bad stigma all around. I don't understand her loathing. If he's been an upstanding guy and has taken care of his responsibilities since the divorce why is she trying to drag him through the mud? Is she angry because she never wanted the divorce?


Posted By: bunzaveli
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:17am
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

I don't believe in reduction.....those kids cost of living hasn't reduced so he needs to do what these single women do that don't have help do......make it work.....


like scale back ?


Posted By: Jewelsnyc
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:19am
Originally posted by bunzaveli bunzaveli wrote:

Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

I don't believe in reduction.....those kids cost of living hasn't reduced so he needs to do what these single women do that don't have help do......make it work.....


like scale back ?
she answered your question fam.


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:19am
Lol

Bunz


Posted By: thewonderfulwa
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:19am
Does he owe any child support???

I would like to believe a women with a job that knows her ex has moved on is not acting spiteful but some of these men get new families and forget about the kids before the marriage.


Posted By: danni7
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:55am
Sorry double post


Posted By: danni7
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 6:02am
People on this forum have reading comprehension problems. The OP did not ask for speculations of the situation. She laid out a clear story yet I'm seeing comments about vasectomies and he has obligations so he better make it work.

Stop inserting ya'll personal problems into other people stories.

Why would the man have a vasectomy if 1) he was taking care of ALL of his kids 2) him and HIS wife could possibly still want children later on

He has obligations to feed and clothes ALL his kids, none of them have preference over the other. They are ALL his kids, ALL five of them came from his nut sack so I dont get how the 1st two should be his 1st preference and obligation. Is it because he's not with their mom you feel he doesnt love them as much or wa?

Pray tell how is he suppose to make it work and continue making payments if he has no job. No job means no money coming in which means no bills getting paid.

Finally his ex is a trip. I get they have their issues but he cant make payment from inside a jail cell


Posted By: Krystal Klear
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 6:36am
Originally posted by P31chick P31chick wrote:

I don't understand your question. Are you trying to say if the act of going for a vasectomy is something trending?  Like is it in style?

You said "Is HE going for a vasectomy now?"

My answer:  It depends on a mans taste.

YOUR TURN!!!!!!
ooh wow, put the he in there. Like you could not understand the typo. LOL, did that really frustrate or confuse you?

As for danni, the reason to get a vasectomy is because he can't handle the ones he has, let alone any more. Why does he NEED more, not want more, BUT NEED MORE? Nobody needs 6+ kids. He is only making his situation worse by creating babies he can't take care of


Posted By: Krystal Klear
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 6:38am
What does his current wife do? How much money does she bring in


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 7:04am


Posted By: Naturalchick30
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 7:52am
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by Krystal Klear Krystal Klear wrote:

He needs to be snipped. I can't stand males like him that keeps populating with no regard to his or anyone elses pockets. The procedure is quick and cheap. Cheaper than paying for FIVE kids
comprehension fail?



Posted By: kfoxx1998
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:05am
Every situation with men +child support is exactly the same.  Duh!


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:07am
Originally posted by danni7 danni7 wrote:

People on this forum have reading comprehension problems. The OP did not ask for speculations of the situation. She laid out a clear story yet I'm seeing comments about vasectomies and he has obligations so he better make it work.

Stop inserting ya'll personal problems into other people stories.

Why would the man have a vasectomy if 1) he was taking care of ALL of his kids 2) him and HIS wife could possibly still want children later on

He has obligations to feed and clothes ALL his kids, none of them have preference over the other. They are ALL his kids, ALL five of them came from his nut sack so I dont get how the 1st two should be his 1st preference and obligation. Is it because he's not with their mom you feel he doesnt love them as much or wa?

Pray tell how is he suppose to make it work and continue making payments if he has no job. No job means no money coming in which means no bills getting paid.

Finally his ex is a trip. I get they have their issues but he cant make payment from inside a jail cell


Truths are here....


Posted By: Omni Harmony
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:11am
Some truths are there. He doesnt need anymore kids. I think something is up with the hubby. His story is fishy to me


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:13am
But really who "needs" kids? Don't people have them because they want to?


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:16am
He needs a better lawyer...give him some money to get one.


Posted By: Omni Harmony
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:20am
Originally posted by GG GG wrote:

But really who "needs" kids? Don't people have them because they want to?
well if he WANTS to continue to struggle and have a sh*tty life, by all means have 20 children if it makes them happy.

*shrugs*


Posted By: GG
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:21am
Originally posted by Omni Harmony Omni Harmony wrote:

Originally posted by GG GG wrote:

But really who "needs" kids? Don't people have them because they want to?
well if he WANTS to continue to struggle and have a sh*tty life, by all means have 20 children if it makes them happy.

*shrugs*

Idk if it's definitely going to be sh*tty for people who have a bunch of kids
It's all about their perception of their lives

Speaking of which
How do the Dug*gars work that out?!?


Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:37am
How old are the girls? Maybe the girls do not want to stay in a house with the father's current wife and their 3 kids. Maybe he can call the companies for gas, electric, water, mortgage/rent, insurance, cable/internet etc and let them know his situation and see if they can also stop recurring just like he did with his child support....oh wait..... funny how bills work. The exwife is being difficult so find a way to pay the cs. If you "the current wife" is employed then help him at least get a lawyer to get a modification granted instead of deferring payment.


Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:40am
just make it work.


Posted By: fckwitmeuknoigotit
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:41am

yea i'm in agreeance of him retaining a good attorney because she is violating the court order by keeping the girls away from him.

as far as the child support, its automatically taken out of his check, right? so as long as he can prove he is actively seeking employment, the courts won't throw him in jail.
 
i hope everything works out for him and his children tbh. those girls need their father in their lives and for the mother to act like this is very concerning.


Posted By: india100
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:46am
1. Can the current wife help with support payments ?
 
2. The court may garnish his unemployment check. '
 
3. Why would it be cheaper for the kids to live with him and the new wife ?
 
4. The man should take a Job outside of his field until things get better .
 
5. Krystal clear should share her other unsernames before she was banned or only post under one if you are going to be so bold . JMO 


Posted By: danni7
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 8:46am
Originally posted by P31chick P31chick wrote:

I have a family member that is ordered to pay Child Support for his two daughters.  Since day one of his order he has ensured to keep a job so that he can supply insurance for them as well as have his salary garnished. He got layed off from work... 

Originally posted by Krystal Klear Krystal Klear wrote:

...As for danni, the reason to get a vasectomy is because he can't handle the ones he has, let alone any more. Why does he NEED more, not want more, BUT NEED MORE? Nobody needs 6+ kids. He is only making his situation worse by creating babies he can't take care of...

 
So a someone who was taking care of their family but got LAID OFF, not quit, not fired but laid off, is irresponsible and can't handle taking care of their family? You do realize nothing is guaranteed in life and many people fall on hard times at some point.
 




Posted By: danni7
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 9:01am
Originally posted by india100 india100 wrote:


3. Why would it be cheaper for the kids to live with him and the new wife ?
 

Was just going to ask this!

Originally posted by P31chick P31chick wrote:

He suggested to have his daughters come and stay with him so that he can make things easier for her until he can find a job and get caught up with support but she refuses to have her daughters stay with him outside of their court order.  She now has sent him threats that since he has not paid any child support that she is going to have him arrested. 

I'm confused with this as well, how much money was he making and giving in child support? Is child support a large portion of her income or is she fully dependent on it?? 


Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 9:12am
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:


5 kids?



Gurl come sit next to me......




Posted By: beautiful-stranger
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 9:14am
This job market is hard AF - at least he made the right choice by letting the courts know his situation - and someone stated that just like bills they have to be paid, I've gotten large bills that couldn't be paid in full at that moment and I called and had it adjusted to pay in increments so the same can be said for child support. 


Posted By: danni7
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 9:17am
Originally posted by keepgrowing keepgrowing wrote:

How old are the girls? Maybe the girls do not want to stay in a house with the father's current wife and their 3 kids. Maybe he can call the companies for gas, electric, water, mortgage/rent, insurance, cable/internet etc and let them know his situation and see if they can also stop recurring just like he did with his child support....oh wait..... funny how bills work. The exwife is being difficult so find a way to pay the cs. If you "the current wife" is employed then help him at least get a lawyer to get a modification granted instead of deferring payment.

lol was sooo thinking this LOL

Anyway I digress... 
It's smarter for the ex-wife to just go ahead and let him defer the payments because if he's suppose to pay her $1000 each month as soon as he gets back on his feet he'll be responsible of every month he missed and stiillll owe her $1000 every month going forward. But if he gets it modified, it will go off of what he can afford now whether it be $100 or $10 and he won't have to back pay nada... And trust me $10 child support is possible. My friend's ex owes her $23 a month because he's unemployed. $23!! What the hell can you do with that???


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 9:20am
Girl why you came on here. you know BHM hates when the poor have kids word to the micky d's thread.
tell him get a lawyer and maybe he can start a little business sell weave or koji san soap, belts do yard work while he looks for something.
And like sang said record all convos and save all text messages. He sounds like a good man at least he is trying


Posted By: AshBash89
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 9:20am
Op are you really the new wife? Anyway, I hope he acquires a job soon. I hate that those court ordered every other weekend visits , fathers need to spend more time with their children.


Posted By: HaitianDiva64
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 9:23am
ANd yes you can work out payments with ANY bill.  Remember they just want their money.  especially if you cut off services already. they always ask "ok how much can you give/pay today and work with you.


Posted By: kfoxx1998
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 9:24am
The mother hates him more than she loves her children.  How does it benefit her children to have their father put in jail, get a record and never be able to get a good job again to help her support them.   People working against their own best interest make me itch. 


Posted By: lexis83
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 9:31am
^^shortsightedness


Posted By: csungrl09
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 9:42am
as far as I know, one can't avoid being served. Once the documents are sent certified mail to the last known address, its a wrap.


Posted By: Tbaby
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 10:11am
Originally posted by kfoxx1998 kfoxx1998 wrote:

The mother hates him more than she loves her children.  How does it benefit her children to have their father put in jail, get a record and never be able to get a good job again to help her support them.   People working against their own best interest make me itch. 


Isn't that the case in alot of these bitter cs issues?  The extreme cases are when the exes kill their kids out of spite...that happens way too often.Ouch

Now if he's unemployed, how will having 5 kids to feed help the situation? Why should the ex-wife send her kids to him?  I wouldn't if it were my kids. 

And what does the new wife say about all this?  Is she working?  I get the feeling she isn't...



Posted By: Krystal Klear
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 10:14am
Originally posted by Naturalchick30 Naturalchick30 wrote:

Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by Krystal Klear Krystal Klear wrote:

He needs to be snipped. I can't stand males like him that keeps populating with no regard to his or anyone elses pockets. The procedure is quick and cheap. Cheaper than paying for FIVE kids
comprehension fail?

I don't think you 2 or anybody else who's against me understand.  The op presented a problem.  She needed a resolution on how he can improve or help his situation.  Up until my post, there were only 2 helpful tips.  Mine & SangFroid's.   Everyone else was just just talking loud but saying nothing.  Yes, he should record phone calls and still make payments.  That will help him out TODAY.  Yes he should get a vasectomy, that will help him in the FUTURE.  Seems like you all are the ones that can't comprehend that.

 I dont care how small the payments are, if he is paying SOMETHING, he wont look like a deadbeat in the court's eyes.  If she's avoiding the papers of being served, he can serve her at her job, at her home, certified mail, something, but she can't hide forever.  He shoul also DOCUMENT every single attempt and present that to the courts.   To the ones saying have the wife pay until he gets on his feet, well until the op comes back and answers my question of "does she work and how much does she bring in?"  We don't know if she is even ABLE to help.  If she was, I'm sure it wouldn't have gone so far as jail threats.   Jail ONLY comes into play after you've missed several payments, not one or 2.  

I dont see the courts taking 2 girls away from their mom, who they've been with all their lives,  to a man that sees them twice a month, no job, and a house full of family that he's already struggling to take care of.   He just wants to take them so he won't have to  pay.   Otherwise, he would've had tried for custody a loooong time ago.  Instead he was chasing his new wife, not worried about the girls.  

I think this new wife is possibly the reason why the marriage broke up.  She saw a successful black man living the american dream with a good job, nice family and comfortable living.  Then she said I want that.  Weasled her way in, had some babies to keep the checks coming, now the unforseeable has happened with the layoff and they dont know what to do.   I dont think the wife was working if she has twins and a newborn.  If the twins are young, I'd take a guess that she's a sahm.   Money for daycare or nannies for little ones is A LOT.   I dont think they are in a position to pay for care.  Just my guess until OP comes in to clarify.   

Is that too bold?LOL



Posted By: Krystal Klear
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 10:18am
Originally posted by Tbaby Tbaby wrote:

Originally posted by kfoxx1998 kfoxx1998 wrote:

The mother hates him more than she loves her children.  How does it benefit her children to have their father put in jail, get a record and never be able to get a good job again to help her support them.   People working against their own best interest make me itch. 


Isn't that the case in alot of these bitter cs issues?  The extreme cases are when the exes kill their kids out of spite...that happens way too often.Ouch

Now if he's unemployed, how will having 5 kids to feed help the situation? Why should the ex-wife send her kids to him?  I wouldn't if it were my kids. 

And what does the new wife say about all this?  Is she working?  I get the feeling she isn't...

My feeling as well.  That is why I asked hours ago.  All this lawyer talk as if lawyers take these cases for free.  HA!  he better find a public defender or legal aide pro-bono.  Otherwise, get some little bit of payments made.  Him stopping payments was the WORST thing he did for himself.  


Posted By: Ms_Kudos
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 10:22am
You all are some imaginative women!

If chick wants the money she has to go to court at some point.  I'd think he can just let them know he's unemployed, but actively seeking.  Garnishing an unemployment check is better than going to jail.  He needs to deal with what he can.




Posted By: thewonderfulwa
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 11:05am
O so he OP didnt come back.


Posted By: danni7
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 11:29am
Originally posted by Krystal Klear Krystal Klear wrote:

Originally posted by Naturalchick30 Naturalchick30 wrote:

Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by Krystal Klear Krystal Klear wrote:

He needs to be snipped. I can't stand males like him that keeps populating with no regard to his or anyone elses pockets. The procedure is quick and cheap. Cheaper than paying for FIVE kids
comprehension fail?

I don't think you 2 or anybody else who's against me understand.  The op presented a problem.  She needed a resolution on how he can improve or help his situation.  Up until my post, there were only 2 helpful tips.  Mine & SangFroid's.   Everyone else was just just talking loud but saying nothing.  Yes, he should record phone calls and still make payments.  That will help him out TODAY.  Yes he should get a vasectomy, that will help him in the FUTURE.  Seems like you all are the ones that can't comprehend that.

 I dont care how small the payments are, if he is paying SOMETHING, he wont look like a deadbeat in the court's eyes.  If she's avoiding the papers of being served, he can serve her at her job, at her home, certified mail, something, but she can't hide forever.  He shoul also DOCUMENT every single attempt and present that to the courts.   To the ones saying have the wife pay until he gets on his feet, well until the op comes back and answers my question of "does she work and how much does she bring in?"  We don't know if she is even ABLE to help.  If she was, I'm sure it wouldn't have gone so far as jail threats.   Jail ONLY comes into play after you've missed several payments, not one or 2.  

I dont see the courts taking 2 girls away from their mom, who they've been with all their lives,  to a man that sees them twice a month, no job, and a house full of family that he's already struggling to take care of.   He just wants to take them so he won't have to  pay.   Otherwise, he would've had tried for custody a loooong time ago.  Instead he was chasing his new wife, not worried about the girls.  

I think this new wife is possibly the reason why the marriage broke up.  She saw a successful black man living the american dream with a good job, nice family and comfortable living.  Then she said I want that.  Weasled her way in, had some babies to keep the checks coming, now the unforseeable has happened with the layoff and they dont know what to do.   I dont think the wife was working if she has twins and a newborn.  If the twins are young, I'd take a guess that she's a sahm.   Money for daycare or nannies for little ones is A LOT.   I dont think they are in a position to pay for care.  Just my guess until OP comes in to clarify.   

Is that too bold?LOL


Ok we get it you were trying to help. But how does having a vasectomy help his future? Are they allowed to have more kids if he gets a 7 figure job (notice I said they because he is married and the choice to have a vasectomy is not up to him alone)? Aren't the real problems here 1) him not having a job and 2) the relationship between him and his ex-wife?

Also what's up with you speculation on why his old and new marriage? Do you not notice how you are letting your personal issues affect how you are judging the situation??


Posted By: Lonisha87
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 11:37am
Y'all sure love to speculate..damn...smh at more than half of these comments


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 11:41am
Dannie you just as pressed tho.....

He should see his kids but to try to get more visitation to lower the support is BS.....you should just want more visitation because you want to see your kids......and if you cant afford to support them at my house how are you going to support them at yours.....he needs to make it work....no he shouldn't get a reduction because their bills haven reduced......hell they are prolly increasing.......should be sympathetic but its life and when you have children no matter what the situation you still have to provide.....hope he was saving for rough times.....


Posted By: BrownQtee
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 11:45am
I'm no lawyer..but garnishment is a last ditch effort to secure funds. The OP stated that he had a job, and his checks were being garnished. Why were his checks being garnished in the first place? I think there is some other reason why his ex wife is out for blood. just my opinion.


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 11:45am
Originally posted by BrownQtee BrownQtee wrote:

I'm no lawyer..but garnishment is a last ditch effort to secure funds. The OP stated that he had a job, and his checks were being garnished. Why were his checks being garnished in the first place? I think there is some other reason why his ex wife is out for blood. just my opinion.



Stop speculating and bringing your own personal business into this.........


Posted By: BrownQtee
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 11:53am
smh...chile...Sleepy


Posted By: herwoman
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 12:08pm
Originally posted by BrownQtee BrownQtee wrote:

I'm no lawyer..but garnishment is a last ditch effort to secure funds. The OP stated that he had a job, and his checks were being garnished. Why were his checks being garnished in the first place? I think there is some other reason why his ex wife is out for blood. just my opinion.
Hey girl, hey.Garnishing checks comes after the non custodial has been SEVERELY behind in cs. If he is being threatened with jail its because he has a history of not making payments. He is probably a serial unemployed dad.


Posted By: Omni Harmony
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 12:09pm
Something is very fishy about this guy. I wish the op would come back to explain some situations


Posted By: BrownQtee
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 12:30pm
Originally posted by herwoman herwoman wrote:

Originally posted by BrownQtee BrownQtee wrote:

I'm no lawyer..but garnishment is a last ditch effort to secure funds. The OP stated that he had a job, and his checks were being garnished. Why were his checks being garnished in the first place? I think there is some other reason why his ex wife is out for blood. just my opinion.
Hey girl, hey.Garnishing checks comes after the non custodial has been SEVERELY behind in cs. If he is being threatened with jail its because he has a history of not making payments. He is probably a serial unemployed dad.
Ding ding ding!!!!! Lamp


Posted By: P31chick
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 12:54pm
I'm back.

First answer NO I am not the wife.  I am his sister..lol.  I have a job hence my absence.  My new sister in law (Who my brother met after the divorce) is disabled due to an unfortunate accident. 

His checks were garnished because my ex sister in laws lawyer added that into the court order and the judge approved it, so no checks are not garnished due to a history of non payment, it can be requested by the other party. (I had to ask him this one).

And he asked if the girls can spend more time with him, not necessarily all the time more like three days out of the week, every week...vs two weekends out of the year. She doesn't want to budge and she is making 40K.  He was making way more than her before his layoff.

Why they got the divorce is not the issue.




Posted By: NARSAddict
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 12:58pm
I would suggest either of you cop that Cathy Middleton book on child support or any other book on child support at the library because I feel that it is a bad to ask something like this on a predominate female board.  Yes it is hard work but at least you will be better informed and much less judgement and assumptions.


Posted By: P31chick
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 1:16pm
Thank you NARS. We are reading up as much as we can on this issue. I'm not taking anything personal on here. It's all opinions and I knew there would be some responses that are irrelevant. But I appreciate everyone's time to share. If not beneficial, a lot of responses are entertaining to say the least.


Posted By: .hott.pink.
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 1:28pm
Damn...y'all are cruel...

I don't see where she said that he was struggling before he was laid off so why is everyone talking about how he shouldn't have had any more kids with his current wife? 


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 1:30pm
I think its because hes already at 5 kids.....


Posted By: .hott.pink.
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 1:36pm
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

I think its because hes already at 5 kids.....

But this happened after he had these 5 kids. Like, I could see if his wife was currently pregnant again.


Posted By: .hott.pink.
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 1:38pm
And like I said, OP gave no indication that he was struggling to provide before he was laid off, so if he can have 100 kids comfortably, who is anyone to say he shouldn't? 


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 1:38pm
Originally posted by .hott.pink. .hott.pink. wrote:

Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

I think its because hes already at 5 kids.....

But this happened after he had these 5 kids. Like, I could see if his wife was currently pregnant again.


Yeah but its 5 kids.....and this bhm.....


Posted By: Princess_S
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 1:39pm
idk I like OP's positive attitude. I hope you find the answer you are looking for to help your brother and nieces and nephews. 

i got nothing though to help you .


Posted By: BrownQtee
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 1:46pm
LESSON...Don't have no damn kids!!!!! ...........................Stern Smile


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 1:47pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


that would be a good thread

not only have kids that you can pay for while working, but only have kids you can pay for when you don't have a job


LOL. You talking about some serious long-term advance planning. 
That's why we don't have any; we're still thinking and planning for it--25 years laterLOL.


Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 2:00pm
Originally posted by BrownQtee BrownQtee wrote:

Originally posted by herwoman herwoman wrote:

Originally posted by BrownQtee BrownQtee wrote:

I'm no lawyer..but garnishment is a last ditch effort to secure funds. The OP stated that he had a job, and his checks were being garnished. Why were his checks being garnished in the first place? I think there is some other reason why his ex wife is out for blood. just my opinion.
Hey girl, hey.Garnishing checks comes after the non custodial has been SEVERELY behind in cs. If he is being threatened with jail its because he has a history of not making payments. He is probably a serial unemployed dad.
Ding ding ding!!!!! Lamp
Shocked


Posted By: Tbaby
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 2:49pm


how does he expect to feed these kids if he gets them 3 days a week? Rice and beans? And what about school? Maybe I am missing something but none of this seems logical or well planned.   Guess that's why there's some court ordered garnishment.




Posted By: ModelessDiva
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:22pm
Originally posted by BrownQtee BrownQtee wrote:

LESSON...Don't have no damn kids!!!!! ...........................Stern Smile


this is a good lesson actually

I was thinking the same thing


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:33pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


that would be a good thread

not only have kids that you can pay for while working, but only have kids you can pay for when you don't have a job


ding ding ding!!!

If people thought ahead this much, there would be far fewer problems. And that goes for everything, whether you should buy a new car, whether you should have kids, whether you should buy a mortgage (house), etc etc.






Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:40pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


well without a job many would be dead broke if not immediately at least within a couple of months

most americans don't even have 6 months worth of savings


And that there is the damn problem. And folks think it's some kind of impossible to save money when it really isn't.

It's all about decisions.


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:45pm
this guy had five kids between two marriages right?

anyhoo,

i think all these scathing comments are interesting

i wish we could post our financial data and see how quickly some of these opinions would change


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:48pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:



if your money isn't making money, well you are poor

so yeah most people should never have kids I guess Confused


Exactly.

People should not be having kids that they can't feed, clothe, house, and provide medical care for. If you can't do any of those things for yourself then that's sign number one a person shouldn't be a parent.

This is not difficult to understand, but people would rather birth children and have them starve than stop being selfish and evil.


Posted By: mizzsandra00
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:48pm
Welp this isnt surprising....


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:49pm
wt


Posted By: danieb23
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 3:56pm
Smh head at all of the reachers, fake lawyers, fairy tail dreamers, and "I'm not paying any of your bills, but I'm gonna tell you what to do with your life anyways" that have showed up in this damn thread.

This sh*t is so ridiculous it's comical

OP. A lot of lawyers will give basic legal advice for free or cheap to let you know your options . But honestly, you can talk to a paralegal and they can give you off the record advice since they do a majority oft he lawyers work, anyways.

KrystalKlear is giving me ThisOne reaching tease.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:26pm
Originally posted by bunzaveli bunzaveli wrote:

Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

I don't believe in reduction.....those kids cost of living hasn't reduced so he needs to do what these single women do that don't have help do......make it work.....


like scale back ?


I believe in reduction .
Even if he was living with them and married if he lost his job the whole family would have to adjust and scale back.
That's how it works....adjust


Posted By: india100
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:39pm
Originally posted by P31chick P31chick wrote:

I'm back.

First answer NO I am not the wife.  I am his sister..lol.  I have a job hence my absence.  My new sister in law (Who my brother met after the divorce) is disabled due to an unfortunate accident. 

His checks were garnished because my ex sister in laws lawyer added that into the court order and the judge approved it, so no checks are not garnished due to a history of non payment, it can be requested by the other party. (I had to ask him this one).

And he asked if the girls can spend more time with him, not necessarily all the time more like three days out of the week, every week...vs two weekends out of the year. She doesn't want to budge and she is making 40K.  He was making way more than her before his layoff.

Why they got the divorce is not the issue.


 I understand you love and desire to help your brother , but why are you in the middle of something so personal between a husband and wife ? I would imagine his current wife helping her husband unless she is disable to a point she can't take care of herself . I am not taking sides with the ex wife , but remember only 2 people where in the bed when the kids where made . 
 
You will never know everything your brother possibly put the woman through to cause her anger . I would help the man find a good lawyer and allow the wife to make decisons with her husband .  The current wife is disable due to a accident with a new baby right ? Can she help with her disabilty or settlement money? 
 
 
Your brother is a smart professional man from what you wrote . I advise you to stay out of it . The ex may be even more angry you are helping the new wife. I would help with paper work if the current wife ask you , but please allow the couple to handle the rest . I think your brother should work 3 jobs if possible until things get better for the sake of his children . GL  


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:41pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

this guy had five kids between two marriages right?

anyhoo,

i think all these scathing comments are interesting

i wish we could post our financial data and see how quickly some of these opinions would change


how many millionaires do you think post on bhm?


i know of a couple

but they arent getting divorced anytime soon



Posted By: fckwitmeuknoigotit
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:52pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:



if your money isn't making money, well you are poor

so yeah most people should never have kids I guess Confused


Exactly.

People should not be having kids that they can't feed, clothe, house, and provide medical care for. If you can't do any of those things for yourself then that's sign number one a person shouldn't be a parent.

This is not difficult to understand, but people would rather birth children and have them starve than stop being selfish and evil.


its neglect and i bet everybody knows at least 1 family like this.


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:54pm
If I can take care of everything without a job.....then wtf I got a job for?


Posted By: oh_so_moody
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:56pm
Broke without kids....

*Now who gone check me, boo*





Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 4:57pm
Originally posted by fckwitmeuknoigotit fckwitmeuknoigotit wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:



if your money isn't making money, well you are poor

so yeah most people should never have kids I guess Confused


Exactly.

People should not be having kids that they can't feed, clothe, house, and provide medical care for. If you can't do any of those things for yourself then that's sign number one a person shouldn't be a parent.

This is not difficult to understand, but people would rather birth children and have them starve than stop being selfish and evil.


its neglect and i bet everybody knows at least 1 family like this.


With the millions of kids receiving free breakfast and lunch at school, folks probably know whole communities of families like this. And some of them are posting on BHM.


Posted By: blaquefoxx
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:00pm
Originally posted by kfoxx1998 kfoxx1998 wrote:

The mother hates him more than she loves her children.  How does it benefit her children to have their father put in jail, get a record and never be able to get a good job again to help her support them.   People working against their own best interest make me itch. 
Don't be coming in here making senseErmm


Posted By: HowardAlumAKA
Date Posted: Oct 15 2013 at 5:07pm
Call a couple of law firms to ask for advice. I've called a bunch of law firms for a family member and the amount of free advice they gave me OVER THE PHONE was shocking.  One call even lasted an hour.



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