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When do you cut someone off financially?

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Printed Date: Oct 18 2017 at 5:09am


Topic: When do you cut someone off financially?
Posted By: iGotSunshine
Subject: When do you cut someone off financially?
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:00am
I'm just really annoyed right now

Anywhoo if you bought someone a house do you think they should expect you to furnish it and keep up the insurance payments too?

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“Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
― Malcolm X



Replies:
Posted By: iGotSunshine
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:06am
They have furniture from their old house.
They have jobs. But it seems like they want something for nothing.

No deed has been signed yet.

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“Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
― Malcolm X


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:11am
Some call me too uptight, but i have the conversation about the spicifics very early on. They say i suck the fun out of things, but i'm sorry, life is real, not a 30 min sitcom.

If i buy you a home, do you expect me to pay all the bills every month, furnish the entire home?
So do i get a key and come and go as i please? Is this OUR home? Might as well
Buy this house for myself.


Posted By: iGotSunshine
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:13am
Nothing has been bought yet. Still looking.

We had a conversation last night and the mother made a comment about furniture.
She has a decent job and so does her husband.
They make at least 5K a month together and that's in Texas.



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“Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
― Malcolm X


Posted By: niecy
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:14am
With something like buying a house I think I'd discuss things ahead of time with that person that way the KNOW "hey, this is how it goes, once I do this and that it's up to you to keep with everything else financially." That way they know where I stand. 

Also, IA with Samone, I'd see where they stand before I even buy whatever it is I'm getting them that way I know if they can even afford to keep up with it.


Posted By: iGotSunshine
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:14am
Yes it'll be bought outright.
I told them to look into foreclosures and maybe we could talk about wal mart furniture

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“Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
― Malcolm X


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:18am
Gurrrrl


Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:18am
i agree with the others. since nothing has been signed, you should discuss/make clear of all the details on what y'all will do and what they will be responsible for BEFOREHAND and stick to it.




Posted By: iGotSunshine
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:22am
Thank you ladies!

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“Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
― Malcolm X


Posted By: Miss SDY
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:24am
If you are kind enough to purchase a home for someone, you are under no obligation to furnish and keep it insured as well.. unless you are feeling super generous and want to..

Can't they afford insurance every 6 months and furnish it or they can but don't want to?

Bc if its the lather then you might need to reconsider this purchase... Tbh, I don't think you should if they can't afford it either..

Unless you want to pay for upkeep forever..





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NL----[SL]----APL----BSB----BSL

Closing in on APL!!!



Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 9:27am
also, if you guys are offering to also buy furniture, it may be best to come up with the figure beforehand so there will be no surprises

i hope they are the type that are appreciative and do not have a sense of entitlement. 

good for you to be able to do this! I am hoping i can bless my mother with a few things later in life. 


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 10:11am
Are you buying the home and they are renting it from you? (even if it's just token rent that's enough to cover insurance and repairs and taxes).

This is one of those times where I would get a lawyer involved to draw up a rental contract/agreement. It sounds great to buy someone a house...until a few years down the line when they've destroyed it or let the insurance lapse or not paid the taxes. Then you end up in a bad position (either financially or stress wise from dealing with the drama) and you can't even put them out because of their tenants' rights (which every state has).

I don't know what you've said to them already or if they're family or what the deal is...but especially if they're family...you owe it to them and yourself to make sure everyone is protected legally. Deal with this now to avoid problems down the line.


Posted By: melikey
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 10:40am
there are signs of this not ending well.
good luck OP, but remember that houses can be auctioned because of unpaid taxes even if the home is owned outright. and if that happens a good chunk of the equity will be gone in fees and to pay off any other liens on the property. 


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shine your light for the world to see


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 10:40am
will the deed be in their name or yours?   in other words, is this home really a gift to them?
 
either way, i think it is a lil pushy for a person on the recieving end to ask for more than what you inteded to give as a gift...just make sure you make clear what the gift does or does not include.
 
furniture from walmart is funny as hell tho...


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 10:42am
notices are recieved well in advance of a tax sale if the op plans to keep her name on the deed and/or tax bill...

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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 10:44am
Originally posted by iGotSunshine iGotSunshine wrote:

I'm just really annoyed right now

Anywhoo if you bought someone a house do you think they should expect you to furnish it and keep up the insurance payments too?
if i bought a house i would be living in it...and yes i will furnish it for me.....LOLConfusedGeek

yeah no but seriously...the cut off was after you bought the house. i cant see myself doing all that for a place im not gonna be in. i love my moms but...she know whats up.SleepySmile


LOLjk i still love you mom.Ermm


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Posted By: Ladycoils
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 10:47am
If you're buying someone a home- you're not under any obligation to buy them furniture our pay or for anything else for that matters unless you choose too.
 
Whatever their paying on rent for their current place they can use towards new furniture and the insurance on the new home.


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To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 10:53am
Originally posted by melikey melikey wrote:

there are signs of this not ending well.
good luck OP, but remember that houses can be auctioned because of unpaid taxes even if the home is owned outright. and if that happens a good chunk of the equity will be gone in fees and to pay off any other liens on the property. 


Just to add another possibility...they can take out a mortgage or other loans against the home if they're on the deed. And if they default on it, then you've really wasted your money buying them a house.


Posted By: Lhdc2011
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:00am
If you buy me a house, I wouldn't ask you for anything else....this is something to consider Geek

jp...but basically, what everyone else said and you knew that would be the answer as well. Have this talk with the person and set some boundaries.


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Domin


Posted By: melikey
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:07am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by melikey melikey wrote:

there are signs of this not ending well.
good luck OP, but remember that houses can be auctioned because of unpaid taxes even if the home is owned outright. and if that happens a good chunk of the equity will be gone in fees and to pay off any other liens on the property. 


Just to add another possibility...they can take out a mortgage or other loans against the home if they're on the deed. And if they default on it, then you've really wasted your money buying them a house.

yes, i got burned buying a car for a family member who needed transportation. there are many ways things can go wrong trying to be nice to family. i think the fact that the people in the OP were asking about furniture and insurance, the signs are there of everything not being on the up and up. 


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shine your light for the world to see


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:09am
i really think the op needs to determine if this is intended to really be a gift.  when i give gifts, i don't really care what the person does after said gift exchanges hands.  but that is just me...shrugs...

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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: femmefatale85
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:11am
I can't relate. I don't support people, but that seems ridiculous.


Posted By: melikey
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:16am
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

i really think the op needs to determine if this is intended to really be a gift.  when i give gifts, i don't really care what the person does after said gift exchanges hands.  but that is just me...shrugs...

i agree, but i learned with my family i have to tailor my gifts to their needs. for instance, i have one family member who if i found out needed a computer, I could sent them the money for the computer and they'd they'd take the money, pick out what they want and take everything from there. i have others that i have to buy the computer myself and send it to them. or else if i just sent the money i'd hear that they decided to "treat themselves" and get their hair doneLOL.  love them the same. just had to learn how to handle them.


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shine your light for the world to see


Posted By: iGotSunshine
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:29am
,


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“Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
― Malcolm X


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:30am

i don't know...i guess i view gifts and "help" a little differently.  if i am trying to help someone achieve a goal, then i probably would feel more vested in what they do with said help.  i could care less what a person decides to do with an actual gift, however.  i don't worry about whether a person i give a wedding gift ever uses it or turns around and sells it later.  i gave my mothers best friends daughter my old car (i had an cash offer on it for $3000), i haven't thought about that car not one bit since the title change....not one bit.

 
maybe its the price/size of this particular possible gift that is causing all the apprehension...


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:33am
honestly...this sounds like a situation where you have to stop the enabling.
I have some  family members who will literally suck me dry of all I have if I let them.
They think because of the relationship, they can do this FOREVER. And if I let them...they will, without a doubt, absolutely ruin me, and have nothing to say about it.
Nope. Nope. Nope.

Your situation sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Avoid it now and may be called some names, or cry later.



Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:33am
oh...op just read your update.  this doesn't sound like anything either you or your hubby really wants to do...this is a disaster waiting to happen...

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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: iGotSunshine
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:36am
dq 




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“Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
― Malcolm X


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:37am

my cousin said he wanted a tablet for his bday.  i gave him the money for it.  if he had bought something else with the money, i wouldn't have gave a damn...shrugs...



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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:49am
We buyin' houses for people who can take care of themselves?
sh*t, buy me a house. I make way less than them.


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Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:51am
well, i was giving him a gift for his bday anyway...i had asked him what he wanted before hand.
 
so, if you give someone a wedding gift from their registry and they exchange it for something else...you gonna be mad?
 
now if he had asked me for a lap top specifically to help him for school...i would probably feel some kind of way, if he took the money and got something else....


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 11:53am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


that's like when people ask for money to pay a bill and never pay said bill......you can't trust them after that
 
to me that is not a gift...they are claiming to NEED help...


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 12:01pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

well, i was giving him a gift for his bday anyway...i had asked him what he wanted before hand.
 
so, if you give someone a wedding gift from their registry and they exchange it for something else...you gonna be mad?
 
now if he had asked me for a lap top specifically to help him for school...i would probably feel some kind of way, if he took the money and got something else....


no

I always give gifts with gift receipts


I agree with the bold
 
Confused  then what is the difference.  gift receipts give the option to get something else.
 
i gave my cousin a bday gift of cash.  sure he said he wanted a tablet...but if he had changed his mind because the he found he didn't like it afte he played with it in the store or did further research or for whatever reason...why would i think he lied or be mad if he got something else...
 


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 12:04pm
If I'm gifting someone a home, guess what? I'm letting you know what I'm gifting. The home, not the furniture and everything else for the home. Unless I was planning to furnish the home too, which...by the way...is entirely up to me to decide.

That's my whole point. No one is manipulating me into doing anything for them, just because we're related.

A gift is not a never ending thing.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 12:09pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


so would he be giving the house as a gift or is he buying it b/c she needs a house
 
well it depends, imo...but that's what sunshine and her hubby would need to determine.
 
sounds like she is perfectly happy to stay in her trailer...which is where she would be, if it were me and i didn't want to "give" her a house...  but if i wanted to give it to her, and i had it like that,  i wouldn't care about all that other stuff...
 
if my goal was to help her, and i had it like that and i thought she was shaky...then i would feel the need to put some safegaurds in place to protect her.
 
if my goal was to help her, and i DIDN'T have it like that and i thought she was shaky...then i would feel the need to put some safegaurds in place to protect her AND myself....


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 12:15pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


my POV is tied to how I treat money that is given to me

if I say I want/need x amount to buy something, that is what I buy

if you offer to give me x amount to buy something, that is what I buy

I have never taken money for one thing and did something else with it
 
 
well...in this case, the only reason why i asked him before hand is because i planned to get whatever gift he said and wrap it up and give it to him.  time just got away from me, so i ended up giving him a cash equiv instead.  me asking, had absolutely zero to do with holding his feet to the fire for expressing what he thought he might want for his bday which i intended to give a gift for regardless.  if he had said...i don't really know...he probably STILL would have gotten a cash gift of a similar amount anyway, which is why i could have cared less what he did with it...


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 12:16pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

If I'm gifting someone a home, guess what? I'm letting you know what I'm gifting. The home, not the furniture and everything else for the home. Unless I was planning to furnish the home too, which...by the way...is entirely up to me to decide.

That's my whole point. No one is manipulating me into doing anything for them, just because we're related.

A gift is not a never ending thing.
 
i totally agree...


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: iGotSunshine
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 12:19pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

If I'm gifting someone a home, guess what? I'm letting you know what I'm gifting. The home, not the furniture and everything else for the home. Unless I was planning to furnish the home too, which...by the way...is entirely up to me to decide.

That's my whole point. No one is manipulating me into doing anything for them, just because we're related.

A gift is not a never ending thing
.
 
i totally agree...

trueeee 


Samone i dont think she "needs a home" she owns her mobile home 
s/o was going to help her upgrade but now she's doing too much 

i just feel that it's drama waiting to happen so i told him to look at this foreclosed home for 50k and put some walmart furniture in it. sign everything over to her and whatever she does with it, is what she does with it.





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“Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
― Malcolm X


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 12:21pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


I think we are on the same page TC

I don't care what people do with the gifts I give them either

if I am helping you pay a bill or purchase an item, you need to pay the bill or buy that item
 
Handshake


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 12:23pm
damn, I nee to move to Texas. What city is that in? 


Posted By: iGotSunshine
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 12:28pm
we're looking in Allen and McKinney. (suburbs of dallas) 
real estate so cheap even if u dont get a foreclosure u can get a nice home for 150k 


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“Don't be in a hurry to condemn because he doesn't do what you do or think as you think or as fast. There was a time when you didn't know what you know today.”
― Malcolm X


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 12:32pm

I think I need to move to Texas.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 1:42pm
Originally posted by iGotSunshine iGotSunshine wrote:

we're looking in Allen and McKinney. (suburbs of dallas) 
real estate so cheap even if u dont get a foreclosure u can get a nice home for 150k 


damn just looked McKinney real estate up out of curiosity and found a 4 bedroom, 4k sq ft (lot is 10k sq ft) for $445k and it even has a pool Thumbs Up




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Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 1:43pm
A house like that in a good neighborhood in LA would be at least a million Cry

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Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 1:49pm
Originally posted by iGotSunshine iGotSunshine wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

If I'm gifting someone a home, guess what? I'm letting you know what I'm gifting. The home, not the furniture and everything else for the home. Unless I was planning to furnish the home too, which...by the way...is entirely up to me to decide.

That's my whole point. No one is manipulating me into doing anything for them, just because we're related.

A gift is not a never ending thing
.
 
i totally agree...

trueeee 


Samone i dont think she "needs a home" she owns her mobile home 
s/o was going to help her upgrade but now she's doing too much 

i just feel that it's drama waiting to happen so i told him to look at this foreclosed home for 50k and put some walmart furniture in it. sign everything over to her and whatever she does with it, is what she does with it.





I think it's super nice that your s/o wants (and can) give his parents a home, therefore a better place to live but he needs to draw the line on how far the gifting goes.

First he needs to check how much insurance would cost for the houses he is interested. He needs to have an idea in case it does end up costing too much (a house has maintenance expenses, utilities, etc) so he should get a house that his parents can afford to maintain.

They make 5k but if something happens and one of them cannot work anymore, the house will become a burden for the employed one.

Then he needs to have the talk that other members suggested, where they are aware that the insurance and bills are paid by them, not him, because the house will be in their name.

This story might not end up well a few years from now without a little chat......


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hip measured is from fullest part on butt:
start: 32C-24-35

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Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 1:49pm
well OP poofed--but this sounds like it could be more trouble then it's worth

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 2:46pm
I agree with TC

(even tho I see some things have been poofed)

eta: are we talking about a Mom?


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PEACE


Posted By: Flowing-Ice
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 2:56pm
draw up a contract. 
you will buy the home, but not the furniture. and if thats going to happen...

make sure the home is move-in ready. so there won't be continued intervention by you because of repairs. make sure its a realistic home that they can furnish and upkeep. giving 2 people a 6/7 bedroom home with multiple bathrooms and rec rooms might pressure them to furnish it with money they don't necessarily have. 3 acres might be a problem if they aren't going to want to hire someone to keep up the property. 


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And Jean Paul Gaultier and a Hermes bag and four inch tips made of ostrich ;Sharp enough to slit your wrists her lips spread gossip ;Won't say sorry when she offends


Posted By: Addicted19034
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 2:59pm
Don't do it

Don't even think it

Chuck them the dueces


Posted By: rell85
Date Posted: Feb 03 2013 at 5:15pm
seem sweet of you just don't let them run over you, you know what's reasonable



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