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Shackin up...

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Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Talk, Talk, and More Talk
Forum Description: In this Forum, the talk is about everything that can be talked about.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=354134
Printed Date: Dec 16 2017 at 3:43pm


Topic: Shackin up...
Posted By: Finesseful
Subject: Shackin up...
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 10:52am
What are you alls thoughts on playing house with folks you not married to?

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Make love, not war.



Replies:
Posted By: dreamz
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 10:54am
i think it's fine if there are actual wedding plans being made, ie and official engagement and we're getting married june 1st. 

long term house boo's, no.

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specs: handmade 8" kinky curly upart wig. wefts purchased from http://www.kinkycurlyyaki.com


Posted By: *Belle*Femme*
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 10:54am
i don't really have anything against it. However, its nothing something i want to do nor will i do. Considering i have my own home and don't pay to live. 

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My mind explodes


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 10:54am
Damnit I want to so bad. But my whole entire family and his would skin my hide.
So no thanks. I can wait until I'm married.

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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 10:55am
i did and it was GRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAATTTT!!!

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: Finesseful
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 10:57am
The person who 1 starred my thread is living in sin.

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Make love, not war.


Posted By: Lonisha87
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 10:58am
BHM has said time and time again. This is not okay.

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Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:00am


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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: newin2009
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:00am
I would if we were engaged to be married.


Posted By: Finesseful
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:00am
I quit posting for nearly a year. You must forgive me lonisha.

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Make love, not war.


Posted By: Lonisha87
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:00am
I had no problem with it, but didnt end up doing it cuz we went ahead and got married.

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Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:02am
Awwww

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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: acaraway
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:10am
I'll probably do it. That way when we get tired of each other we can just move.
Marriage seems like such a big deal.


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:55am
I recommend it.

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PEACE


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:57am
I would never do it. 


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 12:02pm
Originally posted by dreamz dreamz wrote:

i think it's fine if there are actual wedding plans being made, ie and official engagement and we're getting married june 1st

long term house boo's, no.

LOL...i know exactly what type of couples yall are talking about.


Posted By: Junior Jr
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 12:19pm
ion want a woman up under me all day that i'm not married to
 
jr.


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Posted By: iSMILE13
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 1:07pm
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Damnit I want to so bad. But my whole entire family and his would skin my hide.
So no thanks. I can wait until I'm married.


This!! A southern thing...

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Be humble or get him humbled

Ignore typos...autocorrect won't let me be great


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 1:10pm
I'm gonna wait until marriage I really value my own space and like to keep things neat and tidy lol.      


Posted By: Findingmyme
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 1:30pm
I've done it, ended in disaster, but that was because we were way to young and immature, I think if you are mature, and love each other, go for it! I even encourage living with your future spouse prior to marriage because the saying, "you never really know a person until you live with them" have proved itself to be true! At least for me.


Posted By: NARSAddict
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 1:36pm
Originally posted by Finesseful Finesseful wrote:

What are you alls thoughts on playing house with folks you not married to?



I wouldn't go along with it to be honest.

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Laws are not written to protect children and women. They are written to protect MEN. - TokyoRose (truncated unfortunately)


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 1:40pm
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Damnit I want to so bad. But my whole entire family and his would skin my hide.
So no thanks. I can wait until I'm married.


my mom refused to drop me off at home once 
mind you we had just come from wedding dress shoppingConfused
silly nig.ga


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: VelvetOne
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 2:03pm
  ^^^^Your Mom wouldn't drop you off?  Did she pick you up from home?LOLLOLLOLLOL


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 2:07pm
Originally posted by Findingmyme Findingmyme wrote:

I've done it, ended in disaster, but that was because we were way to young and immature, I think if you are mature, and love each other, go for it! I even encourage living with your future spouse prior to marriage because the saying, "you never really know a person until you live with them" have proved itself to be true! At least for me.


No the saying goes why buy the milk when you have the cow!!! Dis-approve. Seen too many fails.


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Russell hired me to police those who STAR these non-sensical threads!!!He said I should feel free to point them out!!


Posted By: miana79
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 3:31pm
I rhink it should be done beofor emarriage to see what it is like living with the other person.. However I think time restraints should be in place so that it does not go on forever..The ultimake goal should be marriage after doing this and then kids.


Posted By: dijah.love
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 3:40pm
If we are engaged and about to be married, why not?


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Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 3:53pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Damnit I want to so bad. But my whole entire family and his would skin my hide.
So no thanks. I can wait until I'm married.


my mom refused to drop me off at home once 
mind you we had just come from wedding dress shoppingConfused
silly nig.ga
Confused

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Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: dreamz
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 4:31pm
I know a hetero couple that have lived together for 22 years.

I judge them, even though i know i shouldnt.

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specs: handmade 8" kinky curly upart wig. wefts purchased from http://www.kinkycurlyyaki.com


Posted By: Miss SDY
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 5:10pm
My parents strongly disapproved of me or my siblings shacking up.
I do not have a problem with it myself but it would have to be with the plan to get married in the near future.
 
I know two couples in which the ladies are very near and dear to my heart. I consider them my sisters, even though one is an actual relative. One is pregnant and the other one just had her baby a week ago yesterday. They live with the fathers of their babies. The one that just had her baby has been with the father for almost 9 years and have lived together for 4 years. The other one that is currently pregnant has been with the father for 7 years and they have lived together 3 years. As much as I listen to them talk about wanting and ready to be married, I do not understand why neither of them have approached the subject with them..
 
 
Me personally, from the point where I move in, I need an engagement ring on my hand and a date set in stone. I am not exceeding 1.5 years from that point co-habitating with a man without a name change and a wedding band in addition to my engagement ring. I am just not going to do it. Period. The only way is if something unexpected happens because we all know life throws us punches.
 
Anything past that point, I may have to re-evaluate the relationship/engagement.. People get comfortable sometimes and do not have the desire or the want to go through with it when they live together.. When I make that move to unite under one roof, I am doing it with the sole intent to get married, not co-habitate for 10 years...


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http://daisypath.com" rel="nofollow">

NL----[SL]----APL----BSB----BSL

Closing in on APL!!!



Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 5:27pm
Originally posted by Miss SDY Miss SDY wrote:

My parents strongly disapproved of me or my siblings shacking up.
I do not have a problem with it myself but it would have to be with the plan to get married in the near future.
 
I know two couples in which the ladies are very near and dear to my heart. I consider them my sisters, even though one is an actual relative. One is pregnant and the other one just had her baby a week ago yesterday. They live with the fathers of their babies. The one that just had her baby has been with the father for almost 9 years and have lived together for 4 years. The other one that is currently pregnant has been with the father for 7 years and they have lived together 3 years. As much as I listen to them talk about wanting and ready to be married, I do not understand why neither of them have approached the subject with them..
 
 
Me personally, from the point where I move in, I need an engagement ring on my hand and a date set in stone. I am not exceeding 1.5 years from that point co-habitating with a man without a name change and a wedding band in addition to my engagement ring. I am just not going to do it. Period. The only way is if something unexpected happens because we all know life throws us punches.
 
Anything past that point, I may have to re-evaluate the relationship/engagement.. People get comfortable sometimes and do not have the desire or the want to go through with it when they live together.. When I make that move to unite under one roof, I am doing it with the sole intent to get married, not co-habitate for 10 years...



If a dude has been with you for 9 years and yall have kids together...and has NOT married you. its clear, he doesn't want to be married to her.


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 6:40pm
shackin up always sounded so country to me


Posted By: Findingmyme
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 7:17pm
Originally posted by sugabanana sugabanana wrote:


Originally posted by Findingmyme Findingmyme wrote:

I've done it, ended in disaster, but that was because we were way to young and immature, I think if you are mature, and love each other, go for it! I even encourage living with your future spouse prior to marriage because the saying, "you never really know a person until you live with them" have proved itself to be true! At least for me.


No the saying goes why buy the milk when you have the cow!!! Dis-approve. Seen too many fails.


Which is why I said for me! And why but the milk when you have the typically applies to sex and "wifey" duties not living together, just because you live with someone doesn't mean your washing their clothes, cleaning up after them, cooking for them ect.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 8:29pm
If I lived with someone I certainly would.
I clean up and cook for my roomie when we lived together and she did so for me.

It would be weird to live with my boo and try to be so calculated.

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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: Ladycoils
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 8:33pm
I'm doing it and prefer to live with him before marriage as I want to know what I'm dealing with. Whatever works for the individual couple.

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To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.


Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 8:37pm
Originally posted by Miss SDY Miss SDY wrote:

My parents strongly disapproved of me or my siblings shacking up.
I do not have a problem with it myself but it would have to be with the plan to get married in the near future.
 
I know two couples in which the ladies are very near and dear to my heart. I consider them my sisters, even though one is an actual relative. One is pregnant and the other one just had her baby a week ago yesterday. They live with the fathers of their babies. The one that just had her baby has been with the father for almost 9 years and have lived together for 4 years. The other one that is currently pregnant has been with the father for 7 years and they have lived together 3 years. As much as I listen to them talk about wanting and ready to be married, I do not understand why neither of them have approached the subject with them..
 
 
Me personally, from the point where I move in, I need an engagement ring on my hand and a date set in stone. I am not exceeding 1.5 years from that point co-habitating with a man without a name change and a wedding band in addition to my engagement ring. I am just not going to do it. Period. The only way is if something unexpected happens because we all know life throws us punches.
 
Anything past that point, I may have to re-evaluate the relationship/engagement.. People get comfortable sometimes and do not have the desire or the want to go through with it when they live together.. When I make that move to unite under one roof, I am doing it with the sole intent to get married, not co-habitate for 10 years...
something like .......?
 
a baby?


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Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: r0ck_starr
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 8:51pm
Boyfriend brought it up, I struck it down as a HELL NO.


Posted By: Miss SDY
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 9:14pm
Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

Originally posted by Miss SDY Miss SDY wrote:

My parents strongly disapproved of me or my siblings shacking up.
I do not have a problem with it myself but it would have to be with the plan to get married in the near future.
 
I know two couples in which the ladies are very near and dear to my heart. I consider them my sisters, even though one is an actual relative. One is pregnant and the other one just had her baby a week ago yesterday. They live with the fathers of their babies. The one that just had her baby has been with the father for almost 9 years and have lived together for 4 years. The other one that is currently pregnant has been with the father for 7 years and they have lived together 3 years. As much as I listen to them talk about wanting and ready to be married, I do not understand why neither of them have approached the subject with them..
 
 
Me personally, from the point where I move in, I need an engagement ring on my hand and a date set in stone. I am not exceeding 1.5 years from that point co-habitating with a man without a name change and a wedding band in addition to my engagement ring. I am just not going to do it. Period. The only way is if something unexpected happens because we all know life throws us punches.
 
Anything past that point, I may have to re-evaluate the relationship/engagement.. People get comfortable sometimes and do not have the desire or the want to go through with it when they live together.. When I make that move to unite under one roof, I am doing it with the sole intent to get married, not co-habitate for 10 years...
something like .......?
 
a baby?
 
Nah,
I plan to be married before I get pregnant again..
I meant something like financial hardship, loss of a job, ect... Which could potentially push things back. Which I imagine a baby could bring financial hardship if you are already financially unstable..
 
 


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http://daisypath.com" rel="nofollow">

NL----[SL]----APL----BSB----BSL

Closing in on APL!!!



Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 9:17pm
i'm really fond of the idea of living with someone but having my own bedroom.  is that weird?  


Posted By: Miss SDY
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 9:18pm
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by Miss SDY Miss SDY wrote:

My parents strongly disapproved of me or my siblings shacking up.
I do not have a problem with it myself but it would have to be with the plan to get married in the near future.
 
I know two couples in which the ladies are very near and dear to my heart. I consider them my sisters, even though one is an actual relative. One is pregnant and the other one just had her baby a week ago yesterday. They live with the fathers of their babies. The one that just had her baby has been with the father for almost 9 years and have lived together for 4 years. The other one that is currently pregnant has been with the father for 7 years and they have lived together 3 years. As much as I listen to them talk about wanting and ready to be married, I do not understand why neither of them have approached the subject with them..
 
 
Me personally, from the point where I move in, I need an engagement ring on my hand and a date set in stone. I am not exceeding 1.5 years from that point co-habitating with a man without a name change and a wedding band in addition to my engagement ring. I am just not going to do it. Period. The only way is if something unexpected happens because we all know life throws us punches.
 
Anything past that point, I may have to re-evaluate the relationship/engagement.. People get comfortable sometimes and do not have the desire or the want to go through with it when they live together.. When I make that move to unite under one roof, I am doing it with the sole intent to get married, not co-habitate for 10 years...



If a dude has been with you for 9 years and yall have kids together...and has NOT married you. its clear, he doesn't want to be married to her.
 
 
 
You are very much so correct on that.


-------------
http://daisypath.com" rel="nofollow">

NL----[SL]----APL----BSB----BSL

Closing in on APL!!!



Posted By: *Belle*Femme*
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 9:37pm
Originally posted by Miss SDY Miss SDY wrote:

Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by Miss SDY Miss SDY wrote:

My parents strongly disapproved of me or my siblings shacking up.
I do not have a problem with it myself but it would have to be with the plan to get married in the near future.
 
I know two couples in which the ladies are very near and dear to my heart. I consider them my sisters, even though one is an actual relative. One is pregnant and the other one just had her baby a week ago yesterday. They live with the fathers of their babies. The one that just had her baby has been with the father for almost 9 years and have lived together for 4 years. The other one that is currently pregnant has been with the father for 7 years and they have lived together 3 years. As much as I listen to them talk about wanting and ready to be married, I do not understand why neither of them have approached the subject with them..
 
 
Me personally, from the point where I move in, I need an engagement ring on my hand and a date set in stone. I am not exceeding 1.5 years from that point co-habitating with a man without a name change and a wedding band in addition to my engagement ring. I am just not going to do it. Period. The only way is if something unexpected happens because we all know life throws us punches.
 
Anything past that point, I may have to re-evaluate the relationship/engagement.. People get comfortable sometimes and do not have the desire or the want to go through with it when they live together.. When I make that move to unite under one roof, I am doing it with the sole intent to get married, not co-habitate for 10 years...



If a dude has been with you for 9 years and yall have kids together...and has NOT married you. its clear, he doesn't want to be married to her.
 
 
 
You are very much so correct on that.
well how long was tiny engaged for? They got married

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My mind explodes


Posted By: miana79
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:07pm
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

i'm really fond of the idea of living with someone but having my own bedroom.  is that weird?  
 
VERY WEIRD!
 
so when u have sex, u gonna just send the person to their room after??? will the persom be allowed to have stuff in ur room???? this is sooo funny!


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:13pm
Originally posted by miana79 miana79 wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

i'm really fond of the idea of living with someone but having my own bedroom.  is that weird?  
 
VERY WEIRD!
 
so when u have sex, u gonna just send the person to their room after??? will the persom be allowed to have stuff in ur room???? this is sooo funny!

lol i really didn't say that to be funny b/c i am serious.  i think it's the best of both worlds.  doesn't everyone want to be alone sometimes?  he can have some things in my room and vice versa...sometimes he can sleep over in my room, sometimes i'll sleep over in his room.  it may be because my sleeping patterns change a lot and i want the freedom to chill in bed and listen to music or watch tv or whatever, whenever i want without upsetting his sleep.  it might make sex and stuff more exciting too. Embarrassed


Posted By: miana79
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:20pm
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by miana79 miana79 wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

i'm really fond of the idea of living with someone but having my own bedroom.  is that weird?  
 
VERY WEIRD!
 
so when u have sex, u gonna just send the person to their room after??? will the persom be allowed to have stuff in ur room???? this is sooo funny!

lol i really didn't say that to be funny b/c i am serious.  i think it's the best of both worlds.  doesn't everyone want to be alone sometimes?  he can have some things in my room and vice versa...sometimes he can sleep over in my room, sometimes i'll sleep over in his room.  it may be because my sleeping patterns change a lot and i want the freedom to chill in bed and listen to music or watch tv or whatever, whenever i want without upsetting his sleep.  it might make sex and stuff more exciting too. Embarrassed
 
lol....then why live togetherStern Smile why not just visit each other couple times a week? that would be even more exciting. LOLLOL


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:23pm
Wonderland, my bio mom and her husband have never shared a bedroom. Before they got married they lived in a duplex for like 5 years, each had their own apartment. Now they have a 3 bedroom house, each has their own room and bathroom. They love it that way.


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:24pm
because then we would be paying separate rent.  that would be a waste of money!  oh well, no one will agree to this anyway. Cry

eta: nvm...it is possible...Maysay...do they seem happy and affectionate?


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:28pm
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

because then we would be paying separate rent.  that would be a waste of money!  oh well, no one will agree to this anyway. Cry

eta: nvm...it is possible...Maysay...do they seem happy and affectionate?


They've been together over a decade and are happy as clams. My mom said it's great for both of them and they actually spend a lot of time together as well. But having their own spaces means they don't have a lot of issues other couples have. Plus, she says they both sleep well.


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:37pm
that sounds like Heaven.  they must both be really secure.  i don't think a younger guy would be down for this.  he would think i'm off texting other guys or something.  i wouldn't want this arrangement forever but for the next couple yrs it would be nice.


Posted By: CLCNY20
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:39pm
I know a guy in his early forties who met a girl in her early-to-mid twenties this last November.  After two weeks of dating, they went away on a two week trip together.  When they came back, she moved in with him.
 
I, personally, think she's either a gold-digger or just a chick with low self-esteem and absolutely no goals/ambitions/aims in life.  In either event, she comes off as a whore, and him as a desperate, pathetic 'tard going through some type of mid-life crisis.
 
I don't move in with people.  Point blank.  We need to be dating seriously for like a year before I'll even consider it.  Even then, I'd like to see an engagement ring (which I won't feel comfortable getting any less than a-year-and-a-half), so I wouldn't be living with dude until at least almost 2 years into the relationship.
 
Then again, these lil bishes are fast nowadays, and have no clue what love is; they are also hella-insecure, and believe if they let they "boo" out of their site for 2 seconds, he'll cheat on them, so that's why they're so quick to move in.
 
On the guy's side, I think they're also insecure, and want to move their girls in to keep tabs on her and her activities.


Posted By: Prtybrwneye_z
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:42pm
Originally posted by dreamz dreamz wrote:

I know a hetero couple that have lived together for 22 years.

I judge them, even though i know i shouldnt.

^this, I know it works for some but it's not for me. I know folks who have been together for over 20 years, with teenage children and paying a mortgage. If ya can sign that deed you can sign a marriage certificate cuz they are both long term commitments.


Posted By: niecy
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:46pm
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by miana79 miana79 wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

i'm really fond of the idea of living with someone but having my own bedroom.  is that weird?  
 
VERY WEIRD!
 
so when u have sex, u gonna just send the person to their room after??? will the persom be allowed to have stuff in ur room???? this is sooo funny!

lol i really didn't say that to be funny b/c i am serious.  i think it's the best of both worlds.  doesn't everyone want to be alone sometimes?  he can have some things in my room and vice versa...sometimes he can sleep over in my room, sometimes i'll sleep over in his room.  it may be because my sleeping patterns change a lot and i want the freedom to chill in bed and listen to music or watch tv or whatever, whenever i want without upsetting his sleep.  it might make sex and stuff more exciting too. Embarrassed

That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea if one's head is in the right place and they won't cheat. I'd think most dudes would see that as them being given freedom to cheat and bring girls in and out of the apartment.


Posted By: Random Thoughts
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:47pm
I'm shackin'. I like it.


Posted By: Random Thoughts
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:48pm
We have our own separate rooms too lol. She sleeps with me in my bed most nights though. 


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:49pm
Originally posted by Random Thoughts Random Thoughts wrote:

We have our own separate rooms too lol. She sleeps with me in my bed most nights though. 

ClapClap  this is all giving me hope.  

@niecy...that's the problem with these youngstas.  why can't things be easy like the movies?


Posted By: CLCNY20
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:53pm
Originally posted by Prtybrwneye_z Prtybrwneye_z wrote:

Originally posted by dreamz dreamz wrote:

I know a hetero couple that have lived together for 22 years.

I judge them, even though i know i shouldnt.

^this, I know it works for some but it's not for me. I know folks who have been together for over 20 years, with teenage children and paying a mortgage. If ya can sign that deed you can sign a marriage certificate cuz they are both long term commitments.
 
But, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
 
That's what these chicks aren't getting:  if you are looking for comittment, you're going about it all wrong.  These guys already feel ya'll are living the married life, so what's the big deal about getting a marriage certificate?


Posted By: niecy
Date Posted: Feb 01 2013 at 11:58pm
Wonderland I just may have to bring up the possibility of doing that with my SO


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:01am
Originally posted by niecy niecy wrote:

Wonderland I just may have to bring up the possibility of doing that with my SO

what do you think he will say?  


Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:03am
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

i'm really fond of the idea of living with someone but having my own bedroom.  is that weird?  


Lol u are not weird and I love this

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Y'all should be calling white ppl "Mizungus". Get into the movement!!


Posted By: niecy
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:04am
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by niecy niecy wrote:

Wonderland I just may have to bring up the possibility of doing that with my SO

what do you think he will say?  

IDK. He'd probably go along with it since he kept bringing up finding an apartment instead of me staying on campus.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:08am
Originally posted by CLCNY20 CLCNY20 wrote:

Originally posted by Prtybrwneye_z Prtybrwneye_z wrote:

Originally posted by dreamz dreamz wrote:

I know a hetero couple that have lived together for 22 years.

I judge them, even though i know i shouldnt.

^this, I know it works for some but it's not for me. I know folks who have been together for over 20 years, with teenage children and paying a mortgage. If ya can sign that deed you can sign a marriage certificate cuz they are both long term commitments.
 
But, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
 
That's what these chicks aren't getting:  if you are looking for comitment, you're going about it all wrong.  These guys already feel ya'll are living the married life, so what's the big deal about getting a marriage certificate?


I look at it the totally opposite way. If all the other stuff is together (financial, legal) then there's actually no need for a marriage certificate unless you just want one. A marriage certificate is just a legal shortcut...but you don't need it in order to receive many of the legal benefits that go along with it if you make other arrangements(of course that doesn't apply to every situation).

And getting married isn't enough to show that someone is committed, at least in my eyes. It shows commitment, yes, but so does combining finances, getting a mortgage together, naming your SO in your will, giving your SO medical/legal power of attorney, having shared goals, etc. etc. You don't need a marriage certificate for all that.

Shackin is fine and dandy to me. Not shackin is fine and dandy too. As long as you're in the situation you want.


Posted By: OrriannaRose
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:09am
Originally posted by mrshairdo mrshairdo wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

i'm really fond of the idea of living with someone but having my own bedroom.  is that weird?  


Lol u are not weird and I love this
 
That is so cute! LOLLOL I don't think it would work for me though.


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Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:09am
Originally posted by Lonisha87 Lonisha87 wrote:

BHM has said time and time again. This is not okay.


IMO for some people it works, for others no.

The only man I've ever lived with I'm now marrying. Been together 7yrs, lived together 5yrs. In my opinion, I think it's a good thing as it gives you the chance to really get to know someone. When you share space, at some point you're both going to get on each other's nerves. And how you handle that when you can't do an easy "exit stage left" by going back to YOUR PLACE is going to show whether your couple style can really stand the test of time or not.

I firmly believe that if my mom had been living with my dad, she probably WOULDN'T have married him as the two ended up being such polar opposites, it's no surprise the marriage didn't really last.

Having said that...I don't think you should just start living with every person you date. You should seriously be eyeing them as marriage material, and prior to house/apartment hunting you both should have had a convo about whether or not you see the other as someone you could call your husband/wife. Without that, playing house is a waste of time.


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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:12am
Nowadays, the only way most young people can afford to move out of their parents' houses is to have a roommate. I'd much rather my roommate be my SO than anyone else. Plus then you can make your housing even cheaper by getting a studio and splitting the cost.




Posted By: ScorpioLuv
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:16am
I have to be engaged first

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Sons of bitches,smh


Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:17am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Nowadays, the only way most young people can afford to move out of their parents' houses is to have a roommate. I'd much rather my roommate be my SO than anyone else. Plus then you can make your housing even cheaper by getting a studio and splitting the cost.




That really depends on whether you and your SO can comfortably live together in a small space. Between my clothes and his DJ/video editing equipment, even a 1 bedroom can be a stretch - especially in NYC - if it's not laid out properly. Plus we both work from home, so truly separate work spaces is the ONLY way for it to work for us. Ideally a 2 bedroom is best. And the next step is definitely buying something roomy.




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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:28am
Originally posted by niecy niecy wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by niecy niecy wrote:

Wonderland I just may have to bring up the possibility of doing that with my SO

what do you think he will say?  

IDK. He'd probably go along with it since he kept bringing up finding an apartment instead of me staying on campus.

if you get a 2 bedroom then he can take the baby some nights so you can actually get some rest.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:32am
Originally posted by modelbusiness82 modelbusiness82 wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Nowadays, the only way most young people can afford to move out of their parents' houses is to have a roommate. I'd much rather my roommate be my SO than anyone else. Plus then you can make your housing even cheaper by getting a studio and splitting the cost.




That really depends on whether you and your SO can comfortably live together in a small space. Between my clothes and his DJ/video editing equipment, even a 1 bedroom can be a stretch - especially in NYC - if it's not laid out properly. Plus we both work from home, so truly separate work spaces is the ONLY way for it to work for us. Ideally a 2 bedroom is best. And the next step is definitely buying something roomy.




i could have lived in a studio at like 20. at 27...naaahh...i like space...sometimes away from himLOL


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:40am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by modelbusiness82 modelbusiness82 wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Nowadays, the only way most young people can afford to move out of their parents' houses is to have a roommate. I'd much rather my roommate be my SO than anyone else. Plus then you can make your housing even cheaper by getting a studio and splitting the cost.




That really depends on whether you and your SO can comfortably live together in a small space. Between my clothes and his DJ/video editing equipment, even a 1 bedroom can be a stretch - especially in NYC - if it's not laid out properly. Plus we both work from home, so truly separate work spaces is the ONLY way for it to work for us. Ideally a 2 bedroom is best. And the next step is definitely buying something roomy.




i could have lived in a studio at like 20. at 27...naaahh...i like space...sometimes away from himLOL


Yeah, I was thinking like 18-25. At that age you need to save as much on your housing as you possibly can because you don't have much money. Plus you're less "established" so to speak and likely have fewer possessions anyway because you haven't settled in a place/career yet.

But, I'm 27 (well in a few days) and a studio would do just fine for me and my SO. We're both minimalists so don't have a bunch of stuff. Plus we like to be within touching distance of one another like 99% of the time lol.



Posted By: danni7
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 9:00am
Mmhhhh don't really care either way. I've realized I like the idea of a wedding, a ring and saying my husband but I don't really care about marriage.

Shaking up or married I just love my so being around. I think what messes up most relationships is the idea of what its suppose to be. Just because you're married doesn't mean your so is committed to you and it doesn't validate your relationship.

If you're in love just do what feels right to you and enjoy...


Posted By: CLCNY20
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 10:02am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by CLCNY20 CLCNY20 wrote:

Originally posted by Prtybrwneye_z Prtybrwneye_z wrote:

Originally posted by dreamz dreamz wrote:

I know a hetero couple that have lived together for 22 years.

I judge them, even though i know i shouldnt.

^this, I know it works for some but it's not for me. I know folks who have been together for over 20 years, with teenage children and paying a mortgage. If ya can sign that deed you can sign a marriage certificate cuz they are both long term commitments.
 
But, why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
 
That's what these chicks aren't getting:  if you are looking for comitment, you're going about it all wrong.  These guys already feel ya'll are living the married life, so what's the big deal about getting a marriage certificate?


I look at it the totally opposite way. If all the other stuff is together (financial, legal) then there's actually no need for a marriage certificate unless you just want one. A marriage certificate is just a legal shortcut...but you don't need it in order to receive many of the legal benefits that go along with it if you make other arrangements(of course that doesn't apply to every situation).

And getting married isn't enough to show that someone is committed, at least in my eyes. It shows commitment, yes, but so does combining finances, getting a mortgage together, naming your SO in your will, giving your SO medical/legal power of attorney, having shared goals, etc. etc. You don't need a marriage certificate for all that.

Shackin is fine and dandy to me. Not shackin is fine and dandy too. As long as you're in the situation you want.
 
You missed my point--what I said was in reference to the girls who are moving in overnight in the hopes of getting a wedding ring. 
 
If two people agree that they're not matrimonial-minded, and they just want want to live together, that's cool--but if some young chick thinks that shackin' up with some dude will gaurantee a ring, that's where I frown upon it; that's usually the case, btw: these chicks think that is the first step in securing a ring, and that's where my "why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free?" statement comes in.  Why would the guy move to marry you if you're already living together, washing his sh*t-stained draughs, cleaning up after him, etc?  He already got a wifey, why the need for a certificate and ring?


Posted By: acaraway
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 10:06am
I actually really like the idea of having two master bedrooms. I feel like it's the only way I'd be able to survive shackin'/marriage. 


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 11:38am
Originally posted by acaraway acaraway wrote:

I actually really like the idea of having two master bedrooms. I feel like it's the only way I'd be able to survive shackin'/marriage. 

i just need a large closetLOL


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 11:46am
Originally posted by acaraway acaraway wrote:

I actually really like the idea of having two master bedrooms. I feel like it's the only way I'd be able to survive shackin'/marriage. 


I like it too

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PEACE


Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 12:02pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by acaraway acaraway wrote:

I actually really like the idea of having two master bedrooms. I feel like it's the only way I'd be able to survive shackin'/marriage. 

i just need a large closetLOL


This lol. Sleeping in separate rooms for me isn't of interest - I love cuddling. But having my own space/work room within our home where it's truly just mine for me to work or do my artsy stuff in without having his things creeping into mine is a definite need and want.

And I need a nice SATC closet too...I have a lot of clothes, shoes and accessories and at some point, I want them to be laid out perfectly, kind of like Angela Basset's character in Waiting to Exhale had.


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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: joileprincess
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 1:42pm
I have no problem with it as long as both people have the same mindset. Marriage isn't on my to do list so if I co-habitate it is because I want to, not because I have an end goal in mind.


Posted By: FABdotNET
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 1:53pm
Personally I wouldn't. I've seen people do it but for all the wrong reasons. 

I don't judge, I'm just not about that life. 


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:00pm
Originally posted by joileprincess joileprincess wrote:

I have no problem with it as long as both people have the same mindset. Marriage isn't on my to do list so if I co-habitate it is because I want to, not because I have an end goal in mind.


yay


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PEACE


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:02pm
Originally posted by PurpleHaze PurpleHaze wrote:

Originally posted by acaraway acaraway wrote:

I actually really like the idea of having two master bedrooms. I feel like it's the only way I'd be able to survive shackin'/marriage. 


I like it too
id only have two master bedroom so we can shag in different rooms when the mood fits

i understand the need for space, but YOU will sleep in the SAME bed

the minute couples start sleeping in separate rooms is asking for problems thats how people end up burning 10k wedding dresses and sh*t

(in my limited experience of course)

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I just can't stand the negro british midget. He brings out the worst in me.....

...
I sometimes think AfroK is gay and either doesn't know it or won't admit to it..


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:08pm
many couples sleep in separate rooms because one snores.

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PEACE


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:10pm
Originally posted by modelbusiness82 modelbusiness82 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by acaraway acaraway wrote:

I actually really like the idea of having two master bedrooms. I feel like it's the only way I'd be able to survive shackin'/marriage. 

i just need a large closetLOL


This lol. Sleeping in separate rooms for me isn't of interest - I love cuddling. But having my own space/work room within our home where it's truly just mine for me to work or do my artsy stuff in without having his things creeping into mine is a definite need and want.

And I need a nice SATC closet too...I have a lot of clothes, shoes and accessories and at some point, I want them to be laid out perfectly, kind of like Angela Basset's character in Waiting to Exhale had.

my dream is to have my own bathroom...or we can share the bathroom...that connect to my closet via hallway...that connects to my office...i want to decorate w/o having to consider his tastes which means white, lucite, tufted things and pops of fuscia

yes to bold.



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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:11pm
Originally posted by PurpleHaze PurpleHaze wrote:

many couples sleep in separate rooms because one snores.

p p p purp,, wh wh wha what are you saying?



i need to ask the s.o if i snore



ive lived with 3 women and no one has ever mentioned snoring



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I just can't stand the negro british midget. He brings out the worst in me.....

...
I sometimes think AfroK is gay and either doesn't know it or won't admit to it..


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:16pm
I don't think I could live with a snorer, but I have heard couples say that one snores so they sleep separate.  

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PEACE


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:17pm
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by PurpleHaze PurpleHaze wrote:

many couples sleep in separate rooms because one snores.

p p p purp,, wh wh wha what are you saying?



i need to ask the s.o if i snore



ive lived with 3 women and no one has ever mentioned snoring



why haven't you married them? is it bc you are a homosexual? or are you just teasing these women?


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:18pm
Donnie Simpson(?) said his wife used to get up and go make a pallet in the closet to sleep because of his snoring.  lol
I wondered why she just didn't have her own room.


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PEACE


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:21pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:



Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by PurpleHaze PurpleHaze wrote:

many couples sleep in separate rooms because one snores.

p p p purp,, wh wh wha what are you saying?



i need to ask the s.o if i snore



ive lived with 3 women and no one has ever mentioned snoring




why haven't you married them? is it bc you are a homosexual? or are you just teasing these women?





the first i was waaay too young

the second i was ring shopping then the unfortunate happened (she got 'homeless' while we were together)

and im with the third now and marriage is on the table


-------------
I just can't stand the negro british midget. He brings out the worst in me.....

...
I sometimes think AfroK is gay and either doesn't know it or won't admit to it..


Posted By: Derri
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:27pm
the SO Says I snore lightly. It's true, I've heard my own snoring in my sleep. He thinks it's cute..i don't, but at the same time I can't help it.

He snores when he is really tired, and I'm usually too sleep to care. It has never bothered me, and he doesn't seem to snore all the time. Meh.


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:34pm
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:





the first i was waaay too young

the second i was ring shopping then the unfortunate happened (she got 'homeless' while we were together)

and im with the third now and marriage is on the table

Wow....i never pictured you as a shaking kinda guy. At least not until you got engaged. 




Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:37pm
Originally posted by PurpleHaze PurpleHaze wrote:

Donnie Simpson(?) said his wife used to get up and go make a pallet in the closet to sleep because of his snoring.  lol
I wondered why she just didn't have her own room.

how about going to a doctor to get the issue corrected?

the entire snoring thing sounds like a cop-out to me.


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:40pm
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:


Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:





the first i was waaay too young

the second i was ring shopping then the unfortunate happened (she got 'homeless' while we were together)

and im with the third now and marriage is on the table


Wow....i never pictured you as a shaking kinda guy. At least not until you got engaged. 




lol

yeah it almost always starts the same way

first its an over night stay

then the weekend

and then they never leave

my current s.o still pays for her place though.. and i understand why she still does that

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I just can't stand the negro british midget. He brings out the worst in me.....

...
I sometimes think AfroK is gay and either doesn't know it or won't admit to it..


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:45pm
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

 



the first i was waaay too young

the second i was ring shopping then the unfortunate happened (she got 'homeless' while we were together)

and im with the third now and marriage is on the table


errr.. did you share in the Shacking thread?LOL


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PEACE


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:49pm


ive mentioned this past though



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I just can't stand the negro british midget. He brings out the worst in me.....

...
I sometimes think AfroK is gay and either doesn't know it or won't admit to it..


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:50pm
Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:

Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:


Originally posted by afrokock afrokock wrote:





the first i was waaay too young

the second i was ring shopping then the unfortunate happened (she got 'homeless' while we were together)

and im with the third now and marriage is on the table


Wow....i never pictured you as a shaking kinda guy. At least not until you got engaged. 




lol

yeah it almost always starts the same way

first its an over night stay

then the weekend

and then they never leave

my current s.o still pays for her place though.. and i understand why she still does that

ok yall didn't go to picking out furniture and ish. She's just at your place most of the time. LOL


Posted By: OoDles O
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:50pm
terrible idea


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 2:53pm
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:


ok yall didn't go to picking out furniture and ish. She's just at your place most of the time. LOL
funny you should say that.

just this morning i emailed her links and to choose which flooring she'd like for me to get for the flat

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I just can't stand the negro british midget. He brings out the worst in me.....

...
I sometimes think AfroK is gay and either doesn't know it or won't admit to it..


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 3:28pm
 what did she pick?

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PEACE


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 3:41pm
she said



and asked me to pick whichever

so im going with carbon (matt black) 12mm flooring. ive picked out the purple rug to go under the coffee table already


-------------
I just can't stand the negro british midget. He brings out the worst in me.....

...
I sometimes think AfroK is gay and either doesn't know it or won't admit to it..


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 4:01pm
lol. She's not into all that huh.

purple rug sounds pretty.


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PEACE


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 4:10pm
lol i knew she'd say get what i think looks good ,

but since we live together the right thing to do was to ask for her opinion first

its only polite

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I just can't stand the negro british midget. He brings out the worst in me.....

...
I sometimes think AfroK is gay and either doesn't know it or won't admit to it..


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 4:13pm
^^learn me something lol.

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PEACE


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 4:15pm
Originally posted by PurpleHaze PurpleHaze wrote:

^^learn me something lol.



oh i doubt that

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I just can't stand the negro british midget. He brings out the worst in me.....

...
I sometimes think AfroK is gay and either doesn't know it or won't admit to it..


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Feb 02 2013 at 4:16pm
what's this politeness you speak of? lol

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PEACE



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