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My brother-in-law took my sisters last name...

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Topic: My brother-in-law took my sisters last name...
Posted By: maysay1
Subject: My brother-in-law took my sisters last name...
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:51pm
And it makes me respect him just a little bit less.

So one of my sister's just got married a few weeks ago. And her husband is taking her last name. I just find it...not very "manly". And I'm completely annoyed with myself for feeling this way because normally I'm so supportive of the non-traditional. I think part of it is that she appears to run all over him. For example, their wedding seemed to have nothing of him or his culture in it (he's from Chile).

Anyway, I'm surprised at myself for feeling this way. I feel kind of bad for not living up to my own ideals. Y'all ever experience that?



Replies:
Posted By: James Avery
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:52pm
so she got him by the nuts, eh? sad.

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God bless




Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:53pm
im very surprised you feel that way...you seem pretty non-traditional

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:53pm
wow, he just got neutered.  

when Jay Mohr did this i gave him the most major of side eyes.

people contradict their convictions all the time, it's just one of those things.


Posted By: Yardgirl
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:54pm
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

wow, he just got neutered.  

when Jay Mohr did this i gave him the most major of side eyes.

people contradict their convictions all the time, it's just one of those things.

He's a comedian and he married Nikki Cox. 

Jay Mohr Cox LOL


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Posted By: beebeexx
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:55pm
in a perfect world id like my husband and I to take completely new last names.
men, especially black men in this country live in very small boxes... anything and everything is an affront to their "manliness".


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:57pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

im very surprised you feel that way...you seem pretty non-traditional


Me too. I was very surprised that my visceral reaction was like, which one of y'all is the man in this relationship?

Still have some work to do on myself clearly.


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:57pm
Originally posted by Yardgirl Yardgirl wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

wow, he just got neutered.  

when Jay Mohr did this i gave him the most major of side eyes.

people contradict their convictions all the time, it's just one of those things.

He's a comedian and he married Nikki Cox. 

Jay Mohr Cox LOL

LMAO...when you put it that way....

maybe i have been distracted by how his fiancee actually looks(the lips)...it just seems like a weird circus.


Posted By: Junior Jr
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:57pm
Simp ass Brotha

jr.

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Posted By: Qualified
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:58pm
And with that his scrotum has now dissipated into granulated dust!

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I Would rather eat crumbs with bums than share steak with snakes-

The token "instigatory thanks" on nonsenical posts always kill me.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:59pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

im very surprised you feel that way...you seem pretty non-traditional


Me too. I was very surprised that my visceral reaction was like, which one of y'all is the man in this relationship?

Still have some work to do on myself clearly.

don't castigate yourself nowLOL


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 3:59pm
Originally posted by James Avery James Avery wrote:

so she got him by the nuts, eh? sad.


Take for instance their wedding. She insisted on a vegan menu. Mind you, he's from Chile. They eat copious amounts of meat. There was nothing Chilean in the wedding at all.


Posted By: Junior Jr
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:00pm
Did he do it for citizenship?

jr.

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Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:01pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by James Avery James Avery wrote:

so she got him by the nuts, eh? sad.


Take for instance their wedding. She insisted on a vegan menu. Mind you, he's from Chile. They eat copious amounts of meat. There was nothing Chilean in the wedding at all.

my friends bf wants a vegan menu...she isn't vegan...

are you like your sister?


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:05pm
Originally posted by Junior Jr Junior Jr wrote:

Did he do it for citizenship?

jr.


I feel horrible for saying this but, yes I believe he's marrying her for citizenship. I believe he loves her and would be in a relationship with her regardless...but I think marriage wouldn't have happened so soon. They've only been together a year. He has an engineering degree and getting married is the fastest way to be able to work legally in this country. Plus my parents are paying for the lawyers and all that.

So, I think he's being smart and taking advantage of a good situation. Maybe their marriage will last forever...I hope it does.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:06pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by James Avery James Avery wrote:

so she got him by the nuts, eh? sad.


Take for instance their wedding. She insisted on a vegan menu. Mind you, he's from Chile. They eat copious amounts of meat. There was nothing Chilean in the wedding at all.

my friends bf wants a vegan menu...she isn't vegan...

are you like your sister?


Like her how?


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:07pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by James Avery James Avery wrote:

so she got him by the nuts, eh? sad.


Take for instance their wedding. She insisted on a vegan menu. Mind you, he's from Chile. They eat copious amounts of meat. There was nothing Chilean in the wedding at all.

my friends bf wants a vegan menu...she isn't vegan...

are you like your sister?


Like her how?


like are you mad at the situation bc you could see this happening to you and you don't want it to


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: James Avery
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:08pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by James Avery James Avery wrote:

so she got him by the nuts, eh? sad.


Take for instance their wedding. She insisted on a vegan menu. Mind you, he's from Chile. They eat copious amounts of meat. There was nothing Chilean in the wedding at all.


they couldn't come to a compromise? half meat, half vegan? lil hector needs to man up.


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God bless




Posted By: Lonisha87
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:08pm
See I expressed similar feelings in a random thread like a year ago and a few posters wanted me stoned. It's just cuz then type of guy he is I felt it was weird. I recently found out his motives for taking the last name though. I don't think it's weird that guys do it. It was just weird to me that HE did cuz of his misogynistic ways...

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Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:12pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:



like are you mad at the situation bc you could see this happening to you and you don't want it to


I don't think I'm quite understanding what you're asking. But, I definitely wouldn't want this to be my relationship...but maybe it's rubbing me the wrong way because I could possibly be more traditional than I think I am. Like maybe I'm in denial about how much I like the traditional way of doing things.


Posted By: el_bandido
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:13pm
That's a weak Brotha move 

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Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:14pm
Originally posted by James Avery James Avery wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by James Avery James Avery wrote:

so she got him by the nuts, eh? sad.


Take for instance their wedding. She insisted on a vegan menu. Mind you, he's from Chile. They eat copious amounts of meat. There was nothing Chilean in the wedding at all.


they couldn't come to a compromise? half meat, half vegan? lil hector needs to man up.


I honestly don't think it ever crossed her mind for there to be a discussion about what he might want to eat at the wedding.




Posted By: Qualified
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:17pm
Oh Junior lololol @ Lil Hector tho??? No meat at a Chilean wedding??? Blasphemy! I know m-effers were walking around looking at that tofu, soy, and mystery veggie patties like " da fucc is dis, and if someone dont bring me a shank of meat??"

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I Would rather eat crumbs with bums than share steak with snakes-

The token "instigatory thanks" on nonsenical posts always kill me.


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:18pm
Originally posted by Qualified Qualified wrote:

Oh Junior lololol @ Lil Hector tho??? No meat at a Chilean wedding??? Blasphemy! I know m-effers were walking around looking at that tofu, soy, and mystery veggie patties like " da fucc is dis, and if someone dont bring me a shank of meat??"

lol i would be really offended to go to a vegetarian wedding.  i don't have time to exert all this energy to look good and sit down during the ceremony, party during the reception and then not get fed right.  give me some damn chicken, beef, sumthin or i'm cutting out early.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:20pm
is being non-traditional an important part of your identity?

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:22pm
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by Qualified Qualified wrote:

Oh Junior lololol @ Lil Hector tho??? No meat at a Chilean wedding??? Blasphemy! I know m-effers were walking around looking at that tofu, soy, and mystery veggie patties like " da fucc is dis, and if someone dont bring me a shank of meat??"

lol i would be really offended to go to a vegetarian wedding.  i don't have time to exert all this energy to look good and sit down during the ceremony, party during the reception and then not get fed right.  give me some damn chicken, beef, sumthin or i'm cutting out early.


Believe me, we were all offended and hungry. And she almost had the audacity to have a cash bar. As it was she only allowed them to serve beer and champagne.

You know your wedding food was bad when everyone's looking for the closest mcdonald's. She didn't even have a fish option. The cake was barely touched (it was vegan...and tasted like it).




Posted By: Flowing-Ice
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:22pm
maybe they don't want the kids having a chico last name. 
either way, he's an itchbay. 


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And Jean Paul Gaultier and a Hermes bag and four inch tips made of ostrich ;Sharp enough to slit your wrists her lips spread gossip ;Won't say sorry when she offends


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:24pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

is being non-traditional an important part of your identity?


Yes, I think so. Though I have been trying to objectively evaluate why that is recently.

Funnily enough, this sister is the one who I'm least close with and being non-traditional is her identity. It's one of the reasons we don't get along...partly because I always feel like she's doing way too much. I don't want to be like that, that's for sure.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:25pm
Originally posted by Flowing-Ice Flowing-Ice wrote:

maybe they don't want the kids having a chico last name. 
either way, he's an itchbay. 




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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:26pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

is being non-traditional an important part of your identity?


Yes, I think so. Though I have been trying to objectively evaluate why that is recently.

Funnily enough, this sister is the one who I'm least close with and being non-traditional is her identity. It's one of the reasons we don't get along...partly because I always feel like she's doing way too much. I don't want to be like that, that's for sure.

i think this what i was trying to ask


i dont think you need to examine yourself too much. i just think you don't like her & her shen.angiansLOL


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:26pm
nice

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PEACE


Posted By: Flowing-Ice
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:27pm
is it bad to say chico? Disapprove

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And Jean Paul Gaultier and a Hermes bag and four inch tips made of ostrich ;Sharp enough to slit your wrists her lips spread gossip ;Won't say sorry when she offends


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:32pm
I couldn't but for some that works.
I would lose a lot of respect if my bro in law did this

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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:33pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

is being non-traditional an important part of your identity?


Yes, I think so. Though I have been trying to objectively evaluate why that is recently.

Funnily enough, this sister is the one who I'm least close with and being non-traditional is her identity. It's one of the reasons we don't get along...partly because I always feel like she's doing way too much. I don't want to be like that, that's for sure.

i think this what i was trying to ask


i dont think you need to examine yourself too much. i just think you don't like her & her shen.angiansLOL


Ain't that the truth.

She used to attend a white privilege support group. I think I'm still mad at her for that.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:35pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

is being non-traditional an important part of your identity?


Yes, I think so. Though I have been trying to objectively evaluate why that is recently.

Funnily enough, this sister is the one who I'm least close with and being non-traditional is her identity. It's one of the reasons we don't get along...partly because I always feel like she's doing way too much. I don't want to be like that, that's for sure.

i think this what i was trying to ask


i dont think you need to examine yourself too much. i just think you don't like her & her shen.angiansLOL


Ain't that the truth.

She used to attend a white privilege support group. I think I'm still mad at her for that.


what?!!




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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:36pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


why do you want to be this way?

is this something you really want to do or is it out of necessity orrrr the desire to be different?


Well many of my beliefs are just things I've evolved to based on my experiences and learning new things and what not.

I think I'm just trying to figure out how to be authentically myself...I'm realizing that means I will have contradictory beliefs/thoughts/behaviors. It's just sort of uncomfortable...but I guess growing is an uncomfortable process.


Posted By: JasmineE02
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:37pm
I wouldn't lose respect for someone for this.  I can understand having a few psychological hurdles that are just really difficult to overcome.  There are a couple I really struggle with myself. Some of the other things mentioned in the thread make me wonder about the situation in general though. 


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:40pm
Originally posted by JasmineE02 JasmineE02 wrote:

I wouldn't lose respect for someone for this.  I can understand having a few psychological hurdles that are just really difficult to overcome.  There are a couple I really struggle with myself. Some of the other things mentioned in the thread make me wonder about the situation in general though. 


right.


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PEACE


Posted By: nycdiva357
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:41pm
a vegan wedding?

man i almost stormed out of a dry wedding.

i dunno if my psyche is ready for a wedding w/o any chicken.


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He follows what I'm saying.. I aint gotta twitter shyt.


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:42pm
lol I've been to several vegan weddings.  The jolt is when one isn't vegan

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PEACE


Posted By: csungrl09
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:42pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


why do you want to be this way?

is this something you really want to do or is it out of necessity orrrr the desire to be different?


LMAO off at your siggy. 


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Even with a low LSAT, i'm a hot commodity.


Posted By: BeatriceBean
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:43pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

im very surprised you feel that way...you seem pretty non-traditional


Me too. I was very surprised that my visceral reaction was like, which one of y'all is the man in this relationship?

Still have some work to do on myself clearly.
 
I'm surprised that you feel that way too. I think that we can all surprise ourselves since we're all works in progress.
 
 


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Life is good!


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:44pm
didnt ppl side eye JayZ when the rumors started that he added Knowles to his last name?

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: Bored w/Out Me?
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:48pm
What a Great Topic for BHM...


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:49pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

is being non-traditional an important part of your identity?


Yes, I think so. Though I have been trying to objectively evaluate why that is recently.

Funnily enough, this sister is the one who I'm least close with and being non-traditional is her identity. It's one of the reasons we don't get along...partly because I always feel like she's doing way too much. I don't want to be like that, that's for sure.

i think this what i was trying to ask


i dont think you need to examine yourself too much. i just think you don't like her & her shen.angiansLOL


Ain't that the truth.

She used to attend a white privilege support group. I think I'm still mad at her for that.


what?!!




We went to camp one summer during high school...the point of the camp was to encourage diversity and learn about isms and stereotypes and privilege and whatnot.

The white people came to the conclusion that they really needed a forum to discuss their privilege and how they could use it in more constructive ways. So after the camp was over they formed a group that met every so often.

It just always rubbed me the wrong way...a bunch of rich white kids sitting around discussing their privilege and how bad they feel for having it.


Posted By: ImThatDiva
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 4:52pm
Welp, he isn't your husband so your pov is irrelevant.
A choice of last name doesn't measure someone's masculinity in my eyes.


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Mrs.ImThatModdlessDiva
TWERKIN' MY WAY DOWNTOWN
CARS DRIVE PAST
DRIVERS CRASH AND I'M LOWDOWN
-Midna


Posted By: Ladybird0724
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 5:10pm
have you asked your BIL his reasons for taking her last name?

do you think you would have the same reaction if the couple was a stranger?

my friend's husband took her last name b/c he hated his last name and his father, and said he wanted a fresh start.


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It is said it takes seven years
to grow completely new skin cells.
To think, this year I will grow
into a body you never will
have touched.
— Brett Elizabeth Jenkins


Posted By: gabi03
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 5:21pm
Originally posted by JasmineE02 JasmineE02 wrote:

I wouldn't lose respect for someone for this.

Originally posted by ImThatDiva ImThatDiva wrote:

Welp, he isn't your husband so your pov is irrelevant.
A choice of last name doesn't measure someone's masculinity in my eyes.

^^^


Posted By: OrriannaRose
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 5:50pm
Originally posted by JasmineE02 JasmineE02 wrote:

I wouldn't lose respect for someone for this. 

Me either. *shrug* I do not plan on taking my future husband's name but I wouldn't mind if he took mine.

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Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:21pm
Is his last name obviously ethnic?

Is her last name ethnically ambiguous?

Do you think he has self hate issues and is trying to distance himself from his heritage?

If theses Qs have already been A & A'd, can I get pg#? TIA


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:28pm
Originally posted by Ladybird0724 Ladybird0724 wrote:

have you asked your BIL his reasons for taking her last name?

do you think you would have the same reaction if the couple was a stranger?

my friend's husband took her last name b/c he hated his last name and his father, and said he wanted a fresh start.


His answer was basically "why not?"...and she made it clear she wasn't changing her name.

I think I'd have the same reaction if it were a stranger. Though I'm sure my reaction is compounded by the fact that I know her ways.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:29pm
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Is his last name obviously ethnic?

Is her last name ethnically ambiguous?

Do you think he has self hate issues and is trying to distance himself from his heritage?

If theses Qs have already been A & A'd, can I get pg#? TIA


His last name is obviously latino. Hers is ambiguous.

I don't think he has self-hate issues...at least I don't get that vibe from him. Then again, I haven't spent a lot of time with him since his english got better so I can't say that for sure.




Posted By: Eden.
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:34pm
maybe he dominated in the honeymoon suite and it all balanced out?


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:42pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:



His last name is obviously latino. Hers is ambiguous.

I don't think he has self-hate issues...at least I don't get that vibe from him. Then again, I haven't spent a lot of time with him since his english got better so I can't say that for sure.



Ahhhh....

And I know you didn't mean for the bold to be funny, but I cackled aloud when I read it.


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:45pm
He probably think he and his offspring will have an easier time of it without having an immigrant name. Me and my bf have had the same discussion as his surname is weird... he got teased because of it and he would not want to put his kids through that

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Out of many, one people.....
Happy 50th JAMAICA!


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:46pm
No shade Maysay but I feel like you bring up your family is white in every thread....

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Out of many, one people.....
Happy 50th JAMAICA!


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 6:50pm
Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

No shade Maysay but I feel like you bring up your family is white in every thread....


I probably do...but that's because some of things I say don't make sense unless I also mention that my family is white. I try to only point it out when it's relevant though.




Posted By: carolina cutie
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 7:09pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by Junior Jr Junior Jr wrote:

Did he do it for citizenship?

jr.


I feel horrible for saying this but, yes I believe he's marrying her for citizenship.
I believe he loves her and would be in a relationship with her regardless...but I think marriage wouldn't have happened so soon. They've only been together a year. He has an engineering degree and getting married is the fastest way to be able to work legally in this country. Plus my parents are paying for the lawyers and all that.

So, I think he's being smart and taking advantage of a good situation. Maybe their marriage will last forever...I hope it does.
Shoot, I'd take her last name too.Big smile


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<--Classy & Educated O.

"You're telling us your beefing with your bf's mother over $1 ice cream like it was blood diamonds." RickyR



Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 7:10pm
Originally posted by JasmineE02 JasmineE02 wrote:

I wouldn't lose respect for someone for this.  I can understand having a few psychological hurdles that are just really difficult to overcome.  There are a couple I really struggle with myself. Some of the other things mentioned in the thread make me wonder about the situation in general though. 
I agree.




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https://40.media.tumblr.com/5ba9e0be75128d9fefb41178032b37f9/tumblr_nm5ltoJrGx1skqlxjo1_540.jpg


Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 7:15pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


why do you want to be this way?

is this something you really want to do or is it out of necessity orrrr the desire to be different?


Well many of my beliefs are just things I've evolved to based on my experiences and learning new things and what not.

I think I'm just trying to figure out how to be authentically myself...I'm realizing that means I will have contradictory beliefs/thoughts/behaviors. It's just sort of uncomfortable...but I guess growing is an uncomfortable process.
We are >>>here<<< don't be upset that you have some hypocrisy going on in your belief system. I do too, Everyone does . We're all human and imperfect. 

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https://40.media.tumblr.com/5ba9e0be75128d9fefb41178032b37f9/tumblr_nm5ltoJrGx1skqlxjo1_540.jpg


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 7:27pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

No shade Maysay but I feel like you bring up your family is white in every thread....


I probably do...but that's because some of things I say don't make sense unless I also mention that my family is white. I try to only point it out when it's relevant though.




damn....i must be blind cause i thought she was blackLOL


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: sache1991
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 7:37pm
BIL must be white/half-white/adopted by whites. Sleepy

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Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 7:39pm
Maysay is black. IDK her family backstory though.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 7:42pm
I'm black.

Was ''adopted" by a white family. The sister I'm talking about is from my white family (we're only 3 weeks apart in age).

The brother in law is full Chilean.



Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 7:56pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

No shade Maysay but I feel like you bring up your family is white in every thread....


I probably do...but that's because some of things I say don't make sense unless I also mention that my family is white. I try to only point it out when it's relevant though.




damn....i must be blind cause i thought she was blackLOL


twas the white privilege help group comment...


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Out of many, one people.....
Happy 50th JAMAICA!


Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:06pm
It's different. But if that makes him happy lol.

I'm actually going to hyphenate. It's actually a Puerto Rican tradition, and a coincidence since my fiance is PRican.

But my reasoning was/is:

my last name is pretty common "Smith"...his last name is the Smith of Hispanic names --> "Garcia".

SO I didn't want to just trade one common name for another. So, Smith-Garcia...he was a little Sleepy about it...but eff it, it's me that has to do a name change, not him.


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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:08pm
Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

No shade Maysay but I feel like you bring up your family is white in every thread....


I probably do...but that's because some of things I say don't make sense unless I also mention that my family is white. I try to only point it out when it's relevant though.




damn....i must be blind cause i thought she was blackLOL


twas the white privilege help group comment...

i thought she was black trying to help white ppl learn about their privilege

i know maysay is a coloured woman


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:09pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by Qualified Qualified wrote:

Oh Junior lololol @ Lil Hector tho??? No meat at a Chilean wedding??? Blasphemy! I know m-effers were walking around looking at that tofu, soy, and mystery veggie patties like " da fucc is dis, and if someone dont bring me a shank of meat??"

lol i would be really offended to go to a vegetarian wedding.  i don't have time to exert all this energy to look good and sit down during the ceremony, party during the reception and then not get fed right.  give me some damn chicken, beef, sumthin or i'm cutting out early.


Believe me, we were all offended and hungry. And she almost had the audacity to have a cash bar. As it was she only allowed them to serve beer and champagne.

You know your wedding food was bad when everyone's looking for the closest mcdonald's. She didn't even have a fish option. The cake was barely touched (it was vegan...and tasted like it).




I don't want to be mean bc that's your blood...but SAY WHAT NOW?!

I've been to a wedding that was a cash bar...EVERYONE was salty. But that wedding was a ham for more reasons than one.

No, my fiance and I both agreed that drinks need to flow like water. Hence destination wedding to an all inclusive resort. I refuse to have ppl looking salty at me.


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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:11pm
im gonna officially change my name w/in the next couple of monthsSmile

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:11pm
wait--my friend said vegan cake is yummy and that's why she wants to have it at her wedding.

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:13pm
I've never been to a wet bar wedding.
That was frowned upon.

This spring alot of my classmates are getting married .
I wonder if they will buck that old rule

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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:14pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

wait--my friend said vegan cake is yummy and that's why she wants to have it at her wedding.


Some vegan food can be quite yummy...but it all depends on your caterer. Not all vegan is the same. And you can just as easily end up with something that's inedible.


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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:15pm
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

I've never been to a wet bar wedding.
That was frowned upon.

This spring alot of my classmates are getting married .
I wonder if they will buck that old rule


I've never heard of that term...

Do you mean an open bar where everything is free? Or where certain things (i.e. champagne toast or signature cocktail) are free and all else is cash???


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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:15pm
Lol I just made it up.

I've never been to a wedding where liquor was there at all cash or otherwise.
I've only been to dry weddings.

But I'm thinking that will change soon , I'm going to some weddings this spring and the bride and groom are around 22 23

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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: zolloh
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:16pm
wtf is vegan cake? Stern Smile


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:16pm
do vegans eat eggs?

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Out of many, one people.....
Happy 50th JAMAICA!


Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:17pm
Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

do vegans eat eggs?


nope. they can't eat any animal byproducts.

So no dairy milk, no eggs. So it's a cake that lacks eggs and dairy.



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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:19pm
I tasted a vegan cake before.
It was just ok.



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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:19pm
ionno bout dat

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Out of many, one people.....
Happy 50th JAMAICA!


Posted By: zolloh
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:20pm
Originally posted by modelbusiness82 modelbusiness82 wrote:

Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

do vegans eat eggs?


nope. they can't eat any animal byproducts.

So no dairy milk, no eggs. So it's a cake that lacks eggs and dairy.



so why call such an unfortunate atrocity cake? Cry


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:20pm
Originally posted by zolloh zolloh wrote:

wtf is vegan cake? Stern Smile


idk but my friend said it was good.  she's a haitian from fl who loves meat so i know her tastes. her current bf is a black [haitian] former DIV1 football player who is a vegan...i got confused


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:22pm
Originally posted by zolloh zolloh wrote:

Originally posted by modelbusiness82 modelbusiness82 wrote:

Originally posted by JamCaygirl JamCaygirl wrote:

do vegans eat eggs?


nope. they can't eat any animal byproducts.

So no dairy milk, no eggs. So it's a cake that lacks eggs and dairy.



so why call such an unfortunate atrocity cake? Cry


Because it's sweet and too big/tall to be called a cookie/tarte/pieLOL


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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:24pm
Definitely out of the ordinary, but I'm not mad.

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Posted By: OrriannaRose
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:33pm
Originally posted by modelbusiness82 modelbusiness82 wrote:



So no dairy milk, no eggs. So it's a cake that lacks eggs and dairy.


 
Stern Smile That is not a cake. LOLStern Smile


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Posted By: Qualified
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:37pm
I've tasted a vegan cake before, and in all honesty, if I had to compare it to anything I'd compare it to... Sweetened Recycled Brown Paper Towels.

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I Would rather eat crumbs with bums than share steak with snakes-

The token "instigatory thanks" on nonsenical posts always kill me.


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:43pm
Originally posted by OrriannaRose OrriannaRose wrote:

Originally posted by modelbusiness82 modelbusiness82 wrote:



So no dairy milk, no eggs. So it's a cake that lacks eggs and dairy.


 
Stern Smile That is not a cake. LOLStern Smile


Exactly.

I would rather she had served oreos (as far as I know those are considered vegan).

As someone else said, it depends on the caterer though. I've had great vegan food at restaurants. The venue only worked with certain caterers though.

My other sister is getting married at the beginning of March but thankfully we're going to a restaurant afterward. That wedding is going to be another interesting affair though because his family are devout muslims and don't even want them to kiss at the wedding.


Posted By: Midwest_Da_Gawd
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:49pm
Originally posted by James Avery James Avery wrote:

so she got him by the nuts, eh? sad.


Originally posted by Junior Jr Junior Jr wrote:

Simp ass Brotha

jr.


Originally posted by Qualified Qualified wrote:

And with that his scrotum has now dissipated into granulated dust!


Originally posted by el_bandido el_bandido wrote:

That's a weak Brotha move 


Welp! Beer


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I'm fed up! *flips table*


Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 8:49pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by OrriannaRose OrriannaRose wrote:

Originally posted by modelbusiness82 modelbusiness82 wrote:



So no dairy milk, no eggs. So it's a cake that lacks eggs and dairy.


 
Stern Smile That is not a cake. LOLStern Smile


Exactly.

I would rather she had served oreos (as far as I know those are considered vegan).

As someone else said, it depends on the caterer though. I've had great vegan food at restaurants. The venue only worked with certain caterers though.

My other sister is getting married at the beginning of March but thankfully we're going to a restaurant afterward. That wedding is going to be another interesting affair though because his family are devout muslims and don't even want them to kiss at the wedding.


sounds like your family courts controversy. :)


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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: Gia2009
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 11:06pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

is being non-traditional an important part of your identity?


Yes, I think so. Though I have been trying to objectively evaluate why that is recently.

Funnily enough, this sister is the one who I'm least close with and being non-traditional is her identity. It's one of the reasons we don't get along...partly because I always feel like she's doing way too much. I don't want to be like that, that's for sure.

i think this what i was trying to ask


i dont think you need to examine yourself too much. i just think you don't like her & her shen.angiansLOL


Ain't that the truth.

She used to attend a white privilege support group. I think I'm still mad at her for that.


Stern Smile Are you guys white? This whole time I was thinking she's black!


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http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker" rel="nofollow][/URL]
   <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com" target="_b


Posted By: afrokock
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 11:09pm
everything seems nicer when people talk about it

however the reality is often something else

he is no less of a man however

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I just can't stand the negro british midget. He brings out the worst in me.....

...
I sometimes think AfroK is gay and either doesn't know it or won't admit to it..


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 11:23pm
I've had good vegan cake and im critical 

As far as the name bothering you, i don't think it's the non conformity that bothers you, it's probably the inequality that bothers you.   The fact that he didn't even get that, the name, that seems unjust.   If he was in control of everything or most and took your sister's name, I think you'd be pleased.  So youre still happily non conformist and still consistent, no worries




Posted By: ScorpioLuv
Date Posted: Jan 28 2013 at 11:28pm
Is it a cultural thing? Bc we take the husband's name here in America but in some other countries, they take the wife's name. Heritage goes with the mother, its the reverse here. Too many kids wind up having daddies name and then mom gets divorce, so it looks crazy when it doesnt match. 

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Sons of bitches,smh


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 12:00am
I dont see what the big deal is 


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Posted By: modelbusiness82
Date Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 12:12am
Originally posted by ScorpioLuv ScorpioLuv wrote:

Is it a cultural thing? Bc we take the husband's name here in America but in some other countries, they take the wife's name. Heritage goes with the mother, its the reverse here. Too many kids wind up having daddies name and then mom gets divorce, so it looks crazy when it doesnt match. 


Not necessarily...in PRican culture, even if the wife hyphenates her last name, the child can sometimes just keep the mother's last name. Maybe not so much for those born in the mainland, but for ppl who still live on the island, it's a normal custom.


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digital entertainment marketer -
BASM Blog: www.bigapplestyle.com


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 4:13am
Originally posted by Qualified Qualified wrote:

I've tasted a vegan cake before, and in all honesty, if I had to compare it to anything I'd compare it to... Sweetened Recycled Brown Paper Towels.


lol. yuckers


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: SweetNovember*
Date Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 4:16am
Has anyone been called a hater yet?

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I mean damn can my p**** be tight?


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 4:22am
He's latino and he allowed this?  it's gotta be for papers.
 
 
*dappled shade*


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Chris and Koochie split! - Mrshairdo

Sometimes when sh*t happens...you say fucc - Cyndi Lauper

let's look death in the face and say "whatever man". -Hurley.


Posted By: Afrocentchic
Date Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 8:42am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

And it makes me respect him just a little bit less.

So one of my sister's just got married a few weeks ago. And her husband is taking her last name. I just find it...not very "manly". And I'm completely annoyed with myself for feeling this way because normally I'm so supportive of the non-traditional. I think part of it is that she appears to run all over him. For example, their wedding seemed to have nothing of him or his culture in it (he's from Chile).

Anyway, I'm surprised at myself for feeling this way. I feel kind of bad for not living up to my own ideals. Y'all ever experience that?
we've been conditioned to believe patriarchy is a norm and it's hard to undo years of that. Don't be to hard on yourself about it. Even in your description of their relationship, she seems to be running things however depending on religious/cultural views, he was doing the running it would be considered "headship" and therefore normal.


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For Black women as well as Black men, it is axiomatic that if we do not define ourselves for ourselves, we will be defined by others --for their use and to our detriment. - Audre Lord


Posted By: *Belle*Femme*
Date Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 8:53am
Originally posted by Junior Jr Junior Jr wrote:

Simp ass Brotha

jr.
He a simp because he took his WIFE's last name. OTAY

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My mind explodes


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Jan 29 2013 at 8:57am
Originally posted by Gia2009 Gia2009 wrote:


Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:


Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:


Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:


Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

is being non-traditional an important part of your identity?


Yes, I think so. Though I have been trying to objectively evaluate why that is recently.

Funnily enough, this sister is the one who I'm least close with and being non-traditional is her identity. It's one of the reasons we don't get along...partly because I always feel like she's doing way too much. I don't want to be like that, that's for sure.


i think this what i was trying to ask


i dont think you need to examine yourself too much. i just think you don't like her & her shen.angiansLOL


Ain't that the truth.

She used to attend a white privilege support group. I think I'm still mad at her for that.


Stern Smile Are you guys white? This whole time I was thinking she's black!


Maysay is black but some of her fam is white.

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i lost all my baby weight: )



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