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Teenage Issues

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Printed Date: Nov 21 2017 at 1:17am


Topic: Teenage Issues
Posted By: mzmee
Subject: Teenage Issues
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:09am
I have a question for you guys and want to wonder how you would handle this situation if you were the parent/family member. But I have to give a long ass backstory first.Cry
 
My sisters, cousins and I (along with some of their friends) all have teenage daughters and once a week or every other Friday or Saturday we all get together and have a girls night. We either go to the show, mall, out to eat or chill at one of our homes and talk. Pretty much a bonding experience.
 
We've been doing this for maybe 2 or 3 years with our daughters. It's been good; the teens call us all auntie or 2nd momma and each other sisters/cousins and we've bonded a lot. We talk about boys, sex, school, employment, life lessons, teen pregnancy and us grown women shared our own experiences as well.
 
The Situation:
 
One of my Bond Sisters stated to us a few weeks ago how her daughter has become very withdrawn. She doesn't really participate in our activities (it's like it's being forced upon her judging from body language), she keeps her face in her phone, and doesn't talk to us or any of the girls anymore.
 
She also stated that on Thursday her youngest daughter found the teen's cell phone and there was a picture of her in there naked that she sent to a few boys. There were texts back and forth from one of her female friends telling her how she doesn't have to talk about anything to us; her mom doesn't know what's best for her therefore she is unable to dictate where and how she should spend her time. In these texts, it was discovered that she was pregnant and got an abortion and the boy she was seeing broke up with her because she told him she was pregnant. There was another text between her and another boy where they talked about all the sex acts they had done OUTSIDE AROUND THE SCHOOL. How they mailto:f@cked" rel="nofollow - f@cked outside after school and before she went to cheerleading practice (about 45 minute timespan from school let out until cheerleading practice). It was so much sh!t my ears were bleeding when she told me.
 
I kind of felt bad because I couldn't really offer any advice to her. I'm completely shocked. I KNOW our daughters have their own lives, they're independent young ladies (teenage girls). This is just too damn extreme. It's like all the time we spent bonding, they giving their feedback (intelligently at that) and she was/is one of the leaders of the girls. How would you handle this?? Mom is LIVID!!! I really feel for her. The girl just made 16 and we all threw her a bomb ass sweet 16 last month.Cry
 
 
Sorry for the long ass post.
 
But how would you handle this. AND NO, I DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER WON'T DO. THE DAUGHTER IN THE OP IS YOUR HYPOTHETICAL DAUGHTERTongue!!! NOW...
 
 


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.



Replies:
Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:15am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


so sad

the  first stop would be the doctor's I guess
Oh yeah, I forgot that part. She was diagnosed with Herpes and Chlimydia (sp)
 
Apparently they have some kind of clinic at the school (not the school nurse an actual clinic) and mom said she signed the papers being under the impression from the staff that if anything were to happen like nose bleeds, menstrual starting or falls because she is a cheerleader, they would be able to see her with no problem. The "friend" in her text told the teen how she can get BC, pregnancy tests and referrals for abortion without her mom's knowledge all she has to do is tell them she doesn't want mom to know.
 
It's so much stuff.


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:16am
This is a really tough situation and I feel for the mother, her daughter is seeking attention and validation from boys because of her low self esteem. I think she needs some type of intervention.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:18am
idk how i would react after i passed out from shock

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:21am
I promise the debil rose up in me and though "Beat that wainch's ass and pit her out!!" but that's not the best response. lol

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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: tasty0619
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:22am
I would take her to my gyn, and talk to her...maybe even take her to a therapist.

Also, ya'll should have a talk with all the girls about STDs and the not so fun side of sex with plenty of gory pics. Encourage them to use condoms, and since they may already be doing it behind your back without them, maybe buy them condoms.

NVM I just refreshed and saw she has herpes Cry


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Visit my accessory store to view my handmade designs!! www.etsy.com/shop/modishness


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:23am
Originally posted by mzmee mzmee wrote:

I promise the debil rose up in me and though "Beat that wainch's ass and pit her out!!" but that's not the best response. lol



lol....yeah the first is rage.
then i would start to doubt myself and my parenting and trying to figure out what i did wrong
i would heavily blame myself
and then i would think back to the times when i didnt have any kids and could spend money on myself and was freeCry


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:23am
Originally posted by babyk94 babyk94 wrote:

This is a really tough situation and I feel for the mother, her daughter is seeking attention and validation from boys because of her low self esteem. I think she needs some type of intervention.
And see this was the reasoning behind why we do what we do. To help empower our little ladies, help with self-esteem so they won't have to seek validation. I thought we were doing well. Now I wonder if the other girls are faking the funk.

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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: tasty0619
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:26am
How is her relationship with her father? 

You don't have to answer but that may be the cause of her attention seeking behavior.


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Visit my accessory store to view my handmade designs!! www.etsy.com/shop/modishness


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:28am
Originally posted by mzmee mzmee wrote:

Originally posted by babyk94 babyk94 wrote:

This is a really tough situation and I feel for the mother, her daughter is seeking attention and validation from boys because of her low self esteem. I think she needs some type of intervention.


And see this was the reasoning behind why we do what we do. To help empower our little ladies, help with self-esteem so they won't have to seek validation. I thought we were doing well. Now I wonder if the other girls are faking the funk.
A lot of teens fake the funk for their parents, I'm 18 my mom doesn't know half the sh*t I've done but, I think what you guys have been doing is a good thing. I think the girl needs a therapist because there is definitely an underlying problem.


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:29am
Originally posted by tasty0619 tasty0619 wrote:

I would take her to my gyn, and talk to her...maybe even take her to a therapist.

Also, ya'll should have a talk with all the girls about STDs and the not so fun side of sex with plenty of gory pics. Encourage them to use condoms, and since they may already be doing it behind your back without them, maybe buy them condoms.

NVM I just refreshed and saw she has herpes Cry
We talked about it all. The STD's with pictures. One my sisters and I childhood friends has AIDS and we spoke on that and STD's in great detail. Some of the girls are very open about having sex so their mom's have them on BC and we also stressed the importance of carrying condoms as it shouldn't solely be the other parties responsibility. My oldest sister made the best analogy: Sex is like driving on the road, not only do you have to drive for everybody else you have to drive for yourself. lmao. It was funny then.Confused

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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:32am
Originally posted by tasty0619 tasty0619 wrote:

How is her relationship with her father? 

You don't have to answer but that may be the cause of her attention seeking behavior.
Her mom and dad are still married. From what I see on the outside he's very loving and caring with her. He calls the wife the queen and his daughter the princess. He doesn't know yet.Unhappy
 
I think that will break his heart.


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:35am
damn teenage girl with involved parents still getting into mess? who is there hope for?

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:39am
My hypothetical daughter/s:

I would take her and all the other girls straight to the doctor for DEPO shots STAT!!!. I don't trust the pills and teenage girls forget to take them. We need her going to college and not standing in line for Similac. I'm not asking any questions because teenagers lie and cry at the same damn time.

My next move after the shot has been administered is to start talking. She may want to open up after a while if mom continues to probe. Mom has to be a friend at this point and not a mama.

Convo starts: Baby girl I know you gotta a boyfriend or someone your "talking to" (do they still use this term) I did in HS. Anyways I know you got a BF and I want us to have a relationship where we can be open. I'm always here for you. If you're having sex I need you to wrap it up. I don't care how good he looks, what he promises and how good he is. Wrap it up!! I need you focused and not out here trying to destroy your future getting pregnant. If you don't feel comfortable talking to me then go to aunty (TiTi) or one of your younger aunties and feel free to talk to them.

Mama should not absolutely NOT tell her that you saw the conversations on her phone. That will lbe the beginning of deleting text before coming home. HTH's


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Russell hired me to police those who STAR these non-sensical threads!!!He said I should feel free to point them out!!


Posted By: Qualified
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:42am
Sh!t!!! Thats a trifecta for yo ass. Chlamydia, The Herps, and an abortion... Im speechless. And Im sure your friend feels helpless. What do you do when you've done all you can and your child still goes awry??? It truly takes a village, and before this little girl becomes "Another Black Girl Lost," yall are going to have to pull together even stronger, and even tighter and see to it, that she realizes that she has people that truly love her. That you all (both the adults and the peers) want the best for her, and are not going to judge her but instead empower her with the understanding that she only has one body, and protecting it needs to be paramount. Its but for God's grace that she scathed away with Herpes and not AIDS (though I wouldnt want any of it)... I dont want her to develop thoughts that she's worthless because she has something incurable, so it important to keep that girl and her family lifted in prayer and hope for the best.

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I Would rather eat crumbs with bums than share steak with snakes-

The token "instigatory thanks" on nonsenical posts always kill me.


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:43am
Originally posted by sugabanana sugabanana wrote:

My hypothetical daughter/s:

I would take her and all the other girls straight to the doctor for DEPO shots STAT!!!. I don't trust the pills and teenage girls forget to take them. We need her going to college and not standing in line for Similac. I'm not asking any questions because teenagers lie and cry at the same damn time.

My next move after the shot has been administered is to start talking. She may want to open up after a while if mom continues to probe. Mom has to be a friend at this point and not a mama.

Convo starts: Baby girl I know you gotta a boyfriend or someone your "talking to" (do they still use this term) I did in HS. Anyways I know you got a BF and I want us to have a relationship where we can be open. I'm always here for you. If you're having sex I need you to wrap it up. I don't care how good he looks, what he promises and how good he is. Wrap it up!! I need you focused and not out here trying to destroy your future getting pregnant. If you don't feel comfortable talking to me then go to aunty (TiTi) or one of your younger aunties and feel free to talk to them.

Mama should not absolutely NOT tell her that you saw the conversations on her phone. That will lbe the beginning of deleting text before coming home. HTH's
None of them are on pills. Some of the girls can't remember left from right. lmao
 
The first thing I said was DON'T TELL HER!!! She'll become a master at hiding EVERYTHING!!!
 
Great advice!!!Clap


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 10:49am
Originally posted by Qualified Qualified wrote:

Sh!t!!! Thats a trifecta for yo ass. Chlamydia, The Herps, and an abortion... Im speechless. And Im sure your friend feels helpless. What do you do when you've done all you can and your child still goes awry??? It truly takes a village, and before this little girl becomes "Another Black Girl Lost," yall are going to have to pull together even stronger, and even tighter and see to it, that she realizes that she has people that truly love her. That you all (both the adults and the peers) want the best for her, and are not going to judge her but instead empower her with the understanding that she only has one body, and protecting it needs to be paramount. Its but for God's grace that she scathed away with Herpes and not AIDS (though I wouldnt want any of it)... I dont want her to develop thoughts that she's worthless because she has something incurable, so it important to keep that girl and her family lifted in prayer and hope for the best.
 
One thing that worries me is this: If the teen has it so mom can't/won't know with the clinic she can still do this when mom takes her to the dr. She hasn't told her about what she found, daughter doesn't know mom knows about her current condition. We told her to hold up on the confrontation.
 
The Dr. will ask the child (>13) if it's okay that the parent be present during the exam. I remember they did this with my daughter and I stared through her soul.
 
Did I mention I hate teenagers??


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:00am
Originally posted by mzmee mzmee wrote:

Originally posted by sugabanana sugabanana wrote:

My hypothetical daughter/s:

I would take her and all the other girls straight to the doctor for DEPO shots STAT!!!. I don't trust the pills and teenage girls forget to take them. We need her going to college and not standing in line for Similac. I'm not asking any questions because teenagers lie and cry at the same damn time.

My next move after the shot has been administered is to start talking. She may want to open up after a while if mom continues to probe. Mom has to be a friend at this point and not a mama.

Convo starts: Baby girl I know you gotta a boyfriend or someone your "talking to" (do they still use this term) I did in HS. Anyways I know you got a BF and I want us to have a relationship where we can be open. I'm always here for you. If you're having sex I need you to wrap it up. I don't care how good he looks, what he promises and how good he is. Wrap it up!! I need you focused and not out here trying to destroy your future getting pregnant. If you don't feel comfortable talking to me then go to aunty (TiTi) or one of your younger aunties and feel free to talk to them.

Mama should not absolutely NOT tell her that you saw the conversations on her phone. That will lbe the beginning of deleting text before coming home. HTH's
None of them are on pills. Some of the girls can't remember left from right. lmao
 
The first thing I said was DON'T TELL HER!!! She'll become a master at hiding EVERYTHING!!!
 
Great advice!!!Clap

That's why its recommended they all go on DEPO plus it helps with cramps and no periods. THEY NEED THIS. The poor girl is depressed. Check her computer history. She probably already did Google search on the STD's. I thought some forms of herpes were curable...no?


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Russell hired me to police those who STAR these non-sensical threads!!!He said I should feel free to point them out!!


Posted By: Lhdc2011
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:16am
Sigh... I'd want her out of my home because she's done too much and will only stop under her own terms. She's not willing to communicate and if she does, it's probably lies. I never know what to say when someone hypothetically has it all but is still not enough to keep them acting right. Take the phone away or get her a cell phone where u can only dial 911 or something.

It may be obv that I'm not a parent based on my reply lol


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Domin


Posted By: PRnena
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:20am
Depo can further worsen depression and has a lot of negative side effects. And the worst thing is once injected it takes up to 3 months to get out of your system. If anything , try mirena or nuvaring. I'm just saying   

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I keep forgetting everyone on BHM is a 10 with a faithful man and nothing but designer in their closet.

11 months since BC- 1/24/12

( I use BHM on my phone guys)


Posted By: khivey
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:23am
Originally posted by mzmee mzmee wrote:

I have a question for you guys and want to wonder how you would handle this situation if you were the parent/family member. But I have to give a long ass backstory first.Cry
 
My sisters, cousins and I (along with some of their friends) all have teenage daughters and once a week or every other Friday or Saturday we all get together and have a girls night. We either go to the show, mall, out to eat or chill at one of our homes and talk. Pretty much a bonding experience.
 
We've been doing this for maybe 2 or 3 years with our daughters. It's been good; the teens call us all auntie or 2nd momma and each other sisters/cousins and we've bonded a lot. We talk about boys, sex, school, employment, life lessons, teen pregnancy and us grown women shared our own experiences as well.
 
The Situation:
 
One of my Bond Sisters stated to us a few weeks ago how her daughter has become very withdrawn. She doesn't really participate in our activities (it's like it's being forced upon her judging from body language), she keeps her face in her phone, and doesn't talk to us or any of the girls anymore.
 
She also stated that on Thursday her youngest daughter found the teen's cell phone and there was a picture of her in there naked that she sent to a few boys. There were texts back and forth from one of her female friends telling her how she doesn't have to talk about anything to us; her mom doesn't know what's best for her therefore she is unable to dictate where and how she should spend her time. In these texts, it was discovered that she was pregnant and got an abortion and the boy she was seeing broke up with her because she told him she was pregnant. There was another text between her and another boy where they talked about all the sex acts they had done OUTSIDE AROUND THE SCHOOL. How they mailto:f@cked" rel="nofollow - f@cked outside after school and before she went to cheerleading practice (about 45 minute timespan from school let out until cheerleading practice). It was so much sh!t my ears were bleeding when she told me.
 
I kind of felt bad because I couldn't really offer any advice to her. I'm completely shocked. I KNOW our daughters have their own lives, they're independent young ladies (teenage girls). This is just too damn extreme. It's like all the time we spent bonding, they giving their feedback (intelligently at that) and she was/is one of the leaders of the girls. How would you handle this?? Mom is LIVID!!! I really feel for her. The girl just made 16 and we all threw her a bomb ass sweet 16 last month.Cry
 
 
Sorry for the long ass post.
 
But how would you handle this. AND NO, I DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER WON'T DO. THE DAUGHTER IN THE OP IS YOUR HYPOTHETICAL DAUGHTERTongue!!! NOW...
 
 


I don't even know. I think my heart would be broken to know she was going through all of that on her own. I would definitely approach her about it and I would be the mom to go and talk to the mom of the boy. I would put her on birth control and just have a serious talk with her. Then I would disable picture messaging on her cell phone. This is why I want to have boys only hahaha





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Hair Type:3c/4a
Hair Length:SBL
“The approval of others often forms an essential part of our capacity to think we are right.”


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:23am
depo can also thin hair on black women....and make you fat.

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: PRnena
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:24am
Sorry suga lol. I'm just saying. Depo isn't the best bet. No birth control is 100% fool proof. It all depends on body chemistry


Unfortunately there's only so much you can do to prevent these things from happening. I'm a teenager myself and I know that If she is really determined she will find a way.

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I keep forgetting everyone on BHM is a 10 with a faithful man and nothing but designer in their closet.

11 months since BC- 1/24/12

( I use BHM on my phone guys)


Posted By: kkscottdale
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:25am
DEPO is the DEVIL.

I have heard nothing positive about that drug. Try mirena or something else other than pills or that shot.

I would rather be abstinent than go on depo.


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:28am
Originally posted by sugabanana sugabanana wrote:

Originally posted by mzmee mzmee wrote:

None of them are on pills. Some of the girls can't remember left from right. lmao
 
The first thing I said was DON'T TELL HER!!! She'll become a master at hiding EVERYTHING!!!
 
Great advice!!!Clap

That's why its recommended they all go on DEPO plus it helps with cramps and no periods. THEY NEED THIS. The poor girl is depressed. Check her computer history. She probably already did Google search on the STD's. I thought some forms of herpes were curable...no?
 
They're on BC just not pill form. I couldn't remember a pill and I sure as heck wouldn't depend on a teenager to.
 
With Herpes you can control the outbreaks with meds, you always have the disease.


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:32am
Originally posted by PRnena PRnena wrote:

Sorry suga lol. I'm just saying. Depo isn't the best bet. No birth control is 100% fool proof. It all depends on body chemistry


Unfortunately there's only so much you can do to prevent these things from happening. I'm a teenager myself and I know that If she is really determined she will find a way.


I don't think Mirena is recommended for teenagers... I know when I was in HS they recommeded it to the girls that had severe cramps from menstrual. Everyone is different.

This is a tuff one OP. I would take thin hair and a thick boneded body from Depo over a baby while in highschool. Plus she already has STD's. Someone needs to inform the school so those nasty little slim fit jeaned boys don't spread it to all the girls in the school.


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Russell hired me to police those who STAR these non-sensical threads!!!He said I should feel free to point them out!!


Posted By: Naturalchick30
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:32am
Omg how old is this girl???

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Posted By: Prazol60
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:32am
I wouldn't give her direct advice just in case whatever happens backfires. But her daughter needs help. She needs professional help. Maybe your daughter could drop some hints to this girl that she should go talk to somebody if they are close. If not, then you can be there for your friend as a shoulder to lean on.


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Posted By: tasty0619
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:33am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

damn teenage girl with involved parents still getting into mess? who is there hope for?

exactly!! on the outside it seems she has the ideal upbringing. I guess we're used to seeing this behavior when something is wrong, but nothing seems wrong. 



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Visit my accessory store to view my handmade designs!! www.etsy.com/shop/modishness


Posted By: dOLLish.
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:35am
Do you think it would be beneficial to have one of her peers (a girlfriend, sister, etc.) try to get through to her?
 
I know at 16, I wasn't trying to hear anything my mom had to say. However, with my peers, I was all ears. I didn't always take their advice, but I felt they understood better than my mom did.
 


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:36am
And when I think back about some things.. before her birthday.. her dad was saying something to the effect of "My princesses are all spoiled. They will tell their boyfriends in HS..'I don't need a damn thing from you, my daddy got me'"
 
And she gave off this very nervous chuckle like "Daddy you so silly"


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:37am
Highlight of it all is that there is always that one debil friend that speak into your life and as a dum teenager you follow along and listen!!! That friend has a host of young family members that has kids and are sleeping around all willy nilly cos ain't no way she would have all that knowledge to advise your friends daughter just by the innanets!!!

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Russell hired me to police those who STAR these non-sensical threads!!!He said I should feel free to point them out!!


Posted By: Harmonii
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:48am
Originally posted by babyk94 babyk94 wrote:

This is a really tough situation and I feel for the mother, her daughter is seeking attention and validation from boys because of her low self esteem. I think she needs some type of intervention.


All of this.


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 11:52am
oh lord, this story really got to me. So much at such a young age. Sometimes the kids who have it all look for something 'exciting' in their life to do, she was probably bored with her "perfect" life and her no good friends influenced her and glamorized promiscuity. The grass is always greener.

If the others in the group dont have it together, they will soon. Its a shame she had to be an 'at-home' example. I hope she gets the help she needs.


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[IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/28mflg8.gif%5b/IMG]


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:05pm
Originally posted by eanaj5 eanaj5 wrote:

oh lord, this story really got to me. So much at such a young age. Sometimes the kids who have it all look for something 'exciting' in their life to do, she was probably bored with her "perfect" life and her no good friends influenced her and glamorized promiscuity. The grass is always greener.

If the others in the group dont have it together, they will soon. Its a shame she had to be an 'at-home' example. I hope she gets the help she needs.
IA with this


Posted By: Harmonii
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:07pm
Originally posted by eanaj5 eanaj5 wrote:

oh lord, this story really got to me. So much at such a young age. Sometimes the kids who have it all look for something 'exciting' in their life to do, she was probably bored with her "perfect" life and her no good friends influenced her and glamorized promiscuity. The grass is always greener.

If the others in the group dont have it together, they will soon. Its a shame she had to be an 'at-home' example. I hope she gets the help she needs.




I agree. Goodness this is sad


Posted By: tropical-punch
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:10pm
that boy ain't sh*t for dumping her after he got her pregnant. smh. 


Posted By: tropical-punch
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:12pm
and if they ain't on the pill or the shot, what are they on?


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:14pm
Eenaj, that's exactly what it sounds like.
 
This makes me think about the conversation of how people no longer do what's best, they do what they want regardless of if it's right or wrong. I told mom that now you see what has been started, you now have to figure out how to stop it. Or better yet, can it be stopped. I don't have the capacity to give sound advice because all I can think about is flinging my daughter by her ponytail if this were her. Then you'll see threads from the Mr. titled "She Flung Our Daughter Around The House"
 
I can just be a listening ear and a shoulder.


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:17pm
Originally posted by tropical-punch tropical-punch wrote:

and if they ain't on the pill or the shot, what are they on?
I never said they WEREN'T on the shot just not on the pill.
 
Majority of the girls have the three year BC where they insert it in your arm. And there's the shot. I don't mind the shot; it's better than babies.


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:17pm
Was she ever molested by an uncle? or anyone. Just asking...

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Russell hired me to police those who STAR these non-sensical threads!!!He said I should feel free to point them out!!


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:18pm
Originally posted by tropical-punch tropical-punch wrote:

that boy ain't sh*t for dumping her after he got her pregnant. smh. 
Yep...
 
We all talked about that too.


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: tropical-punch
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:23pm
Originally posted by mzmee mzmee wrote:

Originally posted by tropical-punch tropical-punch wrote:

and if they ain't on the pill or the shot, what are they on?
I never said they WEREN'T on the shot just not on the pill.
 

Majority of the girls have the three year BC where they insert it in your arm. And there's the shot. I don't mind the shot; it's better than babies.
was the girl in the op on it too?


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:24pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


what else is she involved in besides cheerleading?

what about her grades?

are her parents strict?
She used to be in this media program at her school. They have shows that come on our local Channel 19. She stopped with that because she wanted to do cheerleading..
 
Her grades were outstanding. This girl is smart as a whip
 
They don't seem to be THAT strict. Like she goes to the school parties, mall with her friends, she hangs out with her squad buddies and goes to sleep overs.
 
I don't do sleepovers, personally. But that's just me. I remember her venting about not being able to do what the other girls at her school does. But the stuff the girls at her school does is ridiculous. Her mom wont let her attend parties where there is alcohol involved. Some of the kids go to this teen club thingy and they're open until like 2am and she won't let her go. And that's reasonable.


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:25pm
Originally posted by sugabanana sugabanana wrote:

Was she ever molested by an uncle? or anyone. Just asking...
I don't know about that. Just what they tell us.

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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:28pm
Originally posted by tropical-punch tropical-punch wrote:

Originally posted by mzmee mzmee wrote:

Originally posted by tropical-punch tropical-punch wrote:

and if they ain't on the pill or the shot, what are they on?
I never said they WEREN'T on the shot just not on the pill.
 

Majority of the girls have the three year BC where they insert it in your arm. And there's the shot. I don't mind the shot; it's better than babies.
was the girl in the op on it too?
She's on the shot. Little Miss Sassy Ass was texting her trying to convince her to go to the school clinic to get her bc from there and mom wouldn't find out b/c the dr's cant tell her mom if she doesn't want them to tell her.

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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: tropical-punch
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:30pm
And where did she get abortion money? Does she have a job?


Posted By: Harmonii
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:32pm
Seems like her parents are there for her and doing what they should be. My guess is she could have just fallen into peer pressure. IDK.


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:34pm
Originally posted by tropical-punch tropical-punch wrote:

And where did she get abortion money? Does she have a job?
From the text, the school clinic wrote the referral for the abortion. I would have to ask mom; I didn't think about that. Then again, I don't think they have private insurance so it could've been covered by the clinic or State Medicaid. But don't quote me on that.
 
She's not working.


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: JasmineE02
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:40pm
Sometimes clinics give discounts if they're low-income and there are local funds people can call.  Medicaid doesn't cover it.  A lot of private insurance do cover it, but many people are afraid of it showing up for the policy holder, so they come up with the cash on their own and pay out of pocket.  If her parents have given her a lot of things, students will pawn or sell stuff their parents won't miss.    


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:45pm
Her rotten friend was probably jealous of the love and success the girl had and planted bad seeds.

It almost happened to me, I had a ratchet friend from  ages 11 to 16 that would try to influence me to do bad stuff. She is a year older than i am and was always out with a boy or at a ratchet party with older people.

 Her mom was heavy into drugs and she lived with her grandmother, but her grandmother wasnt very motherly and kind of left her to grow up herself. She doesnt know who her real father is and always had to watch her younger siblings.

 Meanwhile I always was a star student, minded my manner with my parents (in public Tongue) and adults loved me. My dad was severely against me hanging out with her but my mom was friends with her grandmother so naturally we did spend a significant amount of time together.

She would constantly try to make me feel uncool or like a lame b/c i wouldnt do the stuff she did like go on chat rooms and pretend to be older than she was and talk dirty to random guys on the internet.

She ended up having a baby at 16, didnt stay with the father. Dropped out of HS. I think she finished her GED not too long ago but she's moved several times to different places still living the ratchet life.

My dad and other people close to us during that time could see that she was jealous of what I had and were right to warn me of how she was.

Did your friend monitor the crowd she hangs out with?


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[IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/28mflg8.gif%5b/IMG]


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:47pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


what about her other friends? do any of them have babies?
I remember one of her friends she told us about that was pregnant in the 9th grade. She told us that she transferred to another school because her grades dropped too bad. When she told us about her she stated how she called her every now and then to check up on her.
 
I really don't see many of her friends from her school. Because I'm so busy, my only time to kick back is when it's girls night.


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: mzmee
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:49pm
Originally posted by JasmineE02 JasmineE02 wrote:

Sometimes clinics give discounts if they're low-income and there are local funds people can call.  Medicaid doesn't cover it.  A lot of private insurance do cover it, but many people are afraid of it showing up for the policy holder, so they come up with the cash on their own and pay out of pocket.  If her parents have given her a lot of things, students will pawn or sell stuff their parents won't miss.    
Thanks Jas. I swear I was lost. I know I remember mom telling my sister (it's her friend, originally) that she had to give them insurance info and she called up to the school. So they have all of their insurance info on file already. All the student has to do is go to the clinic and state what they need???
 
I don't like the sound of this.


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Everything I'm not makes me everything I am.


Posted By: ceme
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:53pm
This kind of reminds me of a situation my brother had when he was 17.
Parents talked and talked with him. They found out that talk is cheap. Action was needed.
 
Sometimes as parents we need to got to the extreme and just cut your losses and move.
 
A new environment can do wonders.
I would also cut out all that extra curricular activity because those are privileges. She must earn that back.
Instead have her do volunteer work at shelters for women or try and help out at an orphanage.


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 12:59pm
Originally posted by ceme ceme wrote:

This kind of reminds me of a situation my brother had when he was 17.
Parents talked and talked with him. They found out that talk is cheap. Action was needed.
 
Sometimes as parents we need to got to the extreme and just cut your losses and move.
 
A new environment can do wonders.
I would also cut out all that extra curricular activity because those are privileges. She must earn that back.
Instead have her do volunteer work at shelters for women or try and help out at an orphanage.

all good ideas. or involve her in a girls group at a church if they are religious, or maybe a big brothers big sisters program? idk if she's too old for it though.

Whatever the case she needs to know that she is still loved and accepted by her family regardless. People lie and hide things out of fear. She needs to feel safe in-spite of her mistakes.

I think mom should speak with her father and their pastor if they have one and come up with a plan of action from there, keeping in mind that the goal is to come to an understanding of what has happened and not to make her feel attacked, judged or embarrassed.


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[IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/28mflg8.gif%5b/IMG]


Posted By: JasmineE02
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 1:01pm
Mzmee, sort of.  It all varies state to state.  Only some states require either consent or notification of either one or both parents.  Because there are a lot of minors out there in situations that are less than ideal, they can do a judicial bypass.  They go before a judge and state their case about why they feel they're mature enough to make the decision.  Very rarely are these denied, but it happens.  I'm not sure what state you're in, but the Guttmacher website gives breakdowns of laws surrounding abortion. 

The main reason many states have decided against requiring minors to inform their parents is for their safety.  For every supportive parent, there's another who will beat and kick out a pregnant teen.  It's sad that kids from supportive families don't always go to their parents with these problems, but the state wants to avoid child abuse when possible.  Abortion and teen pregnancy can make parents do cruel things. 


Posted By: PRnena
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 2:48pm
Originally posted by sugabanana sugabanana wrote:


Originally posted by PRnena PRnena wrote:

Sorry suga lol. I'm just saying. Depo isn't the best bet. No birth control is 100% fool proof. It all depends on body chemistry


Unfortunately there's only so much you can do to prevent these things from happening. I'm a teenager myself and I know that If she is really determined she will find a way.


I don't think Mirena is recommended for teenagers... I know when I was in HS they recommeded it to the girls that had severe cramps from menstrual. Everyone is different.

This is a tuff one OP. I would take thin hair and a thick boneded body from Depo over a baby while in highschool. Plus she already has STD's. Someone needs to inform the school so those nasty little slim fit jeaned boys don't spread it to all the girls in the school.


I'm 19 and my doctor said mirena is best because its low hormone and very effective and has less side effects. Getting mirena next month. :D. I've been on birth control since 13

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I keep forgetting everyone on BHM is a 10 with a faithful man and nothing but designer in their closet.

11 months since BC- 1/24/12

( I use BHM on my phone guys)


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 3:12pm
I wouldn't do anything BHM would appreciate/approve of, so.....

Good luck MzM! Hug 

*leaves*

 


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Posted By: Ladybird0724
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 3:47pm
Originally posted by PRnena PRnena wrote:

Depo can further worsen depression and has a lot of negative side effects. And the worst thing is once injected it takes up to 3 months to get out of your system. If anything , try mirena or nuvaring. I'm just saying   


yes...that's what happened to me.

idk if they would put a teen on mirena, it's more recommended for women who have already had a child. also, mirena is having a lot of legal issues, but there hasn't been a recall for it.

yes, no BC is 100% safe or effective, but I think pills are the safest are the way to go for teens



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It is said it takes seven years
to grow completely new skin cells.
To think, this year I will grow
into a body you never will
have touched.
— Brett Elizabeth Jenkins


Posted By: MinnyMiss16
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 5:23pm
I wish I could help you, but I cant. I was the goodie two shoes in high school and saw many friends going down the wrong path. I tried to talk to them about their issues and help them out, but it didnt work. Many of them are exactly who I thought they would be come . I wish I could help, but somethings must have happened in her life for her to feel that she has to be so self destructive and many people I know do not come back from it. I would seek therapy man smh..


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 5:36pm
I hope you notify your daughter and bond daughters that chlymidia and herpes is definitely going around at their high school.


Posted By: foxyroy19
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 7:51pm
I would still be on the fainting couch.  Serious talk.

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Taking names...keeping notes!


Posted By: Ms.Best
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 8:02pm
Originally posted by JasmineE02 JasmineE02 wrote:

Sometimes clinics give discounts if they're low-income and there are local funds people can call.  Medicaid doesn't cover it.  A lot of private insurance do cover it, but many people are afraid of it showing up for the policy holder, so they come up with the cash on their own and pay out of pocket.  If her parents have given her a lot of things, students will pawn or sell stuff their parents won't miss.    
Medicaid will cover abortions. It just depends on the state.


Posted By: Ms.Best
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 8:09pm
Follows Federal Standard, Funding Only Cases Involving Life Endangerment, Rape and Incest Funds All or Most Medically Necessary Abortions, Exceeding Federal Requirements
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=1" rel="nofollow - United States 32+DC Yes 17 Yes
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http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=4" rel="nofollow - Arizona No Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 1
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=5" rel="nofollow - Arkansas Yes No
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http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=7" rel="nofollow - Colorado Yes No
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http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=17" rel="nofollow - Iowa Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=18" rel="nofollow - Kansas Yes No
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http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=20" rel="nofollow - Louisiana Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=21" rel="nofollow - Maine Yes No
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http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=23" rel="nofollow - Massachusetts No Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 1
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=24" rel="nofollow - Michigan Yes No
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http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=27" rel="nofollow - Missouri Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=28" rel="nofollow - Montana No Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 1
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=29" rel="nofollow - Nebraska Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=30" rel="nofollow - Nevada Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=31" rel="nofollow - New Hampshire Yes No
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http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=33" rel="nofollow - New Mexico No Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 1
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=34" rel="nofollow - New York No Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 2
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=35" rel="nofollow - North Carolina Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=36" rel="nofollow - North Dakota Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=37" rel="nofollow - Ohio Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=38" rel="nofollow - Oklahoma Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=39" rel="nofollow - Oregon No Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 1
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=40" rel="nofollow - Pennsylvania Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=41" rel="nofollow - Rhode Island Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=42" rel="nofollow - South Carolina Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=43" rel="nofollow - South Dakota No http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 5 No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=44" rel="nofollow - Tennessee Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=45" rel="nofollow - Texas Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=46" rel="nofollow - Utah Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 3 No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=47" rel="nofollow - Vermont No Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 1
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=48" rel="nofollow - Virginia Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 4 No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=49" rel="nofollow - Washington No Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 2
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=50" rel="nofollow - West Virginia No Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 1
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=51" rel="nofollow - Wisconsin Yes http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#notes-1" rel="nofollow - 3 No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/profileind.jsp?cat=10&sub=109&rgn=52" rel="nofollow - Wyoming Yes No
http://www.statehealthfacts.org/comparetable.jsp?cat=10&ind=458#" rel="nofollow - (show/hide notes)


Posted By: JasmineE02
Date Posted: Jan 07 2013 at 8:18pm
Sorry, federal money from medicaid doesn't cover it except in those cases.  The states can decide to put money toward it though.   



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