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If a parent died at your hands

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Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Talk, Talk, and More Talk
Forum Description: In this Forum, the talk is about everything that can be talked about.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=352253
Printed Date: Oct 20 2018 at 6:31am


Topic: If a parent died at your hands
Posted By: HowardAlumAKA
Subject: If a parent died at your hands
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:03pm
Would you be able to forgive yourself?


I have a friend whose parent passed last year around this time because she did not administer CPR properly...instead of placing her parent on the floor, she performed CPR on the bed. The paramedic told her she should have NEVER gave CPR on the bed because that is what killed her parent...


She has not moved on and I fear she will harm herself soon. She has tried therapy and counseling on medication for depression but claims nothing works. I don't know what to do for her



Replies:
Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:05pm
Cry
Why did the paramedic guilt trip her like that?
CPR save only like what 10% of lives...you have to get there in time and all that jazz.


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Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:07pm
I hope she can move past this because it is in no way her fault.

CPR should be taught more frequently though b/c i have seen it save a couple lives.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:08pm
that paramedic is a dick and has no training....and in that circumstance no.

but i remember reading one story where this girl was in an abusive relationship.  she finally mustered the courage to leave. her mother goes to get her stuff and the boyfriend kills her mom.  in that circumstance i would feel incredibly guilty. they were black too


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Posted By: HowardAlumAKA
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:09pm
Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

Cry

Why did the paramedic guilt trip her like that?
CPR save only like what 10% of lives...you have to get there in time and all that jazz.



And that's just the thing also, she did not get there in time. Her parent was a hypochondriac and she admits she took her precious time getting there because she thought this was another case of them just wanting to go to the hospital just because.



I'm so scared for her because she has turned to alcohol to cope. I went to visit her and she was violent with me. Scared me. I spoke with her this evening and she doesn't remember ever putting her hands on me. I worry she will hurt herself or someone else


Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:11pm
that paramedic is an ahole and i hope nothing but terrible things happens to him. anyways i think the passing of a parent is rough enough to think you might be the cause Cry poor lady. she doesn't have any siblings or family she can stay with? that is so depressing. 

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You can't just walk in with a huge banana and expect everything to be peaches.

If you no know me brotha, I no like wahala.


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:12pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

that paramedic is a dick and has no training....and in that circumstance no.

but i remember reading one story where this girl was in an abusive relationship.  she finally mustered the courage to leave. her mother goes to get her stuff and the boyfriend kills her mom.  in that circumstance i would feel incredibly guilty. they were black too

i wonder how guilty Jennifer Hudson's sister feels...i think people were ragging on her about her initial statements.


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:14pm
what about shooting and killing your son because you mistook him for a robber in the home>? Cry 

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PEACE


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:16pm
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

that paramedic is a dick and has no training....and in that circumstance no.

but i remember reading one story where this girl was in an abusive relationship.  she finally mustered the courage to leave. her mother goes to get her stuff and the boyfriend kills her mom.  in that circumstance i would feel incredibly guilty. they were black too

i wonder how guilty Jennifer Hudson's sister feels...i think people were ragging on her about her initial statements.


yes that has to be hard. I made a thread here about a grandson that murdered the grandparents. The family didn't want his parents to attend the funeral  . It split the family.


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PEACE


Posted By: HowardAlumAKA
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:17pm
Originally posted by keepgrowing keepgrowing wrote:

that paramedic is an ahole and i hope nothing but terrible things happens to him. anyways i think the passing of a parent is rough enough to think you might be the cause Cry poor lady. she doesn't have any siblings or family she can stay with? that is so depressing. 



Absolutely no one. She says she can't face them because at the funeral no one would even look at her.

I wanted to get her a book about moving on for Christmas but I'm worried I'm over stepping...or it just might not be the time and place.


Posted By: teendiva
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:24pm
Wow! 

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To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else, is the greatest accomplishment.
-My dude Emerson


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:27pm
these kinds of threads worry me.

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Posted By: texasmami0117
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:28pm
It's going to take time but hopefully she sees that it is not her fault. I'm mad her family is acting like it is.  
 
My SO's cousin just passed away. Her daughter's BF shot her in the face while she was closing the door when she said her daughter wasn't going with him. The daughter is all messed up but luckily their family is supportive.


Posted By: lovelife
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 7:30pm
i was 11 and my mother passed "at my hands" i guess you could say.
i found her unresponsive and i couldn't wake her.
i called 911.
i never felt any guilt to have to forgive myself.


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Posted By: tropical-punch
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 11:27pm
Her mother's death is not at all her fault. That paramedic is an ass. 


Posted By: Lite Brite
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 11:37pm
OP, I just took a CPR class and asked the instructor a question like this.. he seriously told me CPR rarely works to save the person's life Confused. I asked for clarity and he said even when it's administered correctly, it usually only works to keep the organs alive for donation

This shocked me and it's scary, but damn.. I wish your friend knew so she wouldn't be blaming herself.


Posted By: Lite Brite
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 11:43pm
Ok just looked it up. OP share some articles with her please. Here is a good one, and it relates to what my instructor said CPR can be effective in some situations, like drowning.. but other things that effect the heart, it's really difficult to be succesful. Its a media myth that it works often

http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/W/35320/35323/372221.html?d=dmtHMSContent" rel="nofollow - http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/W/35320/35323/372221.html?d=dmtHMSContent


Posted By: MizzAmirah
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 11:47pm
Originally posted by Lite Brite Lite Brite wrote:

OP, I just took a CPR class and asked the instructor a question like this.. he seriously told me CPR rarely works to save the person's life Confused. I asked for clarity and he said even when it's administered correctly, it usually only works to keep the organs alive for donation

This shocked me and it's scary, but damn.. I wish your friend knew so she wouldn't be blaming herself.

I teach CPR and worked ER.... you'll need way more than compressions and breaths to save a life....yeah it helps, but there's also the electrical aspect of your heart that compression don' affect much. Yeah, the paramedic is indeed an idiot. He's now a coroner?


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Posted By: MizzAmirah
Date Posted: Dec 16 2012 at 11:48pm
Originally posted by Lite Brite Lite Brite wrote:

Ok just looked it up. OP share some articles with her please. Here is a good one, and it relates to what my instructor said CPR can be effective in some situations, like drowning.. but other things that effect the heart, it's really difficult to be succesful. Its a media myth that it works often

http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/W/35320/35323/372221.html?d=dmtHMSContent" rel="nofollow - http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/W/35320/35323/372221.html?d=dmtHMSContent


Didn't see this before my post, but yeah, bottom line, tell your friend it aint her fault and that paramedic is an idiot, as I emphasize once more.


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Posted By: bk2la981
Date Posted: Dec 17 2012 at 1:25am
I'm heartbroken having to know that someone feels like this. That paramedic needed to be reported. As for myself I'm going to take a cpr class during my days off next week. I'm taking my daughter too. You never know when it might come in handy and save a person in the 10% range.


Posted By: miana79
Date Posted: Dec 17 2012 at 1:43am
Originally posted by tropical-punch tropical-punch wrote:

Her mother's death is not at all her fault. That paramedic is an ass. 
 
 
 
THIS


Posted By: Prazol60
Date Posted: Dec 17 2012 at 3:24am
Yeah not her fault. She should try to seek some grief counseling. During such a situation people panic, you might know what to do but when it comes to actually doing it we freak out sometimes. We make mistakes. Her mother was dying, who is to say the CPR would have worked? No one. 


Posted By: MizzAmirah
Date Posted: Dec 17 2012 at 4:20am
The irony is that she did what many people if not, most people would not have done, and that was start cpr. In a panic, it's hard to think to do the right thing. Pls show ur friend this thread. I'd hate to think someone's feeling so terribly when they didn't do anything wrong. 

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Posted By: Harmonii
Date Posted: Dec 17 2012 at 10:45am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

that paramedic is a dick and has no training....and in that circumstance no.

but i remember reading one story where this girl was in an abusive relationship.  she finally mustered the courage to leave. her mother goes to get her stuff and the boyfriend kills her mom.  in that circumstance i would feel incredibly guilty. they were black too





Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Dec 17 2012 at 10:48am
My parents aren't getting CPR from me.....mainly because I don't even remember how to do it.
I'd probably end up breaking some ribs and making their chest cave in.
I'll call the ambulance and hope they make it.


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Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Dec 17 2012 at 10:56am
Originally posted by Sang Froid Sang Froid wrote:

My parents aren't getting CPR from me.....mainly because I don't even remember how to do it.
I'd probably end up breaking some ribs and making their chest cave in.
I'll call the ambulance and hope they make it.
*I just want that inheritance post*

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Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Dec 17 2012 at 12:12pm
Didn't read much but the OP and this has probably already been said

but without her knowing quite yet ... I would report this incident to the Ministry of Health (not sure what the US equivalent is) ... basically I would report this to everyone in the chain of command over EMTs

from the ambulance company, to the hospital, to the Coroner'd office, the Department/Ministry of Health.

I would also see if I could get an emergency room doctor, a coroner, etc that would actually talk to her to reassure her that even had she done CPR expertly, or had been a trained medical doctor, CPR is not a guaranteed life saver and her parent may have died regardless






Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Dec 17 2012 at 12:16pm

you know what now that I think of it

I would get the paramedic to restate what he said and record it ... this could be used either in court or to help relieve your friend of her guilt

and then I would contact a very competent lawyer

if you guys don't want to go through that or if she has enough means to take care of herself if she doesn't get back to a healthy mental state 

then I would go the route of having the professionals assure her that she is not at fault (and have a key family member there as well so they can tell the other callous ones that it isn't her fault)





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