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Alternative Lifestyle Choices/Philosophies...

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Printed Date: Dec 14 2018 at 6:21am


Topic: Alternative Lifestyle Choices/Philosophies...
Posted By: maysay1
Subject: Alternative Lifestyle Choices/Philosophies...
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:21pm
So this has been on my mind a lot lately...alternative lifestyles/philosophies and how people respond to them in the black community.  

I find that in general black people are far less open to "alternative" ways of living. Whether it's in real life or online. It's like certain types of behaviors/beliefs/etc are just...not worth considering.

Examples:
-long term relationships with no intention of marriage
-being childfree
-certain food diets (veganism, raw, not eating processed foods, etc.)
-anti-consumption/consumerism
-serious frugality
-geek culture (steampunk, comics, going to cons, etc.)
-minimalism, simple living

So do you live an "alternative" lifestyle or have an "alternative" belief/life philosophy? How do other black people respond to it?



Replies:
Posted By: Nijjah25
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:24pm
I like this thread..Thumbs Up

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BIG NOSE .... BIG LIPS....
BUDDA BUP BUP BUHHHHH IM LOVING IT



Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:28pm
I definitely live in the geek culture. I get so many weird looks when I admit I like anime or that I'm a stan of DBZ. I don't know if it's because I'm a girl or because I'm a black girl lol

When I was younger I felt uncomfortable because of it but now I don't care. Judge me. 

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yo


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:29pm
I'll start with my own experience.

I notice here and many other places (irl and online) that not getting a ring is considered a "failure". Whether it's in articles at Clutch or on bhm...if you're in a successful long term relationship and not married you are still not winning.

I personally subscribe to the idea that romantic relationships are just like friendships. Most people don't expect friendships to last for a lifetime. We accept that people and circumstances change. I look at romantic relationships the same way.

But it's rare for me to find a black person who agrees...and almost everyone is super judgmental about it. 


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:30pm
My clothing and taste in fashion is mainly alternative so often, I get asked if I'm gothic or industrial and I don't think I fit any of those subcultures so I deny.

But then I get people telling me crap about being "a black goth" or how sexy they find it and I'm like.. eheeeeeh. >>; I seriously love cyberpunk and do admire the gothic subculture, though. I also have an intense love to post-apocalyptic wear. Also Japanese Harajuku fashion. All types of fashion and subcultures I admire and derive influence from, but I've never felt a need to fit a label.

Umm.. let's see.. most of my interests have gotten me the label of a nerd, geek, gamer, etc. to which the reaction from those who apply it to me is both negative and positive.

A lot of what I use on my skin is natural so I suppose that's alternative skinscare.

My entire life, I've been labeled as weird with both a positive and negative connotation. I've learned to love and embrace it whether it pleases or displeases others.


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Posted By: Napp
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:32pm
I plan to be child free. So far no one seems to believe meCry


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Bougier than a can of Fancy Feast


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:33pm
Originally posted by BBpants BBpants wrote:

I definitely live in the geek culture. I get so many weird looks when I admit I like anime or that I'm a stan of DBZ. I don't know if it's because I'm a girl or because I'm a black girl lol

When I was younger I felt uncomfortable because of it but now I don't care. Judge me. 


THIS~ All of this!


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Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:33pm
OMG, seeing Steampunk stuff makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

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Im making a political statement every time I make my ass clap - Ru Paul




Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:33pm
Ppl are often surprised to find out I was lead singer and lead guitarist of an alt rock band.

Me and the members did some local stuff.

We participated in some underground mosh pits but the culture of it all was not our style

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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:35pm
Originally posted by BBpants BBpants wrote:

I definitely live in the geek culture. I get so many weird looks when I admit I like anime or that I'm a stan of DBZ. I don't know if it's because I'm a girl or because I'm a black girl lol

When I was younger I felt uncomfortable because of it but now I don't care. Judge me. 

Yeah you don't see a lot of black people in general into it.

I love steampunk and sci-fi. I wish there were more black people in it. Love love love Octavia Butler. And will definitely be supporting Will Smith's new movie. But I've already heard black people say stuff like "don't nobody wanna watch that ish" just because it's sci-fi. 


Posted By: eanaj5
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:36pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

So this has been on my mind a lot lately...alternative lifestyles/philosophies and how people respond to them in the black community.  

I find that in general black people are far less open to "alternative" ways of living. Whether it's in real life or online. It's like certain types of behaviors/beliefs/etc are just...not worth considering.

Examples:
-long term relationships with no intention of marriage
-being childfree
-certain food diets (veganism, raw, not eating processed foods, etc.)
-anti-consumption/consumerism
-serious frugality
-geek culture (steampunk, comics, going to cons, etc.)
-minimalism, simple living

So do you live an "alternative" lifestyle or have an "alternative" belief/life philosophy? How do other black people respond to it?

I dont really dabble heavily enough into any one particular "alternative" way of living. I suppose I'm equal parts alternative and mainstream. I am quite different from most black people my age but im not sure if thats just because i'm introverted...



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[IMG]http://i50.tinypic.com/28mflg8.gif%5b/IMG]


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:36pm
Originally posted by **Sk!TtLeS B** **Sk!TtLeS B** wrote:

OMG, seeing Steampunk stuff makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 


Oh my god, steampunk is WONDERFUL! I love its aesthetic! I'd love to wear steampunk-inspired pieces, but oy, what an expensive subculture! Lolita is the craziest when it comes to price tags, though!


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Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:37pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

So do you live an "alternative" lifestyle or have an "alternative" belief/life philosophy? How do other black people respond to it?

I have an..."alternative" view on religion, and jsut seeing how black people (in general, not mi familia) react to every non-Christian they come across, I tend to keep my views quiet.


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Im making a political statement every time I make my ass clap - Ru Paul




Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:37pm
Originally posted by Napp Napp wrote:

I plan to be child free. So far no one seems to believe meCry

As soon as I possibly can (ie when my current health issues are resolved and I have the money) I will be getting a tubal ligation.

No one believes me though. And I have literally explained my reasons to a group of black women before and they all told me it was the worst decision I could ever make even though I have super valid reasons for doing it.

What makes you want to be childfree? 


Posted By: _ConcreteRose_
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:38pm
I'll get back to you. I gave up red meat a while ago and I plan on eventually going full vegetarian in the near future. Does that count?
It's not a big deal. I usually get: oh really?! Well I couldn't live without stake and hamburger. (Like Im trying to convert them to my ways or something... Im not)


Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:38pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

So this has been on my mind a lot lately...alternative lifestyles/philosophies and how people respond to them in the black community.  

I find that in general black people are far less open to "alternative" ways of living. Whether it's in real life or online. It's like certain types of behaviors/beliefs/etc are just...not worth considering.

Examples:
-long term relationships with no intention of marriage  ppl in my fam don't pressure each other to marry.  I wish my brother would marry his baby mama. But what can I say to make him?
 
-being childfree idk if my other brother & sis are childfree by choice, but they sure don't wanna do it without a spouse
 
-certain food diets (veganism, raw, not eating processed foods, etc.)I have a cousin that is allergic to everything under the sun & she is soooo annoying to be around
 
-anti-consumption/consumerism idc about this, I eat mostly everythingEmbarrassed
 
-serious frugality I'm frugal, like I'd drive all around to get the cheapest gas, groceries, electronics, etc..  but I'm not extreme like those shows or that woman that didn't use toilet paper
 
-geek culture (steampunk, comics, going to cons, etc.) ummm, zero interest in this but my sis goes to comic con every single year in cali
 
-minimalism, simple living Yeah that's me.  I'm not materalistic at all. name brands dont impress me

So do you live an "alternative" lifestyle or have an "alternative" belief/life philosophy? How do other black people respond to it?
How do they respond? I dont really tell ppl my bizniz

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Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:38pm
Originally posted by Midna Midna wrote:

Originally posted by **Sk!TtLeS B** **Sk!TtLeS B** wrote:

OMG, seeing Steampunk stuff makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 


Oh my god, steampunk is WONDERFUL! I love its aesthetic! I'd love to wear steampunk-inspired pieces, but oy, what an expensive subculture! Lolita is the craziest when it comes to price tags, though!


I knoeeeeeeeeeCryCryCryCryCryCryCryCryCry

I priced an entire outfit and, with top, corset, boots, jacket, pants, and accessories, it's more than $1000. Im too broke for this sh*tCry


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Im making a political statement every time I make my ass clap - Ru Paul




Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:39pm
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Ppl are often surprised to find out I was lead singer and lead guitarist of an alt rock band.

Me and the members did some local stuff.

We participated in some underground mosh pits but the culture of it all was not our style

any recordings????Big smile


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Im making a political statement every time I make my ass clap - Ru Paul




Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:40pm
Originally posted by Midna Midna wrote:

Originally posted by **Sk!TtLeS B** **Sk!TtLeS B** wrote:

OMG, seeing Steampunk stuff makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 


Oh my god, steampunk is WONDERFUL! I love its aesthetic! I'd love to wear steampunk-inspired pieces, but oy, what an expensive subculture! Lolita is the craziest when it comes to price tags, though!

Steampunk can totally be done homemade and in an inexpensive way...just takes more forethought and stuff. But it can also be a super expensive hobby.

I adore steampunk novels (Gail Carriger is my favorite author in that genre since it combines steampunk, werewolves, vampires, romance and just lots of fun) and fashion. 




Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:45pm
I want a hoop nose ring shaped like a gear. I'm afraid it might cut me, thoughLOL




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Im making a political statement every time I make my ass clap - Ru Paul




Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:49pm
my friend is a vegan now bc of her boyfriend. it's interesting that he is a vegan because he played D1 football....and he is haitian...we like meatLOL

idk if i don't think not getting a ring is a failure per se...it is a failure if you want one...and most women do...so you have failed


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: acaraway
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:49pm
My mother freaked out in middle school when I listened to rock. She actually commented that one of the bands I listened to wore all black, and her and one of her friends called my music "demonic". 

I'm not religious but I don't ever bring it up to my family. EVERYONE (at least it seems anyway) is christian. Since I live alone I'm no longer forced to attend church services. My has asked more than once if I believe in Jesus and let me know that nothing would disappoint her more than to know I'm going to hell.

I used to read  manga but I'd pretend I didn't. There was an anime club at school - and I still wonder if I'd have like it had I joined.
I've dabbled in various things, but I'm already so damn weird and I don't feel comfortable with my family's reaction to certain things.

So I don't do anything out of the ordinary, and I try my hardest not to let any wayward opinions slip around relatives. It just wouldn't go over well.


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:52pm
I used to subscribe to a lot of "alternative" thinking when i was growing up.  i kept getting told i was tryna be white so i stopped doing a lot of it during that time...some stuff has remained and come back and others i can't get back. Disapprove  

i am planning on going glutten free soon...we'll see how that works out.


Posted By: kkscottdale
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:52pm
I think I have an idea why black people tend to be against these types of things, but I don't know if I really got it.
Maybe its close attachment to religion? A lot of alternative things( with the exception of veganism) tend to be looked as demonic to black people. I'm trying to figure out what else it could be without comparing us to white people.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:54pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

So this has been on my mind a lot lately...alternative lifestyles/philosophies and how people respond to them in the black community.  

I find that in general black people are far less open to "alternative" ways of living. Whether it's in real life or online. It's like certain types of behaviors/beliefs/etc are just...not worth considering.

Examples:
-long term relationships with no intention of marriage
-being childfree
-certain food diets (veganism, raw, not eating processed foods, etc.)
-anti-consumption/consumerism
-serious frugality
-geek culture (steampunk, comics, going to cons, etc.)
-minimalism, simple living

So do you live an "alternative" lifestyle or have an "alternative" belief/life philosophy? How do other black people respond to it?

see your idea of simple living and mine differ.  religiously JW are encouraged to be simple, frugal and not huge consumers of much so I was raised on that mindset.  but your ideas of simplistic is probably seen as extreme by 75% of the US population


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 8:54pm
geek culture (steampunk, comics, going to cons, etc.)
-minimalism, simple living


this is me^ to answer your question im not sure how other folks react to it. i be in my own world...i think my family learned to accept/tolerate my *weirdness* but i stopped caring what folks thought of me when i was like 9. life is much better.


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Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 9:04pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

I'll start with my own experience.

I notice here and many other places (irl and online) that not getting a ring is considered a "failure". Whether it's in articles at Clutch or on bhm...if you're in a successful long term relationship and not married you are still not winning.

I personally subscribe to the idea that romantic relationships are just like friendships. Most people don't expect friendships to last for a lifetime. We accept that people and circumstances change. I look at romantic relationships the same way.

But it's rare for me to find a black person who agrees...and almost everyone is super judgmental about it. 
I like being married, but I can see the benefits of bf/gf if kids aren't involved

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Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 9:14pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

 

see your idea of simple living and mine differ.  religiously JW are encouraged to be simple, frugal and not huge consumers of much so I was raised on that mindset.  but your ideas of simplistic is probably seen as extreme by 75% of the US population

I definitely agree that a lot of my views are considered extreme.

But even when I've suggested frugality as a temporary stop gap measure for someone they looked at me like I had 3 heads.

Case in point...an acquaintance was talking about how she couldn't make ends meet to pay her bills and feed her kids. I suggested a meal plan (rice/beans/frozen veggies/eggs/fresh fruit that was on sale + some food from the church/food pantry and water) that would get her through the month on 30$ for her and her 2 kids. Her response? She and her kids would not be subjected to the travesty of having to eat basically the same thing every day/meal. She wouldn't even consider it.

But in general I find that's how black people respond to stuff like that.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 9:17pm
Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

I'll start with my own experience.

I notice here and many other places (irl and online) that not getting a ring is considered a "failure". Whether it's in articles at Clutch or on bhm...if you're in a successful long term relationship and not married you are still not winning.

I personally subscribe to the idea that romantic relationships are just like friendships. Most people don't expect friendships to last for a lifetime. We accept that people and circumstances change. I look at romantic relationships the same way.

But it's rare for me to find a black person who agrees...and almost everyone is super judgmental about it. 
I like being married, but I can see the benefits of bf/gf if kids aren't involved

my SIL was with her now husband for 10 years before they got married.  at first they didn't want any kids. but after they decided to have one...they got married.  it helps in cases of emergencies. those little things seem unimportant but they become very important when life happens. simple things like being allowed to see your mate at the hospital.


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: tasty0619
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 9:18pm
Ummm...I'm bisexual*. Most ppl on here and IRL feel like being bi means you're selfish and want to/would date anybody.

*I don't particularly like the label, but if I had to choose one I would fall under the bisexual category.


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Visit my accessory store to view my handmade designs!! www.etsy.com/shop/modishness


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 9:19pm
Being black in america is an alternative lifestyle in its own. 

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Posted By: dayumash93
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 9:23pm
I ascribe to a lot of alternative things that get me side eyes from people of all backgrounds, honestly. Throughout the years I've noticed a lot of POC who have alternative lifestyles have identity issues. While growing up I had to keep my groups of friends separate because my social groups were often segregated and had no interest in mixing cliques or races for that matter. Fast forward a bit and now I have my special little niche of black friends that understand and are equally diverse, as well as friends from many other backgrounds. Of all of the things I'm into that people consider alternative, the biggest shocker is always the extent of my body modification. Although I got a sh*t TON of flack for my choices over the years, ultimately I'm happy with who I am and the things that have made, make, and will continuously me that way.


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Dec 11 2012 at 11:46pm
I love alternative fashion and life however i'm not in a position to actually live it.  As of right now the most alternative that I can claim is that i'll not be having children.....and that I occasionally will wear candy coloured hair with victory rolls and mini top hats.  Because i'm black the candy coloured hair labels me as ghetto....tho the victory rolls and my love of Mini Top hats kinda negates that.
 
I don't do enough gaming to call myself a gamer, enough geekery to call myself a geek, enough alternative fashion to call myself steam punk or Glamour Goth.
 
 
i'm Alternative Lite.


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Chris and Koochie split! - Mrshairdo

Sometimes when sh*t happens...you say fucc - Cyndi Lauper

let's look death in the face and say "whatever man". -Hurley.


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 12:26am
well i used to not eat processed foods and like 50% raw/organic foods.. i didnt get bad/odd comments about it, more so surprise and they were impressed for some reason. 
I was anal tough.. i barely ate anything. 


one day i will get back to no processed foods and only raw/organic.. 
id love to try being vegan as well 


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 12:29am
I remember when I went raw for a bit.  The side eyes I got from POC in general and southern white folks. LOL  It was always...."u can't have no meat or bread?  but what u gonna eat?" LOL

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Chris and Koochie split! - Mrshairdo

Sometimes when sh*t happens...you say fucc - Cyndi Lauper

let's look death in the face and say "whatever man". -Hurley.


Posted By: PRnena
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 1:01am
I live the life of a go getta !

Also the life of a real ninja. Ya feels me. Money cars clothes everywhere I go

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I keep forgetting everyone on BHM is a 10 with a faithful man and nothing but designer in their closet.

11 months since BC- 1/24/12

( I use BHM on my phone guys)


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 1:07am
Originally posted by newdiva1 newdiva1 wrote:

I remember when I went raw for a bit.  The side eyes I got from POC in general and southern white folks. LOL  It was always...."u can't have no meat or bread?  but what u gonna eat?" LOL


my little sister tried to be a vegan. we shut it down.LOL
i told her she could do it after she finishes development at like 18


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 1:20am
I read somewhere that, unless they are extremely healthy and have the financial means to keep up the lifestyle, people usually dont stay vegans for very long. 

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Im making a political statement every time I make my ass clap - Ru Paul




Posted By: Az~Maverick
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:02am
I get funny looks sometimes when I mention I practice & teach Yoga. There is still a lot of ignorance out there on the subject even though Yoga began with brown folk. But people look at the skinny white girls and think that's the representation. It isn't, by any means. Only in the Westernized country it is. 




Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:05am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

 

see your idea of simple living and mine differ.  religiously JW are encouraged to be simple, frugal and not huge consumers of much so I was raised on that mindset.  but your ideas of simplistic is probably seen as extreme by 75% of the US population

I definitely agree that a lot of my views are considered extreme.

But even when I've suggested frugality as a temporary stop gap measure for someone they looked at me like I had 3 heads.

Case in point...an acquaintance was talking about how she couldn't make ends meet to pay her bills and feed her kids. I suggested a meal plan (rice/beans/frozen veggies/eggs/fresh fruit that was on sale + some food from the church/food pantry and water) that would get her through the month on 30$ for her and her 2 kids. Her response? She and her kids would not be subjected to the travesty of having to eat basically the same thing every day/meal. She wouldn't even consider it.

But in general I find that's how black people respond to stuff like that.

i could live on that diet....im haitian though...as long as i have rice + beans im good. i would add some meat to that...and yeah i could eat that for bfast lunch and dinner.

but eggs are expensive now...how could she do that for $30? 


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: ShadyLady
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:30am
By these standards, I have an alternative lifestyle. I never thought of it that way, but I'm not offended.

I have never had this burning desire a lot of women have to get married. To be honest, it seems like more of a hassle to me. I just naturally believe I can co-exist (not necessarily live with) the person I love and just be happy. Having a ring or piece of paper wouldn't make that bond any stronger IN MY EYES, although I don't knock anyone who feels otherwise.

Since middle school, people have always thought that was weird and told me I'd change my mind when I meet "the right one". I've been engaged and felt trapped. I couldn't go through with it.

I genuinely don't believe marriage is for me and wish people would stop telling me how "scared", "nervous", or "damaged" I am because I feel that way.

I also get a lot of flack because I don't have or want kids. Everytime someone finds out I'm 26 with no kids, there's this shock. I've had people blatantly ask me if something is wrong and that I can't have kids. People even casually ask about abortions. Everytime I say I don't want kids, everyone acts like I'm gonna wake up when I'm older and regret not doing it...like I can't just genuinely not want it.

Several people have called my choices selfish, and people constantly question my relationship with The Lord because of it...*sigh*.

I'm to a point where I don't care as much, but I have to admit, I don't just volunteer thus info about myself cuz I'm sick of people feeling like they need to counsel me on it.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:33am
I don't know of a culture that doesn't encourage marriage and procreation though...



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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: ShadyLady
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:38am
You can encourage, but respect when someone is different.


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 3:06am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by newdiva1 newdiva1 wrote:

I remember when I went raw for a bit.  The side eyes I got from POC in general and southern white folks. LOL  It was always...."u can't have no meat or bread?  but what u gonna eat?" LOL


my little sister tried to be a vegan. we shut it down.LOL
i told her she could do it after she finishes development at like 18
 
 
 
I tried to be vegetarian in HS but I was shut down because "u don't want to eat meat?  u too good to eat me now? what? u better than me now?" and the fact that back then u didn't have the food options that u do now and on top of that it was crazy expensive.   But even if I just would eat what everybody else was eating but sans meat....I got browbeat by fams to "eat the cake Anna Mae".


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Chris and Koochie split! - Mrshairdo

Sometimes when sh*t happens...you say fucc - Cyndi Lauper

let's look death in the face and say "whatever man". -Hurley.


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 3:10am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

 

see your idea of simple living and mine differ.  religiously JW are encouraged to be simple, frugal and not huge consumers of much so I was raised on that mindset.  but your ideas of simplistic is probably seen as extreme by 75% of the US population

I definitely agree that a lot of my views are considered extreme.

But even when I've suggested frugality as a temporary stop gap measure for someone they looked at me like I had 3 heads.

Case in point...an acquaintance was talking about how she couldn't make ends meet to pay her bills and feed her kids. I suggested a meal plan (rice/beans/frozen veggies/eggs/fresh fruit that was on sale + some food from the church/food pantry and water) that would get her through the month on 30$ for her and her 2 kids. Her response? She and her kids would not be subjected to the travesty of having to eat basically the same thing every day/meal. She wouldn't even consider it.

But in general I find that's how black people respond to stuff like that.
 
 
 
 
 
She talmbout travesty while her stomach grumblin'?  There comes a time when u simply have to stop playin'.


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Chris and Koochie split! - Mrshairdo

Sometimes when sh*t happens...you say fucc - Cyndi Lauper

let's look death in the face and say "whatever man". -Hurley.


Posted By: Prazol60
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 4:00am
I had it rough as a teen because at that time it was not ok for a black person to like rock music or grunge. I had blue hair at times, wore plaid shirts and likes alt. music groups. During this time it was popular for black teen to wear Tommy Hifiger and herringbone necklaces. I am glad stuff as changed and people can be more open about being different.

I know it is not all roses but things are changing for the better I think.


Posted By: f8dagrate
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 4:30am
maybe for me it was a little different.. i got side eyes from white, black and brown for liking and doing the things i do.. this guys was singing a song by a band named Rancid, and when i stated the name of the song that he sang.. he said, him: omg u know that song? me: yea it's by rancid... him: don't get offended, but i have a lot of black friends but they only listen to rap.. me: okayyy.. him: i can't believe that you listen to themShocked    me: Stern Smile  ... and he was Hispanic by the way..



all my black friends knew i listened to rock they never said a thing.. some even rocked out to it..

i do all except on thing on your list.. and most of those things don't even seem alternative.. maybe it's because of the area u live in.. most black people in cali now, try to be different now, which makes everbody  just the same.. black people do all the above on your list..


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Women, midwest, WO-MEN. I know you're stunted in height but I didn't know that your shortcomings extended to your brain function - ImThatDiva


Posted By: TokyoRose
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 5:22am
Yup, I get crap from both black and non-black people for my lifestyle choices, and I wish they'd stop it.

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

-being childfree
I feel that as a teacher, I have 60 of my own kids at any given moment, so I don't need any of my own.  Lately, though, I have been interested in the possibility of adoption.

-certain food diets (veganism, raw, not eating processed foods, etc.)
I tried going vegetarian on two occasions.  The first time, I lasted for 6 months.  The second time, I tried gradually cutting meat and dairy products out of my diet, but while I was doing that (still eating meat at the time) the doctor told me my protein levels were too low.  Even now, I rarely eat red meat and I only eat pork maybe 4 times per year, and doctors have STILL told me my protein levels are too low, so no vegetarianism for me.

-anti-consumption/consumerism
-serious frugality
I'm seriously into using what I have and not throwing things away unless it is absolutely necessary.  It's better for the environment. 

-geek culture (steampunk, comics, going to cons, etc.)
YUP!  I love my comics!

-minimalism, simple living
No choice.  I live in a small apartment in Japan.  I can't buy a lot of crap.


And I am an agnostic atheist.  I think with this, it is more about getting others to accept the fact that there are people that exist who don't believe in deities and I'd like to get to a point where that is okay for others to accept.


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When common sense fails, assume I am taking the piss and being sarcastic.
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner.


Posted By: AmyAmyAmy
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 5:57am
I'm quite weird, non-religious etc.

i feel i can't really open up to people.


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You haven't arrived until your twitter is verified.


Posted By: AmyAmyAmy
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 5:59am
Originally posted by Napp Napp wrote:

I plan to be child free. So far no one seems to believe meCry

Apparently its a phase, my future children are being mentioned already.


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You haven't arrived until your twitter is verified.


Posted By: nycdiva357
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 6:55am
- long term relationship w/ no intention to marry.-

I dont believe in the need to marry (for myself). If I'm in a long term relationship w/ someone I love- who makes me happy...and we have kids- No marriage license is ever wanted or needed by me.
When ppl hear this-- some are supportive- others feel the need to state their pointless opinion- but when it all boils down-- I have the same " i dont give a fawk what you think" attitude.

Religion-
I was raised in a house where my parents were not the same religion..so we celebrated and learned about both religions. I celebrated everything from easter to the eid. I fast for ramadan and can decorate the heck out of christmas tree. As i've gotten older-- I continue to pick and choose things I like from religions-- and apply them to my life. it isn't just islam and catholicism either....its expanded to other religions I've learned about.
My relgious beliefs tend to confuse the crap out of ppl. And its lead many people to give me their opinions on what I should believe, what I need to change, etc etc.
and yeah-- my response to that is still " i don't give a fawk"




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He follows what I'm saying.. I aint gotta twitter shyt.


Posted By: danni7
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 7:19am
I've shacked up with my baby daddy. We mention marriage but we're not making any effort to do it. Mind you he's very dedicated to his church, his dad is a pastor even and he's the choir director. But we're living in "sin"


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 7:23am
Originally posted by ShadyLady ShadyLady wrote:


I also get a lot of flack because I don't have or want kids. Everytime someone finds out I'm 26 with no kids, there's this shock.

whenever someone on BHM says this, I genuinely wonder if they come from a neighborhood like that professor spoke about..


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: melikey
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 8:33am
My family talks sh*t although we have every alternative lifestyle you can name in our family. I have come to the conclusion that families just like judging. I cannot say my experience is unique.

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shine your light for the world to see


Posted By: melikey
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 8:44am
Oh, I've been vegetarian, vegan, married someone from a different country, shacked up, don't have kids although I'm physically capable, married, in my 30s, and more than can afford it.
in my family all mothers 4 sisters are different religions, we have 40+ year marriages, baby mommas, Hipsters, gays, trannies, 420 crew, crack heads, drunks, nerds, bougie, rich,destitute.
You'd think no one would have room to judge anyone else, oh, but we do!

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shine your light for the world to see


Posted By: purpulicious01
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 8:49am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

So this has been on my mind a lot lately...alternative lifestyles/philosophies and how people respond to them in the black community.  

I find that in general black people are far less open to "alternative" ways of living. Whether it's in real life or online. It's like certain types of behaviors/beliefs/etc are just...not worth considering.

Examples:
-long term relationships with no intention of marriage
-being childfree
-certain food diets (veganism, raw, not eating processed foods, etc.)
-anti-consumption/consumerism
-serious frugality
-geek culture (steampunk, comics, going to cons, etc.)
-minimalism, simple living

So do you live an "alternative" lifestyle or have an "alternative" belief/life philosophy? How do other black people respond to it?

I'm the bolded, with moderation.

With my diet, there are many periods where I'm 100% vegan strictly, then periods where I'm not.  I eat a lot of organic foods, fruits/vegetables, not a lot of processed foods, and a complete NO to all fast food. I have relatives  that call me the 'whitish black person' they know (Wackowhatever... haters. LOL) I don't smoke, drink, do drugs, etc.

Anti-consumption - I save a lot more $ than I spend, and stay of out debt. I'll splurge once in a while but generally am not a big on buying things/shopping just for the sake of buying something. I like to have nice things/clothing and look nice, but I'll buy things only when I need them (with the exception of my hijabs/headscarves - I have to admit, I will buy a pashmina/scarf with a nice print/color when I see it, even if I don't need it Embarrassed).  I'm not the going-to-the mall-every-weekend type of girl. I'd rather go to a library, park, walking, or hiking. 

(side note: there is a great book by a psychologist, the name is slips my mind at the moment, about the effects marketing and shopping centers have on our psyche and the tactics marketers use to convince us to buy their products, unnecessary things that they convince us are necessary. The authors notes how we are in a constant battle with a our temptations and urges at these places to resist buying things that we don't need, but are told we do.)

Minimalism-simple living - Own less and live more. I'm always decluttering my house, wardrobe, and life of excess things.  Even with my wardrobe, I'll try to keep it small/medium but full of things that'll last me years and are very versatile that will not require me go shopping every month. I pray and meditate often throughout the day, like my surroundings to be peaceful, calm, and clean.  Spend a lot of time enjoying simple things, spending time with friends and family. 

I don't spend a lot of time watching tv or surfing the web. 


Is homeschooling an alternate lifestyle/belief/philosophy? If so, *raises hand*


eta: generally, the response from fellow blacks/AAs is mixed. Some are mocking and others are more accepting. I've lost count of how many AA women I've seen and actually sat down with in Whole Foods about living simply and healthier.

But then again, I don't really pay attention to others' reactions to my lifestyle, nor do I share my personal life choices with just anyone and everyone. Something only my close friends and family really are aware of. 




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Posted By: OoDles O
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 8:50am
Relationships-
I actually like the idea of Marriage more than I like the thought of kids. And being that I lived with a girl friend before (And I'm never doing that again) I can say that if I live with someone who I'm totally invested in 110% ... might aswell be married to them.

Religion-
Or lack there of. I'm pretty much apathetic atheist... I don't know.. and I dont really care to know.. And my family .. especially my mom are on some religiocity. For whatever reason they think im in some sort of phase.. but I'm far past that. 

Minimal life/ Simple -
I've pretty much stripped myself down to the bare essentials (for the most part). I dont need alot of "things" and if I do buy something.. I try to rid myself of something that I own already. I also dont mind spending money on something that will last.. or something I consider classic. I think thats how Japanese people I know live. They have little space so they have to be efficient with their purchases.. and this mindset affects every aspect of life alot of times...  But to some I might just come off as a cheap ass n*cca.  oh well 


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:20am
You guys are all so interesting.

I can't remember who said upthread about trying to describe alternative without having to compare to white people...which I think is a good point. A lot of the flack I've gotten about some of these things has been from a "that's white people ish" standpoint. 

I definitely think religion has a huge part to play in certain things. I know my old church friends are like well if you don't get married, then you're going to "live in sin", which means you're going to hell. They were genuinely concerned for me (which I get).  


Posted By: Maple Syrup
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:28am
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

I used to subscribe to a lot of "alternative" thinking when i was growing up.  i kept getting told i was tryna be white so i stopped doing a lot of it during that time...some stuff has remained and come back and others i can't get back. Disapprove  

i am planning on going glutten free soon...we'll see how that works out.
 
Is there any benefits to being gluten free if you don't have a gluten allergy?


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I don't like you human
You remind me of the things I hate in me
I don't like you human
Cause you show me how imperfect I can be
Human
You're so lonely lonely lonely
Human

-Human, Oh Land


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:28am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


well some people are basic....I was told I was eating white people food when I brought some spring rolls to a friend's house

aint that asian food?Cry


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:30am
Originally posted by Maple Syrup Maple Syrup wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

I used to subscribe to a lot of "alternative" thinking when i was growing up.  i kept getting told i was tryna be white so i stopped doing a lot of it during that time...some stuff has remained and come back and others i can't get back. Disapprove  

i am planning on going glutten free soon...we'll see how that works out.
 
Is there any benefits to being gluten free if you don't have a gluten allergy?

you can get miley cyrus skinny


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: Flowing-Ice
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:31am
i'm a traditionalist who cherishes alternative lifestyle choices. 

i'm atheist, but i'm pretty sure i want my kids to grow up in a church. 


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And Jean Paul Gaultier and a Hermes bag and four inch tips made of ostrich ;Sharp enough to slit your wrists her lips spread gossip ;Won't say sorry when she offends


Posted By: Maple Syrup
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:34am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


well some people are basic....I was told I was eating white people food when I brought some spring rolls to a friend's house
 
LMAO.


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I don't like you human
You remind me of the things I hate in me
I don't like you human
Cause you show me how imperfect I can be
Human
You're so lonely lonely lonely
Human

-Human, Oh Land


Posted By: Prazol60
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:38am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


well some people are basic....I was told I was eating white people food when I brought some spring rolls to a friend's house

Spring rolls are deliciousAngryLOL

I don't see why some people get all wrapped up in somebody choice to not marry or remain childless. Not everybody wants to get married or have a child. I say..big deal?!
My nephew decided to go vegetarian and he was talked about bad. I guess he did it wrong and didn't get enough fruits and vegetables because he looked pretty rough. This made some family members think being vegetarian was wrong and unhealthy. Ermm  I brought him a books as a guide to being a healthy vegetarian.


Posted By: Maple Syrup
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:42am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by Maple Syrup Maple Syrup wrote:

Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

I used to subscribe to a lot of "alternative" thinking when i was growing up.  i kept getting told i was tryna be white so i stopped doing a lot of it during that time...some stuff has remained and come back and others i can't get back. Disapprove  

i am planning on going glutten free soon...we'll see how that works out.
 
Is there any benefits to being gluten free if you don't have a gluten allergy?

you can get miley cyrus skinny
 
Word? Maybe I need to jump on this.
 


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I don't like you human
You remind me of the things I hate in me
I don't like you human
Cause you show me how imperfect I can be
Human
You're so lonely lonely lonely
Human

-Human, Oh Land


Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:45am
I subscribe to the following lifestyle choices in the OP:

-long term relationships with no intention of marriage
-being childfree
-certain food diets (veganism, raw, not eating processed foods, etc.)

I don't get much concern into my eating habits because that extends from a different cultural background, but when it comes to marriage and being childless, I am often looked at like a dragon with two heads.

It never occurred to me that my choices were 'different' or worthy of comment or explanation until I reached my mid-twenties. I just figured that whatever I didn't want in life, I had the choice to avoid those things. There isn't a long explanation or some deep, introspective awareness that has influenced my decisions on being child-free and marriage-less, I just don't desire either of them LOL. It really is as simple as that. I was not raised in a broken home, I do not have abandonment issues, I have been surrounded by love and happiness my whole life - so there are no underlying or hidden reasons as to why I don't desire marriage or children. This world has 7 billion people - we simply cannot all want the same things.

Marriage and children are not something I want, so it is strange to me that people tell me that I should 'just do it', as if it is a lightweight obligation like purchasing a blouse or having my car detailed. I mean, you can't just return a child to the store and get a refund. It is a life-long responsibility that I do not want. It is confusing to me how the majority doesn't understand that. I am told all the time that I better hurry up before my eggs dry up - I'm actually looking forward to it, but alas, I am still in my 20's LOL.

As far as marriage, well, I can honestly say that I currently live in a fairy tale with my S/O. We grew up together, we were best friends since I was a little girl, and aside from being my boyfriend, he's my closest friend. We have many people who are envious of our relationship because it is so lighthearted, loving, free and kind. Marriage does not make nor break what we have, and so it is unnecessary. The initial purpose of marriage was to apply legal considerations to a woman. To this very day, marriage is looked upon much like a business transaction and an investment. For those women who work and maintain their own lifestyles, perhaps to them (I know it is for me), marriage is useless. I have asked my co-worker (who was trying to convince me that I should marry) what the perks to marriage were, and she could only name financial benefits and societal standing.

1. I am fortunate enough to not need marriage to help with my financial situation, and
2. I care not what society thinks about me. What goes on in this household is solely the business of those who participate in this household 

That being said, I am glad that I had the mental fortitude to stick to my beliefs and live how I want to live without feeling the pressure to sacrifice my personal decisions to make society happy. I am living this life - no one else, and I encourage everyone to always think deeply about their wants and desires, and not just flippantly join the ranks because certain things are 'expected'.

Good thread Thumbs Up


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Cut from full hip to full waist
Maxi Glide with coconut oil
Pin curls
VOILA!


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:47am
to those who are unmarried and want to remain that way..do you draw up legal documents, power of attorneys, wills, and other contracts between yourself and your lifelong partner?

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:48am
...and this is complicated because since I am half Indian, marriage is a HUGE deal in Indian culture. There is even a 'wedding season' where you can easily attend 3-5 weddings a day. This was a big deal in the (extended) family a few years ago because my older sister is also not married - by choice. They wanted to know what was 'wrong' with us LOL.

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Cut from full hip to full waist
Maxi Glide with coconut oil
Pin curls
VOILA!


Posted By: dazed&
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:50am
religion- i guess im agnostic atheist. I dont discuss this with my black friends or relatives since they're all super christian. whenever i even mention that im not religious i get burning side eyes. so now i just dont mention it. ironically, almost all of my non-black acquaintances arent religious, so im more comfortable discussing that topic with them

music- i dont listen to rap or r and b. ive been over the genres since i was 13. i always hid it through highschool though, since i went to an all black school and everyone was into rap and r and b only. anything not made by a black person was considered "white people music." im a huge indie.alternative rock and EDM fan- mainly dubstep and glitch. i like to go to EDm shows  music festivals (where they usually last a few days and involve camping)...the last one i went to was counterpoint..had about 15,000 people there and i swear there were less than 200 black people -_-

marriage- im not sure about where i stand on the subject. to me it is just a contract. or betting someone half of everything you own that you'll love them forever. i also don't like the idea of being contractually bound to someone for the rest of your life. going off of my past relationships, im rather fickle and get smothered easily- two things that wouldn't be so great in a marriage. However if i decided to have kids, i probably would get married just for the stability

on the matter of children- they're cute and all but i have a low tolerance for neediness...which children will be for 18 years...so i don't know if i want them or not.

ive also never fried anything in my life besides fries, pancakes and french toast. Pinch i think thats all.


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:52am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

So this has been on my mind a lot lately...alternative lifestyles/philosophies and how people respond to them in the black community.  

I find that in general black people are far less open to "alternative" ways of living. Whether it's in real life or online. It's like certain types of behaviors/beliefs/etc are just...not worth considering.

Examples:
-long term relationships with no intention of marriage - in my family it happens but i can't say that "its respected". There is definitely a clear distinction of how spouses vs gf/bf are treated.
 
-being childfree - i have great aunts who never had any kids so its ok. i also have a lot of aunts and 1st cousins who waited later in life to have kids so its not an issue.

-certain food diets (veganism, raw, not eating processed foods, etc.) -  its becoming more acceptable. i think we have all our own dietary needs however its  understood that when we have family gatherings, ain't nobody making nothing special for you, lol. So if you eat a certain way, bring it yourself and for everyone to try. I had a cousin who eats gluten free. She brought some desserts and everyone loved it.  My family is from the country so...a lot of it is just knowledge and what they are exposed to.

-anti-consumption/consumerism - its accepted. not everyone in our family is in "spend, spend, spend" mode. 
-serious frugality - same as above
-geek culture (steampunk, comics, going to cons, etc.) - never had happened with any family member i know. 

-minimalism, simple living - its accepted.

So do you live an "alternative" lifestyle or have an "alternative" belief/life philosophy? How do other black people respond to it?


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:56am
Originally posted by Organic Organic wrote:

...and this is complicated because since I am half Indian, marriage is a HUGE deal in Indian culture. There is even a 'wedding season' where you can easily attend 3-5 weddings a day. This was a big deal in the (extended) family a few years ago because my older sister is also not married - by choice. They wanted to know what was 'wrong' with us LOL.


i need to make an indian friend so that i can attend an indian weddingLOL
hubby has a better chance of doing it though since he's in IT
i already got Nigerian down...indian and nigerian weddings i think are the most OTT and i love it


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 10:58am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

to those who are unmarried and want to remain that way..do you draw up legal documents, power of attorneys, wills, and other contracts between yourself and your lifelong partner?

If and when I find a life partner, yes, we will definitely have to have certain legal documents in place because until then my mom has all that.

I also don't ever plan to combine finances so depending on the state we live in we'll have to have a contract (non-nuptial? Idk what it's actually called) that supercedes whatever common-law/community property/etc laws of the state.


Posted By: CuteNSweet
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:01am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:




I love steampunk and sci-fi. I wish there were more black people in it. Love love love Octavia Butler. And will definitely be supporting Will Smith's new movie. But I've already heard black people say stuff like "don't nobody wanna watch that ish" just because it's sci-fi. 


I can relate.  I'm a techie that loves everything sci-fi and very rarely have anyone to enjoy it with....


Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:02am
Originally posted by ShadyLady ShadyLady wrote:

By these standards, I have an alternative lifestyle. I never thought of it that way, but I'm not offended.

I have never had this burning desire a lot of women have to get married. To be honest, it seems like more of a hassle to me. I just naturally believe I can co-exist (not necessarily live with) the person I love and just be happy. Having a ring or piece of paper wouldn't make that bond any stronger IN MY EYES, although I don't knock anyone who feels otherwise.

Since middle school, people have always thought that was weird and told me I'd change my mind when I meet "the right one". I've been engaged and felt trapped. I couldn't go through with it.

I genuinely don't believe marriage is for me and wish people would stop telling me how "scared", "nervous", or "damaged" I am because I feel that way.

I also get a lot of flack because I don't have or want kids. Everytime someone finds out I'm 26 with no kids, there's this shock. I've had people blatantly ask me if something is wrong and that I can't have kids. People even casually ask about abortions. Everytime I say I don't want kids, everyone acts like I'm gonna wake up when I'm older and regret not doing it...like I can't just genuinely not want it.

Several people have called my choices selfish, and people constantly question my relationship with The Lord because of it...*sigh*.

I'm to a point where I don't care as much, but I have to admit, I don't just volunteer thus info about myself cuz I'm sick of people feeling like they need to counsel me on it.

Alll of this LOL. I was called selfish as well for not wanting kids. I think it's selfish to have kids that you don't want.

As for marriage, we went to my so's family's house for Thanksgiving and everyone kept asking when we were getting married because we make such a lovely pair. I felt claustrophobic. Just the idea of marriage makes me feel trapped and 'not myself'. It feels like I'd be wearing a pair of shoes that were not my size. I just simply cannot do something that I don't desire to do.


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Cut from full hip to full waist
Maxi Glide with coconut oil
Pin curls
VOILA!


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:02am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

to those who are unmarried and want to remain that way..do you draw up legal documents, power of attorneys, wills, and other contracts between yourself and your lifelong partner?

If and when I find a life partner, yes, we will definitely have to have certain legal documents in place because until then my mom has all that.

I also don't ever plan to combine finances so depending on the state we live in we'll have to have a contract (non-nuptial? Idk what it's actually called) that supercedes whatever common-law/community property/etc laws of the state.

 well most states dont have common law marriage anymore so that wouldn't be an issue so if you're just together community property laws wouldnt kick in..i dont think Cali has CL marriage but you should def. check


which then leads me to the...if you're willing to create a contract for that sort of stuff...why not get married and it's automatic? i am not trying to convince anyone of anything btw--i am just genuinely curious and i dont wanna write my paperBig smile


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:09am
Yall are some interesting people.

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Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:16am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

to those who are unmarried and want to remain that way..do you draw up legal documents, power of attorneys, wills, and other contracts between yourself and your lifelong partner?

If and when I find a life partner, yes, we will definitely have to have certain legal documents in place because until then my mom has all that.

I also don't ever plan to combine finances so depending on the state we live in we'll have to have a contract (non-nuptial? Idk what it's actually called) that supercedes whatever common-law/community property/etc laws of the state.

 well most states dont have common law marriage anymore so that wouldn't be an issue so if you're just together community property laws wouldnt kick in..i dont think Cali has CL marriage but you should def. check


which then leads me to the...if you're willing to create a contract for that sort of stuff...why not get married and it's automatic? i am not trying to convince anyone of anything btw--i am just genuinely curious and i dont wanna write my paperBig smile

In my case, I don't believe any relationship can actually last a lifetime and since divorce is too much of a hassle I don't want to get married in the first place.

My ideal ending to a relationship would be "ok so we're not into this anymore? cool. move your stuff out. see you later". No muss, no fuss.

Honestly, I don't even really want to do all the legal contracts with another person. I already have all my healthcare directives, will, etc. in place. Don't really need another person in on that stuff. Main thing would be defining our living situation so no one feels taken advantage of or whatever.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:18am
^ahh i see. well divorce is a lot quicker than it used to be lol unless you live in a fault state or are catholic or jewish. but not going through that process is of course cheaper and less time consuming.

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If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:19am
Originally posted by Sang Froid Sang Froid wrote:

Yall are some interesting people.
This in a good way it's interesting lol


Posted By: nycdiva357
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:37am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

to those who are unmarried and want to remain that way..do you draw up legal documents, power of attorneys, wills, and other contracts between yourself and your lifelong partner?


guess lol


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He follows what I'm saying.. I aint gotta twitter shyt.


Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 11:44am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by Organic Organic wrote:

...and this is complicated because since I am half Indian, marriage is a HUGE deal in Indian culture. There is even a 'wedding season' where you can easily attend 3-5 weddings a day. This was a big deal in the (extended) family a few years ago because my older sister is also not married - by choice. They wanted to know what was 'wrong' with us LOL.


i need to make an indian friend so that i can attend an indian weddingLOL
hubby has a better chance of doing it though since he's in IT
i already got Nigerian down...indian and nigerian weddings i think are the most OTT and i love it

Granny even wanted the white steed Sleepy

Indian weddings are fun and boisterous. They usually last a few days and different events over the course of the week. When my granny married, her lehenga (the wedding 'dress') was nearly $30k USD, so yea, they are waaaay over the top. Eating marigolds and all LOL.

Lemme know how I can get up in one of those Nigerian weddings. I'm trying to have it 'rain' bills on me.


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Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 12:14pm
Originally posted by Organic Organic wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by Organic Organic wrote:

...and this is complicated because since I am half Indian, marriage is a HUGE deal in Indian culture. There is even a 'wedding season' where you can easily attend 3-5 weddings a day. This was a big deal in the (extended) family a few years ago because my older sister is also not married - by choice. They wanted to know what was 'wrong' with us LOL.


i need to make an indian friend so that i can attend an indian weddingLOL
hubby has a better chance of doing it though since he's in IT
i already got Nigerian down...indian and nigerian weddings i think are the most OTT and i love it

Granny even wanted the white steed Sleepy

Indian weddings are fun and boisterous. They usually last a few days and different events over the course of the week. When my granny married, her lehenga (the wedding 'dress') was nearly $30k USD, so yea, they are waaaay over the top. Eating marigolds and all LOL.

Lemme know how I can get up in one of those Nigerian weddings. I'm trying to have it 'rain' bills on me.


i am trying to party for multiple days and see elephants. get married and invite meCry


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 12:15pm
Organic I ain't know you had indian in you.
Send me a pic of your hair.


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Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 1:39pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by Organic Organic wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by Organic Organic wrote:

...and this is complicated because since I am half Indian, marriage is a HUGE deal in Indian culture. There is even a 'wedding season' where you can easily attend 3-5 weddings a day. This was a big deal in the (extended) family a few years ago because my older sister is also not married - by choice. They wanted to know what was 'wrong' with us LOL.


i need to make an indian friend so that i can attend an indian weddingLOL
hubby has a better chance of doing it though since he's in IT
i already got Nigerian down...indian and nigerian weddings i think are the most OTT and i love it

Granny even wanted the white steed Sleepy

Indian weddings are fun and boisterous. They usually last a few days and different events over the course of the week. When my granny married, her lehenga (the wedding 'dress') was nearly $30k USD, so yea, they are waaaay over the top. Eating marigolds and all LOL.

Lemme know how I can get up in one of those Nigerian weddings. I'm trying to have it 'rain' bills on me.


i am trying to party for multiple days and see elephants. get married and invite meCry

LOL


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Cut from full hip to full waist
Maxi Glide with coconut oil
Pin curls
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Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 1:40pm
Originally posted by Sang Froid Sang Froid wrote:

Organic I ain't know you had indian in you.
Send me a pic of your hair.

Yes, I's a exotical black.
 

...and Sleepy at you and whoever thanked your post Sleepy


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Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 1:46pm
Why can't I see your hair?

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Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:21pm
'Cause I won't post any pictures, love. I did post in the 'bad hair day' thread some months back, though.

Elohim, behave.


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Maxi Glide with coconut oil
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Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:22pm
Cry

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Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:24pm
Orgy, how 'bout you just have a wedding, but dont get a marriage certificate? This is just so I can come to your Indian wedding...because you're gonna have an Indian weddingStern Smile

Would it be appropriate for me to wear a Sari?Geek
I've always wanted one, but I dont want to look like a cultural appropriating hag.


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Im making a political statement every time I make my ass clap - Ru Paul




Posted By: OoDles O
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:35pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

to those who are unmarried and want to remain that way..do you draw up legal documents, power of attorneys, wills, and other contracts between yourself and your lifelong partner?

aint nobody got time for that...

I think people just want to drift in and out of relationships. Alot of times the whole rigid structure of a relationship (leading to marriage) is what turns people off.. not to mention the whole part about "forever"
and actually evolving alongside one another... "can I actually spread out if someone is right next to me?"  

but I kind of disagree with Maysay... I think relationships can last a lifetime ... 

Theres people who are shytty at maintaining relationships through their own choices or not...
and then theres people who are just good at nurturing human bonds.


Posted By: Rumbera
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:38pm
Organic bad hair day pics was laughable !!!!!!
 
 


Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:48pm
Originally posted by **Sk!TtLeS B** **Sk!TtLeS B** wrote:

Orgy, how 'bout you just have a wedding, but dont get a marriage certificate? This is just so I can come to your Indian wedding...because you're gonna have an Indian weddingStern Smile

Would it be appropriate for me to wear a Sari?Geek
I've always wanted one, but I dont want to look like a cultural appropriating hag.

Have mercy Dead.

Yes, you could wear a sari. I'll even have my sister do a henna tattoo for you LOL.

OOH HENNA CAKE!!!

Maybe I should get married because I WANT one of these!



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Cut from full hip to full waist
Maxi Glide with coconut oil
Pin curls
VOILA!


Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:49pm
Originally posted by Rumbera Rumbera wrote:

Organic bad hair day pics was laughable !!!!!!
 
 

It was the camera flash that made it look halfway decent, truss mi! LOL Then entire nape area was a knotted, matted ball Dead.


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Cut from full hip to full waist
Maxi Glide with coconut oil
Pin curls
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Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 2:56pm
Originally posted by Organic Organic wrote:


Have mercy Dead.

Yes, you could wear a sari. I'll even have my sister do a henna tattoo for you LOL.

OOH HENNA CAKE!!!

Maybe I should get married because I WANT one of these!

Yay!!! I get a sari and henna!?!?!?!?!?!?!

But Orgy, how can you even consider not having a wedding when cakes like this exist?Cry


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Im making a political statement every time I make my ass clap - Ru Paul




Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 3:06pm
^ I know. I just had a serious change of heart. Is that...caramel icing??? Maybe with chocolate cake inside???






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Cut from full hip to full waist
Maxi Glide with coconut oil
Pin curls
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Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 3:09pm


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Im making a political statement every time I make my ass clap - Ru Paul




Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 3:12pm
Organic, when I find my mate I'm totally having a huge party. I'm not going to call it a wedding. But still having a party nonetheless.

My sister's fiance is from pakistan so she's having one of those weddings in the summer. I'm so excited because I know they're gonna go all out. I already have my material to get a sari or a salwar kameez made.


Posted By: OrriannaRose
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 3:29pm
Originally posted by Rumbera Rumbera wrote:

Organic bad hair day pics was laughable !!!!!!
 
 


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Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 3:33pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Organic, when I find my mate I'm totally having a huge party. I'm not going to call it a wedding. But still having a party nonetheless.

My sister's fiance is from pakistan so she's having one of those weddings in the summer. I'm so excited because I know they're gonna go all out. I already have my material to get a sari or a salwar kameez made.

The party idea sounds nice! Love and happiness should be celebrated. What color are you wearing to the wedding? Are you wearing patiala or churidar pants (if you wear salwar kameez)?

I went to a wedding last year and wore a peach SK with silver embroidery and scalloped edges. 


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Cut from full hip to full waist
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Posted By: Organic
Date Posted: Dec 12 2012 at 3:34pm
You too, Orianna. You and Rummy are going on my 'list' Nuke lol.

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Cut from full hip to full waist
Maxi Glide with coconut oil
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