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Honest advice needed please!

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Printed Date: Nov 14 2018 at 7:54pm


Topic: Honest advice needed please!
Posted By: Cali naps
Subject: Honest advice needed please!
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 8:48pm

I rarely post here but I really need some outsider advice. Sorry if the story is confusing or if there are any errors. I’m super upset and I cut some things out to make the story shorter.

 

                I have had plenty problems with my family, especially my parents in the past so I distanced myself from them for the past few years but recently my mom and I have tried to repair our relationship. I knew this was going to be difficult but I already feel myself wanting to give up.  The first few weeks we started talking to each other everything seemed fine. We made it a point to hang out with each other at least once a week and I visited her plenty of times. I was even cordial with my father and sister who I have extreme problems with.             

                Now things are getting very difficult. I went to visit her a few days ago and we go into a small argument while I was making her dinner. It started to get very heated so she went into another room to cool off. Then, my father gets involved and starts screaming at me saying how he regrets the fact that he stopped beating me when I was younger and how he was going to slap the sh*t out of me for being such a nuisance and messing up his life.  After that I left crying.

I didn’t speak to my mom until yesterday. As soon as I saw her she began saying how it’s my fault everyone is mad because of how emotionally detached I am from them. When I told her what my father said, her excuse was “He was just defending his wife because you hurt her feelings”. When I told her that he also said foul things about her that day her excuse was “he just says and does those things out of anger”.  After she said that I listed things she let him do to me “out of anger” and asked if she thought her husband was worth sacrificing one of her daughters and she had no answer.

Today she was trying to act nice to me. She kept wanting to talk like nothing happened and I just gave up and pretended like everything was okay to avoid conflict. Do you guys think that I am wasting my time trying to repair my relationship with her? Do you think it’s possible to even have a decent relationship with her and not my father? Am I overreacting or do I have a decent enough reason to give up?



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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz



Replies:
Posted By: Alias_Avi
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 8:51pm
I'm having similar problems with my parents to be honest

If I were you I'd give them an ultimatum

Tell 'em you're through with the drama. Layout the specifics you have a problem with and explain to them why you can't keep dealing with it. If they don't want to change then they will lose a relationship with you. Stick to your guns and don't waver

Good luck


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 8:52pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Do you guys think that I am wasting my time trying to repair my relationship with her? YES

Do you think it’s possible to even have a decent relationship with her and not my father? Without formal intervention or help? NO

Am I overreacting or do I have a decent enough reason to give up? Do what makes you happy


You only have one dad and one mom....but you only have one life. & your life is most important. They've lived most of theirs. No need to be miserable.


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God forgive me for my brash delivery
But I remember vividly what these streets did to me


Posted By: OrriannaRose
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 8:55pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

  After she said that I listed things she let him do to me “out of anger” and asked if she thought her husband was worth sacrificing one of her daughters and she had no answer.

Today she was trying to act nice to me. She kept wanting to talk like nothing happened and I just gave up and pretended like everything was okay to avoid conflict. Do you guys think that I am wasting my time trying to repair my relationship with her? Do you think it’s possible to even have a decent relationship with her and not my father? Am I overreacting or do I have a decent enough reason to give up?

 
Broken HeartHug
 
I think you are wasting your time on her and it willl not be possible to have a relationship with her and not with your father. Her silence to your question would be enough for me.


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Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:07pm
Thanks for the answers . I guess I was hoping that maybe I was overreactingOuch

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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:07pm
Damn, you got 2 shytty parents and a shytty step-parent/mother.

I'd cut em all both completely out of my life, effective immediately.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.  Hug


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Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:11pm
You need to take care of you. Would you allow this treatment from friends? No. Just because you are blood related does not mean you should be abused (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, etc) or be in an a bad relationship.

So yes, it is a waste of time. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who treat you well. 

In the meantime...check out captainawkward.com. So much great advice about dealing with crazy family and relationships and healing yourself and other great stuff. 


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:17pm
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Damn, you got 2 shytty parents and a shytty step-parent/mother.

I'd cut em all completely out of my life, effective immediately.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.  Hug
I don't have a step parent and thanks Smile


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:18pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

You need to take care of you. Would you allow this treatment from friends? No. Just because you are blood related does not mean you should be abused (mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, etc) or be in an a bad relationship.

So yes, it is a waste of time. Take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who treat you well. 

In the meantime...check out captainawkward.com. So much great advice about dealing with crazy family and relationships and healing yourself and other great stuff. 
I've been telling myself this by I guess i needed to hear it from someone else to actually listen and I checked out the website and it seems cool


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:24pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:


I don't have a step parent and thanks Smile

Oh, okay. I skimmed. The part you said your mom said 'he was defending his wife because you hurt her feelings' I didn't realize she was talking about herself. My bad. Ouch

ETA: Did your father beat your mother and sister too, or just you? You don't have to answer that if you don't want too. Hug


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Posted By: foxyroy19
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:36pm

If you can't tolerate the work of getting a long and make nice then YOU need to cut all ties with your family.  Simple.  You are in control of you.  You dont control nothing else.  Once you learn that simple fact you will be able to make a decision.

Honestly, why should Mom give up on her relationship just to appease you...?  You are or have been out the nest....fly...that is her home and how she wants to live her life is and has been her decision.  Things your mother tolerates may not be what you can or will tolerate and the same with the members on BHM.  I just can't imagine a grown child trying to tell me what to do or how I should do this or that with my husband.  I can't believe your mom tried to explain that to you.  

 
The only Dynamics that can be changed is within your control. 
 
 
I have had to cut crazy out my life and I don't regret it one bit.
 
 


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Taking names...keeping notes!


Posted By: coconess
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:40pm
i dont think youre overreacting. 

i will semi cosign with alias. Tell her how youre feeling and why, and give her an ultimatum. 
If she continues to make excuses for him and/or doesnt change, let her know that youre done. 

i have no problem ostracizing myself from people who have no benefit/positivity in my life. 


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:41pm
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:


I don't have a step parent and thanks Smile

Oh, okay. I skimmed. The part you said your mom said 'he was defending his wife because you hurt her feelings' I didn't realize she was talking about herself. My bad. Ouch

ETA: Did your father beat your mother and sister too, or just you? You don't have to answer that if you don't want too. Hug
Just me. My sister is a lot older than me so she what out of the house but when she around she only witnessed the good side of him.


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:48pm
Originally posted by foxyroy19 foxyroy19 wrote:

If you can't tolerate the work of getting a long and make nice then YOU need to cut all ties with your family.  Simple.  You are in control of you.  You dont control nothing else.  Once you learn that simple fact you will be able to make a decision.

Honestly, why should Mom give up on her relationship just to appease you...?  You are or have been out the nest....fly...that is her home and how she wants to live her life is and has been her decision.  Things your mother tolerates may not be what you can or will tolerate and the same with the members on BHM.  I just can't imagine a grown child trying to tell me what to do or how I should do this or that with my husband.  I can't believe your mom tried to explain that to you.  

 
The only Dynamics that can be changed is within your control. 
 
 
I have had to cut crazy out my life and I don't regret it one bit.
 
 
I don't want her to give up on her relationship and the comment that I believe you are talking about was meant to refer to thing that happened in the past. I am not trying to tell her what she does in her relationship but i sure in the hell am not trying to get physically hurt by a man she insists on keeping around while wanting making our relationship work. I appreciate your honesty and different point of veiw though.


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: ShadyLady
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:48pm
Honestly, if you can't handle how they behave, its best to cut ties and distance yourself.

Your mother is pretty much conditioned to act as she has been and no amount of you being hurt is gonna change that if its been going on this long.

Your dad sounds abusive and he will not change because he doesn't respect your opinion that he should, and your mother and sister condone and excuse his behavior.


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 9:52pm
I think its hard to let go because my mom and I used to have an amazing and super close relationship before we moved in with my dad

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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:16pm
Cali, it's natural for a daughter to want to have a relationship with her mother. However, your anger and resentment about

Quote After she said that I listed things she let him do to me “out of anger”


her guilt about the above blue and/or refusal to accept that she is, in fact a shytty parent

= You always being the one to blame when your anger and resentment leads to arguments. 


Quote and asked if she thought her husband was worth sacrificing one of her daughters and she had no answer.

You have a list of things she let him do to you. She answered that question a long time ago sweetheart. Hug





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Posted By: princesshoneybee
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:19pm
Op, what do you mean by "beat"? Do you means spanking or straight out violence? If he seriously physically abused you, I really don't think that you should contact him again or get too close to him. Unless, he comes to realize what he did was just plain evil. If you mean "beat" as in spanking than I don't think it really is that big of a deal and maybe he was just frustrated at the pressures of being a parent and having to sacrifice alot for his kids. As far as your mother is concerned, I think you should still keep her in your life because she is your mother no matter what. And no matter what if she is in need you need to be the bigger person and try to help when you can. But I don't think you should share intimate parts of your life with her and try to keep it civil. It's no good to be completely isolated from your family because I can see that if you are even asking this question you seem to love your family despite the issues you are having. When I found out that my father was spending all our money on prostitution and thats why we couldn't eat or do things I was soo angry and I wanted him to die. But I realize now that I have to be the bigger person because he can't be. Please PM me anytime you want. I know family drama hurts but one day you will get married, have friends of your own and live a satisfying life. As we get older we depend less and less on our parents anyway so it's not like you are forced to live with them 24/7, you will be fine. You just have to trust your gut.


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:20pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

I think its hard to let go because my mom and I used to have an amazing and super close relationship before we moved in with my dad

Wait, what?

Cali, are you trolling? 
 Angry


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Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:25pm
NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this

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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:28pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Op, what do you mean by "beat"? Do you means spanking or straight out violence? If he seriously physically abused you, I really don't think that you should contact him again or get too close to him. Unless, he comes to realize what he did was just plain evil. If you mean "beat" as in spanking than I don't think it really is that big of a deal and maybe he was just frustrated at the pressures of being a parent and having to sacrifice alot for his kids. As far as your mother is concerned, I think you should still keep her in your life because she is your mother no matter what. And no matter what if she is in need you need to be the bigger person and try to help when you can. But I don't think you should share intimate parts of your life with her and try to keep it civil. It's no good to be completely isolated from your family because I can see that if you are even asking this question you seem to love your family despite the issues you are having. When I found out that my father was spending all our money on prostitution and thats why we couldn't eat or do things I was soo angry and I wanted him to die. But I realize now that I have to be the bigger person because he can't be. Please PM me anytime you want. I know family drama hurts but one day you will get married, have friends of your own and live a satisfying life. As we get older we depend less and less on our parents anyway so it's not like you are forced to live with them 24/7, you will be fine. You just have to trust your gut.
He didn't spank me. He was either one extreme or the other. Either he wouldn't touch mr or he would choke me until and i blacked out or he'd slap and shake me.  Thanks so much. I think i might pm because I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get over this


-------------
"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: princesshoneybee
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:29pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this

How old are you cali?


Posted By: kaai
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:29pm
live your life!
you cant fix them

 get you some space away from them.....




Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:30pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this

How old are you cali?
19


-------------
"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: FarraFace
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:31pm
All righty then. Well, good luck sweetie. Take care. Hug 

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Posted By: princesshoneybee
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:32pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Op, what do you mean by "beat"? Do you means spanking or straight out violence? If he seriously physically abused you, I really don't think that you should contact him again or get too close to him. Unless, he comes to realize what he did was just plain evil. If you mean "beat" as in spanking than I don't think it really is that big of a deal and maybe he was just frustrated at the pressures of being a parent and having to sacrifice alot for his kids. As far as your mother is concerned, I think you should still keep her in your life because she is your mother no matter what. And no matter what if she is in need you need to be the bigger person and try to help when you can. But I don't think you should share intimate parts of your life with her and try to keep it civil. It's no good to be completely isolated from your family because I can see that if you are even asking this question you seem to love your family despite the issues you are having. When I found out that my father was spending all our money on prostitution and thats why we couldn't eat or do things I was soo angry and I wanted him to die. But I realize now that I have to be the bigger person because he can't be. Please PM me anytime you want. I know family drama hurts but one day you will get married, have friends of your own and live a satisfying life. As we get older we depend less and less on our parents anyway so it's not like you are forced to live with them 24/7, you will be fine. You just have to trust your gut.
He didn't spank me. He was either one extreme or the other. Either he wouldn't touch mr or he would choke me until and i blacked out or he'd slap and shake me.  Thanks so much. I think i might pm because I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get over this
 

In that case, please avoid your father. Forgive him from your heart but please try not to get emotionally close to him or your mother for that matter. I think you should keep it civil as in if they call you, talk to them. But don't go out of your way. Have you ever confronted him about this abuse, now that your an adult? Did your mother ever attempt to get medical help for you or did she cover for him?


Posted By: princesshoneybee
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:33pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this

How old are you cali?
19
 

Yikes.Do you still live at home?


Posted By: maysay1
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:40pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

He didn't spank me. He was either one extreme or the other. Either he wouldn't touch mr or he would choke me until and i blacked out or he'd slap and shake me.  Thanks so much. I think i might pm because I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get over this

This is coming from someone who grew up with a mentally ill/absuive/addict mother who allowed other people to abuse me as well.

This is not something you just "get over". You are not overreacting and this will take TIME. I'm assuming you don't live with them anymore. That's the first hurdle because you are not physically or financially dependent upon them. If you are financially dependent in any way (like you need their tax info for school aid or you are on their health insurance)...do the bare minimum you need to do to keep a civil relationship until you are no longer dependent. That is going to mean a lot of pretending but do it if you have to.

At the same time, you need to take care of you. If you have access to counseling/therapy through school or a community program, get in it. If you don't, then start journaling and seeking out help from free sources (honestly really captainawkward has helped me a lot, especially with all the links to good books to read about relationships and dealing with these issues).

You have to recognize that you've experienced a lot of trauma. And the emotional scars from physical abuse plus the fact that your mother did not protect you are going to be deep and ugly and take a long time to heal. And each time you engage with her it's like reopening the wound. At the same time you have to allow yourself to grieve what you have lost (a loving, good parent-child relationship).

Like I said, this is not something to just "get over". It will take time, and work, and accepting that they will probably never change. You can only change you and heal yourself. And build your own family (friends, spouse, mentors, people who are totally 100% team you). 


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:40pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Op, what do you mean by "beat"? Do you means spanking or straight out violence? If he seriously physically abused you, I really don't think that you should contact him again or get too close to him. Unless, he comes to realize what he did was just plain evil. If you mean "beat" as in spanking than I don't think it really is that big of a deal and maybe he was just frustrated at the pressures of being a parent and having to sacrifice alot for his kids. As far as your mother is concerned, I think you should still keep her in your life because she is your mother no matter what. And no matter what if she is in need you need to be the bigger person and try to help when you can. But I don't think you should share intimate parts of your life with her and try to keep it civil. It's no good to be completely isolated from your family because I can see that if you are even asking this question you seem to love your family despite the issues you are having. When I found out that my father was spending all our money on prostitution and thats why we couldn't eat or do things I was soo angry and I wanted him to die. But I realize now that I have to be the bigger person because he can't be. Please PM me anytime you want. I know family drama hurts but one day you will get married, have friends of your own and live a satisfying life. As we get older we depend less and less on our parents anyway so it's not like you are forced to live with them 24/7, you will be fine. You just have to trust your gut.
He didn't spank me. He was either one extreme or the other. Either he wouldn't touch mr or he would choke me until and i blacked out or he'd slap and shake me.  Thanks so much. I think i might pm because I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get over this
 

In that case, please avoid your father. Forgive him from your heart but please try not to get emotionally close to him or your mother for that matter. I think you should keep it civil as in if they call you, talk to them. But don't go out of your way. Have you ever confronted him about this abuse, now that your an adult? Did your mother ever attempt to get medical help for you or did she cover for him?
No I just avoid him and she never took to the doctor or anything. Normally he would leave after he did something like that so she would make sure I was okay until he got back


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:42pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this

How old are you cali?
19
 

Yikes.Do you still live at home?
No. I left when I was 16


-------------
"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:44pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

He didn't spank me. He was either one extreme or the other. Either he wouldn't touch mr or he would choke me until and i blacked out or he'd slap and shake me.  Thanks so much. I think i might pm because I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get over this

This is coming from someone who grew up with a mentally ill/absuive/addict mother who allowed other people to abuse me as well.

This is not something you just "get over". You are not overreacting and this will take TIME. I'm assuming you don't live with them anymore. That's the first hurdle because you are not physically or financially dependent upon them. If you are financially dependent in any way (like you need their tax info for school aid or you are on their health insurance)...do the bare minimum you need to do to keep a civil relationship until you are no longer dependent. That is going to mean a lot of pretending but do it if you have to.

At the same time, you need to take care of you. If you have access to counseling/therapy through school or a community program, get in it. If you don't, then start journaling and seeking out help from free sources (honestly really captainawkward has helped me a lot, especially with all the links to good books to read about relationships and dealing with these issues).

You have to recognize that you've experienced a lot of trauma. And the emotional scars from physical abuse plus the fact that your mother did not protect you are going to be deep and ugly and take a long time to heal. And each time you engage with her it's like reopening the wound. At the same time you have to allow yourself to grieve what you have lost (a loving, good parent-child relationship).

Like I said, this is not something to just "get over". It will take time, and work, and accepting that they will probably never change. You can only change you and heal yourself. And build your own family (friends, spouse, mentors, people who are totally 100% team you). 
I really don't know what to say. I really appreciate you taking the time to help


-------------
"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:46pm
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Cali, it's natural for a daughter to want to have a relationship with her mother. However, your anger and resentment about

Quote After she said that I listed things she let him do to me “out of anger”


her guilt about the above blue and/or refusal to accept that she is, in fact a shytty parent

= You always being the one to blame when your anger and resentment leads to arguments. 


Quote and asked if she thought her husband was worth sacrificing one of her daughters and she had no answer.

You have a list of things she let him do to you. She answered that question a long time ago sweetheart. Hug



ouch


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:46pm
I agree with this relationship needing professional help

and since your 19, Im not sure how much resources you have to put towards therapy and the reality is I doubt your parents would go for it

so until you can get professional help, limit your contact, build up your own psyche and your own relationships, making yourself aware of negativity from your childhood that might impact your future decisions, relationships, perceptions etc.  

By limit, keep it light and short and over the phone




Posted By: princesshoneybee
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:52pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this

How old are you cali?
19
 

Yikes.Do you still live at home?
No. I left when I was 16
 

You're parents let you leave the house when you were 16! that's not even legal. You're parents sound like horrid people and this is NOT your fault. I don't think that you should ever contact them at all ever again. You need to focus right now on making something out of your life. Do you go to school? Get your butt enrolled and study hard and become someone important in life. When you are successful, you can surrond yourself with quality people and form good friendships, sometimes a good friend can be better than family. True story.


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:55pm
Are you in school?

They usually provide counseling and therapy

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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:01pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this

How old are you cali?
19
 

Yikes.Do you still live at home?
No. I left when I was 16
 

You're parents let you leave the house when you were 16! that's not even legal. You're parents sound like horrid people and this is NOT your fault. I don't think that you should ever contact them at all ever again. You need to focus right now on making something out of your life. Do you go to school? Get your butt enrolled and study hard and become someone important in life. When you are successful, you can surrond yourself with quality people and form good friendships, sometimes a good friend can be better than family. True story.
My mom just gave up and my dad didn't care so I moved in with some friends. All my family is really just all my close friends. I don't have any blood I can rely on. I'm not in school but I want to go. I did super good in HS and everything but school isn't exactly my top priority right now.


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:02pm
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Are you in school?

They usually provide counseling and therapy
no. I tried counseling before and it didn't really do much tbh


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:04pm
i would say good bye and not look back. theyre going to make you insane if you keep going back and then having 2 ppl gang up on you. no real mother would let anyone do anything to her daughter cause he's angry. wtf?

anyways i know you really wanna get back with your mom, but sounds like she and dad have their own set of issues...and are blaming you. just get on with your life. make it a good one.


i wish i would be cookin somebodys dinner and they start a fight...madea and the grits..thats all imma say lmao. im sleepy op so i might be rambling, not sure, but seriously just carry on with your life...dont go back.



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Posted By: princesshoneybee
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:06pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Are you in school?

They usually provide counseling and therapy
no. I tried counseling before and it didn't really do much tbh
 

You probably went to that "free counseling" that doesn't help. Perhaps you are depressed and need medication. It's ok if you do its nothing to be ashamed of. I take something from my doctor.


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:08pm
Originally posted by Lady ICE Lady ICE wrote:

i would say good bye and not look back. theyre going to make you insane if you keep going back and then having 2 ppl gang up on you. no real mother would let anyone do anything to her daughter cause he's angry. wtf?

anyways i know you really wanna get back with your mom, but sounds like she and dad have their own set of issues...and are blaming you. just get on with your life. make it a good one.


i wish i would be cookin somebodys dinner and they start a fight...madea and the grits..thats all imma say lmao. im sleepy op so i might be rambling, not sure, but seriously just carry on with your life...dont go back.

LOL Trust me I was ready to let him know. My tears weren't sad tears they were I'm so pist that I cant hurt you right now tears. I would have done something but I do not need NO type of attention from the law.


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:12pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Are you in school?

They usually provide counseling and therapy
no. I tried counseling before and it didn't really do much tbh
 

You probably went to that "free counseling" that doesn't help. Perhaps you are depressed and need medication. It's ok if you do its nothing to be ashamed of. I take something from my doctor.
yup. I did that and I was forced to go to counselors in HS. Oh and I was forced to do anger management in Middle school after getting in some troubleSleepy but I'm not sure that counts.  I might be depressed but I handle that with smoking


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: petiteone29
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:28pm
op ive dealt with something similar. sometimes you gotta cut people off. Blood isnt always thicker than water especially when they dont even act like family. i ve learned to give a reasonable chance to people and if they dont meet me halfway or show that they have my best interest at heart
they are cut. point blank.

but whatever decision you make just make sure you are at peace with it.

good luck


Posted By: princesshoneybee
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:29pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Are you in school?

They usually provide counseling and therapy
no. I tried counseling before and it didn't really do much tbh
 

You probably went to that "free counseling" that doesn't help. Perhaps you are depressed and need medication. It's ok if you do its nothing to be ashamed of. I take something from my doctor.
yup. I did that and I was forced to go to counselors in HS. Oh and I was forced to do anger management in Middle school after getting in some troubleSleepy but I'm not sure that counts.  I might be depressed but I handle that with smoking
 

You need a real counselor not the fake high school stuff. But I think the best thing to do for yourself is to try meditation or prayer . And young man or woman, step away from the ciggies.


Posted By: kkscottdale
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:37pm
You had to leave at 16, wow.

I had similar problems with my mom and stepdad when I was 13-16, but I was able to move in with my dad and even though he had problems of his own at least I had a little less drama in my life.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts. It boils my heart to see children have to grow up so quickly due to their parent's BS. It takes away the childhood and those "fun" teen years.


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:38pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Are you in school?

They usually provide counseling and therapy
no. I tried counseling before and it didn't really do much tbh
 

You probably went to that "free counseling" that doesn't help. Perhaps you are depressed and need medication. It's ok if you do its nothing to be ashamed of. I take something from my doctor.
yup. I did that and I was forced to go to counselors in HS. Oh and I was forced to do anger management in Middle school after getting in some troubleSleepy but I'm not sure that counts.  I might be depressed but I handle that with smoking
 

You need a real counselor not the fake high school stuff. But I think the best thing to do for yourself is to try meditation or prayer . And young man or woman, step away from the ciggies.
I don't smoke cigs...and I will look into getting a real counselor


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: princesshoneybee
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:41pm
Yay! You are going to be fine. Just work hard and have faith in God. Things will be good one way or another.


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:41pm
Originally posted by petiteone29 petiteone29 wrote:

op ive dealt with something similar. sometimes you gotta cut people off. Blood isnt always thicker than water especially when they dont even act like family. i ve learned to give a reasonable chance to people and if they dont meet me halfway or show that they have my best interest at heart
they are cut. point blank.

but whatever decision you make just make sure you are at peace with it.

good luck
yeah i learned that the hard way.


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:43pm
Originally posted by kkscottdale kkscottdale wrote:

You had to leave at 16, wow.

I had similar problems with my mom and stepdad when I was 13-16, but I was able to move in with my dad and even though he had problems of his own at least I had a little less drama in my life.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts. It boils my heart to see children have to grow up so quickly due to their parent's BS. It takes away the childhood and those "fun" teen years.
Even though I had to grow up fast I still enjoyed life a lot more after I left.


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: Cali naps
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:43pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Yay! You are going to be fine. Just work hard and have faith in God. Things will be good one way or another.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your help Hug


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"I'll give you an eighth of my mind, go smoke it, now tell all your friends how my thoughts are so potent"-Roach Gigz


Posted By: princesshoneybee
Date Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:48pm
Aww you are welcomeHug



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