Print Page | Close Window

Should I be mad at my father?

Printed From: Black Hair Media Forum
Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Talk, Talk, and More Talk
Forum Description: In this Forum, the talk is about everything that can be talked about.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=351105
Printed Date: Sep 22 2017 at 3:49am


Topic: Should I be mad at my father?
Posted By: neeneebaby
Subject: Should I be mad at my father?
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:13pm
I'm 21 years old. My father is 41 and he is now having another child with some woman. 

In all honesty, I am horribly upset because I never got that father daughter time with him due to him being incarcerated most of my life. I'm his only child. Well I was. 

I know a lot of you are saying omg grow up. I just want my dad. =[ I feel so horrible. 



Replies:
Posted By: miana79
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:15pm
How can you u never had???
 
 
xoxo


Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:18pm
It's perfectly normal for you to be upset, you are a human being and he is your father
I get it

I'm sorry you feel that way and I pray God delivers you from any pain. Hopefully you can fix things iwth your Dad. It will take a lot of discussion and healing on both sides. Best of luck hun


-------------
Y'all should be calling white ppl "Mizungus". Get into the movement!!


Posted By: femmefatale85
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:20pm
I'm sorry you feel that way. Is it too late to work on your relationship with him? Maybe you should talk to him.


Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:20pm
I understand your jealousy but there is really nothing u can do.  No you're not wrong to be mad/hurt....those are your feelings but you're gonna hafta just deal.  How to deal? Iono.

-------------
Chris and Koochie split! - Mrshairdo

Sometimes when sh*t happens...you say fucc - Cyndi Lauper

let's look death in the face and say "whatever man". -Hurley.


Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:20pm
yes you should be mad

-------------
Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: princesshoneybee
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:21pm
read thread more carefully. It'll be okHugHug Hug


Posted By: SoutherNtellect
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:21pm
what's stopping you from getting that time now?

your feelings are valid, but this ain't about you. 
i suggest a counselor to deal with your daddy issues and focus on what relationship you can have with him now 


Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:22pm
how far along is the broad?

-------------
Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:23pm
geez she's only 21....she's still very young
this can be a really emotional thing for ppl
like ease up a bit....dayum


-------------
Y'all should be calling white ppl "Mizungus". Get into the movement!!


Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:24pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Atleast your dad didn't sacrifice your family for his sex addiction and refuse to feed you so that he could buy prostitutes and then beat your mother. Someone else has it worse, you are a grown woman and I don't see how this concerns you unless it was an affair.
who did this happen to?/Confused

-------------
Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: femmefatale85
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:26pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Atleast your dad didn't sacrifice your family for his sex addiction and refuse to feed you so that he could buy prostitutes and then beat your mother. Someone else has it worse, you are a grown woman and I don't see how this concerns you unless it was an affair.


It's not a competition. Her pain is her pain. Her situation isn't any less significant because someone else had a worse one.



Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:28pm
You'll be alright.


Posted By: tropical-punch
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:32pm
Man. Some of you are so mean.


Posted By: Gkisses
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:33pm
Princess be killing me i swear DeadLOL


@OP.... being mad wont change anything. Express this to ur dad and see what happens. There's no guarantee he'll be there for this child either so yall mind have something to bond over. If he has matured over time then he can manage to be a father figure to the both of u but aint no point of hindering ur own progress because he lack father skills.


-------------


Posted By: rickysrose
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:46pm
Posters already said what I'd say

You have to settle this in your mind and spirit, if you can't do it alone, seek a therapist

Realize you have control over how you feel about this, how you react, use this control wisely and to your benefit

He could end up in jail again and be an absent dad to the baby, don't sweat that, just wish him the opportunity to do better

Build a relationship as much as possible, a monthly dinner/lunch to catch up, a basketball game, whatever you both have in common, but set up your own tradition

And Hug



Posted By: nala52808
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:47pm
I understand how you feel. He might end up loving that child, making wonderful memories and being the perfect daddy, when he left you all alone  for so many years. Everything you wanted, she will get, and it sucks. 
It sounds selfish and childish to some people, but  being in that situation makes you feel like your father failed on you, and that instead of him going out and making more babies, he should've spent his energies on caring for his 1st oneBroken Heart. Girl, let me give you an e-hugHug


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:48pm
Originally posted by femmefatale85 femmefatale85 wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Atleast your dad didn't sacrifice your family for his sex addiction and refuse to feed you so that he could buy prostitutes and then beat your mother. Someone else has it worse, you are a grown woman and I don't see how this concerns you unless it was an affair.


It's not a competition. Her pain is her pain. Her situation isn't any less significant because someone else had a worse one.



I mean for real.  With that reaction Princess you are undoubtedly a sh*tty person


-------------
I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:51pm
yes, i would be upset.  this happens also when men have children with a baby momma and are bad fathers, and then get married and have children with their wives and are good fathers.  it's hurtful to the illegitimate kids.

-------------
I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: danni7
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:57pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:


Originally posted by femmefatale85 femmefatale85 wrote:


Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Atleast your dad didn't sacrifice your family for his sex addiction and refuse to feed you so that he could buy prostitutes and then beat your mother. Someone else has it worse, you are a grown woman and I don't see how this concerns you unless it was an affair.


It's not a competition. Her pain is her pain. Her situation isn't any less significant because someone else had a worse one.




I mean for real. With that reaction Princess you are undoubtedly a sh*tty person


Sorry I sorta feel like and agree with Princess. It might sound harsh but she should realize its not that bad, as long as her father is alive she has a chance to build a relationship with him. At least she knows he wasnt around due to circumstance and not by choice.


Posted By: Yardgirl
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:58pm
Some of you are so heartless. 

-------------


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 10:59pm
i mean she said at least your dad aint do this...but you don't know what he did...he was in JAIL. he committed a crime and scarified his family. both are selfish actions.

-------------
I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:01pm
Damn princess had me dying in such a serious situation.


-------------
Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: femmefatale85
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:05pm
Is princess a troll? I never know who the trolls are and I know I'm not supposed to acknowledge them.


Posted By: **Sk!TtLeS B**
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:05pm
You have the right to be mad. He wasnt in your life, and the time you get with him now will undoubtedly dwindle since he has (or will have) a new baby that you may or may not resent. 

It's normal, but once you're tired of being angry, try to talk to him about it.  


-------------
Im making a political statement every time I make my ass clap - Ru Paul




Posted By: danni7
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:15pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

i mean she said at least your dad aint do this...but you don't know what he did...he was in JAIL. he committed a crime and scarified his family. both are selfish actions.


Maybe he was stealing food to feed his family.... Nobody is perfect


Posted By: solena
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:20pm
Originally posted by danni7 danni7 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:


Originally posted by femmefatale85 femmefatale85 wrote:


Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Atleast your dad didn't sacrifice your family for his sex addiction and refuse to feed you so that he could buy prostitutes and then beat your mother. Someone else has it worse, you are a grown woman and I don't see how this concerns you unless it was an affair.


It's not a competition. Her pain is her pain. Her situation isn't any less significant because someone else had a worse one.




I mean for real. With that reaction Princess you are undoubtedly a sh*tty person


Sorry I sorta feel like and agree with Princess. It might sound harsh but she should realize its not that bad, as long as her father is alive she has a chance to build a relationship with him. At least she knows he wasnt around due to circumstance and not by choice.

well he kinda did make that choice. 


Posted By: starflower7
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:22pm
I see what you mean. It's not exactly logical but feelings are that way.

-------------
"I give to the needy...and not the greedy!"

"Mm hm that's right!"


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:22pm
Originally posted by danni7 danni7 wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

i mean she said at least your dad aint do this...but you don't know what he did...he was in JAIL. he committed a crime and scarified his family. both are selfish actions.


Maybe he was stealing food to feed his family.... Nobody is perfect

right. you steal a loaf of bread and you're in jail for childs entire life. ok. that makes sense said no judge ever.


-------------
I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: creole booty
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:22pm
I love my daddy and I would still b mad. It's natural, I guess.

-------------
i lost all my baby weight: )


Posted By: Sang Froid
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:23pm
Was he sellin' dope to help take care of you?


Posted By: keepgrowing
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:27pm
Yes you have a right to be mad, but don't let it keep you from being happy and sane. I hope you find the right source or means to get through this.

-------------
You can't just walk in with a huge banana and expect everything to be peaches.

If you no know me brotha, I no like wahala.


Posted By: ThatGurlD
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:35pm
Hug

Sounds like your dad is getting a second lease on life.  That doesn't mean he's leaving everything from his old life behind.  Go with him on this journey.  Be the best big sister while he gets to know the phenomenal child he missed out on raising.  

Sure you have every right to be upset, but don't let your pain rob you of what you still have - a dad.  I'm sure what you're feeling is normal and will get better with time.  

It might be on you however to take the initiative in developing a relationship.  He may feel he's imposing since you are 'grown' or not really know how to get the ball rolling.  

Good luck to you OP and congrats on the younger sibling.


-------------
Valleys only exist between mountains. Stay down til you come up.


Posted By: ShadyLady
Date Posted: Nov 19 2012 at 11:38pm
Originally posted by ThatGurlD ThatGurlD wrote:

Hug


Sounds like your dad is getting a second lease on life.  That doesn't mean he's leaving everything from his old life behind.  Go with him on this journey.  Be the best big sister while he gets to know the phenomenal child he missed out on raising.  

Sure you have every right to be upset, but don't let your pain rob you of what you still have - a dad.  I'm sure what you're feeling is normal and will get better with time.  

It might be on you however to take the initiative in developing a relationship.  He may feel he's imposing since you are 'grown' or not really know how to get the ball rolling.  

Good luck to you OP and congrats on the younger sibling.


Every bit of this!


Posted By: ms_wonderland
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 4:29am
I wish I could give you a hug, OP. I know how you feel. My father was not incarcerated and chose not to be there. I needed him. He had a child who is younger than me who he has a tight relationship with. He found out recently that he has another teenaged child and told someone that he would feel wrong to have a relationship with that child since he never had one with me. He reached out and I made the choice to decline his offer. I am jealous and hurt by a lot of things and I don't think I'll mend those feelings unless I find a good therapist. Your therapy may be to try to rekindle what was lost and bond over the new birth? Be there for each other and get to know one another. You'll get a father and a new sibling out of it. Atleast he wants to be there for you now. Give it a chance and time might heal it.

(didn't read the whole thread so I don't know specifics beyond the op)


Posted By: khivey
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 6:20am
Originally posted by neeneebaby neeneebaby wrote:

I'm 21 years old. My father is 41 and he is now having another child with some woman. 

In all honesty, I am horribly upset because I never got that father daughter time with him due to him being incarcerated most of my life. I'm his only child. Well I was. 

I know a lot of you are saying omg grow up. I just want my dad. =[ I feel so horrible. 


You're grown. He's grown. No you shouldn't be mad. That man missed out on being able to father you, so he wants another chance. Be happy for him. It won't get in the way of your relationship unless you carry around negative and jealous energy. I know it may be hard to share being you are an only child by him...but you will be a big part of this new baby's life as well...but not if you harbor ill feelings.


-------------
Hair Type:3c/4a
Hair Length:SBL
“The approval of others often forms an essential part of our capacity to think we are right.”


Posted By: chinadoll77
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 6:26am
You might not be able to get over your feelings about your dad.You can however decide to be a stable foundation for your soon to be sibling.We don't have enough information about dear dad to know if he's in a better place to be responsible for the new baby.....
If he is,be supportive,and build a new relationship with him.Yes,it will be painful at times,but anything worth having will be...
If he is irresponsible than your little sibling will need you for guidance,some security,and just because you're going be a great big sister....

I don't have many regrets in this life,my father,left my mom,they had two children together,I was only 6 months old.He died in the mid 90's,my brother has had a hard time dealing with it,I have always been indifferent to it.
In my mind we died the day that he walked out on his wife,and kids.We starved to death since he didn't see fit to send any form of support....

All of that is to say,you take the power back.You can't allow someone else to have control over your emotions,he's a flake for not being there for you growing up,but do not project that onto how you feel about yourself.
You determine how you will handle this,can you be happy at the thought of meaning the world to a little kid?
I can tell you that I honesty adored my big sister,she could do no wrong in my eyes growing up.....

Think about it,is it really that hard to embrace the idea,if you can embrace BHM like a dysfunctional family member,the baby will be a breeze...

-------------
If I worried about what you thought about me,it would be a grave misuse of my ME TIME....


Posted By: nitabug
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 6:35am
Originally posted by khivey khivey wrote:



You're grown. He's grown. No you shouldn't be mad. That man missed out on being able to father you, so he wants another chance. Be happy for him. It won't get in the way of your relationship unless you carry around negative and jealous energy. I know it may be hard to share being you are an only child by him...but you will be a big part of this new baby's life as well...but not if you harbor ill feelings.


-------------
God forgive me for my brash delivery
But I remember vividly what these streets did to me


Posted By: Posh Ams
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 7:19am
I really don't understand why you're mad OP. You should be happy and excited at the prospect of having a new brother or sister imo. You should try to treasure your father while he is here. If you want a relationship with him, do your part in establishing and maintaining one. 

Be there for the baby- I am sure you will love being a big sister as much as I do. 


Posted By: neeneebaby
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 8:44am
Sorry this is so long:

For the way things are set up my father and I have a pretty decent relationship. 
We speak 3-4 times a week and I see him a lot more than I want too. He comes over for dinner on Sundays and we watch football. In the past 2-3 years we have been establishing our relationship as father daughter. 
And even in this moment of me being upset we still spoke about it. Well he heard me rant and rave and be a brat about it until I calmed down. And then he calmly told me the story and did that daddy thing. I'm the apple of his eye blah blah. And I asked him for the larger portion of the company and we laughed. And he teased me about always having to bail me out of my ridiculous holes I put myself in. Being short on rent etc 
My dad and I do have a pretty decent relationship. At least I think so.Embarrassed

Do I have a right to be upset? Hell yes! Am I a spoiled brat? I probably am. Will I love my younger sibling? Of course I will. I have a younger sister already from my mom who is practically my child. 

It's not jealousy. It's down right hurt. We cannot go back and have those years we lost. 
Regardless of what you guys might say losing a parent and a parent not being there is a pain that never goes away. 

My dad never came to a graduation. Had missed 19 birthdays. Etc. Those wounds hurt. And it was all for his own acts. But that's another story. 
And we had spoke on those issues a while ago and moved past it.
 
I shouldn't be mad once again. & as I realize I really am not mad. I am just hurt. And I deserve the moment to be hurt. 
I personally think anyone who says I shouldn't express this hurt (in any of the ways that you guys have said it) are hurting themselves. 

No everyone story is not the same. This is mine. And it isn't that bad. However, I'm an emotional person so I often take things to heart. Which was why I came on here to vent last night!

Okay I'm rambling now. I was trying to address everyone's comments in this one response. 

Oh yes, I have seen a therapist for reasons beforehand and that has helped the relationship my dad and I have now because at first I wasn't open to speaking with him. But that's something I wouldn't mind revisiting if I feel the need is great. 
Thank you ladies and gentlemen who have responded. 


Posted By: tatee
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 8:46am
Hug


Posted By: mrshairdo
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 8:55am
Excellent response girl. You have every right to be hurt but it sounds to me that u are mature enough to address and evolve from those feelings.

Nevermind the negative and bitter responses in here
Hurt people hurt others

I wish u all the best :)

-------------
Y'all should be calling white ppl "Mizungus". Get into the movement!!


Posted By: goodm3
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 9:31am
wow...my heart goes out to you. i pray that you will heal from this pain. 


Posted By: kkscottdale
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 9:39am
Hug


Posted By: Tbaby
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 9:39am
I hoped your venting helped some.  We all need to just scream at the top of our lungs, or burst into tears to get those emotions out.  Take care and ignore the callous comments in here.

-------------
Everyone has a role in life. We all can't be CEO's somebody gotta take the orders at Mickey D's & the KFC's -Jewelsync


Posted By: Jewelsnyc
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 9:41am
I commend you for owning those feelings. My Dad did the same thing when I was 15, and I was very angry. It changes the dynamic, especailly since you've already lost so much time with your Dad. I hope everything works out and you all get past it and grow stronger...


Posted By: SimplyPut
Date Posted: Nov 20 2012 at 10:04am
Originally posted by creole booty creole booty wrote:

I love my daddy and I would still b mad. It's natural, I guess.
IA..I would be highly upset, but it will pass depending on how you handle it. Try to not think about all the things they are/or may be doing, and instead be apart of those things as well. Build memories with them both, because if your father does happen to flake again, the love of a sibling is irreplaceable.Hug



Print Page | Close Window