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*any advice* a little long..

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Forum Name: Relationships
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Printed Date: Aug 16 2018 at 6:43pm


Topic: *any advice* a little long..
Posted By: lilmznisha
Subject: *any advice* a little long..
Date Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 3:46pm
I met this guy at work 10/2011. He seemed very cool. I had just got out of a 4 yr relationship so i wanted to try and keep feelings out...didnt work. We ended up spending a lot of time together of course having sex then 1 months later i find out he slept with 3 other girls at the job b4 i started!!!! He lied lied lied then finally told the truth and said he didnt want them and wanted to try something with me.so we kept talking i moved into a new place and he stayed every night for about a month. Then around Christmas he started to disappear n not stay the night. Then i find out that he's talking to someone else at the job!!! So i asked him yes he lied. I asked her she admitted to it. So i told her about us. He still lied and i stayed like a dummy. Then i did a drive by and caught her at his house so i whooped his ass and we didnt talk for a week. Then he comes around saying i miss you i never wanted her blah blah. Once again i let it go and went back so we could try again then she hollerin she pregnant.smh. he didnt want it so she ended up aborting it. Then i became pregnant and he wanted it. We argued the whole time and i lost it at 19 weeks. We were still together. This is the short version so believe me there's more. Now its 11/2012 one yr and we are sour once again. We got into it i tried to put him out(didnt work) now he walking around saying what ever doing what ever cause he thinks he cant be put out. And the reason we are into it now is so petty but he didnt want to talk about it which makes me up set. Mind you the day i met him at work is the day i started school and its been hell. I dont know how i made it with only 3 months left. Any advice..



Replies:
Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 3:54pm
Giiiirrllll

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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: jonesable
Date Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 3:56pm
You know that's not a good situation and he will continue to do as he pleases.

Do you have it in you to move on and let it go is the question.
Hopefully you do.
Don't keep going through this

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Never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee
Donne

Havmercy Dez Bryant


Posted By: lilmznisha
Date Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 4:13pm
I believe i do i just hate that awkward feeling at work. Smh. Then everybody so damn nosey. And i didnt want that " i told told you he wasnt gone change" bs. Im to young for this 23 and i thought he was older and mature 30 not! But since he's not on the lease i figure if i leave he has to move out of these folks apt.


Posted By: Becky
Date Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 5:09pm
First off .. it is never a good idea to get involved with guys a work. (Don't sh** where you eat)
 
Second .. the minute you found out he was also sleeping with 3 other girls at the office ... that meant you are dealing with a dog and ... you should have been rid of him at that moment. (Readers, take note: when you find out a guy is cheating and lying .. it will never end. Never, so end it.)
 
That would have saved you from being in the f*** up situation you are in today with this loser that is just making a fool out of you.
 
If he is still living with you - this is my advice.
 
- One day when if is out - have all the locks changed
- Put all this stuff in a plastic bag outside the house with a note on it saying 'get the f*** out'
- Have an order of protection from the police against him so that he cannot approach you.
 
You need to do whatever you can to distance yourself from him .. because the next step is that he will start abusing you.
 
Get him out.
 
If it is not your place .. you need to pack up and leave immediately .. if not sooner. Never see him again. Simple.


Posted By: lilmznisha
Date Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 5:32pm
Since he was smart enough to offer to get a bill n his name the police let him stay. So the plan is for me to leave cut everything off and tell the leasing office im leaving. Then he has no choice but to leave right?


Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 5:40pm
Get on birth control.  leave him alone

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Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: Belladonna1
Date Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 6:29pm
Yeah, you need to talk the leasing office and get the hell up out of there! You may have to pay a fee for breaking the lease, but what's a fee compared to toxicity in your home? You can always ask the leasing office to move you to another apartment....that way, you can avoid a fee for breaking the lease and get him out of your place at the same dam time! If the office, ask y, tell them the truth. Your x-boyfriend refuses to leave the apartment and he has a bill under his name...the police decided he has a right to stay! You do not feel safe sleeping under the same roof with him.




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Fake is the latest trend, and everyone seems to be in style!


Posted By: lilmznisha
Date Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 7:04pm
Thank u guys. Lord knows i need the support right now


Posted By: Addicted19034
Date Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 8:33pm






Posted By: IslandSuga
Date Posted: Nov 12 2012 at 9:56am
Either get a new apartment or move to a different apartment in the same complex. Change your number and move on with your life. I'm sorry you lost your baby, but that was a good thing. He's been playing you since day 1. He showed you who he was from the beginning, and you kept accepting him so of course he feels he can say/do whatever he wants. So do yourself and favor and do what you want, get your life together and leave him alone. I hope you make the right decision


Posted By: lilmznisha
Date Posted: Nov 12 2012 at 2:08pm
Im so mad the leasing office is closed today i really do just wanna be done. I dont care how much i care or having to work with him. I have to go or he'll never learn


Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Nov 12 2012 at 8:09pm

i agree with becky and some of the other ladies. please take this as a learning lesson.

go down to your rental office and tell them the truth. i don't know how he is able to stay when he is not on the lease ( i guess you may have told him he could live with you at one point). but tell them the situation and they should help you find a solution. do you have money just to up and break the lease, perhpas they have some rules where he will have to leave.
since you work with him, guess you have to still see him but you just need to do your best to ignore. if you run into him keep it moving. let him know you moved on and you suggest he do the same. let him know the plans for the place and that he needs to leave and you are working on his exit plan since he refuses to leave willingly.
spend sometime by yourself and focus on school and building back up your self-esteem. no woman should have to and should make excuses for dealing with that type of trash. good luck!


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Nov 12 2012 at 8:12pm
Holy crap! GET HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE!!

And learn from this! Say no to co-workers and men who show you who they are from the start with ugly behavior and dishonesty!

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Posted By: lilmznisha
Date Posted: Nov 12 2012 at 9:04pm
Thank you guys. it's not going to be easy. But this whole yr i waisted with this asshole hasn't been. I just cant wait til he put that key in the door and sees nothing but his clothes shoes and that stupid dvr box


Posted By: used2braid
Date Posted: Nov 12 2012 at 9:09pm
Hes wasting your time.
Move on.

This is the ultimate theme song of how love should be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSqfNdGTL6Q" rel="nofollow - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSqfNdGTL6Q


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Posted By: Lady ICE
Date Posted: Nov 13 2012 at 2:50am
Sleepy1 months later i find out he slept with 3 other girls at the job b4 i started!!!! He liedSleepy

that should've been it right there. and honestly i did read anything after that...cause im guessin you're still messin with'em.


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Posted By: Becky
Date Posted: Nov 13 2012 at 5:17am
Originally posted by lilmznisha lilmznisha wrote:

Im so mad the leasing office is closed today i really do just wanna be done. I dont care how much i care or having to work with him. I have to go or he'll never learn
 
To be honest ... this not about him learning anything.
 
Nooo men like this are never gonna learn anything. Why should they ... when theire are so many other willing women (victims) for him to latch on to? He probably has 2 or 3 other women in the works as we speak. He is a Loser that just takes from women. duh!
 
You need to focus on your learning something from this experience.
 
I forgot you have to work with this guy - but these are my suggestions:
- Start looking for another job
- go to the police and file a domestic violence report - tell them he has threatened you - so that cannot be anywhere near you. Tell them you are in fear of your life, what you are doing about your living situation and what you will be doing about your work situation. IT IS CRITICALL THAT YOU ARE proactive in this way. You need a record because once you put him out .. expect retaliation! (So I wouldn't be so egar to see his reaction when he sees his stuff outside in a bag)Confused
- Tell the HR or your manager or whoever at your job .. that you are putting this guy and you want it on record that you are in fear of your life. Tell them that you have contacted the police
- DO NOT CONFRONT him and tell him of your plans. This is the surest way for him to go off on you. Just put him put and have some (male) friends and family stay at your house so he won't go off on you .. because surely he is not gonna take this lightly. Nooo. He will be pi***.
Once you are settling and the dust has settled - seek counseling! I say this because many women ignore bad behavior from a guy ... and keep him around .. so they end up in a bad situation. So there is A REASON you stayed with when you FIRST found out who amd what he is. Regular girls (like me) would have been gonnnnnnne immediately .. if not sooner. So you need to find out WHY stayed involved with a loser to begin with.
Otherwise .. you are sure to get involved with another loser like this. They are a dime a dozen! Dead


Posted By: lilmznisha
Date Posted: Nov 13 2012 at 8:35am
Great advice thanks Becky


Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Nov 13 2012 at 1:04pm
are you scared of this guy.  also, does he really live with you or does he just have a few things over?  and i assume he has a key? how is it at work when you see him now?


Posted By: lilmznisha
Date Posted: Nov 13 2012 at 5:50pm
Yes his belongings are there. And we just dont talk. I dnt look his way


Posted By: ShadyLady
Date Posted: Nov 15 2012 at 2:50am
Unfortunately, when you kept letting him slide, you set a precedent. He now feels like he can do whatever he wants and you are just gonna put up with it.

If you mean it, SHOW HIM. Don't break your lease and ruin your credit for this man. Go to whatever company he has the bill in his name with a copy of your lease, and tell them you want it disconnected and reinstated in your name. Then change your locks.

Once they see your name on the lease, I don't see why they wouldn't let you have bills in your own name in your own sh!t.

Inform him he does not need to speak to you unless its work related. Involve HR/managers if he has a problem with that.

I am sorry you lost your child and I hope you get out of this crazy mess.


Posted By: Tbaby
Date Posted: Nov 15 2012 at 8:16am
Originally posted by lilmznisha lilmznisha wrote:

I met this guy at work 10/2011. He seemed very cool. I had just got out of a 4 yr relationship so i wanted to try and keep feelings out...didnt work. We ended up spending a lot of time together of course having sex then 1 months later i find out he slept with 3 other girls at the job b4 i started!!!! He lied lied lied then finally told the truth and said he didnt want them and wanted to try something with me.so we kept talking i moved into a new place and he stayed every night for about a month. Then around Christmas he started to disappear n not stay the night. Then i find out that he's talking to someone else at the job!!! So i asked him yes he lied. I asked her she admitted to it. So i told her about us. He still lied and i stayed like a dummy. Then i did a drive by and caught her at his house so i whooped his ass and we didnt talk for a week. Then he comes around saying i miss you i never wanted her blah blah. Once again i let it go and went back so we could try again then she hollerin she pregnant.smh. he didnt want it so she ended up aborting it. Then i became pregnant and he wanted it. We argued the whole time and i lost it at 19 weeks. We were still together. This is the short version so believe me there's more. Now its 11/2012 one yr and we are sour once again. We got into it i tried to put him out(didnt work) now he walking around saying what ever doing what ever cause he thinks he cant be put out. And the reason we are into it now is so petty but he didnt want to talk about it which makes me up set. Mind you the day i met him at work is the day i started school and its been hell. I dont know how i made it with only 3 months left. Any advice..


This reads like a bad soap opera.  You find out this guy slept with 3 other girls at work yet you are too blind to see a pattern then?  Cheats again and gets a girl preggers and you still hang on to this scum? Your extreme bad judgement got you where you are today.

Change the locks.  Get a new job.  Get a court order of protection.  Get counseling. 

And really stop and think hard next time you decide to get into a relationship again.  If it looks like a dog, and acts like a dog, IT'S A DOG.



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Everyone has a role in life. We all can't be CEO's somebody gotta take the orders at Mickey D's & the KFC's -Jewelsync



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