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family issue. Advice needed. kinda long

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Topic: family issue. Advice needed. kinda long
Posted By: sbrownie84
Subject: family issue. Advice needed. kinda long
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 1:55pm
My cousin is upset with me. :(
 

BACKSTORY

My father's side of the family mostly live in the Caribbean and there are always bittersweet moments with them. My cousins and I have always had a love hate type of relationship. They think I am a spoiled American kid where everything is on a sliver platter for me and I think that they are non- progressive lazy be rs and think that the world owes them something. They are always obsessed with how much money I spend while on vaca but they turn their heads when it is time for me to spend money on them or when I am away and they are always asking me for things. they would not even crack a $5 to offer me a drink. They are always popping out kids but crying broke. Recently I had to put my foot down because since I left the caribbean six months ago, my cousin has asked me to add money to her cell phone bill six times......once a month. You do the math. As a child , I have always had to leave all of my clothes behind for them.  Not to mention, the backbiting I have to deal with. they would always question my life and then add on to what they 'think' is going on in my life and make rumors about me, and also make fun of me.  One of my cousins saw some ezema on my back and asked if 'men dont scorn me' because of it.  Needless to say I have tailored my interaction with them and have remained civil yet distant just to avoid the drama.

NOw the issue

On my trip to the Caribbean 14 years ago I met a young man named David who was friend of my other cousin. David and i hit it off instantly as friends....strictly platonic only kissing. We kept in touch for a little while after i left the caribbean only for me to return 2 years later and we still kept a friendship. David would drive me around, and take me places and never ask me for a dime. I did not return to the caribbean for 10 years up until 6 months ago.  

Upon my arrival, the first topic was about David. My aunt kept telling me to stay away from David because he is in a relationship with this woman in the states and blah blah blah. I was a bit taken aback because my mind was not even on David because so many years went by. My cousin (whom has a child for his friend) even went in to say she does not want to see me around him, because he has such a bad reputation now for being a womanizer and so on. Over the years, David has been very successful in that area....he's owns a couple of businesses as well as his own private bus...so the womanizing rumors must be true. Because my family placed such a big deal about not being around him, I figured he was dangerous and I should stay away, so I never contacted him in the beginning of that trip. One day the topic came up about David while my cousin and I were in the supermarket and I told my cousin that before I leave I will say hello to him and she became very upset. I then in turn became upset because I did not see the big deal in just saying hello to him. About 15 minutes later David walks into the supermarket and we meet. It was like no time had passed between us because we were both happy to see each other.  
Of course David and I spend time together (no sex) and the topic comes up about the girl in the states and he informs me that they broke up (side eye)... Any actiity that David and I do, my cousin would always counteract it by saying, "his woman loves to do that with him too".  It seems as if my cousin loves to bring up the girl... all the time... The straw that broke the camels back was my last night in the Caribbean, my cousin comes out of nowhere and says, "David really loves that girl".....It was strange because we were not on the topic about DAvid and it was my last night there. I asked her, "why is she saying all of this" and she becomes silent'......

 Fast forward to 6 months later, I am back in the Caribbean on business and this same cousin is doing the same thing.........bringing up this girl and countless others all the time. We went out friday and she pointed out a girl who David was with. On this trip I have even maintained further distance from David because of this same problem and of all the rumors surrounding him. He told me that he feels that I am always looking at him in a negative way, but I am only going by what I am hearing b/c I do not want any drama with anyone else. 

I do like David but we do not have any relationship going on, but I am still annoyed with my cousin always talking crap. I do not get her point. Yesterday, when she kept goin on talking about the girl, I said to her,' You do not know how your own baby's father feels about you after all of these years, but yet you seem to know all of David's business and he love affairs.

She walks out upset.  Sometimes I want to just free myself and block out all the noise from everyone's comments and try him for myself...other times I want to trust my family. I just don't knwo what to do. do you think I was the wrong one in the situation with my cousin.



Replies:
Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:00pm
why is she so pressed?

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: PRnena
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:02pm
Wait. Is this 2 issues or one. Or .....?

Was I the only one that felt a subject switch while reading ?

Let me re read op

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I keep forgetting everyone on BHM is a 10 with a faithful man and nothing but designer in their closet.

11 months since BC- 1/24/12

( I use BHM on my phone guys)


Posted By: beautiful-stranger
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:03pm
umm.. next time you go to the Caribbean go somewhere all inclusive so you don't have to see anyone. that's what I do. Problem Solved

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Ain't no body got time fo dat.


Posted By: beautiful-stranger
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:04pm
Oh yeah your cousin sounds like a real piece of work. Any synonyms for hater? I don't want to use the word. 

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Ain't no body got time fo dat.


Posted By: bubblyboo
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:05pm
I also have a very long family drama going on. Your story is as long as mine. I think I will post it too lol

anyways you are a grown woman. From the type of relationship that you describe with your family, it seems as if they don't want you to have anything more than the less that they already have (hope that makes sense) This may also be the case with this guy David. It could be either they really care about your well being or that based upon your love hate with them, they truly don't want to see you happy. You are a grown woman. You have to see things for yourself. If you do try things with David and he is the manipulative womanizer that everyone paints him to be then you owe your fam nothing but an apology. If not then live your life and have fun with David. If the world went around just believing everything that everyone said instead of experiencing things for themselves we would be isolated and narrow minded. Don't be that way. You are grown do you and see how it goes.


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Cry me a river d*@kface you just got yourself another one!


Posted By: PRnena
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:07pm
Is she fuvking him ?
Why does she sound bitter ?

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I keep forgetting everyone on BHM is a 10 with a faithful man and nothing but designer in their closet.

11 months since BC- 1/24/12

( I use BHM on my phone guys)


Posted By: soarlikecruz
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:11pm
Originally posted by PRnena PRnena wrote:

Is she fuvking him ?
Why does she sound bitter ?



this is what i was thinking

Maybe she tried him and he didn't want it


Posted By: Harmonii
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:17pm
Originally posted by soarlikecruz soarlikecruz wrote:


Originally posted by PRnena PRnena wrote:

Is she fuvking him ?
Why does she sound bitter ?



this is what i was thinking

Maybe she tried him and he didn't want it


Sure does sound like it


Posted By: WadadliQueen
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:19pm
Yeah I also get the feeling that either she loves David or they had some type of relationship.... in the past.

Now your cousin could be genuinely looking out but she is doing the most here and has moved beyond being helpful/caring to nagging. I would say give her some space and when things calm down just explain your position that you are an adult and will live with any consequences of your choices.


Posted By: sbrownie84
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:28pm
thank you everyone for your responses. I am trying to have an open mind.  I know men are sh*T, but I just find my cousin to be so negative......


Posted By: Anah
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:38pm
Sounds like your cousin has an unrequited crush on David. She knows you guys are cool and rather you not be, so shes telling all these rumors and wants you to stay away. Or she could be friends with the girl in America and feels a loyalty to her.

Don't even bother yourself with thoughts of dating him. He sounds like too much trouble and its long distance anyway. If you decide to let him hit, strap up!!!!

Ya'll could be friends tho and let him buy you stuffLOL but leave it at that!




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#CHOGH


Posted By: sugabanana
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 2:48pm
Sounds like someone tried to smash David and got rejection handed to her on the only silver platter she would get.

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Russell hired me to police those who STAR these non-sensical threads!!!He said I should feel free to point them out!!


Posted By: sbrownie84
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 3:12pm
Originally posted by bubblyboo bubblyboo wrote:

I also have a very long family drama going on. Your story is as long as mine. I think I will post it too lol

anyways you are a grown woman. From the type of relationship that you describe with your family, it seems as if they don't want you to have anything more than the less that they already have (hope that makes sense) This may also be the case with this guy David. It could be either they really care about your well being or that based upon your love hate with them, they truly don't want to see you happy. You are a grown woman. You have to see things for yourself. If you do try things with David and he is the manipulative womanizer that everyone paints him to be then you owe your fam nothing but an apology. If not then live your life and have fun with David. If the world went around just believing everything that everyone said instead of experiencing things for themselves we would be isolated and narrow minded. Don't be that way. You are grown do you and see how it goes.

Do tell you story......glad I am not the only one lol.....

Thanx for you advice......it's funny how family can make you wonder.


Posted By: Anah
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 3:35pm
I think yours is longer bubblyLOL

Yeah OP you gotta live for yourself but I mean can they ALL really be haters. Sometimes ppl are tryna keep u from getting burnt. Welp...


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#CHOGH


Posted By: K_Camille
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 3:49pm
OP are you entertaining the idea of talking to David romantically?  And I agree with the others who said your cousin may have had either relations or an interest in him at one point.  She sounds obsessed with him.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 4:08pm
Originally posted by WadadliQueen WadadliQueen wrote:

Yeah I also get the feeling that either she loves David or they had some type of relationship.... in the past.

Now your cousin could be genuinely looking out but she is doing the most here and has moved beyond being helpful/caring to nagging. I would say give her some space and when things calm down just explain your position that you are an adult and will live with any consequences of your choices.
 
all of this.
 
i'm putting my bet on she messed around with him.  she should just come out and say it.
 
either way, he sounds like trouble...


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: bebe88
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 5:31pm
Your cousins are jealous. Keep your distance. Give the guy a chance but BE SMART. WRAP IT UP!!!!

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http://www.youtube.com/user/BrittaneyRachel


Posted By: sbrownie84
Date Posted: Oct 10 2012 at 5:32pm
Originally posted by Anah Anah wrote:

I think yours is longer bubblyLOL

Yeah OP you gotta live for yourself but I mean can they ALL really be haters. Sometimes ppl are tryna keep u from getting burnt. Welp...
Confused


Posted By: sbrownie84
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:44am
bump



Posted By: newdiva1
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:58am
hmmmm.......iono.....I would say ....get to know David again.   Alot of time has passed.  Who knows what type of person he has become over the years.  So...keep in contact this time.  Talk on the phone, meet up for lunch when you're back home etc.    If he's really seeing someone else it will come out.  If your cousin has a crush or has been rejected by him...that will also come out.
 
 
Your fams may work your nerve and be shadeful, jealous and trife but... you never know. 


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Chris and Koochie split! - Mrshairdo

Sometimes when sh*t happens...you say fucc - Cyndi Lauper

let's look death in the face and say "whatever man". -Hurley.


Posted By: JamCaygirl
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 7:36am
I would listen to your family... I don't think there is smoke without fire....
I mean maybe the cousin had something going with David, or had a crush or something, but if so, would you really want to get involved with someone who had history wit a family member?

And you need to be smart about sending them money etc.... they will ALWAYS be asking for stuff if you keep giving, there is a mentality that if you live overseas you MUST be better off than them...


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Out of many, one people.....
Happy 50th JAMAICA!


Posted By: tropical-punch
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 11:05am
Well, she obviously has a thing for David.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 11:12am
maybe she thinks OP makes bad decisions with men

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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: tatee
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 11:21am
you cant trust the word a person whose jealous of you because their intentions are never honorable 


Posted By: Tbaby
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 11:48am
I said to her,' You do not know how your own baby's father feels about you after all of these years, but yet you seem to know all of David's business and he love affairs.


Ouch

IA w/ you in that your cousin seems way too concerned about this guy and his love life...but why do you have to throw her mess in her face like that?  That seems kind of petty on your part.

Anywhoo, don't let some man who you aren't really involved with  destroy your relationship with your fam.  I'd apologize to her for the low blow, then both of you agree to drop David as a topic of conversation.



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Everyone has a role in life. We all can't be CEO's somebody gotta take the orders at Mickey D's & the KFC's -Jewelsync


Posted By: herwoman
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:10pm
OP your cousin is looking out for you. She sees that you ate falling for him even when your mouth says your not. The reason you gave us all that dirt on your cousin was for us to dismiss her as a dumb jealous hoodrat,but she seems to genuinely be looking out for you. I had a bad feeling about a "friend" of my sister's and I brought it up every chance I got. If she looked like she was smiling to herself I would say "who you thinking about Jake the snake?" Or I would say "I'm sure all his other boos smile like that too when they think about him."

Seems like your cousin feels that you aren't really experienced in the dating game and you don't know how to leave a date as just a date without catching feelings.

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Creator of For The People(FTP)

Go VT!


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:12pm
Originally posted by herwoman herwoman wrote:

OP your cousin is looking out for you. She sees that you ate falling for him even when your mouth says your not. The reason you gave us all that dirt on your cousin was for us to dismiss her as a dumb jealous hoodrat,but she seems to genuinely be looking out for you. I had a bad feeling about a "friend" of my sister's and I brought it up every chance I got. If she looked like she was smiling to herself I would say "who you thinking about Jake the snake?" Or I would say "I'm sure all his other boos smile like that too when they think about him."

Seems like your cousin feels that you aren't really experienced in the dating game and you don't know how to leave a date as just a date without catching feelings.

I kinda think this.  The first part of the story had nothing to do with ole boy. Just cause you're grown doesn't mean anything if your family cares. esp. Caribbean families--nothing ever dies. 


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: babelipsss
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:13pm
OP, is this the same Caribbean guy you wanted to buy off with $100 gifts?LOL 


Posted By: babelipsss
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:17pm
^^I don't get how it can be catty when more than one family member is saying it.


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:20pm
oh--Caribbean folk stay asking for money from family in the US--that was irrelevant to me. 

the making up stores part is problematic


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:21pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


yall just take anyone one's advice and don't consider the source?

but I would need more people to say the same thing for me to not side my cousin's advice

she said more than one family member said it


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: sistagal
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:21pm
She's bobbing on David's dick dude


Posted By: sistagal
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:23pm
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

Originally posted by herwoman herwoman wrote:

OP your cousin is looking out for you. She sees that you ate falling for him even when your mouth says your not. The reason you gave us all that dirt on your cousin was for us to dismiss her as a dumb jealous hoodrat,but she seems to genuinely be looking out for you. I had a bad feeling about a "friend" of my sister's and I brought it up every chance I got. If she looked like she was smiling to herself I would say "who you thinking about Jake the snake?" Or I would say "I'm sure all his other boos smile like that too when they think about him."

Seems like your cousin feels that you aren't really experienced in the dating game and you don't know how to leave a date as just a date without catching feelings.

I kinda think this.  The first part of the story had nothing to do with ole boy. Just cause you're grown doesn't mean anything if your family cares. esp. Caribbean families--nothing ever dies. 

This is true too. 

OP seems to want a way around meeting with David without feeling guilty. I side-eyed the platonic relationship with only kissing. 

You want to bob on him too OP admit it *inser spongebob smile*


Posted By: sistagal
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:26pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

oh--Caribbean folk stay asking for money from family in the US--that was irrelevant to me. i know the deal.


let me take out the part about money

My father's side of the family mostly live in the Caribbean and there are always bittersweet moments with them. My cousins and I have always had a love hate type of relationship. Not to mention, the backbiting I have to deal with. they would always question my life and then add on to what they 'think' is going on in my life and make rumors about me, and also make fun of me.  One of my cousins saw some ezema on my back and asked if 'men dont scorn me' because of it.  Needless to say I have tailored my interaction with them and have remained civil yet distant just to avoid the drama.


you all are okay with family treating you like this?

It happens even with African families. Your life is not yours to live trust. You just shrug it off or you'll raise your blood pressure. 

Family will discuss your relationship. What you wore to so & so's bday party & in whose direction you were shaking your arse the most. Happens all the time


Posted By: sistagal
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:47pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


okay, so it is a cultural thing to be okay with such treatment?

nevermind, carry on


(no shade, I just don't tolerate ish like that (i.e., disrespect))


Unfortunately...yes. You don't disrespect or talk back to your elders & unfortunately some elders are full of sh*t & just abuse their position. 

The only person that matters to me is my mother & she has to save face to those people. So I know if I disrespect them I disappoint my mother & people end up abusing her instead. So I just stay away from people so I never have those confrontations & if I do I just shrug it off. 

Anyways back to topic lol


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 12:58pm
is this cousing older?  i thought they were around the same age?  that's why i didn't consider the respect thing initially.
 
but anywho, it seems like the cousin is living in a glass house...


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: Rumbera
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:06pm
Good question, TC ...is the cousin older ?


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:08pm
also, the whole bit about men scorning her because she has eczema would have made me look at her like she had 10409827459824809284 headz...

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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: babelipsss
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:11pm

How can the cousin be so wrong, when other family members said the same thing?  Everybody can't be after Mr. Wonderful.



Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:16pm
Originally posted by babelipsss babelipsss wrote:

How can the cousin be so wrong, when other family members said the same thing?  Everybody can't be after Mr. Wonderful.

 
oh i don't doubt that he ain't shyt...lol.


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: babelipsss
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:20pm
The aunt and the other family members also?  They all said the exact same thing regarding David. 
 
*I have read Sbrownie's posts enough over the years to ignore all that other stuff.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:23pm
i thought it was only this one cousin in particular going hard.  like hard in the paint hard.
 
and that the others just mentioned that he was married and not to be trusted...


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: BeatriceBean
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:26pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

i thought it was only this one cousin in particular going hard.  like hard in the paint hard.
 
and that the others just mentioned that he was married and not to be trusted...
 
 
LOLLOLLOL


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Life is good!


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:31pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

i thought it was only this one cousin in particular going hard.  like hard in the paint hard.
 
and that the others just mentioned that he was married and not to be trusted...


The guy is married? (just read OP)


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PEACE


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:38pm
wooops not married in a relationship...sorry...Embarrassed

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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: melikey
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 1:57pm
only read the OP, but i would listen to my cousin. sounds like the cousin has strong feelings about it. blood over water is my credo

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shine your light for the world to see


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 2:10pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


okay, so it is a cultural thing to be okay with such treatment?

nevermind, carry on


(no shade, I just don't tolerate ish like that (i.e., disrespect))


not ok. but ignore it. idk if that is cultural. i always say you sacrifice and put up a lot more with family than you would with others.


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: Rumbera
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 2:16pm
Caribbean family members are rude and nosey.


Posted By: Rumbera
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 2:17pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

also, the whole bit about men scorning her because she has eczema would have made me look at her like she had 10409827459824809284 headz...
 
that's a typical comment.
 
LOL


Posted By: EPITOME
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 2:19pm
Originally posted by Rumbera Rumbera wrote:

Caribbean family members are rude and nosey.

i really disregarded everything she said abt. her familyLOL
i was like yeah girl--Caribbean ppl are blunt and really feel like they can ask you anything
im not gonna tell you how my MIL kept talking about how i gained weight
and called my SIL to tell her tooSleepy


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I'm from The Wishanicca Woods boo-Dreamz

If you are or have ever been a member of BHM, you are inherently a hoodrat.B


Posted By: Anah
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 2:27pm
Originally posted by sbrownie84 sbrownie84 wrote:

Originally posted by Anah Anah wrote:

I think yours is longer bubblyLOL

Yeah OP you gotta live for yourself but I mean can they ALL really be haters. Sometimes ppl are tryna keep u from getting burnt. Welp...
Confused

Whats the face for?


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#CHOGH


Posted By: Rumbera
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 2:35pm
Yes, Caribe MIL are the best. LOL
She was visiting and dh was about to come home. She proceeded to ask me if I was going to get changed, I said no and she looked like...Geek
 
Yes, all my SIL knew about it alll 4 of them. Rumbera doesn't get changed and dressed for Mr.Rumbera...lol


Posted By: ShadyLady
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 2:36pm
Honestly, you don't even seem that into him. I could see if you just felt this passionate urge for him. It sounds more like a case of you being tempted cuz everyone is telling you he's no good.

Doesn't sound like its worth the family drama to me.

You may have been annoyed, but what you said was a really low blow. She may have been annoying you, but you came at her next like she disrespected you or something.

I'd say sit her down one on one, ask her what her issue is, apologize for the low blow, but stress to her that you're a grown woman who will date who she wants and you don't wanna discuss David with her anymore.


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 3:06pm

ok but if bluntness is a given and to be expected in caribean families, shouldn't the op be able to be blunt right back at her...like telling her she should worry about her own baby daddy who doesn't seem to be that into her...lol

 
or is there a difference that i am missing...


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 3:11pm
Originally posted by Rumbera Rumbera wrote:

Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

also, the whole bit about men scorning her because she has eczema would have made me look at her like she had 10409827459824809284 headz...
 
that's a typical comment.
 
LOL
 
LOL well damn.   so, if the op would have shot back to point out something physical about her that  men may "scorn" lol (that word is so dam funny to me), would that be ok?


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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: Rumbera
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 3:19pm
It depends on the age of the family member, tbh.
 
If she is older, you are expected to take it. But, if they are the same age then it's on...lol
 
 


Posted By: ThoughtCouture
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 3:26pm
oh ok...that's what i thought.  same thing in my family actually.  i have a few older aunts who have said some questionable shyt over the years...lol

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you say i need some time to meditate...naaaaah b*tch i'm fly! i need time to levitate... ~yeezy


dacoldesteva


Posted By: PurplePhase
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 3:32pm
I agree with TC. and Samone.

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PEACE


Posted By: joileprincess
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 4:32pm
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

oh ok...that's what i thought.  same thing in my family actually.  i have a few older aunts who have said some questionable shyt over the years...lol


Everyone has those aunts that would get straight cussed out if they were anyone else and said the things they say lol.

They stay abusing that elder pass.


Posted By: sbrownie84
Date Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 7:49am
Oh My... I just discovered more responses to this thread. lol. 

So far I have decided to still maintain distance from my family and I have also distanced myself from David a bit. We talk, and he has helped me with things I am trying to do here, but nothing romantic...at least  not yet.

My cousin is younger than me and the family members that are saying the same thing about David is her mom (who sides with her no matter what) and another cousin who I have had issues with in the past as well. Pretty much it is a couple of people in that house who are very close. 

The reason for the backstory was the express where my confusion would lie, because I have faced a lot of betrayal and backbiting from them especially my cousins in my age group so that is why it is hard for me to trust their advice.  They are very secretive and two faced. To my face they would behave as if they like me and care so much about me only for me to hear from other sources nasty things they have said about me. 

Here is another example: There were other comments that my cousin would make such as David's alleged woman or ex woman.having such a great body and that all his friends love her so much and they treat her so well and blah blah. When I would say that they are nice people b/c they have always been welcoming and kind to me to (his friends) she would respond, they are nice to all the side women too.  One time David wanted to keep hugging me up and kissing me in one of his friends' shop and I pushed him away. My cousin later on said, "he is like that with women that he is not even with". David took me to his mother's house a couple of times, and her response was, " yes his woman loves going there too, that's the first place she goes as soon as she come from the airport". Then my cousin continues with, "I ate some of his mother's food too". ......... It is always this stupid back and forth that pisses me off especially when I ask her what her point is and she does not have a response.

the kicker is one time, she even said to me that,  'david is a good boy' and if he wasnt from the area they lived she would 

when I talked to her 6 months ago about coming back to the caribbean to open up a business she had nothing but negative comments to make. 

I have come to realize that I will never be close to that side of the family and I do not trust any of themm. If they are right about David, then so be it but their track record is what I am going by not this situation with David. 



Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 8:48am
Thread carefully. I have a few people just like that in my family and I understand the cultural aspect very well. That doesn't change the fact that they are jealous of you and want to keep you at a certain level. The fact that they see you as the american girl that has everything is tearing them up inside (even though they have no problem extending a hand for money) and for them to think that you might actually be interesting to a man that is in their circle and who is considered successfull (seeing that he owns those businesses and all) is more than they can bare. In this kind of dynamic, it's always hard to know which part is looking out for you and which part wants to keep you down to a level they feel is non threatening to their sense of self worth.
Yes, family in the caribbean is very overprotective but this seems to go beyond that. They seem to like putting you down every chance they get.
 
That being said, it doesn't mean that everything they are saying about that David character is inherently untrue. Let's face it, west indian men have their polygamous ways and you bring social status into the mix... Like others in the thread said, it is your decision to make.  You are a grown woman and for all you know, he might be the one and you do not want to have all those "what if" types of regrets later. You sound inexperienced, though. Go VERY SLOW with him if you are going to pursue this. Whatever you do, you will have to OWN YOUR DECISION, whether it's to pursue this or let go.


Posted By: *Belle*Femme*
Date Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 8:55am
Originally posted by Harmonii Harmonii wrote:

Originally posted by soarlikecruz soarlikecruz wrote:


Originally posted by PRnena PRnena wrote:

Is she fuvking him ?
Why does she sound bitter ?

this is what i was thinking

Maybe she tried him and he didn't want it

Sure does sound like it
Word. She has some type of jealously. Wouldnt be surprised it that baby is David's.
 
But listen to your aunt. Where there is smoke, there is fire. He probably is a womanizer. Stair clear of dude. Im super late with my advice I now see, lol.


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My mind explodes


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 9:02am
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

ok but if bluntness is a given and to be expected in caribean families, shouldn't the op be able to be blunt right back at her...like telling her she should worry about her own baby daddy who doesn't seem to be that into her...lol

 
or is there a difference that i am missing...
Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. There is a certain "obedience" level that is expected of you and you have to become very skillful at doing what you want to do all the while looking like the "nice, family oriented good girl" doing it. It's actually very annoying and it's this line that you have to be mindful of at all times. Basically, it forces you to become a little bit of a hypocrit to keep your own sanity and peace of mind.  It's like one poster said: deference to the elders and to family is expected but unfortunately,sometimes people abuse their position. At the same time, the overprotectiveness is a cultural thing that is both positive and negative. Positive because family will rally around you when there is a perceived threat, negative because it may take you longer than other cultures to come into your own as a woman. It did for me.


Posted By: india100
Date Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 9:46am
Summary on the update . TIA Smile

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God will never let you down.
Avi.. Bobby Brown and brother Tommy after singing at MY DAD Funeral. RIP..


Posted By: JoliePoufiasse
Date Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 9:57am
Originally posted by sbrownie84 sbrownie84 wrote:


the kicker is one time, she even said to me that,  'david is a good boy' and if he wasnt from the area they lived she would 

 

That pretty much tells you all you need to know. Her jealousy is eating away at her. They're all jealous. What's sad with people like that is that it takes them a long time, if ever, to realize that you were never a threat and that you never felt above them in any kind of way, just wanting to be part of the family.



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