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This cant be my life :(

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Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Relationships
Forum Description: Single, Married, Dating, or Other, Lets Talk About It.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=348405
Printed Date: Aug 16 2018 at 6:49pm


Topic: This cant be my life :(
Posted By: babyk94
Subject: This cant be my life :(
Date Posted: Sep 16 2012 at 10:19pm
Today I just found out my mom who is 34 almost 35 in November is dating her co-worker who is 25. He still lives with his mother,, he has no car, and has nothing going for him. I wouldn't be so mad if my mom didn't make my life hell when I was dating my ex (he was also not a good guy). Her last relationship was with an older guy who also had nothing going for him as well, I just feel like she is so hypocritical/judgmental when she is in no position to judge anyone. I feel like she hasn't been a good role model and it's really affecting my life. Am I wrong for being upset with her? We have been arguing about it all day. If it helps I am 17 btw



Replies:
Posted By: healthyhair42012
Date Posted: Sep 16 2012 at 10:26pm
Your mom had you pretty young. I think you should cut her a little slack. She probably didn't have a chance to be young and carefree because she wanted to be the best mom she could to you. I agree with you on most points but you have to think she had to grow up as soon as she had you. Now that you are almost grown up she probably feels like it is her time to do her. She may feel more of a connection to younger men because they remind her of what she gave up.

Not trying to make it seem like you are at fault but I hope you can understand what I am saying


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Sep 16 2012 at 10:31pm
Originally posted by healthyhair42012 healthyhair42012 wrote:

Your mom had you pretty young. I think you should cut her a little slack. She probably didn't have a chance to be young and carefree because she wanted to be the best mom she could to you. I agree with you on most points but you have to think she had to grow up as soon as she had you. Now that you are almost grown up she probably feels like it is her time to do her. She may feel more of a connection to younger men because they remind her of what she gave up.

Not trying to make it seem like you are at fault but I hope you can understand what I am saying
No I understand thank you, honestly I never thought about it that way. I'm just so upset I can't think straight.


Posted By: Nubialady
Date Posted: Sep 16 2012 at 10:35pm
Ermm  ^^ You sure that's not your mom logged in


Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Sep 16 2012 at 10:36pm
i don't blame you for feeling that way. i would feel the same way with my mom.  she is probably judgemental because she does not want you to make the same mistakes she has made/is making.  her behavior is all she knows and though she is not willing to change it, she does not want to see that for you.
 
you can state your peace, but unfortunately, you may also just have to accept your mom for who she is.  let the things she does show you what you don't want in your relationships or for yourself.
 
will you be moving on to college or out of the house anywhere after school? perhaps a change of enviornment would do you both good.


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Sep 16 2012 at 10:45pm
Right now I am working and will be going to community college in the spring, I am going to have to deal with this for a while. I really thought she changed and then she goes and dates a 25 year old.


Posted By: ummmok
Date Posted: Sep 16 2012 at 11:01pm
Don't go and date a 25 y/o too lol. Too old for you.

I think your mom has room for improvement. There isn't much you can say to change her mind though, I'd just let her do whatever she's going to do regardless. Just don't follow in her footsteps.

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Why Worry? God's in Control



Posted By: healthyhair42012
Date Posted: Sep 16 2012 at 11:04pm
Originally posted by Nubialady Nubialady wrote:

Ermm  ^^ You sure that's not your mom logged in


I am not her mom. I just understand what it is like to be a young mom. I had my first child at 20. It's not easy giving up your youth but the reward is soo great. She seems like a smart young lady so I know her mother is proud!


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Sep 16 2012 at 11:09pm
Thank you everyone! We we're fighting all day yesterday and I didn't know what to do. She is just so hypocritical I can't even talk to her anymore.


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Sep 16 2012 at 11:13pm
Originally posted by Positive K Positive K wrote:

Wow this is interesting!! But I have a off-topic question OP. Where in Maryland do you live?? I live in Rockville.

I understand you're upset but you must let your mom live her life. And if she is making mistakes that you can clearly point out, do the smart thing and do the OPPOSITE of what she is doing. Yeah she might be hypocritical and not a good role model but use those flaws of your mother to not make the same mistakes. Don't copy and end up messed up too.


Omg I am always in Rockville! I live in Wheaton


Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Sep 17 2012 at 3:01am
It really sucks when parents date deadbeats.

But coming from the daughter of a woman who is dating an asshole deadbeat with a controller complex, the best advice I can offer is to let your mom live her life. She is gonna date who she wants. Let that man show her himself what a piece of crap he is. If she's okay with it, he's not going anywhere. If she's not, bye bye to him.

My entire family dislike my mom's boyfriend and for good reason. But we all have our lives to live and we're tired of trying to show her the light. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. Ouch


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Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Sep 17 2012 at 5:23pm
Originally posted by Midna Midna wrote:

It really sucks when parents date deadbeats.

But coming from the daughter of a woman who is dating an asshole deadbeat with a controller complex, the best advice I can offer is to let your mom live her life. She is gonna date who she wants. Let that man show her himself what a piece of crap he is. If she's okay with it, he's not going anywhere. If she's not, bye bye to him.

My entire family dislike my mom's boyfriend and for good reason. But we all have our lives to live and we're tired of trying to show her the light. You can't help someone who doesn't want help. Ouch


Thank you, I just don't understand how she could be so stupid. I'm just trying to stay away from her as much as possible. She will never be the mom I always wanted her to be. I have to just accept her or not.


Posted By: Junior Jr
Date Posted: Sep 17 2012 at 7:56pm
you go to mc, babyk?

jr.


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Posted By: khivey
Date Posted: Sep 17 2012 at 8:11pm
Well you know what you don't want. Stay focused on school and work for now. Try to stay busy with friends and stuff so it isn't all in your face. Let her be your motivation to do better. 

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Hair Type:3c/4a
Hair Length:SBL
“The approval of others often forms an essential part of our capacity to think we are right.”


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Sep 17 2012 at 8:17pm
Originally posted by Junior Jr Junior Jr wrote:

you go to mc, babyk?

jr.
I'll be going in the spring.


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Sep 17 2012 at 8:17pm
Originally posted by khivey khivey wrote:

Well you know what you don't want. Stay focused on school and work for now. Try to stay busy with friends and stuff so it isn't all in your face. Let her be your motivation to do better. 

Thank you that is exactly what I am going to do!


Posted By: BoutThatLife
Date Posted: Sep 19 2012 at 8:54pm
Let mama do her!

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I AM THE AUTHOR OF MY OWN SCRIPT AND I PLAY BY MY RULES.

POSITIVITY + LOVE AND ALL GOOD THINGS SURROUND ME


Posted By: J_Shawty
Date Posted: Sep 22 2012 at 8:05pm
Honestly OP I would find a respectful way (and I honestly mean respectful lol) to tell ya moms to mind hers. Or just let her know that if she doesn't want you with a deadbeat why is she picking up deadbeats and not being a good role model for you. Some times you gotta open folks eyes. I don't agree with your mother doing her...cause she is still ya moms and gotta do the right thing not just for you but for her. I know ya moms doesnt want a man who aint $hit.

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I'm fully: NL--SL--{APL}--BBS--BSL--MBL--WL--HL--TBL

Don't frown because your hair does not grow down, afro hair grows up towards the Son, giving praise to our creator.


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Sep 22 2012 at 8:12pm
Originally posted by J_Shawty J_Shawty wrote:

Honestly OP I would find a respectful way (and I honestly mean respectful lol) to tell ya moms to mind hers. Or just let her know that if she doesn't want you with a deadbeat why is she picking up deadbeats and not being a good role model for you. Some times you gotta open folks eyes. I don't agree with your mother doing her...cause she is still ya moms and gotta do the right thing not just for you but for her. I know ya moms doesnt want a man who aint $hit.
That is exactly what I did and she ended it! She told me that she was proud of me for telling her the truth and that everything I explained to her really hit home. SmileSmileSmile


Posted By: J_Shawty
Date Posted: Sep 23 2012 at 4:04am
Originally posted by babyk94 babyk94 wrote:

Originally posted by J_Shawty J_Shawty wrote:

Honestly OP I would find a respectful way (and I honestly mean respectful lol) to tell ya moms to mind hers. Or just let her know that if she doesn't want you with a deadbeat why is she picking up deadbeats and not being a good role model for you. Some times you gotta open folks eyes. I don't agree with your mother doing her...cause she is still ya moms and gotta do the right thing not just for you but for her. I know ya moms doesnt want a man who aint $hit.
That is exactly what I did and she ended it! She told me that she was proud of me for telling her the truth and that everything I explained to her really hit home. SmileSmileSmile

Good!! I'm glad everything worked out!!!


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I'm fully: NL--SL--{APL}--BBS--BSL--MBL--WL--HL--TBL

Don't frown because your hair does not grow down, afro hair grows up towards the Son, giving praise to our creator.


Posted By: ifeyini
Date Posted: Oct 05 2012 at 8:10pm
Pray for your mom. Obviously she is attracting men that she feels like she can save but she cant. She may need to reevaluate why she is dating men that have nothing to offer her.

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Tweet me @netteo81 and check out my weightloss blog at http://ifeyini.blogspot.com


Posted By: babyk94
Date Posted: Oct 07 2012 at 4:40pm
Originally posted by ifeyini ifeyini wrote:



Pray for your mom. Obviously she is attracting men that she feels like she can save but she cant. She may need to reevaluate why she is dating men that have nothing to offer her.
You are exactly right we have been talking about this daily and things are getting better.


Posted By: rissa86
Date Posted: Nov 14 2012 at 12:51pm
Gurl! Moms do that sometimes.  lol. I know mine has. but at the end of the day you have to live your life for you. If your mom wanna date the scrubs, let her. If you believe in God pray for her and do you. Make the right choices for you. Date the guy  you would be proud to bring home, who no one can say anything about cuz he has it together
 
Good Luck!


Posted By: babycakebabe
Date Posted: Dec 30 2012 at 12:31pm
I think that you should consider going to an out of state college and living on campus. Your mom is going through an early mid life crisis b/c she is recapturing the youth that she didnt have in her 20s and you will end up taking on the 'mother' role and the arguing will not cease. Your life is an adult is just beginning and you should not have to focus on her decisions when you should be focused on setting your own path. Good luck <3



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