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Letting Go Of A Relationship (You Never Had)

Printed From: Black Hair Media Forum
Category: Lets Talk
Forum Name: Relationships
Forum Description: Single, Married, Dating, or Other, Lets Talk About It.
URL: http://Forum.BlackHairMedia.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=345587
Printed Date: May 27 2018 at 1:33pm


Topic: Letting Go Of A Relationship (You Never Had)
Posted By: Jess
Subject: Letting Go Of A Relationship (You Never Had)
Date Posted: Aug 12 2012 at 1:26pm
Long read, but I found it informative:


Ever had a crush or a one-night stand that you caught feelings for and took it too far? Obsessing over him over, and over again? Creating an illusion of fairytale love in your own head? Well you NEED to read this. It's extremely long, but so enlightening, so bear with me.

There are two big questions hovering in the comments recently that pretty much amount to the same thing:

How do I let go of the guy that didn’t reciprocate my feelings?

How do I let go of the guy that I didn’t actually have a relationship with?

In essence, how do you let go of a one-sided attraction which in your mind has created a relationship out of…your feelings?


For a start, you can’t ‘break up’ when there is nothing to break up from. The only person you have to break up with is you and your rather overactive imagination and feelings.

The issue here isn’t really about ‘him’ as he’s not really part of the equation when you’ve created an illusion rather than keeping your feet in the real world – the issue is about you and the fact that you don’t want to let go of your feelings, your obsession, your drama.

There are four key reasons why these situations come about:

You are a queen of projection. You choose men that cater to your own negative self-fulfilling prophecy and are likely to leave you ‘crushing’ on them and then you project the feelings that you think you have on them and assume that because you think you feel a certain way about them, they should feel that way about you too. You want them to notice you, to see you in the way that you see them, and you conduct the great majority of this stuff in your head without communicating it to them and then wonder why they haven’t reciprocated your feelings.

You think that your feelings are big enough for the two of you. You lose all sense of proportion and become so consumed in how you feel that you want him to be swept up in all the love you have to give and that one day he’ll catch up to how you feel and return it. Trust me, they don’t.

You don’t actually want to be in a relationship. You’re living in a dream world and afraid of being rejected in the real world. In choosing men who are aloof and unlikely to be interested in you, you get to avoid having to be hurt in a way that you’re trying to avoid. Instead, you build sandcastles in the sky in your head and then feel rejected by your own daydreams because the reality is that you need some sort of inspiration for these illusions and he is not a part of your life. You’re very emotionally unavailable.

You don’t want to let go. As many of us have discovered, even if it’s the most toxic thing to continue feeling as we do or being involved with someone, we continue, not only because it’s a bit like ‘I’ve started so I’ll finish’ but also because even when there is nothing or it’s crap, we don’t want to let go. We don’t want to get real with ourselves in case we find that we have something difficult or painful to look at, we don’t want to admit that we’re often creators of our own pain, and we certainly don’t want to admit that we’re letting go of something that didn’t exist, and if it did, it was for the most part in our heads.

Remember, it’s a bit difficult to make someone accountable for something that is a grand illusion in your head when you could have been making them accountable for real behaviours. Likewise, you can’t wonder why someone isn’t being and feeling what you want them to be when they’re not part of the relationship in your head.

These men end up acting as ‘inspiration’ for our latest round of feelings and it’s like they put some input in at the beginning and then we just take it from there, refusing to acknowledge whether they are even there or not and if they are behaving in line with what’s in our heads and if not, why not.

Quite frankly, any misery you are feeling is for the most part, your own creation because you are not interested in keeping your feet in reality and have been too busy wallowing in your own world. In doing this, you’re not seeing signs that you need to get real, and you’re not hearing signs that you need to get real. In fact, the person may have no clue that you are even interested in them, or if they do, they may have told you that they’re not interested and you switched to unreciprocated feelings mode and hovered there expecting him to see you in the way that you want to be seen and magically catch up with your feelings.

It doesn’t matter what they feel – you’re only interested in the fact that you feel what you feel and you want them to feel that too.

The thing is, from the moment that you recognise that you 1) are not having your feelings reciprocated and/or 2) that you’re not in a relationship with them, major warning signals should be going to your brain that there is something seriously wrong if you are still trying to get them to reciprocate and obsessing about them over an extended period of time.

It’s one thing to have a crush and it’s the other to crush the crap out of yourself in a self-destructive pursuit of pain and then blame it on someone else.

If you have made the choice to continue loving and chasing him with much of it taking place from your head as you wait for crumbs or nothing at all, you’re on a serious avoidance mission because it’s like you want to hide away on these self-created feelings of rejection rather than get out there in the real world and risk yourself in a real relationship.

Whilst I recognise that in some instances, we can be misled by a guy to believe that he feels more than he does, I tend to find that women who are in this situation are invariably in it because they decided that they were crazy about someone and don’t want to let that, and the fantasy go.

You’ve decided that you want him, love him, and to hell with it, you’ll find a way to show him that he should notice and love you too. You’re gonna ride this imaginary donkey of love till it collapses.

We’re back at the juncture again where we think that deciding that we love or feel something about someone creates an automatic IOU.

We’re also back at that juncture where we’re loving without any foundation for loving and then refusing to opt out because we don’t want to let go of the fantasy or the illusion and get real…and deal with our problems.

And trust me, if you’re doing this, you have some big issues to deal with because you’re engaging in incredibly self-destructive behaviour and repeatedly creating a rejection situation for yourself and then wondering why you’re in pain – because you did it, not him!

In all honesty, the only way that these situations end is when YOU end ‘it’. You don’t need to say anything because to be honest, I think some of these men would be a touch confused if you told them that something was over that they didn’t think had started.

Stop calling, stop chasing, stop texting, stop seeing a bread loaf when there is barely a crumb.

Stop waiting, stop hoping, stop projecting, stop the madness.


Stop creating drama and then wondering why you are miserable – as it’s all one sided, you are the master orchestrator of your own soap opera.

Commit to being in the real world. Take things at face value so when he doesn’t call, it’s because he doesn’t want to speak with you, not because he’s waiting for you to make a move. When you don’t hear from him for months, it’s not because you did something wrong that you need to figure out – it’s because you are not in a relationship and whilst you are daydreaming the crap out of your life, he is out there living his.

Yes that’s right living and if you spend your energy wanting men that don’t want you and then obsessing about why they don’t want you, your life will be at one mega grandstill.

If you point blank cannot accept that 1) it’s for the most part in your head, 2) if he doesn’t want you then it’s time to start learning to stop wanting him, 3) you’re creating your own drama and pain, then you must at least accept that you are 100% responsible for where you are now and that you don’t get to let yourself off the hook and blame him.

And then go and talk to someone because spending your life and brain time escaping from the real world whilst hurting yourself and not wanting that to change says that it’s time you spoke to someone and got to the heart of your issues.

But if you are at that point where you want to and can do something about this, don’t try to make things anymore complicated than they are because when you let go of something that doesn’t and didn’t exist, you have that power and are in the driving seat of what happens to you. Don’t make out like he has to do something to end this – you have to do something and cold turkey it out so that you can gain some real perspective and get to the heart of why you are engaging in this self-destructive behaviour so that you don’t go back.

TL;DR-  Stop having fantasies and fairy tale expectations.  If you find yourself doing these things, cut it out cold turkey.



Replies:
Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Aug 13 2012 at 2:09pm
Thoughts? Opinions? Geek

This part resonated with me:
You don’t actually want to be in a relationship. You’re living in a dream world and afraid of being rejected in the real world. In choosing men who are aloof and unlikely to be interested in you, you get to avoid having to be hurt in a way that you’re trying to avoid. Instead, you build sandcastles in the sky in your head and then feel rejected by your own daydreams because the reality is that you need some sort of inspiration for these illusions and he is not a part of your life. You’re very emotionally unavailable.

I do this with every single guy that I like since...HS. Maybe b/c I got rejected so many times in elementary school.Confused


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Posted By: ummmok
Date Posted: Aug 13 2012 at 3:34pm
GOTDAMN!!! That was a good article!

I wanted to quote some but EVERYTHING was just so well said I'd be quoting the whole article. Kept getting hit; bang, bang, bang with the truth lol.

But seriously, I enjoyed this. It really made me see what I already knew what I was doing wrong in a past 'relationship.' I took his words rather than looked at his actions for what they truly were. I have since changed and will never be that fool again. Thanks for sharing.

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Why Worry? God's in Control



Posted By: ummmok
Date Posted: Aug 13 2012 at 3:38pm
Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

I do this with every single guy that I like since...HS. Maybe b/c I got rejected so many times in elementary school.Confused</span>
And it's never too late to change this. You've already recognized there is a problem...do something about it

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Why Worry? God's in Control



Posted By: alynxx
Date Posted: Aug 13 2012 at 5:04pm
Truth.com. But fantasies are like natural drugs...they are highly addictive. I am guilty of doing this but in my heart I do tell myself that it isn't real and not to make something out of nothing. 

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I swear that BHM is a blessing and a curse.


Posted By: BBpants
Date Posted: Aug 13 2012 at 5:15pm
This is a great article Clap

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yo


Posted By: Lilnicka4u2nv
Date Posted: Aug 13 2012 at 5:39pm
real sh*t

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Posted By: 313chick
Date Posted: Aug 13 2012 at 6:12pm
Originally posted by BBpants BBpants wrote:

This is a great article Clap


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Posted By: rubynaturalprincess
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 12:01pm
ClapCry Stop telling the truth girl...CryClap this was one POINT.

Everything applies to me, at some point in my life or another. Im copying this to my personal files. Thank you. 


Happy growth ladies, this too shall pass!!




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Positive energy in, negative energy out


Posted By: rubynaturalprincess
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 12:06pm
"Commit to being in the real world. Take things at face value so when he doesn’t call, it’s because he doesn’t want to speak with you, not because he’s waiting for you to make a move. When you don’t hear from him for months, it’s not because you did something wrong that you need to figure out – it’s because you are not in a relationship and whilst you are daydreaming the crap out of your life, he is out there living his." 

Yes that’s right living and if you spend your energy wanting men that don’t want you and then obsessing about why they don’t want you, your life will be at one mega grandstill.

Clap this is soo true that it hurt my feelings lol but it hit a nerve........


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Positive energy in, negative energy out


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 12:58pm
Originally posted by ummmok ummmok wrote:

Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

I do this with every single guy that I like since...HS. Maybe b/c I got rejected so many times in elementary school.Confused
And it's never too late to change this. You've already recognized there is a problem...do something about it
Yup.
This semester I will take everything at face value.

What do I do when I see this crush who has reciprocated my feelings?  Just walk by and let him say hi or just act like nothing happened and say hi.


If he liked me, he would have let me known by now.  This crush has been going on for almost a year...It's time to let go of the fairytaleOuch



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Posted By: ummmok
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 2:55pm
Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:


Originally posted by ummmok ummmok wrote:

Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

I do this with every single guy that I like since...HS. Maybe b/c I got rejected so many times in elementary school.Confused
And it's never too late to change this. You've already recognized there is a problem...do something about it
Yup.
This semester I will take everything at face value.

What do I do when I see this crush who has reciprocated my feelings? Just walk by and let him say hi or just act like nothing happened and say hi.


If he liked me, he would have let me known by now. This crush has been going on for almost a year...It's time to let go of the fairytaleOuch

I know how you feel. Seriously. I had a year-long crush in HS lol. He would always smile, say hi, act interested; I felt like he purposely gave me mixed signals. I've learned that if a guy really is interested you wouldn't be left confused. He will def let you know. Not by mixed signals and misleading, but he say it to you. For one, because he's interested, and 2, he wants to get to you before another man does lol.

I say just say hi back when he does, give him a simple, nonchalant hi and keep it moving. Don't think for a second he doesn't know you like him. Men really aren't as confusing as they pretend to be. I mean, we all know when someone likes us, even if we pretend not to know for whatever the reason, most likely, fear of rejection. Whatever the case, I'm sure he's aware and likes the ego boost but isn't interested in more than ballooning his head.

You gave him almost 365 days and he didn't make a move. His loss! There will be another. And this time you won't have to second-guess as to whether he likes you or not. He'll be direct. And if he isn't, don't waste your time. It is what it is. Good luck!



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Why Worry? God's in Control



Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 3:21pm
Originally posted by ummmok ummmok wrote:

Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:


Originally posted by ummmok ummmok wrote:

Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

I do this with every single guy that I like since...HS. Maybe b/c I got rejected so many times in elementary school.Confused
And it's never too late to change this. You've already recognized there is a problem...do something about it
Yup.
This semester I will take everything at face value.

What do I do when I see this crush who hasn't reciprocated my feelings? Just walk by and let him say hi or just act like nothing happened and say hi.


If he liked me, he would have let me known by now. This crush has been going on for almost a year...It's time to let go of the fairytaleOuch

I know how you feel. Seriously. I had a year-long crush in HS lol. He would always smile, say hi, act interested; I felt like he purposely gave me mixed signals. I've learned that if a guy really is interested you wouldn't be left confused. He will def let you know. Not by mixed signals and misleading, but he say it to you. For one, because he's interested, and 2, he wants to get to you before another man does lol.

I say just say hi back when he does, give him a simple, nonchalant hi and keep it moving. Don't think for a second he doesn't know you like him. Men really aren't as confusing as they pretend to be. I mean, we all know when someone likes us, even if we pretend not to know for whatever the reason, most likely, fear of rejection. Whatever the case, I'm sure he's aware and likes the ego boost but isn't interested in more than ballooning his head.

You gave him almost 365 days and he didn't make a move. His loss! There will be another. And this time you won't have to second-guess as to whether he likes you or not. He'll be direct. And if he isn't, don't waste your time. It is what it is. Good luck!

I'm a junior in college. 
 Ugh. Thank you.  Thank you so much for typing this out.  I really needed another person to tell me what I know exactly.  I feel so stupid. Cry  Socially.   I'm just so embarrassed that I was like a lovesick puppy stroking his ego. Embarrassed that he knew/other people knew/etc and I got rejected. OuchI feel so sick.
 

I have a headache.   I'll type more later.


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Posted By: ummmok
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 3:47pm
LOL Jess, you have the best emotional GIFs. Don't be so hard on yourself. We've all been through this. No need to feel embarrassed. Once the new semester start you'll feel better.

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Why Worry? God's in Control



Posted By: 313chick
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 4:02pm
I agree with everything ummmok said.

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Posted By: Midna
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 6:23pm
 ClapClapClapClapClapClapClapClapClap Yes. This hit me so hard.. because it's so true!

There's one guy in particular I have bee guilty of doing this with for many months now and I've grown so tired of upholding this fantasy that will never come true. It's short-term pleasure, long-term misery!

It's gotten to a point where I can openly admit to myself that I am not harboring feelings for him, but I have feelings for the illusion I have created of him in my head. I'm glad I've reached the point where I can be fully honest about it and recognize that I am tired of doing this. Only thing left is change!

I'm tired of doing this!


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Posted By: Lilnicka4u2nv
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 6:35pm
I dont have crushes but i've done this with ex's in the past...

   and it always screwed me up because they would come back into the picture every once in a while on some passive aggressive sh*t while doing them (thinking I dont know), new girls and all and I was stuck in my heart staying to myself (lowkey hoping they'd come around) while trying to move on and it would go one for up to a year...





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Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 7:02pm
Aww Jess its OK. *hugs*
I read an article somewhere and it was talking about taking a man down off the pedastal. Sometimes in your head you build him up to be this big person, but in reality if he was all that he would know not to pass you by. so how smart is he, really?
and at the end of the day, those guys really do teach you a lesson and prepare you for the next. sometimes you are doging a bullet and don't even know it.  Wink


Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 7:04pm
here is parts of the article:
 

Our thoughts are so powerful and I finally realized that if I was going to walk away from him for real then I needed to bring him back to Earth in my mind. The way to do that was to tell myself the truth about him and the situation. No more heaping compliments or making excuses for him. It was time to rip off the blinders and be honest about who I was dealing with. I was only adding to my own pain by telling myself that he was the perfect guy. Was he really perfect? Clearly not. For all my “he’s sooo smart,” he wasn’t intelligent enough to get into a relationship with me, so I guess he wasn’t such a genius after all.

What I wish I’d known sooner is that no man is perfect, and too often we end up projecting perfection onto a man despite his blatant shortcomings. Once I stopped wishing things would change, and admitted nothing would change, something did change: Me. I walked away. It’s much easier to gain perspective when we’re being truthful with ourselves about what is really going on. Taking an objective look will likely result in realizing when we’ve dodged a bullet. Looking back, I know I did. Besides, he wasn’t that cute anyway.

Have you ever found yourself thinking more highly of a guy then he deserved?

 
http://madamenoire.com/203088/pushing-him-off-the-pedestal-sometimes-getting-over-a-guy-starts-with-your-thoughts/" rel="nofollow - http://madamenoire.com/203088/pushing-him-off-the-pedestal-sometimes-getting-over-a-guy-starts-with-your-thoughts/


Posted By: Lilnicka4u2nv
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 7:09pm
Originally posted by Spokenword Spokenword wrote:

here is parts of the article:
 

Our thoughts are so powerful and I finally realized that if I was going to walk away from him for real then I needed to bring him back to Earth in my mind. The way to do that was to tell myself the truth about him and the situation. No more heaping compliments or making excuses for him. It was time to rip off the blinders and be honest about who I was dealing with. I was only adding to my own pain by telling myself that he was the perfect guy. Was he really perfect? Clearly not. For all my “he’s sooo smart,” he wasn’t intelligent enough to get into a relationship with me, so I guess he wasn’t such a genius after all.

What I wish I’d known sooner is that no man is perfect, and too often we end up projecting perfection onto a man despite his blatant shortcomings. Once I stopped wishing things would change, and admitted nothing would change, something did change: Me. I walked away. It’s much easier to gain perspective when we’re being truthful with ourselves about what is really going on. Taking an objective look will likely result in realizing when we’ve dodged a bullet. Looking back, I know I did. Besides, he wasn’t that cute anyway.

Have you ever found yourself thinking more highly of a guy then he deserved?

 
http://madamenoire.com/203088/pushing-him-off-the-pedestal-sometimes-getting-over-a-guy-starts-with-your-thoughts/" rel="nofollow - http://madamenoire.com/203088/pushing-him-off-the-pedestal-sometimes-getting-over-a-guy-starts-with-your-thoughts/


this was me to a tee Cry


   another thing that helped was, realizing how much of a skeevy person he was because while he was in a relationship with some other woman (that he didnt know I knew about, he NEVER brought her up), there he was calling and texting me, wanting to have deep convo's and reminisce about us, and why we went wrong...


He was just so passive aggressive and I could tell he needed some type of ego boost from me


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Posted By: glamrock
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 8:39pm
i haven't had that experience,I like to be pined for and pursued and not the other way around, but i know someone that I would love to send this article to. She is about 34-35 yrs old and still talking about some man she dated 15 yrs ago when they were in college that aint studdin her at all. My point is that a person doesnt grow out of this, they have to consciously break the pattern and make themselves let go.

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Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 9:45pm
Originally posted by Spokenword Spokenword wrote:

here is parts of the article:
 

Our thoughts are so powerful and I finally realized that if I was going to walk away from him for real then I needed to bring him back to Earth in my mind. The way to do that was to tell myself the truth about him and the situation. No more heaping compliments or making excuses for him. It was time to rip off the blinders and be honest about who I was dealing with. I was only adding to my own pain by telling myself that he was the perfect guy. Was he really perfect? Clearly not. For all my “he’s sooo smart,” he wasn’t intelligent enough to get into a relationship with me, so I guess he wasn’t such a genius after all.Clap

What I wish I’d known sooner is that no man is perfect, and too often we end up projecting perfection onto a man despite his blatant shortcomings. Once I stopped wishing things would change, and admitted nothing would change, something did change: Me. I walked away. It’s much easier to gain perspective when we’re being truthful with ourselves about what is really going on. Taking an objective look will likely result in realizing when we’ve dodged a bullet. Looking back, I know I did. Besides, he wasn’t that cute anyway.

Have you ever found yourself thinking more highly of a guy then he deserved?

 
http://madamenoire.com/203088/pushing-him-off-the-pedestal-sometimes-getting-over-a-guy-starts-with-your-thoughts/" rel="nofollow - http://madamenoire.com/203088/pushing-him-off-the-pedestal-sometimes-getting-over-a-guy-starts-with-your-thoughts/
Yes!

I am an amazing catch.  I have the total package. Brains, beauty, and body.  Cool
Ah! I feel so much better.  I just needed to get this off of my mind.


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Posted By: cvzx
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 10:07pm
Lol Jess ur gifs always crack me up....


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Aug 14 2012 at 10:20pm
Originally posted by cvzx cvzx wrote:

Lol Jess ur gifs always crack me up....
Embarrassed
Aww thanks.


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Posted By: WayneHead
Date Posted: Aug 22 2012 at 4:18pm
Amen.. Just the confirmation that I needed. I'm so thankful I dont get what I "think" I want. 


Posted By: WayneHead
Date Posted: Aug 22 2012 at 4:39pm
My thing is...I know what it is & I feel like even if he wanted me I reeeeeeally dont want to be in a relationship with him for real...but at the same time I still put him on a pedestal... it doesnt make sense at all.......Ermm


Posted By: Ds2nice
Date Posted: Aug 24 2012 at 11:23am
Great article!!  I'm guilty of almost the opposite.  In the past and when it came down to dealing with friends with benefits, I was in denial of my true feelings.   I would act like I wasn't phased by the supposedly meaningless sex and if he would show some type of emotion/connection for me otherthan the friendship, i would dismiss it because I was too afraid to reveal my true feelings for the risk of getting hurt down the road.  It took two years to reveal my true feelings to my hubby (a fka FWB) and I was lucky that he stuck around long enough for me to reveal it.


Posted By: Kittyhammertoe
Date Posted: Sep 06 2012 at 9:28pm
Guilty as charged. It will NEVER happen again. NEVER!

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Know your worth and don't settle for anything less.


Posted By: TaRenee88
Date Posted: Sep 07 2012 at 9:19am
THIS ARTICLE IS THE TRUTH!!!!!!!


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Sep 21 2012 at 3:32pm
Bumping for myself



Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Oct 11 2012 at 4:25am
bump


Posted By: miraclebaby_91
Date Posted: Oct 14 2012 at 5:48pm
Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

Originally posted by ummmok ummmok wrote:

Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:


Originally posted by ummmok ummmok wrote:

Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

I do this with every single guy that I like since...HS. Maybe b/c I got rejected so many times in elementary school.Confused
And it's never too late to change this. You've already recognized there is a problem...do something about it
Yup.
This semester I will take everything at face value.

What do I do when I see this crush who hasn't reciprocated my feelings? Just walk by and let him say hi or just act like nothing happened and say hi.


If he liked me, he would have let me known by now. This crush has been going on for almost a year...It's time to let go of the fairytaleOuch

I know how you feel. Seriously. I had a year-long crush in HS lol. He would always smile, say hi, act interested; I felt like he purposely gave me mixed signals. I've learned that if a guy really is interested you wouldn't be left confused. He will def let you know. Not by mixed signals and misleading, but he say it to you. For one, because he's interested, and 2, he wants to get to you before another man does lol.

I say just say hi back when he does, give him a simple, nonchalant hi and keep it moving. Don't think for a second he doesn't know you like him. Men really aren't as confusing as they pretend to be. I mean, we all know when someone likes us, even if we pretend not to know for whatever the reason, most likely, fear of rejection. Whatever the case, I'm sure he's aware and likes the ego boost but isn't interested in more than ballooning his head.

You gave him almost 365 days and he didn't make a move. His loss! There will be another. And this time you won't have to second-guess as to whether he likes you or not. He'll be direct. And if he isn't, don't waste your time. It is what it is. Good luck!

I'm a junior in college. 
 Ugh. Thank you.  Thank you so much for typing this out.  I really needed another person to tell me what I know exactly.  I feel so stupid. Cry  Socially.   I'm just so embarrassed that I was like a lovesick puppy stroking his ego. Embarrassed that he knew/other people knew/etc and I got rejected. OuchI feel so sick.
 

I have a headache.   I'll type more later.



I feel ur pain. The same situation I've been thru.


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Oct 14 2012 at 5:54pm
Thanks girl.  He was playing games.  Once he found a girl he liked he did not hesitate to make his move. 
I no longer approach guys and take everything with a grain of salt.


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Posted By: miraclebaby_91
Date Posted: Oct 15 2012 at 12:05am
Yeah same here. I don't approach guys anymore and I stay taking things with a grain of salt.


Posted By: miraclebaby_91
Date Posted: Oct 15 2012 at 12:06am
And your welcome. I hope that these type of issues(romantic obssession, holding onto a relationship that never actually existed) gets more light. Cuz alot of women struggle with this, but don't verbalize it.


Posted By: BeatriceBean
Date Posted: Feb 06 2013 at 12:58pm
Bump

-------------
Life is good!


Posted By: *braidbeauty*
Date Posted: Feb 08 2013 at 11:46pm
Great advice but easier said than done. I feel like I'm always in situations like this where I am crushing on someone and have trouble letting go of the idea of being with them, even if they don't seem to show obvious interest. I currently feel this way about a guy and it's not a good feeling! How do you know when to be optimistic about the situation and when it is completely hopeless? Especially when you haven't even gotten to know the guy so it's hard to just write him off.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 08 2013 at 11:46pm
That's was pretty interesting...

-------------
hip measured is from fullest part on butt:
start: 32C-24-35

http://24.media.tumblr.com/9bbbc000b1aa15d0337a651ec6e3f36c/tumblr_n1g94wvCbW1rk74v1o1_400.gif

http://i63.tinypic.com/2hn7ui0.jpg


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 09 2013 at 12:22am
braidbeauty - sorry but there is NEVER a time to be optimistic about such a situtation. Never. A grown man knows how to ask a woman out. He does not need your assistance.
 
Girl sees/meets guy
Girl likes guy and tries to get his attention by looking attractive
Boy approaches girl if he is attracted to her and asks her out
Girl does NOT appear to be so impressed and says no, makes him struggle to get a date with her
Girl eventually agrees to a date.. has a nice time ... but keeps it cool
Boy pressures girl for sex early on and girl says no .. for a good 3 months or so .. until she figures out what kind of guy he is and if he is relationship material
Within those 3 months ... either he will stick around - because he is really interested or ... if will dissappear because really .. all he wanted was sex and since you are not gonna be 'easy' - he is off an easier more desparete prey.
 
If you do anything other than the above sequence of events (more or less) you will end up getting yor heart broken.
 
So .. if the guy can't even figure out a way to APPROACH you then either -
- he is not interested in you at all .. maybe just likes the attention
- he is interested but is married or involved ... but can't help give you attention but will never ask you out because he is faithful
- he is married or involved, not really interested.. but is willing have sex with you AND THEN dump you
- he is single.. but he is emotionally unavailable (most single guys fall into this category!) but yes, he needs sex from you or anyonre that will give him sex. If you just want sex too - okay, enjoy yourself .. but don't fool yourself into believing that he will want a real relationship with you after you have sex with him so soon.
 
Men are simple creatures ... IF he is interested in you (and you cannot force him to find you atrractive)
                                     and IF is he emotionally or legally available
                                     and IF  he wants something real
                                     all you have to is be yourself, be sweet, and DON'T SLEEP with him ... and you have a chance of having a real relationship.
 
Do not pursue or  obviously flirt with a guy. Do not give him attention. IGNORE HIM. He has to approch you - if not MOVE ON - WRITE HIM OFF.


Posted By: PensiveChic3
Date Posted: Feb 09 2013 at 2:22am
OMG who wrote this article?? I swear they wrote it just for me and I am really bothered. Obviously I'm not the only woman who has acted this way but I feel so bad now. Obsessions are such a battle to break.


Posted By: discreet.
Date Posted: Feb 10 2013 at 10:15am
It just hurts so badly though.


Posted By: Dark&Lovely
Date Posted: Feb 10 2013 at 7:54pm
What about men who have trust issues, have been abused, or their parents died so they have commitment issues?

Is there ever a time to be compassionate and patient? I only say this because I have trust issues and I know I'm a good person but I need potential partner to be patient and "prove" themselves before I can give my all, so in a way I can't blame men who feel the same way.

-------------
"If there is a god, I hope he has a good excuse"


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 11 2013 at 5:45am
Guys and girls are not the same. Period.
 
If the guy has trust issues, has been abused etc ... that will have NOTHING TO DO with him approaching a woman and asking for her number etc. Men want sex. They are driven by this .. but women are not. This is a fundamental difference.
 
** If this is the case - he will likely turn things OUTWARD. He will act out his pain in the manner of aggression. This is why a lot of men ... rape women. So if a guy you want has been abused .. he needs treatment .. otherwise you really don't even want to get involved with him!
 
If a girl has trust issues, has been abused ... then when she is approached by a guy ... she can rebuff his attentions as long as she wants. He has to ask and ask until she feels comfortable enough to give him a chance. This is the way is it supposed to work between women and men ... all the time ..Hee hee! Regardless of whether she has been abused.
 
**If this is the case - she is likely to turn her pain INWARDS .. so these kinds of women end up with eating disorders, depression, - only acting outwards in terms of self destructive ways things like sleeping around.. and later turning to prostitition - which is pretty much the beginning of her end.
 
Once again .. men and women are different.
 
How many  abused men do you know that end up on the street selling their bodies, being beaten up by their pimps etc. No, those men (after they have hurt A LOT of people) end up in prison. It's women that end up in that life.
 
How many abused women have you heard of that attack (rape with foreign objects) men or are regular fights with men, and ending up in jail every other week? Not so common.
 
(I am not saying YOU have such problems ... just saying that men and women are different so their responses to their difficult enviornments are different.)
 
Back to the main topic - be smart about men and save your sellf a lot of heartache. Do not try to hit on guys - let them come to you. PERIOD.
 
And ... as you mature you will find that you don't feel so bad if a guy you like does not approach you. Why? Because you start to build your self esteem such that it's not SO IMPORTANT that that particular guy does not like you. It is the relationship that you have with yourself that is the most important relationship of all.
 
Wise up.
 
 


Posted By: *braidbeauty*
Date Posted: Feb 11 2013 at 10:50pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:




braidbeauty - sorry but there is NEVER a time to be optimistic about such a situtation. Never. A grown man knows how to ask a woman out. He does not need your assistance.
 
Girl sees/meets guy
Girl likes guy and tries to get his attention by looking attractive
Boy approaches girl if he is attracted to her and asks her out
Girl does NOT appear to be so impressed and says no, makes him struggle to get a date with her
Girl eventually agrees to a date.. has a nice time ... but keeps it cool
Boy pressures girl for sex early on and girl says no .. for a good 3 months or so .. until she figures out what kind of guy he is and if he is relationship material
Within those 3 months ... either he will stick around - because he is really interested or ... if will dissappear because really .. all he wanted was sex and since you are not gonna be 'easy' - he is off an easier more desparete prey.
 
If you do anything other than the above sequence of events (more or less) you will end up getting yor heart broken.
 
So .. if the guy can't even figure out a way to APPROACH you then either -
- he is not interested in you at all .. maybe just likes the attention
- he is interested but is married or involved ... but can't help give you attention but will never ask you out because he is faithful
- he is married or involved, not really interested.. but is willing have sex with you AND THEN dump you
- he is single.. but he is emotionally unavailable (most single guys fall into this category!) but yes, he needs sex from you or anyonre that will give him sex. If you just want sex too - okay, enjoy yourself .. but don't fool yourself into believing that he will want a real relationship with you after you have sex with him so soon.
 
Men are simple creatures ... IF he is interested in you (and you cannot force him to find you atrractive)
                                     and IF is he emotionally or legally available
                                     and IF  he wants something real
                                     all you have to is be yourself, be sweet, and DON'T SLEEP with him ... and you have a chance of having a real relationship.
 
Do not pursue or  obviously flirt with a guy. Do not give him attention. IGNORE HIM. He has to approch you - if not MOVE ON - WRITE HIM OFF.



I understand where you are coming from. But I am not trying to pursue this guy. I only want to introduce myself to him to break the ice. I see him every now and then at work, so why not? It just seems like a friendly thing to do. I'm not asking him out. If I were to introduce myself and he didn't take any initiative from there, I would leave it at that. Can there really be harm in that? I have always been quite shy and played it safe like you are saying and I feel that limits me. My friend introduced herself to her now husband (she did not pursue him, only started a small, random conversation with him) and is now married to him with a baby and I am still single. So my approach doesn't seem to be working.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 13 2013 at 4:26am
Originally posted by *braidbeauty* *braidbeauty* wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:




braidbeauty - sorry but there is NEVER a time to be optimistic about such a situtation. Never. A grown man knows how to ask a woman out. He does not need your assistance.
 
Girl sees/meets guy
Girl likes guy and tries to get his attention by looking attractive
Boy approaches girl if he is attracted to her and asks her out
Girl does NOT appear to be so impressed and says no, makes him struggle to get a date with her
Girl eventually agrees to a date.. has a nice time ... but keeps it cool
Boy pressures girl for sex early on and girl says no .. for a good 3 months or so .. until she figures out what kind of guy he is and if he is relationship material
Within those 3 months ... either he will stick around - because he is really interested or ... if will dissappear because really .. all he wanted was sex and since you are not gonna be 'easy' - he is off an easier more desparete prey.
 
If you do anything other than the above sequence of events (more or less) you will end up getting yor heart broken.
 
So .. if the guy can't even figure out a way to APPROACH you then either -
- he is not interested in you at all .. maybe just likes the attention
- he is interested but is married or involved ... but can't help give you attention but will never ask you out because he is faithful
- he is married or involved, not really interested.. but is willing have sex with you AND THEN dump you
- he is single.. but he is emotionally unavailable (most single guys fall into this category!) but yes, he needs sex from you or anyonre that will give him sex. If you just want sex too - okay, enjoy yourself .. but don't fool yourself into believing that he will want a real relationship with you after you have sex with him so soon.
 
Men are simple creatures ... IF he is interested in you (and you cannot force him to find you atrractive)
                                     and IF is he emotionally or legally available
                                     and IF  he wants something real
                                     all you have to is be yourself, be sweet, and DON'T SLEEP with him ... and you have a chance of having a real relationship.
 
Do not pursue or  obviously flirt with a guy. Do not give him attention. IGNORE HIM. He has to approch you - if not MOVE ON - WRITE HIM OFF.



I understand where you are coming from. But I am not trying to pursue this guy. I only want to introduce myself to him to break the ice. I see him every now and then at work, so why not? It just seems like a friendly thing to do. I'm not asking him out. If I were to introduce myself and he didn't take any initiative from there, I would leave it at that. Can there really be harm in that? I have always been quite shy and played it safe like you are saying and I feel that limits me. My friend introduced herself to her now husband (she did not pursue him, only started a small, random conversation with him) and is now married to him with a baby and I am still single. So my approach doesn't seem to be working.
 
Okay, I understand. We ALL understand what you are saying. As a woman ..you think it is harmless to introduce yourself to a guy. Just to be friendly and break the ice etc ..no harm done. So then you think he will then feel free enough to take it further as 'friends' and maybe ... ask you out.
 
This all seems harmless ... but to a guy ... NO, you are tipping your hand! If you approach him ... YOU ARE PURSUING HIM!
 
(Do not base your situation on what happend with your friend. You don't know what was going on between the two of them before they actually met and connected. It is really a baddddd idea to repeat the actions of a friend on the off chance that things might work out out for you in a relationship. There are far too many factors involved when it comes to affairs of the heart.)
 
Your situation.
 
1) That guy ... believe it or not .. ALREADY KNOWS you like him. Yep, he knows it. If you are telling us all this about him on this forum .. then you have already sent out those 'I LIKE YOU' vibes toward that guy. Confused
 
2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 
All this has nothing to do with your LOOKS btw ...it's all about how you feel about yourself  ON THE INSIDE!!
 
4)So when he does go out with you .. he will expect sex way too early and whether you do or not ... in the end he will likely dump you and you will be crushed. This is very common.
 
There is a lot to it - go on the internet and search on things like 'how to get a guy' and do your resesarch.
 
The BEST way you can spark this guys interest in you enough for HIM to approach YOU ... is if you completely IGNORE HIM! NO EYE CONTACT! Then, let nature it's course.
 
Men are not shy if they WANT you. That's what girls tell themselves when a guy does not approach them. He knows how to introduce himself to you IF HE WANTS YOU.
 
Sadly, you as a woman need to remain attractive and ATTRACT him to you ... that's it though. HE has to make the move. There are exceptions like with your friend but this NOT something you can count on!!!! Worse .. it can set up a lifetime habit of trying to get a guy to 'notice' you in a sly way ... so that he can ask you out - but then the game is over too soon .. do he's gone already.
 
Sit back, cool out, mind your own business and let him come to you. Period. Stop thinkng of clever little ways for him to notice you, or make it easier for him ask you out or any of that stuff. He's a man .. he's gotta figure it out and if he doesn't ... see my earlier list of all the reasons he does not approach you.
 


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 18 2013 at 10:24am
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
 

2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 


This. God, perfect what you wrote!

But I find it hard to get asked out by a shy guy or someone who thinks I am out of his league and he won't make the move. I don't hit on men but I wish some would at least try to talk to me Angry


Posted By: starliteboo
Date Posted: Feb 18 2013 at 12:50pm
I so needed this thread today 


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 18 2013 at 2:13pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
 

2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 


This. God, perfect what you wrote!

But I find it hard to get asked out by a shy guy or someone who thinks I am out of his league and he won't make the move. I don't hit on men but I wish some would at least try to talk to me Angry
 
If a guy is really too shy to ask you out because he thinks that .. you are out of his league. Well, you probably ARE out of his league. Shocked  I don't mean anything in terms of your looks (again it's not about how you look on the outside .. it who you are on the inside.) Maybe he is still too young or whatever but still .. don't waste your time.
 
What I mean is .. you do not want a weak man. Sorry to say it like that but ... life is hard and you want a guy that has enouigh self-esteem to approach any woman - no matter how she looks etc.
 
He HAS to grow a backbone on this basic area or when you do get together - you will have hitched your wagon to a guy that can't handle things in life ... in other ways which means ... YOU will have to carry HIM. So you are suck with a guy that is ... maladjusted.
 
Hey, if you are walking down the street with him and a strange man gets aggressive - don't you want to know that if anything should happen .... he would know how to fight and protect you from harm?
 
The guy has got to play .. 'the guy' so do not do his job for him ... unless you ALWAYS want to be the guy. Ouch So if that guy is to scared to talk to you he is a weak man so .. move on.
 
You are in the wrong company. Confused


Posted By: miraclebaby_91
Date Posted: Feb 18 2013 at 2:49pm
I also want to add that one thing that I've learned recently is that you can train your brain to do ANYTHING.........moreso your subconscious mind which is the part of the brain that gives you dreams. If you find yourself obsessing over a man who doesn't like you or isn't pursuing you need to know that YOU HAVE THE MENTAL POWER TO REDIRECT YOUR ATTENTION ON ANOTHER MAN......I don't care if it's a stranger you may never see again that you find yourself fantasizing about........it's better to fantasize about dating or sexually being with a stranger you will possibly never see again or even a celebrity than to fantasize about a person you know and am around sometimes that will never pursue you or doesn't like you the way you like them. You can even fantasize about the men that have given you male attention and admiration in the past if you find them attractive is some way(even if it's just in a non-physical strictly characteristic way) I am training my brain right now as we speak to focus on the male attention and admiration I've gotten(even if the guys weren't necessarily my type I'm fantasizing on how good it felt to get it cuz some women struggle getting male attention and admiration) and on sexy strangers I see randomly in the streets that I know I may never see again and celebrities. Fantasizing about those 3 things(strangers, celebs, and previous male attention and admiration) will keep you SANE until a guy you want pursues you. Also IF YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE ONE GUY DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT NO OTHER GUYS YOU EVER LIKE WILL LIKE YOU YOU ARE SPEAKING THAT INTO YOUR EXISTENCE. That WILL become your reality cuz for a long time that was my reality after this one guy I wanted badly rejected me. FOCUS ON PREPARING YOURSELF TO BE A WIFE WHILE YOUR SINGLE.........NOT A GIRLFRIEND A WIFE. There are many books that teach you how to be wifey material and not girlfriend material.........besides let's keep it real most guys may not say this but they wanna girlfriend that they can eventually make their wife.......so they want wifey material for the most part unless their tryna you know........just freak every female they see. These are some books that I've been reading that have helped change my conditioning all of these are HIGHLY recommended btw: The Secret(sold instores and online), The Power of Your Subconscious Mind(sold instores and online), Chapter 11 out of the book: Think and Grow Rich(HIGHLY recommended sold instores and online), Get anyone to do anything(sold instores and online, How to make anyone fall in love with you(sold instores and online HIGHLY recommended but still use common sense with the techniques in this book) The Guide to Becoming The Sensuous Black Woman(I've read this book more than once LOVE IT HIGHLY recommended you can buy it off of Amazon.com since this book isn't sold in stores) The Power of the coochie: Get what you want from men(this book is only sold at Amazon.com beware it's blunt advice but it's exactly what alot of women need to hear) and The Power of WOW: A guide to unleashing the confident, sexy you(sold in stores and online....get this book seriously). I also bought the book that I highly recommend as well is: Make any man want you which can be found in stores and online
Also go on the www.thesecret.tv for inspirational stories about women(and men) finding love through using the Law of Attraction. People have also gotten their dream lives, homes, cars, etc. from using The Secret AKA the Law of Attraction.


Posted By: *braidbeauty*
Date Posted: Feb 19 2013 at 10:05pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:


Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
 

2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 




This. God, perfect what you wrote!

But I find it hard to get asked out by a shy guy or someone who thinks I am out of his league and he won't make the move. I don't hit on men but I wish some would at least try to talk to me Angry


Thanks for your advice. I have thought about it and come to the realization that my crush is not into me. I wouldn't mind striking up a conversation first if he showed signs of interest. But this guy shows zero interest so I therefore refuse to take a risk and make myself vulnerable with him. Besides I want someone who is eager and excited to get to know me, not someone who avoids making eye contact or smiling when he sees me. I'm tired of dealing with the stress of the thought of initiating the approach. He should be dealing with that The last person who I dated pursued me the way a man should, so I know how it should be and I'm not going to settle for anything less!


Posted By: *braidbeauty*
Date Posted: Feb 19 2013 at 10:10pm
Originally posted by *braidbeauty* *braidbeauty* wrote:

Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:


Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
 

2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 




This. God, perfect what you wrote!

But I find it hard to get asked out by a shy guy or someone who thinks I am out of his league and he won't make the move. I don't hit on men but I wish some would at least try to talk to me Angry


Thanks for your advice. I have thought about it and come to the realization that my crush is not into me. I wouldn't mind striking up a conversation first if he showed signs of interest. But this guy shows zero interest so I therefore refuse to take a risk and make myself vulnerable with him. Besides I want someone who is eager and excited to get to know me, not someone who avoids making eye contact or smiling when he sees me. I'm tired of dealing with the stress of the thought of initiating the approach. He should be dealing with that The last person who I dated pursued me the way a man should, so I know how it should be and I'm not going to settle for anything less!


I love the theory of the law of attraction. I need to remember to apply it to my life more consistently.


Posted By: *braidbeauty*
Date Posted: Feb 19 2013 at 10:11pm
Originally posted by miraclebaby_91 miraclebaby_91 wrote:

I also want to add that one thing that I've learned recently is that you can train your brain to do ANYTHING.........moreso your subconscious mind which is the part of the brain that gives you dreams. If you find yourself obsessing over a man who doesn't like you or isn't pursuing you need to know that YOU HAVE THE MENTAL POWER TO REDIRECT YOUR ATTENTION ON ANOTHER MAN......I don't care if it's a stranger you may never see again that you find yourself fantasizing about........it's better to fantasize about dating or sexually being with a stranger you will possibly never see again or even a celebrity than to fantasize about a person you know and am around sometimes that will never pursue you or doesn't like you the way you like them. You can even fantasize about the men that have given you male attention and admiration in the past if you find them attractive is some way(even if it's just in a non-physical strictly characteristic way) I am training my brain right now as we speak to focus on the male attention and admiration I've gotten(even if the guys weren't necessarily my type I'm fantasizing on how good it felt to get it cuz some women struggle getting male attention and admiration) and on sexy strangers I see randomly in the streets that I know I may never see again and celebrities. Fantasizing about those 3 things(strangers, celebs, and previous male attention and admiration) will keep you SANE until a guy you want pursues you. Also IF YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE ONE GUY DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT NO OTHER GUYS YOU EVER LIKE WILL LIKE YOU YOU ARE SPEAKING THAT INTO YOUR EXISTENCE. That WILL become your reality cuz for a long time that was my reality after this one guy I wanted badly rejected me. FOCUS ON PREPARING YOURSELF TO BE A WIFE WHILE YOUR SINGLE.........NOT A GIRLFRIEND A WIFE. There are many books that teach you how to be wifey material and not girlfriend material.........besides let's keep it real most guys may not say this but they wanna girlfriend that they can eventually make their wife.......so they want wifey material for the most part unless their tryna you know........just freak every female they see. These are some books that I've been reading that have helped change my conditioning all of these are HIGHLY recommended btw: The Secret(sold instores and online), The Power of Your Subconscious Mind(sold instores and online), Chapter 11 out of the book: Think and Grow Rich(HIGHLY recommended sold instores and online), Get anyone to do anything(sold instores and online, How to make anyone fall in love with you(sold instores and online HIGHLY recommended but still use common sense with the techniques in this book) The Guide to Becoming The Sensuous Black Woman(I've read this book more than once LOVE IT HIGHLY recommended you can buy it off of Amazon.com since this book isn't sold in stores) The Power of the coochie: Get what you want from men(this book is only sold at Amazon.com beware it's blunt advice but it's exactly what alot of women need to hear) and The Power of WOW: A guide to unleashing the confident, sexy you(sold in stores and online....get this book seriously). I also bought the book that I highly recommend as well is: Make any man want you which can be found in stores and online
Also go on the www.thesecret.tv for inspirational stories about women(and men) finding love through using the Law of Attraction. People have also gotten their dream lives, homes, cars, etc. from using The Secret AKA the Law of Attraction.



I love the theory of the law of attraction. I need to remember to apply it to my life more consistently.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 20 2013 at 12:14am
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
 

2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 


This. God, perfect what you wrote!

But I find it hard to get asked out by a shy guy or someone who thinks I am out of his league and he won't make the move. I don't hit on men but I wish some would at least try to talk to me Angry
 
If a guy is really too shy to ask you out because he thinks that .. you are out of his league. Well, you probably ARE out of his league. Shocked  I don't mean anything in terms of your looks (again it's not about how you look on the outside .. it who you are on the inside.) Maybe he is still too young or whatever but still .. don't waste your time.
 
What I mean is .. you do not want a weak man. Sorry to say it like that but ... life is hard and you want a guy that has enouigh self-esteem to approach any woman - no matter how she looks etc.
 
He HAS to grow a backbone on this basic area or when you do get together - you will have hitched your wagon to a guy that can't handle things in life ... in other ways which means ... YOU will have to carry HIM. So you are suck with a guy that is ... maladjusted.
 
Hey, if you are walking down the street with him and a strange man gets aggressive - don't you want to know that if anything should happen .... he would know how to fight and protect you from harm?
 
The guy has got to play .. 'the guy' so do not do his job for him ... unless you ALWAYS want to be the guy. Ouch So if that guy is to scared to talk to you he is a weak man so .. move on.
 
You are in the wrong company. Confused


When I wrote "I am out of his league" I meant that he probably believes I am too good for him and that I would never want him! My ex did tell me that I can be pretty intimidating, and perhaps this guy thinks I'll flat out tell him no if he asks me out, but it is far from the truth....

But I have to disagree on that; some guys, when they have a huge crush on a girl, they just cannot approach her. I have met many guys who get mute and serious around a girl they like simply because they cannot act near her. They are afraid of making one silly mistake and ruining everything. yet they are smart, intelligent, etc, but they are just afraid of THAT woman.

Maybe the one I am crushing o is younger than me...I think he is in his early twenties, and I am on my late twenties...

Maybe he will grow a backbone tomorrow

*prays*


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 20 2013 at 6:10pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
What I mean is .. you do not want a weak man. Sorry to say it like that but ... life is hard and you want a guy that has enouigh self-esteem to approach any woman - no matter how she looks etc.
 
He HAS to grow a backbone on this basic area


Ok, I have an update and that's why I still disagree with what you wrote : today the guy I am crushing had the chance to sit right next to me in class but instead he picked another place to sit, even though he looked at me as soon as he walked in AND walked behind my seat before adjusting himself in another one.

I thought that was lame and was upset. At the end of class, he left the classroom first and I remained for about 5 minutes chatting with the professor. We were in the second floor and there are two stairways on both ends of the hallway. When I left the classroom, he was standing in front of the elevator, looking at the door to see who was coming out.

It was my chance to be near him, especially because it was obvious that he waited for me but instead....I turned around and went down the stairs.

I was just too nervous to be near him, and I don't have low self-esteem. In fact my ex said that I think highly about myself (too highly, in his opinion).

I don't want to be crushing forever, so if this guy doesn't make a move sometime in the next two weeks, I'll most likely lose interest.



Posted By: Dark&Lovely
Date Posted: Feb 21 2013 at 2:12am
Printer_Ink needs her own advice column


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 21 2013 at 3:45pm
Originally posted by miraclebaby_91 miraclebaby_91 wrote:

I also want to add that one thing that I've learned recently is that you can train your brain to do ANYTHING.........moreso your subconscious mind which is the part of the brain that gives you dreams. If you find yourself obsessing over a man who doesn't like you or isn't pursuing you need to know that YOU HAVE THE MENTAL POWER TO REDIRECT YOUR ATTENTION ON ANOTHER MAN......I don't care if it's a stranger you may never see again that you find yourself fantasizing about........it's better to fantasize about dating or sexually being with a stranger you will possibly never see again or even a celebrity than to fantasize about a person you know and am around sometimes that will never pursue you or doesn't like you the way you like them. You can even fantasize about the men that have given you male attention and admiration in the past if you find them attractive is some way(even if it's just in a non-physical strictly characteristic way) I am training my brain right now as we speak to focus on the male attention and admiration I've gotten(even if the guys weren't necessarily my type I'm fantasizing on how good it felt to get it cuz some women struggle getting male attention and admiration) and on sexy strangers I see randomly in the streets that I know I may never see again and celebrities. Fantasizing about those 3 things(strangers, celebs, and previous male attention and admiration) will keep you SANE until a guy you want pursues you. Also IF YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE ONE GUY DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT NO OTHER GUYS YOU EVER LIKE WILL LIKE YOU YOU ARE SPEAKING THAT INTO YOUR EXISTENCE. That WILL become your reality cuz for a long time that was my reality after this one guy I wanted badly rejected me. FOCUS ON PREPARING YOURSELF TO BE A WIFE WHILE YOUR SINGLE.........NOT A GIRLFRIEND A WIFE. There are many books that teach you how to be wifey material and not girlfriend material.........besides let's keep it real most guys may not say this but they wanna girlfriend that they can eventually make their wife.......so they want wifey material for the most part unless their tryna you know........just freak every female they see. These are some books that I've been reading that have helped change my conditioning all of these are HIGHLY recommended btw: The Secret(sold instores and online), The Power of Your Subconscious Mind(sold instores and online), Chapter 11 out of the book: Think and Grow Rich(HIGHLY recommended sold instores and online), Get anyone to do anything(sold instores and online, How to make anyone fall in love with you(sold instores and online HIGHLY recommended but still use common sense with the techniques in this book) The Guide to Becoming The Sensuous Black Woman(I've read this book more than once LOVE IT HIGHLY recommended you can buy it off of Amazon.com since this book isn't sold in stores) The Power of the coochie: Get what you want from men(this book is only sold at Amazon.com beware it's blunt advice but it's exactly what alot of women need to hear) and The Power of WOW: A guide to unleashing the confident, sexy you(sold in stores and online....get this book seriously). I also bought the book that I highly recommend as well is: Make any man want you which can be found in stores and online
Also go on the www.thesecret.tv for inspirational stories about women(and men) finding love through using the Law of Attraction. People have also gotten their dream lives, homes, cars, etc. from using The Secret AKA the Law of Attraction.
 
You are 100% CORRECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Every woman needs to read these kinds of books instead of waiting on a guy that is never gonna be interested in you and basically just try to use you for sex ... if they give you any attention at all.
 
A good friend of mine just got a crushing dump but months ago I tried to WARN her that this guy was full of it. Do you know what she said? She said 'I don't want to play any games' I just want to be honest and tell him the truth' as she jumps whenever he wants to see her. Me and 2 other girls told her AT THE SAME TIME. 'Girl, don't be so dam easy for him! Make him sit and wait and wonder about you. Do not be  so AVAILABLE  and drop everythoing every time he calls! I said, Danny .. why do you think they call it .."The Dating GAME".  It is a game - you just have to learn the rules to play the game right.
 
I am not talking about those user type females that are just tricking a guy so she can get his money or whatever .. these girls are 'damaged goods' and are no better than hookers. I am talking about recognizing when an AVAILABLE man is coming YOUR way and making him chase you so you can form a real relationshïp. That's what sparks the love.
 
Like that old saying goes 'Chase him .. until HE catches ... YOU'. :)


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 21 2013 at 3:54pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
 

2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 


This. God, perfect what you wrote!

But I find it hard to get asked out by a shy guy or someone who thinks I am out of his league and he won't make the move. I don't hit on men but I wish some would at least try to talk to me Angry
 
If a guy is really too shy to ask you out because he thinks that .. you are out of his league. Well, you probably ARE out of his league. Shocked  I don't mean anything in terms of your looks (again it's not about how you look on the outside .. it who you are on the inside.) Maybe he is still too young or whatever but still .. don't waste your time.
 
What I mean is .. you do not want a weak man. Sorry to say it like that but ... life is hard and you want a guy that has enouigh self-esteem to approach any woman - no matter how she looks etc.
 
He HAS to grow a backbone on this basic area or when you do get together - you will have hitched your wagon to a guy that can't handle things in life ... in other ways which means ... YOU will have to carry HIM. So you are suck with a guy that is ... maladjusted.
 
Hey, if you are walking down the street with him and a strange man gets aggressive - don't you want to know that if anything should happen .... he would know how to fight and protect you from harm?
 
The guy has got to play .. 'the guy' so do not do his job for him ... unless you ALWAYS want to be the guy. Ouch So if that guy is to scared to talk to you he is a weak man so .. move on.
 
You are in the wrong company. Confused


When I wrote "I am out of his league" I meant that he probably believes I am too good for him and that I would never want him! My ex did tell me that I can be pretty intimidating, and perhaps this guy thinks I'll flat out tell him no if he asks me out, but it is far from the truth....

But I have to disagree on that; some guys, when they have a huge crush on a girl, they just cannot approach her. I have met many guys who get mute and serious around a girl they like simply because they cannot act near her. They are afraid of making one silly mistake and ruining everything. yet they are smart, intelligent, etc, but they are just afraid of THAT woman.

Maybe the one I am crushing o is younger than me...I think he is in his early twenties, and I am on my late twenties...aybe he will grow a backbone tomorrow

*prays*
 
dup


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 21 2013 at 4:03pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
 

2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 


This. God, perfect what you wrote!

But I find it hard to get asked out by a shy guy or someone who thinks I am out of his league and he won't make the move. I don't hit on men but I wish some would at least try to talk to me Angry
 
If a guy is really too shy to ask you out because he thinks that .. you are out of his league. Well, you probably ARE out of his league. Shocked  I don't mean anything in terms of your looks (again it's not about how you look on the outside .. it who you are on the inside.) Maybe he is still too young or whatever but still .. don't waste your time.
 
What I mean is .. you do not want a weak man. Sorry to say it like that but ... life is hard and you want a guy that has enouigh self-esteem to approach any woman - no matter how she looks etc.
 
He HAS to grow a backbone on this basic area or when you do get together - you will have hitched your wagon to a guy that can't handle things in life ... in other ways which means ... YOU will have to carry HIM. So you are suck with a guy that is ... maladjusted.
 
Hey, if you are walking down the street with him and a strange man gets aggressive - don't you want to know that if anything should happen .... he would know how to fight and protect you from harm?
 
The guy has got to play .. 'the guy' so do not do his job for him ... unless you ALWAYS want to be the guy. Ouch So if that guy is to scared to talk to you he is a weak man so .. move on.
 
You are in the wrong company. Confused


When I wrote "I am out of his league" I meant that he probably believes I am too good for him and that I would never want him! My ex did tell me that I can be pretty intimidating, and perhaps this guy thinks I'll flat out tell him no if he asks me out, but it is far from the truth....

But I have to disagree on that; some guys, when they have a huge crush on a girl, they just cannot approach her. I have met many guys who get mute and serious around a girl they like simply because they cannot act near her. They are afraid of making one silly mistake and ruining everything. yet they are smart, intelligent, etc, but they are just afraid of THAT woman.

Maybe the one I am crushing o is younger than me...I think he is in his early twenties, and I am on my late twenties...aybe he will grow a backbone tomorrow

*prays*
 
 
 
Yes, I knew what you meant. I am not a bit confused. Out of his league meaning .. you are too flipping good for him. You are not intimidating though unless you look like some big Dike with a big fake c*** between your legs. Nooo. That's what men say that are themselves weak willed and want a submissive female that knows her 'place' and does anything he says. HAAAA HAAA! I always laugh at those foolish females!
F him. There is nothing wrong with you.
Again, if these guys are crushing on a girl but can't find a why to approach her .. he is too young and insecure OR he is your age and insecure so he ... still will not make a good partner. You want an Apha Male ..not some weakling that will fail under the pressure of a relationship, kids, bills etc.
They just have to grow a backbone. Period. It can't work otherwise. You will just be married and miserable! I know a lot of girls that are in that position. Chose wisely


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 21 2013 at 4:20pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
What I mean is .. you do not want a weak man. Sorry to say it like that but ... life is hard and you want a guy that has enouigh self-esteem to approach any woman - no matter how she looks etc.
 
He HAS to grow a backbone on this basic area


Ok, I have an update and that's why I still disagree with what you wrote : today the guy I am crushing had the chance to sit right next to me in class but instead he picked another place to sit, even though he looked at me as soon as he walked in AND walked behind my seat before adjusting himself in another one.

I thought that was lame and was upset. At the end of class, he left the classroom first and I remained for about 5 minutes chatting with the professor. We were in the second floor and there are two stairways on both ends of the hallway. When I left the classroom, he was standing in front of the elevator, looking at the door to see who was coming out.

It was my chance to be near him, especially because it was obvious that he waited for me but instead....I turned around and went down the stairs.

I was just too nervous to be near him, and I don't have low self-esteem. In fact my ex said that I think highly about myself (too highly, in his opinion).

I don't want to be crushing forever, so if this guy doesn't make a move sometime in the next two weeks, I'll most likely lose interest.

 
Geesh, why oh why are your micromanaging that tiny bit of interaction with little nobody kind of guy. What for. Forget about what your ex says. He is your EX so why is he even in your head.
 
Besides THIS GUY ALREADY KNOWS YOU LIKE HIM SO GAME OVER .. YOU LOSE. Women who have GOT IT and know IT NEVVVVVER  conduct themselves in this manner. NEVER!
 
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WASTING YOUR TIME.
 
Move on! You can disagree all you want ..but really you are just setting up bad patterns with men that you will continue all your life ... and then you will wonder how com things don´t work out.
 
Get online and start reading about MEN and the way they THINK!


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 21 2013 at 6:10pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:


 
Geesh, why oh why are your micromanaging that tiny bit of interaction with little nobody kind of guy. What for. Forget about what your ex says. He is your EX so why is he even in your head.
 
Besides THIS GUY ALREADY KNOWS YOU LIKE HIM SO GAME OVER .. YOU LOSE. Women who have GOT IT and know IT NEVVVVVER  conduct themselves in this manner. NEVER!
 
YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WASTING YOUR TIME.
 
Move on! You can disagree all you want ..but really you are just setting up bad patterns with men that you will continue all your life ... and then you will wonder how com things don´t work out.
 
Get online and start reading about MEN and the way they THINK!


I soooooo micromanage everything.
But what are you talking about when you wrote "NEVVVVVER  conduct themselves in this manner"
what manner? to micromanage everything? because I am not being desperate and throwing myself at him.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Feb 22 2013 at 5:48am

Umm I will tell you a story.

Humans (Homo Sapiens) have been on the earth about 10,000 years and how do you think we survived?

Men ... who have the physical musculature and strength to bring down a stag or a bear or a whatever ... would do this. If your man can't do this - the both of you will starve.

Women ... would grind the grain to make wheat to make bread,or kill that little bitty chichen and chop him up to cook for dinner, watch the 2 year old, watch her belly (she's pregnant) and mind alot of stuff around the house (such as it was back then)

So the man spent allllll that time focused on PURSUING that one prey out there .. until he bagged it so he could bring it home and present it to you.

Men pursue .. but the woman is multitasking and sit back and choose the right male to mate to with.

Now times have changed A LOT so women are not sitting home all day taking care of the house (unless they want to) but they don't HAVE to because a woman can buy bread already made and buy their meat from a grocery store HOWEVER men .. are pretty much HARDWIRED to purcsue. Period.

If that deer just fell into his lap (snap) just like that - he would HAVE a deer .. but .. where's the fun?So men like a challange. THis is MAJOR. If they can (snap) get you just like that .. ummmm you will just fall into their lap .. umm they will not see you as soooo valuable. (unless they themselves are maladjusted - F ed up and whatnot. But you don't want a guy like that!)

When you LIKE A GUY you are gonna send out vibes that he will pick up (snap) just Like that so he does not have to work to get you!!! So if if you are mico managing your interaction with him .. he will sense this as you are CHASING HIM!!

The ONLY WAY in fact that you are not chasing him is if you are ignoring him completely.  Now in fact maybe you DO like him .. but you have to ATTRACT him to you. Then you have to say the magic word which is NO.

This will trigger him to pursue you. Stay kool, take your time. Be busy and involved in your own important life and let him CHASE YOU. You are the stag now.

Once you relent .. and date a bit ..do not have sex for a couple of months etc until you see who and what he really is. In fact though most of the guys you meet just want sex because they are not really relationship material or are 'unavailable' anyway. So really time reveals everything ... such that mainly you dump him anyway because he will not make a good mate!

(Now women are human too so if you JUST want to have a good time (read - sex) then fine. HOWEVER, DO NOT FOOL YOURSELF into thinking that one night stand or that regular booty call situation will evolve into a real relationship. Nooooooo woman always make that mistake!!!!! If a woman sleeps with a guy she thinks they are CLOSER now but that same guy is thinking out how to DISTANCE himself from that same girl!!!!!!!!! THIS IS MAJOR.)

Anyway, to answer your question

'..

rote "NEVVVVVER conduct themselves in this manner"what manner? to micromanage everything? because I am not being desperate and throwing myself at him.

If you want that guy you need to IGNORE HIM COMPLETRELY. NO EYE CONTACT. If he is a normal guy and is atttracted to you - HE WILL PURSUE YOU. If you are reluctant that will only make him want you MOREEEEEE! But he has to be attracted to you - and there is nothing you can do to change that. If you look like Heidi Klum and he likes a Drew Barrymore type visually ... there is nothing you can do.Move on.

So this guy ALREADY KNOWS YOU LIKE him because you are tracking him like this and he can feel it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE SAME THING AS THROWING YOURSELF AT A GIUY!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's why I say a girl that has it going on ON THE INSIDE - good self esteem is NOT TRACKING A GUY LIKE THIS! A GUY SHOULD BE TRACKING YOU!!!!!!

F him.

He is a grown man and if he hads not approached you - he does not want you. Period. All your effects to get him to 'notice'you are useless.

Hey, I was young once too and I made the sammmmme mistakes.

Bottom line -a guy HAS to chase you.

THAT DEFINES your woRTH. DO NOT BE EASY FOR HIM.

And most of the time ... the guy is not even AWARE of why he lost interest in you. He can't help it .. it's biological.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Feb 22 2013 at 5:42pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

When you LIKE A GUY you are gonna send out vibes that he will pick up (snap) just Like that so he does not have to work to get you!!! So if if you are mico managing your interaction with him .. he will sense this as you are CHASING HIM!!

The ONLY WAY in fact that you are not chasing him is if you are ignoring him completely. 

Anyway, to answer your question

'..

rote "NEVVVVVER conduct themselves in this manner"what manner? to micromanage everything? because I am not being desperate and throwing myself at him.

If you want that guy you need to IGNORE HIM COMPLETRELY. NO EYE CONTACT. If he is a normal guy and is atttracted to you - HE WILL PURSUE YOU. If you are reluctant that will only make him want you MOREEEEEE!

So this guy ALREADY KNOWS YOU LIKE him because you are tracking him like this and he can feel it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE SAME THING AS THROWING YOURSELF AT A GIUY!!!!!!!!!!!!



Ok, I got it: if a guy likes you but isn't pursuing you...he isn't worth it.
To be honest I don't think he thinks I am interested in him....
But I will follow your advice and I'll see what he does about that.


Posted By: miraclebaby_91
Date Posted: Feb 26 2013 at 11:56am
Originally posted by *braidbeauty* *braidbeauty* wrote:

Originally posted by miraclebaby_91 miraclebaby_91 wrote:

I also want to add that one thing that I've learned recently is that you can train your brain to do ANYTHING.........moreso your subconscious mind which is the part of the brain that gives you dreams. If you find yourself obsessing over a man who doesn't like you or isn't pursuing you need to know that YOU HAVE THE MENTAL POWER TO REDIRECT YOUR ATTENTION ON ANOTHER MAN......I don't care if it's a stranger you may never see again that you find yourself fantasizing about........it's better to fantasize about dating or sexually being with a stranger you will possibly never see again or even a celebrity than to fantasize about a person you know and am around sometimes that will never pursue you or doesn't like you the way you like them. You can even fantasize about the men that have given you male attention and admiration in the past if you find them attractive is some way(even if it's just in a non-physical strictly characteristic way) I am training my brain right now as we speak to focus on the male attention and admiration I've gotten(even if the guys weren't necessarily my type I'm fantasizing on how good it felt to get it cuz some women struggle getting male attention and admiration) and on sexy strangers I see randomly in the streets that I know I may never see again and celebrities. Fantasizing about those 3 things(strangers, celebs, and previous male attention and admiration) will keep you SANE until a guy you want pursues you. Also IF YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE ONE GUY DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT NO OTHER GUYS YOU EVER LIKE WILL LIKE YOU YOU ARE SPEAKING THAT INTO YOUR EXISTENCE. That WILL become your reality cuz for a long time that was my reality after this one guy I wanted badly rejected me. FOCUS ON PREPARING YOURSELF TO BE A WIFE WHILE YOUR SINGLE.........NOT A GIRLFRIEND A WIFE. There are many books that teach you how to be wifey material and not girlfriend material.........besides let's keep it real most guys may not say this but they wanna girlfriend that they can eventually make their wife.......so they want wifey material for the most part unless their tryna you know........just freak every female they see. These are some books that I've been reading that have helped change my conditioning all of these are HIGHLY recommended btw: The Secret(sold instores and online), The Power of Your Subconscious Mind(sold instores and online), Chapter 11 out of the book: Think and Grow Rich(HIGHLY recommended sold instores and online), Get anyone to do anything(sold instores and online, How to make anyone fall in love with you(sold instores and online HIGHLY recommended but still use common sense with the techniques in this book) The Guide to Becoming The Sensuous Black Woman(I've read this book more than once LOVE IT HIGHLY recommended you can buy it off of Amazon.com since this book isn't sold in stores) The Power of the coochie: Get what you want from men(this book is only sold at Amazon.com beware it's blunt advice but it's exactly what alot of women need to hear) and The Power of WOW: A guide to unleashing the confident, sexy you(sold in stores and online....get this book seriously). I also bought the book that I highly recommend as well is: Make any man want you which can be found in stores and online
Also go on the www.thesecret.tv for inspirational stories about women(and men) finding love through using the Law of Attraction. People have also gotten their dream lives, homes, cars, etc. from using The Secret AKA the Law of Attraction.



I love the theory of the law of attraction. I need to remember to apply it to my life more consistently.

I do too I'm tryna get more serious about applying the LOA to my life more consistently too.


Posted By: miraclebaby_91
Date Posted: Feb 26 2013 at 11:58am
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Originally posted by miraclebaby_91 miraclebaby_91 wrote:

I also want to add that one thing that I've learned recently is that you can train your brain to do ANYTHING.........moreso your subconscious mind which is the part of the brain that gives you dreams. If you find yourself obsessing over a man who doesn't like you or isn't pursuing you need to know that YOU HAVE THE MENTAL POWER TO REDIRECT YOUR ATTENTION ON ANOTHER MAN......I don't care if it's a stranger you may never see again that you find yourself fantasizing about........it's better to fantasize about dating or sexually being with a stranger you will possibly never see again or even a celebrity than to fantasize about a person you know and am around sometimes that will never pursue you or doesn't like you the way you like them. You can even fantasize about the men that have given you male attention and admiration in the past if you find them attractive is some way(even if it's just in a non-physical strictly characteristic way) I am training my brain right now as we speak to focus on the male attention and admiration I've gotten(even if the guys weren't necessarily my type I'm fantasizing on how good it felt to get it cuz some women struggle getting male attention and admiration) and on sexy strangers I see randomly in the streets that I know I may never see again and celebrities. Fantasizing about those 3 things(strangers, celebs, and previous male attention and admiration) will keep you SANE until a guy you want pursues you. Also IF YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE ONE GUY DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT NO OTHER GUYS YOU EVER LIKE WILL LIKE YOU YOU ARE SPEAKING THAT INTO YOUR EXISTENCE. That WILL become your reality cuz for a long time that was my reality after this one guy I wanted badly rejected me. FOCUS ON PREPARING YOURSELF TO BE A WIFE WHILE YOUR SINGLE.........NOT A GIRLFRIEND A WIFE. There are many books that teach you how to be wifey material and not girlfriend material.........besides let's keep it real most guys may not say this but they wanna girlfriend that they can eventually make their wife.......so they want wifey material for the most part unless their tryna you know........just freak every female they see. These are some books that I've been reading that have helped change my conditioning all of these are HIGHLY recommended btw: The Secret(sold instores and online), The Power of Your Subconscious Mind(sold instores and online), Chapter 11 out of the book: Think and Grow Rich(HIGHLY recommended sold instores and online), Get anyone to do anything(sold instores and online, How to make anyone fall in love with you(sold instores and online HIGHLY recommended but still use common sense with the techniques in this book) The Guide to Becoming The Sensuous Black Woman(I've read this book more than once LOVE IT HIGHLY recommended you can buy it off of Amazon.com since this book isn't sold in stores) The Power of the coochie: Get what you want from men(this book is only sold at Amazon.com beware it's blunt advice but it's exactly what alot of women need to hear) and The Power of WOW: A guide to unleashing the confident, sexy you(sold in stores and online....get this book seriously). I also bought the book that I highly recommend as well is: Make any man want you which can be found in stores and online
Also go on the www.thesecret.tv for inspirational stories about women(and men) finding love through using the Law of Attraction. People have also gotten their dream lives, homes, cars, etc. from using The Secret AKA the Law of Attraction.
 
You are 100% CORRECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Every woman needs to read these kinds of books instead of waiting on a guy that is never gonna be interested in you and basically just try to use you for sex ... if they give you any attention at all.
 
A good friend of mine just got a crushing dump but months ago I tried to WARN her that this guy was full of it. Do you know what she said? She said 'I don't want to play any games' I just want to be honest and tell him the truth' as she jumps whenever he wants to see her. Me and 2 other girls told her AT THE SAME TIME. 'Girl, don't be so dam easy for him! Make him sit and wait and wonder about you. Do not be  so AVAILABLE  and drop everythoing every time he calls! I said, Danny .. why do you think they call it .."The Dating GAME".  It is a game - you just have to learn the rules to play the game right.
 
I am not talking about those user type females that are just tricking a guy so she can get his money or whatever .. these girls are 'damaged goods' and are no better than hookers. I am talking about recognizing when an AVAILABLE man is coming YOUR way and making him chase you so you can form a real relationshïp. That's what sparks the love.
 
Like that old saying goes 'Chase him .. until HE catches ... YOU'. :)

Yea I definitely agree that every woman should read those type of books because the more you know about the dating game and how men are the more success you are more liable to have with the opposite sex.......like the saying goes KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. :)


Posted By: TexasBaby03
Date Posted: Mar 08 2013 at 7:28am
Thank you for posting the article and for all of the comments. It has definitely helped me! I have been in a bad mood for a few days over a guy that, I'm assuming, doesn't want me. It's a terrible feeling and I know the right one is out there for me. I just need to be patient and wait on God. I really didn't think anyone else went through these kinda of things like me. My issue is with a guy in corporate America. Both of us work for the same company but different departments and states. I guess age doesn't matter when it comes to situations such as this one. This whole thread has made me feel better. Thanks again to all!


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 08 2013 at 5:25pm
......the guy I wanted is dating someone. I discovered today. Now it makes sense why he got so nervous around me and even started to avoid me.
I know my value and if he knew it too, he would choose to risk trying to get to know me instead of being with the one he's with.


I am thankful for this thread.
Should be a sticky.


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Mar 09 2013 at 3:18pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
What I mean is .. you do not want a weak man. Sorry to say it like that but ... life is hard and you want a guy that has enouigh self-esteem to approach any woman - no matter how she looks etc.
 
He HAS to grow a backbone on this basic area


Ok, I have an update and that's why I still disagree with what you wrote : today the guy I am crushing had the chance to sit right next to me in class but instead he picked another place to sit, even though he looked at me as soon as he walked in AND walked behind my seat before adjusting himself in another one.

I thought that was lame and was upset. At the end of class, he left the classroom first and I remained for about 5 minutes chatting with the professor. We were in the second floor and there are two stairways on both ends of the hallway. When I left the classroom, he was standing in front of the elevator, looking at the door to see who was coming out.

It was my chance to be near him, especially because it was obvious that he waited for me but instead....I turned around and went down the stairs.

I was just too nervous to be near him, and I don't have low self-esteem. In fact my ex said that I think highly about myself (too highly, in his opinion).

I don't want to be crushing forever, so if this guy doesn't make a move sometime in the next two weeks, I'll most likely lose interest.

You are reading into it.


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Mar 09 2013 at 3:23pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

......the guy I wanted is dating someone. I discovered today. Now it makes sense why he got so nervous around me and even started to avoid me.
I know my value and if he knew it too, he would choose to risk trying to get to know me instead of being with the one he's with.


I am thankful for this thread.
Should be a sticky.
Same thing happened with the guy I liked.Hug


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 09 2013 at 4:38pm
Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

......the guy I wanted is dating someone. I discovered today. Now it makes sense why he got so nervous around me and even started to avoid me.
I know my value and if he knew it too, he would choose to risk trying to get to know me instead of being with the one he's with.


I am thankful for this thread.
Should be a sticky.
Same thing happened with the guy I liked.Hug


I am not into fighting for men or trying to prove to a guy that I am the best girl out there.
If he wants me, he knows where to find me. I won't lie, I still have a crush on him but I won't bother anymore.
And you were right on your post, I was reading (TOO MUCH) into it.


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Mar 09 2013 at 4:53pm
Lose that crush asap.  Every time you see him and his girl, your heart will break a little.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 10 2013 at 1:51pm
I actually never saw him with the girl: I was told by someone who had seen them together.
It was just a crush, I am not in love, so in one week I'll forget him unless he breaks up with her and comes after me.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 11 2013 at 11:48am
But ... don't count on it... Confused
 
Don't hold a candle for a guy - any guy. Go out and date other guys - just for the practice, the fun and the exposure (that does not mean have sex with them though! Sleeping around will not get you into a decent relationship either.)
 
Does this guy know that you like him or are interested in him (be honest with yourself!) because again, if he knows you like him and if he dumps that other girl and turns to you .. don't be available!
 
And ... if you are indeed dating other guys ...  you will not be available when or if he comes your way.
 
So say NO .. and let him chase you.
 
Remember - attractive girls that know they are attractive have enough self-esteem to shrug off such empty interest and move on. These girls are not mooning over some guy that is not available. Nooo. Again, being 'attractive' has very liitle to do with if you are actually 'pretty'. The prettiest girls in the  world can be extremely insecure, clingy and lonely sometimes ending up with the ratfink kind of man. Then another girl that looks averge can attract a real guy. It is about how you feel about yourself.
 
So if he dumps that girl one day and asks you out the next day and you go out with him .. it ain't gonna work out because .. he already know you kindif liked him and ...you were too easy to get. Confused


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 11 2013 at 5:21pm
Thanks for the advice Printer_Ink. I am already over the guy; took me only one weekend.
I did hang out with a male this weekend, we kissed and had fun, no sex and I guess that upset him because he was cold with me today, but I don't careLOL
I think my former crush was aware that I had a crush on him. Since I am not interested anymore, I dunno what I'll do if he does ask me out.


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Mar 12 2013 at 6:45am
Yes you do. Printer_ink is shouting the truth. Eliminate from your mind.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 12 2013 at 7:18am
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Thanks for the advice Printer_Ink. I am already over the guy; took me only one weekend.
I did hang out with a male this weekend, we kissed and had fun, no sex and I guess that upset him because he was cold with me today, but I don't careLOL
I think my former crush was aware that I had a crush on him. Since I am not interested anymore, I dunno what I'll do if he does ask me out.
Good for you!!!! If no sex after knowing him for a weekend upsets him DUH .. there you go - you see that he's a nothing. You know he doesn't give a darn about you and would have used you for sex and moved on. Confused
 
If that former crush knew you liked him .. GAME OVER.
 
Move on ... there is a nice guy out their that will chase you ... and will wait A LONG TIME to have sex because he wants you. Wink


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 12 2013 at 8:47pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Thanks for the advice Printer_Ink. I am already over the guy; took me only one weekend.
I did hang out with a male this weekend, we kissed and had fun, no sex and I guess that upset him because he was cold with me today, but I don't careLOL
I think my former crush was aware that I had a crush on him. Since I am not interested anymore, I dunno what I'll do if he does ask me out.
Good for you!!!! If no sex after knowing him for a weekend upsets him DUH .. there you go - you see that he's a nothing. You know he doesn't give a darn about you and would have used you for sex and moved on. Confused
 
If that former crush knew you liked him .. GAME OVER.
 
Move on ... there is a nice guy out their that will chase you ... and will wait A LONG TIME to have sex because he wants you. Wink


We know each other for a month actually and today he was fine with me. Maybe he feels awkward, perhaps he isn't sure about what he or I want...either way, I thought it was fun to make out with someone after a long time and I am glad he's still my friend.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 13 2013 at 3:12am
Okay, but be careful...
 
You are in a vunerable place right now which is always a slippery slope toward .. the bedroom. Confused Then poof .. it will be OVER with this guy and he will be gone.
 
Just because he is acting right now .. doesn't mean you should discount the way he acted initially after the event.
 
I think that women need to trust their instincts - especially about men. You FELT that he was mad at you because you did not give him sex and now he is acting right so you are going to forget what you felt ... which is MOST LIKELY completely on point.Thumbs Up
 
Aside from that .. 1 month is too short of a time to have sex. What? There's a CLOCK on how soon you can have sex? Nooo though he might make you feel like that so he can have his way with you (and then dump you).
 
No, whether it's a month or 6 months ... what determines whether you sleep with a guy .. is if after AT LEAST 3 months you have gotten to know him enough to figure out if he is available (emotionally) for a relationship and IF he is a decent sort of guy.
 
If after 3 months of STEADY dating  you see that he is stable emotionally, does not pressure or guilt you into sex, has a decent job, wants you to meet his friends, wants you see where he lives, pays his bills and BUDGETS  his money wisely when you do nice things together, maybe does volunteer work at a Hospice hospital, is always where is says he will be - you can call him at 2:00am and he will be in bed like a normal person,shows up on time, sees that your screen door needs fixing and insists on fixing it for you,  treats you and everyone in his life (like his mom) with respect, and all the rest .. he is deserving of your company!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
If after 3 months (but probably LESS), you see he is always MAD at you because he buys you dinner/drinks and you AIN'T puttin out (ghetto), hides normal things from you like where he works, he has financial problems OR always has a flashly big wad of cash (is involved in illegal activities), he is belittling to you or controlling, is estranged from his family, his friends are visually hostile or shady, he lives or 'stays' at odd homes here and there or he lies about every little bitty thing or he plays this dissappearing act - not around, shows up at odd times and allll that kind of s*** .. then DUMP HIM. That situation WILL NOT END WELL!!!!!!!!!!
 
So though you still kindof like this guy ... trust your instincts.  You are deserving of a decent guy!


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 14 2013 at 3:55pm
OMG PrinterInk, you should have your own column!
When I read your words "Just because he is acting right now .. doesn't mean you should discount the way he acted initially after the event" everything clicked....
I'll be careful, you're totally right. But I wasn't interested in dating him. He is seven years younger than me, and for the way he kissed and touched my body, I think he lacks a lot of experience.


About that former crush...today I saw him with his girl. He turned around and looked straight at me as he held the door open for her. Not sure why he cared that I saw but I felt a bit upset by that, but I want to be over it before I meet him again on Monday Thumbs Up


Posted By: Tafa01
Date Posted: Mar 14 2013 at 8:00pm
Thanks to this thread (and lots of other empowering readings), I have finally let go of someone I had been seeing on and off for 2 and half years. He never introduced me to his (grown) children or friends, only took me out 3 times. Never spent the day with with me doing random stuff like normal lovers do. Never took the bait when I talked about how I needed help for this or that. Would wait days before returning my texts. Only saw me at night. Made tons of promises about how he would take me bowling, fishing, playing pool, you name it, "next week". None of those things happened.
I feel sooo naive. I "knew" all along that it was NOT a relationship. I just didn't want to face it and kept hoping that he would see how amazing I am, LOL. Yeah right.
It's only been a few days but I haven't been tempted to contact him at all today, which is huge for me.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 15 2013 at 1:16am
Yep, just another 'User Loser' .. They are a dime a dozen. Ermm
 
Good for you that you have not contacted him! I am sure he  thinks you will break down any minute now. If he contacts you and tries to pull you in again .. DISENGAGE. You already know what kind of man he is - he's not changing.
 
Like Dr. Phil says ... the only thing worse than staying in a bad situation (in your case) for 2 years and 6 months is staying in a bad situation for 2 years, 6 months and 1 MORE FREAKIN DAY!
 
My advice is to starting reading books or online sites about The Dating Game so that you learn how to spot these losers in advance and spot a decent guy and then learn what to do or not do with a decent guy. Wink
 


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 15 2013 at 1:20am
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

OMG PrinterInk, you should have your own column!
When I read your words "Just because he is acting right now .. doesn't mean you should discount the way he acted initially after the event" everything clicked....
I'll be careful, you're totally right. But I wasn't interested in dating him. He is seven years younger than me, and for the way he kissed and touched my body, I think he lacks a lot of experience.


About that former crush...today I saw him with his girl. He turned around and looked straight at me as he held the door open for her. Not sure why he cared that I saw but I felt a bit upset by that, but I want to be over it before I meet him again on Monday Thumbs Up
 
Now see? Why would he do that? Umm to hurt you.
 
You need to ignore him completely from now on - no eye contact - nothing.
 
He'll get the message.


Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Mar 15 2013 at 10:43pm
Originally posted by Tafa01 Tafa01 wrote:

Thanks to this thread (and lots of other empowering readings), I have finally let go of someone I had been seeing on and off for 2 and half years. He never introduced me to his (grown) children or friends, only took me out 3 times. Never spent the day with with me doing random stuff like normal lovers do. Never took the bait when I talked about how I needed help for this or that. Would wait days before returning my texts. Only saw me at night. Made tons of promises about how he would take me bowling, fishing, playing pool, you name it, "next week". None of those things happened.
I feel sooo naive. I "knew" all along that it was NOT a relationship. I just didn't want to face it and kept hoping that he would see how amazing I am, LOL. Yeah right.
It's only been a few days but I haven't been tempted to contact him at all today, which is huge for me.


Good for you!  stay strong, lady.


Posted By: Tafa01
Date Posted: Mar 20 2013 at 10:22am
I haven't contacted him. But I'll be honest, it is really really hard. I am going through withdrawal right now, and it is painful! He really is an addiction for me.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Mar 21 2013 at 3:51pm
YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG!!!
 
I know it's hard.. been there .. done that ... but this guy is TRUELY using you. Truely.
 
If you call him .. he will nod his head because he KNEW you were too weak to walk away ... and there you'll be F***ing him and hoping for love .. when this type of guy will NEVER give you love. Never.
 
Eventually he will dump you anyway.
 
But WORSE it damages your self esteem in the WORSE way to ALLOW YOURSELF to stay with guy that would treat you in such a shabby fashion. This basically sets you up to tolerate this kind of behavior from the next guy you meet. Guys like this can see a girl like you coming .. a mile away. They will take and take.
 
They prey on women like this.
 
So ... do not call him. Start working on yourself inside .. so that you never fall victim to this crap again. Otherwise ... surely ...  this will not end well for you. Dead


Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Mar 21 2013 at 6:52pm
Originally posted by Tafa01 Tafa01 wrote:

I haven't contacted him. But I'll be honest, it is really really hard. I am going through withdrawal right now, and it is painful! He really is an addiction for me.

every time you feel this way, just read what you wrote above about how he treated you.  he did not take you serious and only used you to satisfy his needs.

keep reading what you wrote and become disgusted in this guy.  it will be hard, but hey, as you can see he is not contacting you. and even if he was you know what it would be for.

take it a day at a time

you can do it!


Posted By: Tafa01
Date Posted: Mar 25 2013 at 7:49pm
Wow only 5 days since my last post? I am still holding onto my dignity, and haven't contacted him. It feels like weeks...Weekends are the worst! 


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Mar 25 2013 at 11:01pm
Originally posted by Tafa01 Tafa01 wrote:

Wow only 5 days since my last post? I am still holding onto my dignity, and haven't contacted him. It feels like weeks...Weekends are the worst! 


You need to keep yourself busy! Find more love into your life by doing things that you enjoy! Spend time with your family or friends, get out of the house and live. Soon you won't even remember him.


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Apr 01 2013 at 6:42pm
Keeping strong... :(


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Apr 02 2013 at 5:44am
Yes, sexbeach is right.
 
Keep yourself busy with other people and events in your life.
 
Think of all the stuff you always wanted to do and do it!
 
After a while this is JERK will be nothing but a memory to you - believe me, we have all been there! Time heals all wounds ... but you have GOT TO give it time ... or it will never get any better for you.
 
Don't let that man make a fool out of you girlfriend ...


Posted By: Jess
Date Posted: Apr 16 2013 at 7:29pm
bump.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Apr 21 2013 at 1:53pm
omg girls, I have a question: I have been hooking up with this guy and at first I had no interest on him. But we spend time together and have a lot of fun (besides sex) and I started to develop feelings. I have been keeping my guard up but I was wondering: is there any way to turn a hook up into a boyfriend?

The advice in here always say to not have sex first but I did because I wasn't interested in him.
Can I change the situation?
We study together and see each other in class 4 times a week besides any other time we spend together.


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: Apr 21 2013 at 2:55pm
Well, tell him you want to cool things down .. and just be friends - no sex.
 
Now .. once you say that .. you have to mean it because if you get horny one night and break down and have sex again ... he will never take you seriously.
 
If he is okay with this and you just meet for class etc .... fine. That's it. That means he does not want anything more with you so stop pining for him and move on.
 
If he is not okay and still wants to have sex ... well, say you thinking of getting back with your ex. But stay strong. If he breaks off even the friendship because you won't have sex .. well, there you know you were never even friends to begin with. Let it go.
 
If he okay with this and you stay friends .. go on with your life .. date other guys. If there's anything there ..after a while ... the relationship can kind of be 'reset' in that he might ask you out on a real date and really court you. DON'T BE SO ANXIOUS to accept this date with him. Tell him you will think about. MAKE HIM WAIT so that he has to ask again and again.
 
Again .. don't blow it by sleeping with him. This may be a ploy to get sex out of you again. So he has to pursue you and date you for a good 3 months until you figure out if you are the only one in his life and if he wants a real relationship.
 
I think these are your only options. Again, once you say what you want .. do not reverse yourself!


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Apr 21 2013 at 3:02pm
Oh God, those are my only options?
I don't think he would insist on sex if I said that I just want to be friends but I think that if I say no more sex he will just move to the next girl - but remain my friend.
I guess I won't say anything and won't have any sex. I will just pretend I am busier.


Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Apr 21 2013 at 7:15pm
@sexyandfamous -i am one of those who like to just say what i want. if he is not feeling it, then back up.  sometimes you have to just be direct. but since you are in college, and i am thinking about y'all ages as well, he is prob in that just want to kick it, no strings attached mentality at this time in his life. 

if you don't want to be direct, you can always say, "hey so and so, you are cool, i do like you and enjoy time but this is not working anymore i want more"....and you could leave it at that. his response to that should tell you what you want to know. you don't have to elude that you want more from him, per se. 

however, it may just have to turn to you cutting off the ties of hanging with him AND sex. if you continue to hang with him and the feelings are there, then it will do nothing but hurt you in the future if he does move on wih another person while you are sitting sideline.

once in the friend zone, sometimes its hard to get out but not impossible. however, the guy has to want it too.  thats why its hard sometimes to reverse it because a certain expectation is already established.  

he could say he is not ready for a relationship and get into a relationship with a girl he likes a month later.  its all about if he is ready for that, and if he feels that way.

but be prepared to fall back. 






Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Apr 21 2013 at 7:20pm
actually the more i think about it (given you are in college, you see him all the time), it may be a good idea just to fall back all together (waiting to mention what you want) and cut off hanging/sex and see how he reacts.  be cordial with him since you have class, but fall back and see how he reacts. however be prepared to move on, date others, etc.  if he is interested in more, he will express it. or he will wonder what has changed, and it may open the door for some dialogue.



Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Apr 21 2013 at 8:18pm
I actually did express last month that I wanted more and he agreed but later that day he chose to spend time with a female friend who was having financial difficulties and I "broke up" with him.
I am actually in my late 20's, that's why I didn't bother playing games and told him how I felt, but now I feel like telling again is stupid because I lost interest in him but now I want to be a couple simply because I dislike the idea of having a friends with benefits.

Your second post is pretty much what I was thinking in doing: avoiding sex without letting him know I will no longer do it, be myself, and not discuss relationship.


Posted By: Spokenword
Date Posted: Apr 21 2013 at 10:18pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

I actually did express last month that I wanted more and he agreed but later that day he chose to spend time with a female friend who was having financial difficulties and I "broke up" with him.
I am actually in my late 20's, that's why I didn't bother playing games and told him how I felt, but now I feel like telling again is stupid because I lost interest in him but now I want to be a couple simply because I dislike the idea of having a friends with benefits.

Your second post is pretty much what I was thinking in doing: avoiding sex without letting him know I will no longer do it, be myself, and not discuss relationship.

oh ok. yep, this tells you all you need to know.


Posted By: sexyandfamous
Date Posted: Apr 22 2013 at 12:55am
Dead
he wasn't doing her...he is the type of person who is there for his homies
but yeah, i get your point. i will watch my feelings to avoid increasing them and instead will focus on myself.


Posted By: Brjasuga51
Date Posted: May 10 2013 at 8:33pm
ClapClapMannnnnnnn this article ....


Posted By: Printer_Ink
Date Posted: May 11 2013 at 7:15pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

I actually did express last month that I wanted more and he agreed but later that day he chose to spend time with a female friend who was having financial difficulties and I "broke up" with him.
I am actually in my late 20's, that's why I didn't bother playing games and told him how I felt, but now I feel like telling again is stupid because I lost interest in him but now I want to be a couple simply because I dislike the idea of having a friends with benefits.

Your second post is pretty much what I was thinking in doing: avoiding sex without letting him know I will no longer do it, be myself, and not discuss relationship.
 
Umm I see now that you are young but honesty.. WHY DID TELL that guy wanted MORE from him? WRONG babygirl WRONG. I told you what to do .. I gave you 3 options.
 
This is wrong on so many levels. A guy will NEVER respond positively to such a request from a woman. Never. If he does .... he is just saying that while you are there looking at him because he will turn around and do whatever the heck he wants to do. Confused
 
Sorry but you said 'why I didn't bother playing games and told him how I felt '.... and now you feel stupid - well yes, this was a major, major mistake.
 
It's called the 'Dating Game' for a reason! You have GOT to play a game of sorts ... if you want him for a real relationship. Gotta!
 
If you are just having sex with a guy and then decide you want a relationship .. you need you try one of the 3 options I outlined above. You only mentioned TWO options in your reply ... but I mentioned THREE.
 
Basically, you have to WITHDRAW and tell him no more sex and go on and forget about him. IF he wants you for more than sex ... THEN HE HAS TO COME TO YOU and court you. Then say no for a while until you finally say yes. Period! He has to CHASE you - this is how you reset a relsationship .. but you don't TELL THE GUY what you want. Noo.
 
You can neveeer tell a guy in this situation.. that you 'want more'. That means that YOU are chasing HIM by putting your feelings out there like this. FAIL. This will ALWAYS fail with a man.
 
You have to trigger HIM to pursue YOU and the best way to make that happen (if it is even gonna happen with this guy) is for you to WITHDRAWWWW. Shocked
 
Sorry but you are in for years and years of hurt with men if you get in the habit of TELLING HIM HOW YOU REALLY FEEL early on like this!  That works in the movies but that only works in real live after you have established a real and lasting relationship and then you say you want something like ... a baby etc.
 
I am not your mama - though I am old enough to be - but get smart early about men.
 
Let the man pursue you! Nothing else will ever work!



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