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Can showing favoritism damage your other kids?

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Topic: Can showing favoritism damage your other kids?
Posted By: CherryCola
Subject: Can showing favoritism damage your other kids?
Date Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 3:34pm

Can showing favoritism damage your other kids?

 
I have a cousin who has always bullied and disliked his younger sister because he claims that she was their mother's favorite and the mother spoiled her and neglected him.  He has been in and out of jail, does drugs, committed armed robbery and is pretty selfish.  Do you think favoritism damages the non spoiled or nonfavored child?  Maybe not as bad as my cousin's situation, but it does seem to cause resentment and low self esteem, in my opinion.
 
What are your thoughts?



Replies:
Posted By: TiffanyinTX
Date Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 4:46pm
Yes definitely, I got treated a lot better by my mother in an attempt to gain her favor (also, I was the youngest and only girl). Not only did this not make me like her any more, but it only made me resent her further when I got older and realized that her unfair treatment had a role in spoiling and ruining my character. I know she didn't favor me to make me conceited about myself, but with power comes responsibility. It's a strong person to not abuse the privilege of special treatment.

When I got older I had a lot of people blaming stuff on me because I was always the "favorite" but the way I look at is: my mom may have given me special treatment but at the end of the day she still wasn't doing me any favors, because all she gave me was inflated self-worth when what I really needed was humility and discipline.  Deep in my heart I believe everyone should be treated equally, but hey I didn't tell my parents to be weak-willed or just give in to my demands like that.

My brothers both bear the psychological scars of the mistreatment and abuse. And then you have a spoiled, rotten kid who you claim you had no role in raising because they "always got they're way". Yeah your  kid may be a  brat, but you're kind of weak-willed too.  What's the point of being a parent if you're not going to consider it your responsibility to actually set boundaries?

Anyway OP, are you asking this question out of curiosity or because you think this is a common problem in the community?  I only ask because I've read some stuff on how black males get mistreated by single mothers and sometimes I hate feeling like I was the only one.


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bhm will leave you broke, baldheaded and single-Afro

did she just say the 'sacred cow worship of black men'? ROFL. Woo!


Posted By: eyezrundaworld
Date Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 5:47pm
Originally posted by TiffanyinTX TiffanyinTX wrote:

Yes definitely, I got treated a lot better by my mother in an attempt to gain her favor (also, I was the youngest and only girl). Not only did this not make me like her any more, but it only made me resent her further when I got older and realized that her unfair treatment had a role in spoiling and ruining my character. I know she didn't favor me to make me conceited about myself, but with power comes responsibility. It's a strong person to not abuse the privilege of special treatment.

When I got older I had a lot of people blaming stuff on me because I was always the "favorite" but the way I look at is: my mom may have given me special treatment but at the end of the day she still wasn't doing me any favors, because all she gave me was inflated self-worth when what I really needed was humility and discipline.  Deep in my heart I believe everyone should be treated equally, but hey I didn't tell my parents to be weak-willed or just give in to my demands like that.

My brothers both bear the psychological scars of the mistreatment and abuse. And then you have a spoiled, rotten kid who you claim you had no role in raising because they "always got they're way". Yeah your  kid may be a  brat, but you're kind of weak-willed too.  What's the point of being a parent if you're not going to consider it your responsibility to actually set boundaries?

Anyway OP, are you asking this question out of curiosity or because you think this is a common problem in the community?  I only ask because I've read some stuff on how black males get mistreated by single mothers and sometimes I hate feeling like I was the only one.
 
links please?


Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 6:09pm
usually when ppl have kids by multiple baby mommas or daddies, favortism happens.
 
yes it affects the kids.  oh well blame the parents & pro-lifers


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Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: CherryCola
Date Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 7:19pm
Originally posted by eyezrundaworld eyezrundaworld wrote:

[QUOTE=TiffanyinTX]

Anyway OP, are you asking this question out of curiosity or because you think this is a common problem in the community?  I only ask because I've read some stuff on how black males get mistreated by single mothers and sometimes I hate feeling like I was the only one.
 
Well, I was asking because my cousin told me that the reason he had so many behavioral and emotional problems was because his mother neglected him and ignored him.  He felt he would of turned out a lot better if his mother has spoiled him and treated him good.
 
His sister, who was spoiled my their mother, and the favored child turned out to be sweet, loving, friendly, a straight A student and very well adjusted. 


Posted By: CherryCola
Date Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 7:22pm
Originally posted by TiffanyinTX TiffanyinTX wrote:

Yes definitely, I got treated a lot better by my mother in an attempt to gain her favor (also, I was the youngest and only girl). Not only did this not make me like her any more, but it only made me resent her further when I got older and realized that her unfair treatment had a role in spoiling and ruining my character. I know she didn't favor me to make me conceited about myself, but with power comes responsibility. It's a strong person to not abuse the privilege of special treatment.

When I got older I had a lot of people blaming stuff on me because I was always the "favorite" but the way I look at is: my mom may have given me special treatment but at the end of the day she still wasn't doing me any favors, because all she gave me was inflated self-worth when what I really needed was humility and discipline.  Deep in my heart I believe everyone should be treated equally, but hey I didn't tell my parents to be weak-willed or just give in to my demands like that.

My brothers both bear the psychological scars of the mistreatment and abuse. And then you have a spoiled, rotten kid who you claim you had no role in raising because they "always got they're way". Yeah your  kid may be a  brat, but you're kind of weak-willed too. 
 
But my point is that the spoiled sister turned out to be great.  The brother who was not spoiled is the one who turned out to be a bully and a criminal because he was neglected.  I would rather have a spoiled child than a neglected child who turns into a bully and a criminal.


Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Jul 03 2012 at 10:38pm
cherry cola, do the brother & sister have the same father??
 
Remember Boys N the Hood & Jason's Lyric???


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Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: Gumdrop92
Date Posted: Jul 04 2012 at 3:42am
Yes definitely.
Unequally divided attention is almost impossible to avoid when multiple children are involved.
Younger children naturally need more attention. So sometimes this is hard to avoid.
I have found that parents will give more attention to a child because of:
age
hair/eye color
temperament 
gender
etc.

And some parents don't even know they're doing it. 

One of my coworkers married a man that already had 2 boys from a previous marriage. They had a little girl a year ago. Just the way she speaks about the boys (always negative) lets me know that they're being neglected emotionally. The way she speaks to/treats them will mold their behavior. They will act out to get attention...but the parents have already labeled them as "bad", so they will act accordingly.


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"A miracle is another name for hard work," -Kang Tae Joon 아름다운 그대에게
SL to BSL in 2012


Posted By: CherryCola
Date Posted: Jul 04 2012 at 2:32pm
Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

cherry cola, do the brother & sister have the same father??
 
Remember Boys N the Hood & Jason's Lyric???
 
Oh, you're right about that.
 
No.  They don't have the same father.  They have different fathers.  The brother and sister are half siblings.  They have the same mother but different fathers.


Posted By: Bankai_master
Date Posted: Jul 05 2012 at 9:50am
Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

usually when ppl have kids by multiple baby mommas or daddies, favortism happens.
 
yes it affects the kids.  oh well blame the parents & pro-lifers


Disapprove


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Love, peace, kindness, trust, beauty, mercy, benevolence, and Sarcasm makes up Bankai Master since his ETHER from Nike



Posted By: Bunnyahh
Date Posted: Jul 05 2012 at 10:01am
Originally posted by CherryCola CherryCola wrote:

Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

cherry cola, do the brother & sister have the same father??
 
Remember Boys N the Hood & Jason's Lyric???
 
Oh, you're right about that.
 
No.  They don't have the same father.  They have different fathers.  The brother and sister are half siblings.  They have the same mother but different fathers.
I knew it.  mom prolly resents the son's dad & likes the daughter's dad.  idk what to tell you, get him involved in Big Brother Big Sisters or some other type of mentoring program that will be a positive influence

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Hi BHM!! Lovely day I'm having. How about you?


Posted By: CherryCola
Date Posted: Jul 05 2012 at 6:19pm
Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

Originally posted by CherryCola CherryCola wrote:

Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

cherry cola, do the brother & sister have the same father??
 
Remember Boys N the Hood & Jason's Lyric???
 
Oh, you're right about that.
 
No.  They don't have the same father.  They have different fathers.  The brother and sister are half siblings.  They have the same mother but different fathers.
I knew it.  mom prolly resents the son's dad & likes the daughter's dad.  idk what to tell you, get him involved in Big Brother Big Sisters or some other type of mentoring program that will be a positive influence
 
That's a good idea.  Thanks, Bunnyahh.


Posted By: Livvydivvy96
Date Posted: Jul 06 2012 at 6:13am
Yes i think so. This is the root problem to all my issues with my parents. Out of three kids, im the youngest and only girl. My brothers were always treated better, particularly the middle child. It made me build up a lot of resentment towards them. I never listened to them either. Why be good when you're treated like sh!t?


Posted By: TiffanyinTX
Date Posted: Jul 09 2012 at 2:46pm
Originally posted by CherryCola CherryCola wrote:

Originally posted by TiffanyinTX TiffanyinTX wrote:

Yes definitely, I got treated a lot better by my mother in an attempt to gain her favor (also, I was the youngest and only girl). Not only did this not make me like her any more, but it only made me resent her further when I got older and realized that her unfair treatment had a role in spoiling and ruining my character. I know she didn't favor me to make me conceited about myself, but with power comes responsibility. It's a strong person to not abuse the privilege of special treatment.

When I got older I had a lot of people blaming stuff on me because I was always the "favorite" but the way I look at is: my mom may have given me special treatment but at the end of the day she still wasn't doing me any favors, because all she gave me was inflated self-worth when what I really needed was humility and discipline.  Deep in my heart I believe everyone should be treated equally, but hey I didn't tell my parents to be weak-willed or just give in to my demands like that.

My brothers both bear the psychological scars of the mistreatment and abuse. And then you have a spoiled, rotten kid who you claim you had no role in raising because they "always got they're way". Yeah your  kid may be a  brat, but you're kind of weak-willed too. 
 
But my point is that the spoiled sister turned out to be great.  The brother who was not spoiled is the one who turned out to be a bully and a criminal because he was neglected.  I would rather have a spoiled child than a neglected child who turns into a bully and a criminal.


Well my experience totally turned out the opposite way in the sense that it  backfired but from a certain perspective I can see your cousins point. Let's say you have two kids:

Kid A: Grows up in a privileged, comfortable environment with two stable loving parents who take a humanistic approach-they see their child as special and planned for their birth. From the beauty pageants to the softball tryouts Kid A's parents are always in their corner and have looked forward to their birth with enthusiasm for the traditions they would get to teach their child. Should Kid A decide to go to college, they might even have an allowance set up for them, all to make sure their precious child makes a successful transition into the adult world with ease

Kid B: Maybe Kid B's parents did not expect to have them or did not have the savings to provide their child with such comfort. Maybe they take their stress out on Kid B, in the form of neglect, or even abuse. Maybe Kid B's parents are just average.

In the absence of monetary and parental differences, which child do you think has the best chance of becoming an emotionally healthy functional adult?

Kid A. From the moment of conception on, they've been getting the message that their existence was a welcome and wanted existence on earth. Of course that kid is more functioning.


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bhm will leave you broke, baldheaded and single-Afro

did she just say the 'sacred cow worship of black men'? ROFL. Woo!


Posted By: CheKnBishz
Date Posted: Jul 11 2012 at 7:15pm
hellz yea showin favoritism will do some harm, dats whats wrong with moi lol.  


Posted By: BarackStar2.0
Date Posted: Aug 01 2012 at 7:08pm
obviously.  are you stupid?


Posted By: LifeIsGood
Date Posted: Aug 03 2012 at 6:48pm
It definitely has an impact. Every parent has a favorite, they just shouldn't be so obvious with it.


Posted By: ...classified.
Date Posted: Aug 17 2012 at 1:54pm
I totally agree ^^^


Posted By: CherryCola
Date Posted: Aug 20 2012 at 3:33pm
Originally posted by BarackStar2.0 BarackStar2.0 wrote:

obviously.  are you stupid?
 
Obviously, I think so as well.  I stated an example of the damage (about my two cousins), but I wanted to get other people's point of view or opinion about the topic on the discussion forum.


Posted By: 313chick
Date Posted: Aug 23 2012 at 9:38am
Originally posted by Bunnyahh Bunnyahh wrote:

usually when ppl have kids by multiple baby mommas or daddies, favortism happens.
 
yes it affects the kids.  oh well blame the parents & pro-lifers


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Posted By: NARSAddict
Date Posted: Aug 24 2012 at 8:49pm
Yes, depending on how bad it is.

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Laws are not written to protect children and women. They are written to protect MEN. - TokyoRose (truncated unfortunately)


Posted By: AwesomeAries
Date Posted: Aug 25 2012 at 11:16pm
didn't read but I know good and well I was the favorite child Approve


Posted By: cheekychica
Date Posted: Aug 26 2012 at 2:03am
Originally posted by Livvydivvy96 Livvydivvy96 wrote:

Yes i think so. This is the root problem to all my issues with my parents. Out of three kids, im the youngest and only girl. My brothers were always treated better, particularly the middle child. It made me build up a lot of resentment towards them. I never listened to them either. Why be good when you're treated like sh!t?
 
I'm the youngest and only girl, too. However, I was the favorite. My parents judge us based on who's doing the best accomplishments-wise. It created competition but we all love each other.


Posted By: WynnieJames
Date Posted: Oct 13 2012 at 4:38pm
I definitely think favoritism can affect children.  I noticed differences in the way my sibling was treated.  It causes lots of resentment


Posted By: tropicalstorm
Date Posted: Nov 02 2012 at 9:58pm
it certainly affects children, but there are not definite results. I know of 'favorites' who turned out to be spoiled and failed at everything in life because they were shelted with an unrealistic pov and I know of not so favorites who turned out great b/c they wanted to prove to their parents they were worth it. 

it's a catch 22


Posted By: Faithfully2002
Date Posted: Nov 03 2012 at 4:43am
Yes it can.

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