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People who love too hard

 
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ModelessDiva View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ModelessDiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:22pm
I see where you're coming from.....but I have to partially disagree...

love in its entirety can be a dangerous emotion....for those who dont love themselves first....whether its easy love or hard love...there are women who do stupid things over guys they barely even love...

Its about knowing your self-worth.

You can love hard and still know your self worth at the end of the day...

And maybe loving deeply is a better term than loving hard...

I would hope and expect married couples to love each other deeply...
Loving easy sounds more of a term to describe a light-hearted and cute friendship...not anything with any type of seriousness or heavy commitment.

I wouldnt dare walk down any aisle with anyone I didnt love deeply. sounds like a waste....



Edited by ModelessDiva - Jul 06 2014 at 5:27pm
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JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:26pm
Originally posted by thewonderfulwa thewonderfulwa wrote:

My ex bestie is like this but it is because she sets her sights on emotionally unavailable men then when she doesnt get what she wants she will do whatever it takes to keep them when that doesnt work she acts if that man was the love of her life this is on repeat I think some are doomed to be in these type of relationships.

I dont mind "loving hard" but it should be reciprocated.


Interesting. She definitely is stuck in a pattern she can't break. That's the kind of thing that requires years of introspection, preferably with some backup
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uppitynegroid View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote uppitynegroid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:38pm
I don't know.  I have the opposite approach to men.  I'm very strategic about life.  I love myself.  If you love me too and offer me a good life, I will eventually love you for that.  The minute that changes, I no longer love what we have together and I'm more than able to move on.  I feel like that should be every woman's perspective on relationships.  That's what I plan to teach my daughter.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:38pm
Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:

I see where you're coming from.....but I have to partially disagree...

love in its entirety can be a dangerous emotion....for those who dont love themselves first....whether its easy love or hard love...there are women who do stupid things over guys they barely even love...

Its about knowing your self-worth.

You can love hard and still know your self worth at the end of the day...

And maybe loving deeply is a better term than loving hard...

I would hope and expect married couples to love each other deeply...
Loving easy sounds more of a term to describe a light-hearted and cute friendship...not anything with any type of seriousness or heavy commitment.

I wouldnt dare walk down any aisle with anyone I didnt love deeply. sounds like<b style="line-height: 1.4;"> a waste....
<b style="line-height: 1.4;">




I kind of see where you're coming from as well. It's just that to me there is loving HARD and loving TOO HARD. If I'm to take myself as an example, I have always loved myself enough to walk away FAST at the first sign of disrespect (at least when I became conscious of it and stopped living in a bubble). In fact, it's always been a policy of mine. In that regard, I differ from my cousin. But it doesn't mean the experience didn't kill a part of me, I can't lie about that. And that was a cost that was entirely too high and that indicates to me that I went TOO HARD. Of course you need to care deeply about the person with whom you're walking down the isle. But the mere fact that you KNOW that you will not compromise your self-respect to remain with that person shows you that there IS some level of temperance at play. The older I get, the more I realize that love should be as deep as it is reasonable. I don't have time to entertain fairy tales.


Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Jul 06 2014 at 5:38pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:41pm
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

I don't know.  I have the opposite approach to men.  I'm very strategic about life.  I love myself.  If you love me too and offer me a good life, I will eventually love you for that.  The minute that changes, I no longer love what we have together and I'm more than able to move on.  I feel like that should be every woman's perspective on relationships.  That's what I plan to teach my daughter.


I applaud that perspective That is the best approach! I wish I had understood that when I was younger, the part about being strategic. I really do. this whole love you deeply with complete abandon thing is for the birds.

Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Jul 06 2014 at 5:41pm
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SamoneLenior View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:41pm

saying it stems from insecurity sounds like you are talking about a preoccupied attachment style

didn't read the other posts so I don't know if this was mentioned
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:44pm
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


saying it stems from insecurity sounds like you are talking about a preoccupied attachment style

didn't read the other posts so I don't know if this was mentioned


What do you mean by preoccupied attachment style?
I mentioned earlier that all the women on my mother's side of the family tend to love too hard. At the end of the day, I'm assuming there are multi-generational reasons for that.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ModelessDiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:48pm
Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:

I see where you're coming from.....but I have to partially disagree...

love in its entirety can be a dangerous emotion....for those who dont love themselves first....whether its easy love or hard love...there are women who do stupid things over guys they barely even love...

Its about knowing your self-worth.

You can love hard and still know your self worth at the end of the day...

And maybe loving deeply is a better term than loving hard...

I would hope and expect married couples to love each other deeply...
Loving easy sounds more of a term to describe a light-hearted and cute friendship...not anything with any type of seriousness or heavy commitment.

I wouldnt dare walk down any aisle with anyone I didnt love deeply. sounds like<b style="line-height: 1.4;"> a waste....
<b style="line-height: 1.4;">




I kind of see where you're coming from as well. It's just that to me there is loving HARD and loving TOO HARD. If I'm to take myself as an example, I have always loved myself enough to walk away FAST at the first sign of disrespect (at least when I became conscious of it and stopped living in a bubble). In fact, it's always been a policy of mine. In that regard, I differ from my cousin. But it doesn't mean the experience didn't kill a part of me, I can't lie about that. And that was a cost that was entirely too high and that indicates to me that I went TOO HARD. Of course you need to care deeply about the person with whom you're walking down the isle. But the mere fact that you KNOW that you will not compromise your self-respect to remain with that person shows you that there IS some level of temperance at play. The older I get, the more I realize that love should be as deep as it is reasonable. I don't have time to entertain fairy tales.

No you're absolutely right, I agree with you here.


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JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:51pm
Going back to my cousin, I guess I'm gathering from the feedback that there isn't much more I can do, other than letting her know that I'm available if she needs anything :( I just feel a little helpless here.
I wish I could force her to seek help. But she's old school and it's not the type of thing she believes in. She thinks it's for white people.

Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Jul 06 2014 at 5:53pm
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SamoneLenior View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:53pm

I was referring to attachment theory

you are either secure or insecurely attached

insecure attachment styles are either preoccupied, dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant

preoccupied people have a negative view of self and a positive view of others

it drives them to be clingy and it's possible they "love hard"

depends on how you are defining "love hard" though

Edited by SamoneLenior - Jul 06 2014 at 5:55pm
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