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People who love too hard

 
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JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:53pm
Originally posted by nekamarie83 nekamarie83 wrote:

Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Does it always stem from some form of insecurity?
i don't think so, but as someone who loves hard i'm biased. LOL

can there be insecurity, yes. not necessarily always though. speaking for myself, i love what a positive force and feeling and inspiration love can be. the feeling to know that someone gives a damn and cares is beautiful to me. 

and i hate hate hate that i'm in a society and time that tries to shame people for feeling (positive or negative), expressing it and feeling the highs and lows to the fullest. 

it's presented as though the idea of being loved, or crushed on or infatuated with and being open with that is something to be afraid of. it's as though you can't tell people how wonderful you think they are without them thinking you want something. 

to the subject at hand, listening and validation. one doesn't have to agree, just understand how another can get swept up and offer to be there. besides that, it's very cliche, but time. it's going to hurt until it doesn't. writing also helps to sort out thoughts. best of luck to her and you


Well, I'm fine. I've had a long time to work my own issues. My problem is that since I have loved hard myself at some point in my life and let that situation overtake me for a while, I don't know how to support her. I understand the feeling of emptiness that she's going through for that reason. Some people in my family don't and try to shame her for leaving her kid behind. Thing is, I don't know how to support her because no one supported me when I was going through it. When I think about it, I reacted the exact same way. I fled (difference is I didn't have a child from the union)
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AshBash89 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AshBash89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:57pm
What's the point of loving if you aren't going to love hard? I don't share my love with just any and everybody. When it comes to those that I do love, I put my all in to it. This goes for my family, friends and s/o. Parting ways hurts but it aint nothing to cut it off. Life goes on.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ModelessDiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:58pm
but yes to insecurity...in most cases imo...

although there are some people who just love really really hard..it only becomes unhealthy when it consumes your life like with the example you gave...

as far as that backstory...sounds like she loved him more than she loved herself...not cool...

leaving her kid behind also raises a flag...no matter how you feel...at no point should your parenting end...smh

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:02pm
Originally posted by AshBash89 AshBash89 wrote:

What's the point of loving if you aren't going to love hard? I don't share my love with just any and everybody. When it comes to those that I do love, I put my all in to it. This goes for my family, friends and s/o. Parting ways hurts but it aint nothing to cut it off. Life goes on.


I've come to disagree with that statement. I think it's naive. For my part, I'm more tempered in the way I approach relationships now because you can really lose yourself in someone else if you're not careful. I like that my current so seems to be more into me than I am into him. Not that I'm not into him but I've learned from my mistakes. There is a part of me that I will always keep at bay.


Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Jul 06 2014 at 5:11pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ModelessDiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:06pm

i mean i can love hard...but it takes a whole lot for me to get to that point...i dont just go there for anybody...
but i also leave harder and dont look back if its not working out...

Its ok to love hard.
but love shouldnt make you stupid......thats where the danger lies...







Edited by ModelessDiva - Jul 06 2014 at 5:11pm
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JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:06pm
Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:

but yes to insecurity...in most cases imo...

although there are some people who just love really really hard..it only becomes unhealthy when it consumes your life like with the example you gave...

as far as that backstory...sounds like she loved him more than she loved herself...not cool...

leaving her kid behind also raises a flag...no matter how you feel...at no point should your parenting end...smh



I know that this part is hard to swallow. Some members of my family have a problem with it too. But I know her. This is a woman who has been busting her ass to provide the very best for her kid. She worked HARD for years and years, to the point that I wondered where did she find the energy to be so strong. In that regard, you'd think she was superwoman. A house of her own, private school for her kid, nothing was good enough for that child (that's while that man was studying and not contributing a damn penny). But it was always with her thinking that her husband was coming back to them. She literally snapped. the child is with his father, it's not like she left the kid with a stranger and without resources. But she is completely fucced up emotionally at this point.


Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Jul 06 2014 at 5:08pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:12pm
Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:


i mean i love hard...but it takes a whole lot for me to get to that point...cause i dont just go there for anybody...
but i also leave harder and dont look back if its not working out...

its ok to love hard.
but love shouldnt make you stupid......thats where the danger lies...






Hmmmm... When you love hard, you do get stupid to one extent or another. There's a reason why they say love is blind. And that is exactly why I think loving HARD is not the grown-up way to go. Love should be easy. Not to say that it should be without challenges, but it should not be this complicated math equation. If it's all consuming, something's wrong.


Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Jul 06 2014 at 5:14pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote maysay1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:15pm
Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:



I know that this part is hard to swallow. Some members of my family have a problem with it too. But I know her. This is a woman who has been busting her ass to provide the very best for her kid. She worked HARD for years and years, to the point that I wondered where did she find the energy to be so strong. In that regard, you'd think she was superwoman. A house of her own, private school for her kid, nothing was good enough for that child (that's while that man was studying and not contributing a damn penny). But it was always with her thinking that her husband was coming back to them. She literally snapped. the child is with his father, it's not like she left the kid with a stranger and without resources. But she is completely fucced up emotionally at this point.


You know, she's probably making the best decision for herself and her child. At this point, she is aware enough to recognize that she can't be a good mother or the mother she wants to be or any type of mother to her child while dealing with this emotional state.

What's sad is that people are looking at her like she's abandoning her family and messing her child up, when in reality, it's the husband who did so.

It's hard on women (people, but especially women) to go from high school, college, marriage, child, working, all those responsibilities and never ever ever get a real break. And on top of that have someone beat you down emotionally and do you dirty.

If you're looking for ways to support her, maybe it would be helpful if you were able to let her know that what she's doing is ok if it's what she needs to do for herself.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote thewonderfulwa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:18pm
My ex bestie is like this but it is because she sets her sights on emotionally unavailable men then when she doesnt get what she wants she will do whatever it takes to keep them when that doesnt work she acts if that man was the love of her life this is on repeat I think some are doomed to be in these type of relationships.

I dont mind "loving hard" but it should be reciprocated.

Edited by thewonderfulwa - Jul 06 2014 at 5:20pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 5:22pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:



I know that this part is hard to swallow. Some members of my family have a problem with it too. But I know her. This is a woman who has been busting her ass to provide the very best for her kid. She worked HARD for years and years, to the point that I wondered where did she find the energy to be so strong. In that regard, you'd think she was superwoman. A house of her own, private school for her kid, nothing was good enough for that child (that's while that man was studying and not contributing a damn penny). But it was always with her thinking that her husband was coming back to them. She literally snapped. the child is with his father, it's not like she left the kid with a stranger and without resources. But she is completely fucced up emotionally at this point.


You know, she's probably making the best decision for herself and her child. At this point, she is aware enough to recognize that she can't be a good mother or the mother she wants to be or any type of mother to her child while dealing with this emotional state.

What's sad is that people are looking at her like she's abandoning her family and messing her child up, when in reality, it's the husband who did so.

It's hard on women (people, but especially women) to go from high school, college, marriage, child, working, all those responsibilities and never ever ever get a real break. And on top of that have someone beat you down emotionally and do you dirty.

If you're looking for ways to support her, maybe it would be helpful if you were able to let her know that what she's doing is ok if it's what she needs to do for herself.


Maysay, that's great advice. The bolded but also everything else is very much on point. You pretty much summarized what I was trying to say but didn't quite know how.
My only concern is that I'm not sure that her approach is entirely ok because I believe she's in a deep depression and I know she's not the type to seek therapy. One can remain in that state for years without the proper support.
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