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People who love too hard

 
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JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
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    Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:12pm
Does it always stem from some form of insecurity?
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JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:18pm
I'm asking because it seems to be a trait in my mother's side of the family. I have a cousin who is going through a deep depression over losing the love of her life (frankly, I felt she had lost him years ago already as he has demonstrated time and time again that he wasn't sheit) and I don't know how to help her. She just fled overseas, has isolated herself and left her kid behind with his father. It's going on a year now. I do't know what to do.
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iNFATUATE View Drop Down
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No, I think personality plays a huge role as well. For me, because it takes me such a long time to open up and let someone in by the time I get to that point where I do love it's HEAVY, deep, and intense. When I love I mean it with all of me. If you're cousin is anything like this it will be hard for her to recover once she loses that but the difference between me and her is that if you eff up I dont care how much it hurts you gotta go AND amd I'm moving on and moving on well.

I think she just needs to be reminded that there are other men out there and don't just stop there. Help her open up her mind to wonderful possibilities. She needs a little hope.

Edited by iNFATUATE - Jul 06 2014 at 4:23pm
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rell85 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote rell85 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:28pm
I hate the term love hard...i do find it coming from ppl that wasn't loved...when they finally get someone they attach themselves to the person.
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JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:33pm
Originally posted by iNFATUATE iNFATUATE wrote:

No, I think personality plays a huge role as well. For me, because it takes me such a long time to open up and let someone in by the time I get to that point where I do love it's HEAVY, deep, and intense. When I love I mean it with all of me. If you're cousin is anything like this it will be hard for her to recover once she loses that but the difference between me and her is that if you eff up I dont care how much it hurts you gotta go AND amd I'm moving on and moving on well.

I think she just needs to be reminded that there are other men out there and don't just stop there. Help her open up her mind to wonderful possibilities. She needs a little hope.


I personally identify with the bolded because I've been through it. Like you, I did not hesitate in cutting him off but it left a deep emotional scar for a long time.

With my cousin, the problem is that she is married to this fool and has been in love with him since she was a teenager. Then he moved to another state to study and kept leading her on that their little family would eventually reunite and that it was just a question of circumstances. All this time, he was fooling around, of course. Once she finally realized he wasn't coming back, she fell apart. Quit her job, sold her house, moved overseas, left her kid behind. I know she's not a selfish mom. She was the type to hold 2 jobs and work like a dog before this. But something broke inside of her and we can't reach her. she'll pick up the phone once in a blue moon. I'm thinking of going out there to see her but I'm not sure I have the tools to help her


Edited by JoliePoufiasse - Jul 06 2014 at 4:35pm
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JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:38pm
Originally posted by rell85 rell85 wrote:

I hate the term love hard...i do find it coming from ppl that wasn't loved...when they finally get someone they attach themselves to the person.


Which is why I asked if it is ALWAYS the case. I know it often does but she always seemed like an otherwise well-rounded person to me? Hard to explain...
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ModelessDiva View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ModelessDiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:38pm

hmmLamp...what exactly does loving hard qualify as?

like give an example..
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nekamarie83 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote nekamarie83 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:39pm
Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Does it always stem from some form of insecurity?
i don't think so, but as someone who loves hard i'm biased. LOL

can there be insecurity, yes. not necessarily always though. speaking for myself, i love what a positive force and feeling and inspiration love can be. the feeling to know that someone gives a damn and cares is beautiful to me. 

and i hate hate hate that i'm in a society and time that tries to shame people for feeling (positive or negative), expressing it and feeling the highs and lows to the fullest. 

it's presented as though the idea of being loved, or crushed on or infatuated with and being open with that is something to be afraid of. it's as though you can't tell people how wonderful you think they are without them thinking you want something. 

to the subject at hand, listening and validation. one doesn't have to agree, just understand how another can get swept up and offer to be there. besides that, it's very cliche, but time. it's going to hurt until it doesn't. writing also helps to sort out thoughts. best of luck to her and you. 


Edited by nekamarie83 - Jul 06 2014 at 4:39pm
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JoliePoufiasse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JoliePoufiasse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:44pm
Originally posted by ModelessDiva ModelessDiva wrote:


hmmLamp...what exactly does loving hard qualify as?

like give an example..


In her case, loving blindly? She crashed so hard because she truly believes that their separation was just a "sacrifice" he was making for the future well-being of his family. When what he really wanted to do is live the single life but have a devoted wife to fall back on when things got hard...
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ModelessDiva View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ModelessDiva Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jul 06 2014 at 4:49pm
^^oh crap...i didnt even read that second commentLOL...shame on me...i missed the backstory...
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