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Not liking relatives...

 
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whitrhymes View Drop Down
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    Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 12:11pm
I don't really care for my grandmother (or my aunt for that matter). But my dad is always bugging me to go visit my grandmother, and I do occasionally because I feel obligated. My sister and I are her only grandchildren, but I can't make myself want to spend time with someone I don't care for.

As a child, she and my aunt always showed favor towards my older sister. As I've matured I've come to lose a lot of respect for her, just as a person. She never really did anything notable in her life. She's not particularly kind or caring. She's a selfish individual, always looking for what people can do for her, then gossiping and talking about people behind their backs.  She's lazy and has this sense of entitlement or feels like she is better than other people. She's financially irresponsible, and lied about her finances to my father so he would help her get a brand new car, now she doesn't work and can't afford it. I think one of my biggest issues with her is that she put unnecessary stress on my father. I know kids are supposed to help their parents but she just does the most. I've always thought those things about her, but when I got older I learned about the way she treated my father and aunt when they were kids(she and my grandfather are divorced and she kept them sometimes) and I just... Ehhh Unhappy
Anyway, she raised my aunt to be just like her, lazy, stuck-up without reason, etc... But like I said, my dad is always pushing me to go visit her, call her sometimes, and I do, I just really really don't want to. I feel like I should like them because they're my only blood related grandmother and aunt, but I don't.

Do you all have close family members you don't like but deal with out of obligation?

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Derri View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Derri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 12:25pm
Are we related?
Yes i have selfish family members.
The way I live life is this, they had certain experiences that conditioned them to be the way they are. They are not introspective enough to trace things back to their origin and make some changes for a better life experience. I understand that and while I don't like it, I can only play a part in the change, but I can't be the only cause for the change.

For me to treat those family members a way because of their current state would mean that I am internalizing something that actually doesn't have much to do with me in reality.

If someone smiles at you, you smile back. Your smiling didn't occur on it's own--it wasn't until someone smiled at you that you smiled and your inner self is uplifted. Now if someone frowns at you, now your inner self feels bad.

I don't need to feel a different way for every person I know. The internal fluctuations feel too uneasy and strange for me. What would happen if all of the people I knew got together in a room? One corner of the room makes me feel uplifted while another corner of the room makes me depressed while I'm afraid of the centre of the room and i'm ashamed when I look at the the far left...

No, I don't attach myself to thoughts and emotions. They exist, they are real, i just don't attach my self to those feelings. That way, i can be in the presence of anyone without being in distress.

Edited by Derri - Feb 07 2014 at 12:42pm
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iliveforbhm View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote iliveforbhm Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 12:49pm

WhiteRhymes is that you in the avi?

 
And family can be the most evil folks you know and some of the most loving individuals you know. No one picks and choose their family members, but all you can do is be cordial with the old hag and realize lazy chicks get old and use their family like they use their men.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote whitrhymes Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 12:59pm
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

Are we related?
Yes i have selfish family members.
The way I live life is this, they had certain experiences that conditioned them to be the way they are. They are not introspective enough to trace things back to their origin and make some changes for a better life experience. I understand that and while I don't like it, I can only play a part in the change, but I can't be the only cause for the change.

For me to treat those family members a way because of their current state would mean that I am internalizing something that actually doesn't have much to do with me in reality.

If someone smiles at you, you smile back. Your smiling didn't occur on it's own--it wasn't until someone smiled at you that you smiled and your inner self is uplifted. Now if someone frowns at you, now your inner self feels bad.

I don't need to feel a different way for every person I know. The internal fluctuations feel too uneasy and strange for me. What would happen if all of the people I knew got together in a room? One corner of the room makes me feel uplifted while another corner of the room makes me depressed while I'm afraid of the centre of the room and i'm ashamed when I look at the the far left...

No, I don't attach myself to thoughts and emotions. They exist, they are real, i just don't attach my self to those feelings. That way, i can be in the presence of anyone without being in distress.


LOL. Maybe.

I get this. I guess I'm just saying being around them is not a way that I would voluntarily choose to spend my time.  They don't particularly upset me, but I kind of feel like if I never saw them again I would be indifferent. Ouch And I feel bad about feeling like that. lol
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whitrhymes View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote whitrhymes Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:02pm
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

WhiteRhymes is that you in the avi?

 
And family can be the most evil folks you know and some of the most loving individuals you know. No one picks and choose their family members, but all you can do is be cordial with the old hag and realize lazy chicks get old and use their family like they use their men.


Yes that's me.

I can be cordial, as long as I don't feel like I need to feel guilty about my actual feelings. LOL
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Derri View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Derri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:03pm
Your indifference to them comes from what you internalized from what they directly and indirectly reflected onto you, and their selfishness came from what they internalized from what others directly and indirectly reflected onto them.






Edited by Derri - Feb 07 2014 at 1:06pm
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eanaj5 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote eanaj5 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:03pm
yes.
dont care for my maternal great aunt or my cousins from my maternal great uncle
thats about it i think
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote eanaj5 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:05pm
i have recently decided that i wont put on for these people anymore
i am no longer under the shadow of my parents and i will treat these individuals how i see fit

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote sunshine321511 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:07pm

Family is not chosen.  I do not have a close family and I have learned many watch TV and think that family ntertainment shows are how YOUR FAMILY will be in real life.  If one has a "close", "nice" family then you are truly blessed.  But I have seen in my family and my husbands that family is not a guarantee of

  • being liked by them
  • them liking you
  • them honestly caring for you
  • them not stealing from you or hurting you
  • that they are happy for your success and not jealous of you

I have also noted that when some of the older family members die who "held" the family together you will  notice family members don't even keep in contact anymore except with the ones "they" chose to.



Edited by sunshine321511 - Feb 07 2014 at 1:07pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ms_wonderland Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 07 2014 at 1:07pm
im starting to dislike dead relatives just bc im realizing how much they fcked up raising some of the older people in my family.
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