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Twisted_Angel View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Twisted_Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 7:06pm
Glad you found a solution to your problem.
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sexyandfamous View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 13 2014 at 7:57pm
I am glad they showed their true colors. Sad that he was not only putting his family first but lying to you.
Move on with your life.
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Printer_Ink View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 14 2014 at 3:19pm
Well, if he told you from the very beginning that his family would always come before you ... so you knew what you were getting into when you married him.

Sure, I know you loved him etc etc .... but I think you have torecognize when a guy is not treating you right ... and dump him. I would have dumped a guy if he told me this. Doesn't mean the love would have ended of course, that takes time ... but I would have ended the relationship.

I don't know where his is from but I know for many countries in Africa - family is EVERYTHING and yes, helping family members can be more important than a marriage to an 'outsider'. That is the culture.

All his people have cused you out now and he is lying about you so again he is declaring that his loyality is to his family - not you.

I say dump him and don't look back .. because this situation cannot come to a good end.

You deserve a man that will put YOU (and your child) first. This is the Western way of living.


Edited by Printer_Ink - Mar 14 2014 at 3:21pm
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NaturalSister543 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NaturalSister543 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 3:56pm
ok, you are right.
I know all you guys are 100 percent right.
Right now I do not have any money saved and currently is not working. He pays for everything for now and I haven't had any successful interviews. I am still looking.
Our parents called us and basically I am back at home, being dragged back with tooth and nail.
My plan now is to save some money and move somewhere far away and to get away from this drama for good.
We are Haitian, I just wasn't born in Haiti. I would like to believe that I was first but sadly I am not. This time next year I should be on my feet and God willing be off to a better future and around people that truly do love my son and I.
I mean despite all of this I am the one made to look like the bad guy.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NaturalSister543 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 4:09pm
Also, when he made this statement I told him if that how he really feels than that was fine and we could break everything off. He then stated that of-course after we have gotten married that it would be a different case because I would be his wife and therefore first. But obviously, by his actions this is not true.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Twisted_Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 15 2014 at 5:09pm
Aww....I feel sad.

But you will make it. Glad you saw all of this before you guys ended up having more kids... or more time passed.

I imagine its really tough to leave a marriage, definitely not worth staying.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 6:22am
Originally posted by NaturalSister543 NaturalSister543 wrote:

Also, when he made this statement I told him if that how he really feels than that was fine and we could break everything off. He then stated that of-course after we have gotten married that it would be a different case because I would be his wife and therefore first. But obviously, by his actions this is not true.


Yes, but that was not the truth though right?

I mean even if my BOYFRIEND told me his family would always come first, that would be Red Flag number 1 that there was no real future in our relationship – regardless of if we ever got married. That would be a constant thorn in my paw and would cause me to seriously realize something was not right.

But when you said you wanted to break it off because of this is when he suddenly said … if you were married .. you would be first, of course.
See …. this does not ring true to me.

I think what he said initially was what he REALLY felt. His family would always come first. He only said the other thing when he thought you would leave. Red Flag number 2. People REVERSE themselves when they realize that something they said caused a result they did not predict at the time. REVERSAL is not a good thing in this context.

Besides – didn’t his family always treat you badly? This would be Red Flag number 3 because if your bf cares about you he would not allow his family to dog you out like that. That would a major fight for me that would have damaged our relationship. I could not see a future with a man that had some mean family that I would have to tolerate because he would ALLOW them to treat me in this manner. You are still young, you might want to have more kids etc so for the next 40 – 50 years you would have to tolerate abuse from his people because he does stand up for you. Oh He** no. I wouldn’t be living like that.

Marriage is a (legal) piece of paper … but it will have no effect on how he or his family actually treats you after you get married. It’s harrrrd for someone to change ‘who they are’ once PUFF .. they get married. So alllll the good and allll the rotten stuff he says or does before marriage will be there after marriage as well.

Hey, this is one way girls get stuck with a ‘cheating husband’. It’s because he used to be a ‘cheating bf’ .. but she thought ‘once they got married’ this would all change. Noooo.

Okay, I’m not saying this to rub your nose in this mess. I am saying this so that you can learn to ‘read the signs’ for when things_are_not right_with_a_guy. Maybe you don't know what's going on .. but your gut ha to tell you SOMETHING is not right.

You have to value yourself enough to see things clearly and not excuse them because ‘you really like him’ etc. I just illustrated 3 Red Flags from what you shared with us … but there were probably a lot of other Red Flags that you totally ignored, justified or did not recognize.

You have to learn to see Red Flags early so you can see THE TRUTH of the relationship before you trapped in a bad situation again.

Anyway good luck to you!



Edited by Printer_Ink - Mar 16 2014 at 8:06am
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NaturalSister543 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NaturalSister543 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 4:57pm
I do need to get my self out of this Situation as soon as possible. I mean these are justifiable reasons right?

I mean what husband rides around his sister car for a whole week,when you have your own car. I wish I could fix this instead of just leaving and calling a quits.

He's not listening to me; I am so grateful that you guys would talk to me and give me your view point. It has really helped me. I see sitting around and just being upset is not going to change the situation. I must act or just let it go.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 16 2014 at 5:34pm
You have a child, you'll get alimony and child support. Since you guys haven't been married for long, alimony might not be a lot, but the judge might give you more because you are unemployed. I am glad you are no longer living with him. You want to fix this problem, but he doesn't.
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Beauty620 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Beauty620 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Mar 17 2014 at 1:23pm
Now that everything is all said and done......

Everything happens for a reason.....
I'ma true believer on that note. 


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