| NaturalSister543 wrote:|
Also, when he made this statement I told him if that how he really feels than that was fine and we could break everything off. He then stated that of-course after we have gotten married that it would be a different case because I would be his wife and therefore first. But obviously, by his actions this is not true.
Yes, but that was not the truth though right?
I mean even if my BOYFRIEND told me his family would always come first, that would be Red Flag number 1 that there was no real future in our relationship – regardless of if we ever got married. That would be a constant thorn in my paw and would cause me to seriously realize something was not right.
But when you said you wanted to break it off because of this is when he suddenly said … if you were married .. you would be first, of course.
See …. this does not ring true to me.
I think what he said initially was what he REALLY felt. His family would always come first. He only said the other thing when he thought you would leave. Red Flag number 2. People REVERSE themselves when they realize that something they said caused a result they did not predict at the time. REVERSAL is not a good thing in this context.
Besides – didn’t his family always treat you badly? This would be Red Flag number 3 because if your bf cares about you he would not allow his family to dog you out like that. That would a major fight for me that would have damaged our relationship. I could not see a future with a man that had some mean family that I would have to tolerate because he would ALLOW them to treat me in this manner. You are still young, you might want to have more kids etc so for the next 40 – 50 years you would have to tolerate abuse from his people because he does stand up for you. Oh He** no. I wouldn’t be living like that.
Marriage is a (legal) piece of paper … but it will have no effect on how he or his family actually treats you after you get married. It’s harrrrd for someone to change ‘who they are’ once PUFF .. they get married. So alllll the good and allll the rotten stuff he says or does before marriage will be there after marriage as well.
Hey, this is one way girls get stuck with a ‘cheating husband’. It’s because he used to be a ‘cheating bf’ .. but she thought ‘once they got married’ this would all change. Noooo.
Okay, I’m not saying this to rub your nose in this mess. I am saying this so that you can learn to ‘read the signs’ for when things_are_not right_with_a_guy. Maybe you don't know what's going on .. but your gut ha to tell you SOMETHING is not right.
You have to value yourself enough to see things clearly and not excuse them because ‘you really like him’ etc. I just illustrated 3 Red Flags from what you shared with us … but there were probably a lot of other Red Flags that you totally ignored, justified or did not recognize.
You have to learn to see Red Flags early so you can see THE TRUTH of the relationship before you trapped in a bad situation again.
Anyway good luck to you!
Edited by Printer_Ink - Mar 16 2014 at 8:06am