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bebe88 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: my husbands NEEDY a$$ family
    Posted: Jun 16 2010 at 9:00am

morning! i have a bit of a situation going on...hmm where can i start.

ok, my husband and i have been married for 10 months now and since we've been together his family has been asking for money...well his mom. i'm assuming this was going on before i came in the picture. so he had this car that he bought for himself and within a couple months his mom talked him into letting her keep it. i don't know if she already had a car or not but im assuming she didnt. well he let her drive but only if she agreed to help with the car note and insurance and since i've been around she hasn't so its safe to say she hasn't helped since she had the car. now my husband had to go get himself another car so he could get around. i'm not going to get into make/model but its really nice. he allowed his brother to drive it one time while he was deployed and his brother trashed it.
 
so now i stroll into the picture. back in 2008 an ex bf of mine put sugar in my tank and ruined the car i did have. it really didnt affect me because i was just going into the military and didnt really need a car at the time. so fast forward to 2009 my husband and i get married. i need a car to get around because i need to move off base. i felt like i need the car his mama drivin because im his wife and his mom has a husband already. was i wrong for wanting that car? i felt like at least i bring some finances to the table and if i'll be driving i will help pay car note/ insurance. but its like he kept putting it off and saying he would help me get a car (my credit was the issue, i messed it up after i graduated highschool big mistake). i dnt feel it would have been necessary to help get a new car when he already had 2 of them.
 
now its 2010, i ended up getting the car my aunt left me when she died. its already paid off and everything yay lol. anyway my prob. is we are still paying 2 car notes and insurance on 3 cars now. his mom has a job and a husband and her house is paid off so its not like they have a mortgage. she thinks my husband owes her for God knows what!!! he used to send them [recently stopped] random money all the time to pay their bills. when we visited them around christmas they were asking for money. my issue is we are still paying for this car his mom is driving and its pissing me off! i'm also paying for it because our finances are in one account. now i dont want to be nasty and tell him to have his funds direct deposited elsewhere so he can continue to support his mama.....
 
this mom of his did not raise him and stole all the money from a trust fund his grandmother left him and has done a number of other effed up things to him. his mom called me promising to start helpin us with the car...sayin she would contribute 40 or 50 dollars monthly! WTF! THAT WONT EVEN BUY GAS. she still hasnt helped and this was months ago. she always gives us this sob story about being broke and saying me n hubby have jobs and can afford it! but i dnt feel sorry for her or any1 else. we all were given the same opportunities to succeed...me n hubby were just smart enough to take advantage of that opportunity!
 
was i wrong for wanting the car when i did need it? what can i do to help the situation? i know my husband will have to be the one to make the final decision but is there ANYTHING i can do?
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maysay1 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 16 2010 at 9:39am
Unless your husband puts his foot down, your mother in law will be driving that car free of charge until it doesn't run anymore. Now if it were me, I'd just have the car towed from her house and that would be the end of it.

But really, your problem is with your husband and his putting his mother's wishes above his wife's. Your family (you and hubby) and your finances should come first. There's no reason you all should be paying the car note and insurance for a car you don't even use. That car could be sold and provide you a financial cushion, rather than be a financial burden.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 16 2010 at 9:45am
^^^^ oooh yes thank you so much...i was kinda feelin like the bad person at 1 point
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 16 2010 at 10:46am
What he's feeling is guilt. Some peoples families use to get money out of the children all the time. Even though she didn't raise him he would feel guilty not to help her out. But honestly you should come first. My mother tried to guilt me into sending her money for bills etc etc. But I had to cut her off. This will make her mad as hell. In fact she resort to cussing and everything but eventually she found another sucker to suck money out of. You need to explain to him she will live.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 16 2010 at 10:48am
Your husband needs to step up. I am sorry you have to deal with this but it seems the mother is taking true advantage of him. Does he feel he owes her something.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 16 2010 at 12:01pm
Originally posted by miamiu miamiu wrote:

Your husband needs to step up. I am sorry you have to deal with this but it seems the mother is taking true advantage of him. Does he feel he owes her something.
no he doesnt feel he owes her anything...it makes him mad. he complains about it often. everytime he complains about it i say "you can't complain about it because you allow it"
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 16 2010 at 1:42pm
I was in a similar situation, only I was the one giving away money to my family!  He sounds just like me - complaining, all the while just handing over money, paying their rent, buying cars, tvs, house repairs, kid's tuition, and on and on!  It wasn't a hardship for me because I make a good living and always felt blessed that I was in a position to help, but I know I was being taken advantage of big time!
 
I've been married for a year and finally, with my husband's help, I had to put my foot down and tell my family that my money isn't mine any more.  My husband and I have a joint account that we both contribute to and what's mine is his and vice versa.  We have plans and dreams that we want to spend our hard earned money on so I had to take a hard line with my family.
 
Tell your husband that they will get over it!  The partnership that the two of you have supercedes any others.  At first they will be mad and hurt, etc., especially if it's been going on for years, but they will adjust -- and he'll be much happier for it (and so will you!)


Edited by kjoyy - Jun 16 2010 at 1:43pm
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bebe88 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 16 2010 at 10:40pm
^^^^ thanks so much! and with ur situation i bet ur family was sayin "she dun got her a man now tellin her what to do with her money...he aint right" lmao
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 17 2010 at 1:41am
All I know is better for you to piss some people off now but lay the foundation for the way your relationship is going to work, then continue with the foolishness. 
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 17 2010 at 11:13am
Originally posted by bebe88 bebe88 wrote:

^^^^ thanks so much! and with ur situation i bet ur family was sayin "she dun got her a man now tellin her what to do with her money...he aint right" lmao
 
Oh yea!LOL  But he is a strong, capable man and they know they'd better not come up an either of our faces with no drama!  I love it!Clap  I feel so free and happy I can hardly believe it.  I was an enabler and now they're learning how to figure things out on their own.
 
Hope it all works out for you, too!
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