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My boyfriend wants to beat my ex

 
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sexyandfamous View Drop Down
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    Posted: Nov 24 2013 at 1:54pm
...and I disagree with that. I told my boyfriend several month ago that the worst thing my ex did while we were dating was that he ended up busting my lip open.

My boyfriend always said that he would beat my ex if he ever met him, since he says that it is wrong to hit a woman, even if she is assaulting the man.

My boyfriend tracked my ex a few months ago but only told me about it yesterday. He wants to beat the dude up and my ex doesn't stand a chance; my boyfriend is trained in several martial arts - he might leave my ex unconscious from the beating.

I want to convince him to not do that.
My ex was wrong to hit me, but I have forgiven him and forgot about it. My boyfriend got upset that I seemed concerned about my ex's safety and asked why do I care.

I don't want him to think that I care about my ex, I just don't want him to hurt the guy, and I don't know how to tell him so without him thinking that I am taking my ex's side.

And before anyone says that the police might get him.... they wouldn't, because he assured me that he would get him somewhere and in a way that my ex wouldn't be able to either recognize him or see where the blow came from.....
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tatee View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tatee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 24 2013 at 2:41pm
i think since you bf is trained in the discipline of martial arts he should know better but whatever.  you though, should stay out of it.  i wouldnt even bring it up again.  it doesnt really concern you at this point.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Spokenword Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 24 2013 at 3:19pm
I would be turned OFF if my boyfriend was trying to beat up an ex. While I understand the rage, a man putting his hands on a woman, the fact that he wants to show out in the way of violence, for something that happened in the past is concerning.

he needs to chill out. to some women they may like that but me, nope. I could understand if it was current, but it is in the past. he needs to let it go. at this point what is he really trying to prove. he's just looking for a reason.



Edited by Spokenword - Nov 24 2013 at 3:20pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 24 2013 at 3:24pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

...and I disagree with that. I told my boyfriend several month ago that the worst thing my ex did while we were dating was that he ended up busting my lip open.

My boyfriend always said that he would beat my ex if he ever met him, since he says that it is wrong to hit a woman, even if she is assaulting the man.

My boyfriend tracked my ex a few months ago but only told me about it yesterday. He wants to beat the dude up and my ex doesn't stand a chance; my boyfriend is trained in several martial arts - he might leave my ex unconscious from the beating.

I want to convince him to not do that.
My ex was wrong to hit me, but I have forgiven him and forgot about it. My boyfriend got upset that I seemed concerned about my ex's safety and asked why do I care.

I don't want him to think that I care about my ex, I just don't want him to hurt the guy, and I don't know how to tell him so without him thinking that I am taking my ex's side.

And before anyone says that the police might get him.... they wouldn't, because he assured me that he would get him somewhere and in a way that my ex wouldn't be able to either recognize him or see where the blow came from.....

Sorry to say but .. I think your ‘picker’ is broken. Meaning … you are picking the wrong kind of men.Ouch

-         Pick number 1 – the ex. In order for a guy to get to the point that he will haul off and bust your lip … means you have let him get away with mental/verbal abuse … for a long time. Woman often say that the guy ‘never put a hand on me’ until he did and then they were upset/shocked. Untrue, if a man is treating you in a shabby fashion – no matter how much you get mad at him – IF YOU STAY - with him you are giving him permission to take the next step which is to kick your a**

 

-          Pick number 2 – the current beau is a flippen HEADCASE! I can understand that he would be upset to hear that the ex hit you … but for him to go into ‘Special forces’ mode .. slipping and sliding around so that he can devise a clever way to DO HARM to your ex such that the cops won’t figure it out ... should tell you what kind of guy you are laying up with.

What if he DOES get caught and somehow it comes out that you YOU KNEW he was going after your ex and did nothing. So the ex ends up crippled or dead ... and guess what? That means you would be charged with ‘conspiracy before the fact’ and they would haul your butt off to Sing Sing along with your bf! The dude sounds dangerous. I wonder what other stuff the guy is capable of pulling off where the cop wouldn't know? Take a lesson,

If I were you .. I would break it off with your current bf because of this planned assault and tell him if something happens to your ex – you will call the cops on him. It's not about your protecting your ex and if your current guy is holding that up to you .. he is being manipulative. I would nevvvvver wanna be with such a sneaky guy .. willing to engage in violent acts. He’s off.

Nowwww you are really gonna see what kind of guy you are dealing with .. if he has to process a One – Two punch like that. See how he reacts. Does he go into ‘ownership’ mode .. of you?

You need to pick guys that do not have that aggressive streak in them – that kind of stuff never comes to a good end.

 

 
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 24 2013 at 4:41pm
@tatee, it is of my concern because I do not agree with the actions he wants to take. And I also feel that it is my fault that he was able to track my ex since I did mention his name, and where he was from, and the company that he worked for

@SpokenWord; I was SUPER turned off by him yesterday. I actually pretended to be sleepy and went to bed. When I woke up, I was out in less than 30 minutes. I wanted to bring up the situation, but was not sure how to say something without him thinking that I still got feelings for my ex (which I don't).

@Printer... I knew you would tell me to leave him Tongue

I agree with you that he is using the fact that my ex hurt me as an excuse, but he is not a possessive or controlling person at all. And since I am not in touch with my ex, I would not know if my boyfriend did beat him or not unless I was told by my boyfriend.

I will not break up with a man just because I disagree with something he does or wants to do. If he had told me that he had sexual tendencies towards children or animals, I would leave him on the spot, but over beating up my ex? No.

I just want him to understand that it is unnecessary and at the same time to know that I am not into my ex.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Beauty620 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 24 2013 at 8:50pm
If I were you wouldn't even mention your ex again.....just let it go and carry on. If or dude speaks on it again I would change the subject so he realizes you are no longer on it. Like he should be a non factor not topic of discussion. In the long run if he see him in the flesh and whoops DAT a z z then oh well....he should watch who he hits next time.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tbaby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 24 2013 at 11:52pm
they wouldn't, because he assured me that he would get him somewhere and in a way that my ex wouldn't be able to either recognize him or see where the blow came from.....

So Basically you bf wants to act like a coward and ambush him.  How is that really "honoring" you?  Your bf really does sound kinda crazy...

And what if your ex ends up in the hospital--or worse dead if some how things escalate.  Are you prepared mentally to tell the authorities if it comes to that?  You need to do some serious soul searching and discuss w/ your bf not to beat up your ex b/c of possible consequences.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Brjasuga51 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 25 2013 at 7:23am
Originally posted by Beauty620 Beauty620 wrote:

If I were you wouldn't even mention your ex again.....just let it go and carry on. If or dude speaks on it again I would change the subject so he realizes you are no longer on it. Like he should be a non factor not topic of discussion. In the long run if he see him in the flesh and whoops DAT a z z then oh well....he should watch who he hits next time.
^^^^^^^^ ALL OF THIS.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 25 2013 at 1:10pm
I actually did bring it up the subject yesterday and he got mad. I told him I was disgusted by his plan, and he went on to say that I care too much and my ex is my friend , blablabla and I just wanted him to not do anything.

@tbaby, yes, that's why I want him to not do it, because he might hurt him too much, and I don't know how to make him understand that it is wrong.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 25 2013 at 4:02pm
ConfusedConfused
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

@tatee, it is of my concern because I do not agree with the actions he wants to take. And I also feel that it is my fault that he was able to track my ex since I did mention his name, and where he was from, and the company that he worked for

@SpokenWord; I was SUPER turned off by him yesterday. I actually pretended to be sleepy and went to bed. When I woke up, I was out in less than 30 minutes. I wanted to bring up the situation, but was not sure how to say something without him thinking that I still got feelings for my ex (which I don't).

@Printer... I knew you would tell me to leave him Tongue

I agree with you that he is using the fact that my ex hurt me as an excuse, but he is not a possessive or controlling person at all. And since I am not in touch with my ex, I would not know if my boyfriend did beat him or not unless I was told by my boyfriend.

I will not break up with a man just because I disagree with something he does or wants to do. If he had told me that he had sexual tendencies towards children or animals, I would leave him on the spot, but over beating up my ex? No.

I just want him to understand that it is unnecessary and at the same time to know that I am not into my ex.
I didn't say you should ACTUALLY leave him .. I said you should TELL HIM you will leave him and that if the ex gets hurt you will tell the cops .. and see how he handles it. That is when you are gonna REALLY see what you have on your hands.
 
You live with him - so you really can't up and leave at moments notice.? Umm you know my beliefs about living with a guy outside of marriage... Confused
 
Anyway, saddly it's not 'just because I disagree with something he does or wants to do'. It's more than that. You just said that you are afraid he might hurt your ex TOO much - so are aware that he is dangerous.
 
Thi would be a red flag moment in my book.
 
Watch yourself.


Edited by Printer_Ink - Nov 25 2013 at 4:20pm
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