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Letting Go Of A Relationship (You Never Had)

 
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Jess View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2013 at 7:56am
Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

DISCLAIMER! This isn't me:

So, I like a guy at my gym and it isn’t full blown like, but it’s a crush and I’m at that age (too old for tumblr) where I kind of need to start looking for a husband or someone who could possibly go down that road with me, but I’m extremely nervous to talk to him.

I like to think of myself as confident, so here lies the problem.

He’s white, and I’m black and I’m nervous that he doesn’t like black girls? Like, he’s spoke to me and said hi to me a lot of times, but he works at the gym, so I’m think he has to? Despite the fact that I don’t see him do it to anyone else as often as me, but I’m still thinking, okay — what if he’s not interested in dating out of his race, and if he is, what if… he’s dating someone?

I don’t know, maybe I’m just nervous because I’ve never done this before. I just wish I had the balls to spark up a real conversation and see where it goes.

I wish the idea of race didn’t scare me so much, but with things like this, sometimes you just don’t know where a person stands.

But seriously, what on earth should I do?

Printer_Ink, what do you have to say about this?
I think she should let it go and he is just being nice.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2013 at 8:22am
Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

DISCLAIMER! This isn't me:

So, I like a guy at my gym and it isn’t full blown like, but it’s a crush and I’m at that age (too old for tumblr) where I kind of need to start looking for a husband or someone who could possibly go down that road with me, but I’m extremely nervous to talk to him.

I like to think of myself as confident, so here lies the problem.

He’s white, and I’m black and I’m nervous that he doesn’t like black girls? Like, he’s spoke to me and said hi to me a lot of times, but he works at the gym, so I’m think he has to? Despite the fact that I don’t see him do it to anyone else as often as me, but I’m still thinking, okay — what if he’s not interested in dating out of his race, and if he is, what if… he’s dating someone?

I don’t know, maybe I’m just nervous because I’ve never done this before. I just wish I had the balls to spark up a real conversation and see where it goes.

I wish the idea of race didn’t scare me so much, but with things like this, sometimes you just don’t know where a person stands.

But seriously, what on earth should I do?

Printer_Ink, what do you have to say about this?
I think she should let it go and he is just being nice.
 
Correct.
 
That is why I did not say anything, It sounds like I am just being 'down' about guys. Confused
 
But honestly, it is common to encounter different men in the course of living .. some of them are being nice because they have an interest in you and some are being nice because they are nice people and are nice to everyone and some are being nice just because it's their job.
 
This is not a black/white issue. He is a man .. all men know how to fanagle a way to talk to a girl - any girl. That's what they do all the time .. fanagle ways to talk to a girl. Us? We girls get approached by guys so we learn way to let them down easy if not interested. Anytime you take the male lead and hit on the guy .. you screw up the balance of power ... and it all goes sideways. Confused Thar's the way it is.
 
This guy? Girl, there's no telling.
 
I would say .. put it out of your mind. Ignore him except for obvious interactions of course and be on your way. If he has an interest - well, he knows where you workout. Smile hee hee! All he has to do is walk by you while you are on the abs crunch machine and help 'correct your posture'  .. any excuse at all can be used to talk to you. Then let nature takes it's course. This is what guys do at a health club to talk to a girl. It is a good excuse .. because you may really need help. If you respond politely and move on .. then he knows you are not interested and he has to get over it. Though he should try again .. maybe you are just being cool.
 
If you (purposely) mess up your crunches and flirt a little so that he has to give you more of his attention .. they he knows there 'may' be an interest on your part.  He's got a shot at least. Let him try..
 
So if this guy continues to say hi in a nice way whenever you check in - that's because he is nice to everyone or he is being nice because that's his job. Confused That's it though. Don't try to read more into it.
 
Again, put it out of your mind. You have to learn EARLY that if a guy does not come to you .. he is not interested in you .. so save your heart some pain babygirl.Confused We've all been there!


Edited by Printer_Ink - Jun 20 2013 at 8:56am
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Jess View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 20 2013 at 8:53am
Thanks Printer_Ink! I'll tell her. 
Woo! I'm learning.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 23 2013 at 11:53am
Why do guys stand girls up?
Guys should just be upfront and say I'm not interested instead of doing this btch ass fade to black mess.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 23 2013 at 3:21pm
Why? Because they really did not want to make the date with you to begin with  .. but in some they knew you expected this because they somehow ... led you on. Confused
 
They led you on or teased or flirted in some way because although they were not really interested .. they were flattered that you were interested in them. Maybe they had a bad day or his ex gf is now dating some rich guy or whatever .. so he kindof enjoyed the attention you gave him or his being able to flirt with you etc.
 
But a guy is never gonna say after talking to you a while ... 'I am not interested in dating you - bye See ya!' No, never. He will just do or say what he thinks you want to hear .. and then turn around and do what he wants.  This is because the LAST time he was honest with a girl in that way - she flipped out on him. Men can't handle that.
 
So then ... he's gotta ask for your number - because he can tell by your vibe by now that you are expecting this.  But really he does not intend to call or see you because the next girl on his list will be available by X day ... so he would rather be with her.
 
Or he coiukd have planned to see you but ... something better (to him) came along.
 
THIS IS A DEAL BREAKER THOUGH. If for any reason he contacts you again. HANG UP.
 
He blew it.Shocked
 
It's the same for me though, If a guy asks me out and I say no, and he asks WHY? I am not gonna tell him what I really think. That he is too short, he has bad English, he does not seem educated etc . Noooo I am just gonna say something nice like 'I am kindof seeing someone off and on'. Or some other kind of lie.
 
Why? Because when I half way tell a guy the truth .. he's gonna get mad at me. So, I just LIE  now and turn around and do whatever the heck I wanna do. It's easier. (shrugs)
 
But I don't stand guys up .. ever. If I make a date and even if I don't wanna see him .. I will follow through with it. That's about emtional integrity so if he will let you get dressed up and wait for him?  LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Edited by Printer_Ink - Jun 23 2013 at 3:48pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 23 2013 at 11:16pm
Yeah^^  I'm afraid of running into him when school starts in September.  I'll ignore him and act like I didn't see him. (IDK what to do)
LOL. Ridiculous.  So vile.  LOL.  Part of me wants to ruin (blacklist) him for putting me through this emotional rollercoaster.  Now I'll be afraid of getting stood up again.  Whatever. His loss.

I never stand people up.  Time is precious.  If I can't make it, I'll call ahead of time and reschedule.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 25 2013 at 4:06am
I answered my own question. Ignore him and cut him off
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 25 2013 at 5:09pm
Yep, no eye contact. Don't let him approch you either.
F him.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 27 2013 at 8:28am
Hm.  I wonder why do guys seem to use me as the back-up girl or talk to me when they break-up/have a fight with their GF.  Like dudes would have a fight with their GF and then talk to me to make their GFs (seemingly) jealous...Confused

I don't do anything physical with them or anything of the sort.

Why am I constantly the inbetween girl?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 27 2013 at 1:42pm
I don't think it's you ... I think some guys are just like that.
Lots of people - male and female do stuff like that after a break up.
 
 
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