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Letting Go Of A Relationship (You Never Had)

 
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Printer_Ink View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 15 2013 at 5:24am
SmileI think if guys are not approaching you - there can be several reasons:
- you are hanging out in the wrong places to meet guys. Like don't hang out at a daycare center  and second, sometimes you hang out at a dance place etc that draws a lot of really superfical people or the hound dogs that will ask anyone out .. because basically they are just looking to get sex out of you.Confused
So I think you need to get active in things that you like .. community theatre etc where you will meet a lot of guys in your age group that decent guys ... not the thugs (because those guys never work out)
Don't lt race be a barrier though. There is an 8 to 1 ratio of black women to black men .. so if you can ONLY  date blacks guys .. well, you are shooting yourself in the foot.
 
- your appearance. No, you don't have to look like a beauty queen but you do have to look YOUR personal best. Hair, skin, clothes, teeth etc. Look your personal best .. because as a female you have to attract guys. I explained this in another thread to a girl with the same complaint only she said NO ONE  ever asks her out. She explained that she does not do her brows, wears no makeup, wear natural hair and wears guys clothes .. so then I can clearly see why guys don't approach. They don't have to be EXPENDSIVE clothes - this only impresses other girls but guys don't care- as long as you look attractive to them. (Natural hair is what I like so that is not the issue!) But if you put NO EFFORT at all into your appearance .. that's means our hard to manage natural hair takes a BIG hit and this along with an overall shabby 'I don't care how I look' wull definitely have a big impact on the impression you make . I am not saying this is how you appear ..I am just making a point. Now, don't OVERDO with the makeup and clothes because ... that will cause you to attract creeps for sure!
 
-last and most importantly, you have to work on your self- confidence. This is not the same as being arrrogant - again, that will give a bad result. But when you feel good about yourself .. it kind of raditates to the outside world.
 
IMO this is the number 1 thing that attracts good guys. (Losers and users will not approach so much because they can tell they will not be able to domminate or use you. So they will move on to easier prey. Decent guys will be drawn to you though.


Edited by Printer_Ink - Jun 15 2013 at 5:34am
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Jess View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 15 2013 at 7:53am
My appearance is good.   I'm working on the makeup part.  My eyebrows are plucked.  I started with mascara and I'm moving towards eyeliner and lip color.  I think I'll have that down pat by Sept.

I meet guys through school and clubs at school.  Since it is summer (and school is out), I've been planning to travel on day trips. 

I have self confidence, but I get that I'm quiet a lot from guys.  LOL. I don't talk because I've answered the question myself (in class) or I have nothing to say.  I say hi to everyone, but I don't like small talk.  Also my sense of humor is very dry. lol
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 15 2013 at 11:42am
Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

what do I do if I never/rarely (like once every 2 years) get approached?  Cause I haven't been approached minus the guys that hit on everything with a heartbeat (the ayo mas).

Keep ignoring guys and wait for a guy with enough "whatever" to approach?


Originally posted by Jess Jess wrote:

My appearance is good.   I'm working on the makeup part.  My eyebrows are plucked.  I started with mascara and I'm moving towards eyeliner and lip color.  I think I'll have that down pat by Sept.

I meet guys through school and clubs at school.  Since it is summer (and school is out), I've been planning to travel on day trips. 

I have self confidence, but I get that I'm quiet a lot from guys.  LOL. I don't talk because I've answered the question myself (in class) or I have nothing to say.  I say hi to everyone, but I don't like small talk.  Also my sense of humor is very dry. lol


I guess the problem it is not your appearance: it's the vibe you send. You may seem stuck-up when you are only shy and quiet (that's what guys usually think of girls whom do not add to the conversation), or maybe you send the vibe of "i don't want to be bothered". There's something about the way you carry yourself that turns men off.
The fact that you are confident and take good care of your appearance yet you only get approached by guys once in a great while means that you are DOING something wrong not LOOKING bad.
Think about your attitude. What do you do that could be a turn-off? Ask friends, see what they have to say.
Once when I wasn't being approached by guys, I asked my ex whom is my friend, what could possibly be wrong with me, and he said I seemed aggressive and also that I was intimidating.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 15 2013 at 2:29pm
As a first impression, I get that I'm intimidating from my friends (I'm tall, slim, and ppl say I walk with my nose in the air and look like a model) and seem uptight (like Bree vanDekamp from Desperate Housewives or Charlotte from SATC).

Uptight, intimidating, bougie, etc.  You get the point. 

Guys want me to be more care-free.  Spontaneous... (I'm a planner).  Around Feb I started the  process of changing my clothes to being more carefree (more color, less structured/tailored clothing).  Eh, I don't like last minute things...so spontaneity needs some work.

When I was younger I modeled my attitude to be like a mixture of Bree, Cristina Yang from Grey's Anatomy, and Miranda from SATC. (I would try to be a Samantha and then quickly go back into a Charlotte mode with guys.  Just to give an image)
Sorry if you don't watch the above shows^^

However, I'm trying to change.  Idk. Bubbly isn't my personality initially, but once I'm comfortable with someone I'm talkative, outgoing...I actually have to take it down a notch.LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 15 2013 at 2:43pm

I agree.

 

If you are attracting guys (they come your way) that means you are doing something to put them off once they come your way. You said, guys say you are too 'quiet' so maybe that translates to 'I am not interested in you' to a guy. I know that if a guy approaches me .. and I’m not interested .. I try to avoid eye contact, not say a word if I can avoid it, and get away from him.

 

Yes, it's important that you play it cool ... but if you play it TOO cool, they will think you are not interested at all and move on.

 

You need to read up on:

how to make conversation.

how to make friends and influence people.

 

Books like this.

 

Some people have a natural 'gift of gab' and others have to cultivate it.

(You also mentioned earlier that you only attract the kind of guys that will hit on anyone. Ummm a lot of guys will hit on anyone. For guys .. it's a numbers game. If they hit on EVERY girl they encounter - eventually they will 'get lucky' and land one.)

Lastly, I don't think you should model yourself after these TV characters ... at all. They are made up people - not real at all.  :O

 

If you want to model yourself after someone - find a real person that you admire for their character. I think I modeled myself after my mother who was a very successful career person and as I made friends in colleges I would watch the girls that I saw were intellegent and independant etc.

 

So look around for real women that you can admire and emulate. Of course at some point ... you will drop this completely and just be yourself. Maybe other women will try to be more like you. :)



Edited by Printer_Ink - Jun 15 2013 at 2:51pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 15 2013 at 6:46pm
OKay, thanks.  I'll find some real women to emulate.  
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 16 2013 at 6:36pm

Ugh. I needfsjx c ,mxd nkc .  I should have seen the signssssss.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote fairyQueen092 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 16 2013 at 7:10pm
I love this thread. Im learning so much. Jess, we are too much alike
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote fairyQueen092 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 16 2013 at 7:18pm
Omg i wonder how many potential bfs i turned off

Like how many dudes thought about approaching me, but were like, nah nvm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote Jess Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 17 2013 at 7:19am
Originally posted by fairyQueen092 fairyQueen092 wrote:

I love this thread. Im learning so much. Jess, we are too much alike
Cry
I'm writing down the things I need to fix this summer for Fall.
This summer or fall is my time.  No more fails.LOL
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