| Lyricale07 wrote:|
| Printer_Ink wrote:|
| Lyricale07 wrote:|
@Printer_INK I read your post several times and I am confused. IT's not you, but when it comes to things I this I am just plain dumb. Can you put it to me simply? Cause what I got out of is it to ignore men completely, which I have been doing but still nothing happens. In fact it feels worse cause then I REALLY know that nobody is checking for me.
Well, you do have to ignore them completely - that's for sure unless we are talking about normal interaction in the hallway or whatever because you can't be ignoring them such that it's ... odd or not normal acting. I mean do not give a guy special attention etc.
Now if you saying no one is looking your way .. these are my suggestions:
1) Like I just mentioned ... take care of your appearance .. because you have to 'attract' men to you. So, you need to be honest with yourself. When you look in the mirror who do you see looking back at you? Again, you don't have to look like Beyonce or Halle or any of those other 'beauties' - that is not what this is about. You have to look the best YOU can look. So how do your teeth, skin, makeup, brows, hair, clothing etc look? If you don't have money .... fine you only need 3 - 4 tops and 3 -4 bottoms and 1 decent pair of shoes. Keep these items of clothing cleaned and ironed etc. Look like you take some pride in your appearance. Wear clothes neither that HIDE your figure nor EXPOSE much your figure. It doesn't matter how you are built - wear clothes to suit YOUR figure.
If you are not sure, start researching on the internet or read books etc. There is a show I love that I watch on online TV called 'What not to Wear'. These kinds of show really help women to use their potienial in terms of hair, clothing, makeup, at any age, any size and any body type. I am always amazed at all the perfect normal looking women on that show that are either hiding and dumbing down their looks or are outragious with their appearance and that team gets them on the right track.
So go to a clothing store and have a sales lady help you .. but try to look YOUR very best everyday. NOT just weekend but everyday .. everywhere you go.
Again, as woman ... you have to ATTRACT men to you .. you cannot approach them.
2) Now, here the most important part. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT yourself? You need to at least giove the outward impression ... that you think you are SOMEBODY. No lurking quietly in the corners watching the world go by. You need to be engaged with the world. Appear happy, smiling, takative and mostly show you have CONFIFDENCE in yourself. Think about ... do you want some caved in kind of guy that keeps his mouth shut and his head down as he slinks around the halls?UGH! Who would want a guy that looks like he feels so baaddddd about himself. So .. you can't look unhappy and loney etc either. It's a vibe you've got to have that says that when you walk into the room... Hey, the party can now start. Why? Because YOU have arrived. THIS IS CONFIDENCE that is just as clear as the big blue sky. Everyone can see this and everyone wants it.
Now, I did not say get all loud, cocky and bosterious ... because that's not confidence. That's insecurity being masked by that loud behavior. Once a guy sees you are insecure in yourself and he's a player ... he will play you.
3. Last, put yourself in a target rich environment. I think youi said you are in college - well go to the football games etc. BE OUT AND ABOUT every Friday and Saturday night at the movies, with friends, the pub, where ever... I am much older so I don't know where to tell you to go .. but don't sit home alone.
GET OUT THERE!!
I'm not going to lie, I don't wear makeup or do my eyebrows and never have. I take good care of my teeth and all of that though. But makeup and extra girlyness just not something that interests me. I've always felt like I wasn't pretty or feminine enough to wear those kinds of things and it just makes me uncomfortable. I keep my hair natural but neat. As far as clothes, I dress fairly tomboyish, jeans and sneakers/flats. I feel stupid when I try to get all done up and wear dresses & heels, I've tried that for guys before but it makes me even more self conscious than when I look like myself.
As far as personality I am pretty reserved, it's just my personality. I'm an introvert...and like I said I don't feel like I'm girly/pretty enough to do that extra smiling thing...it makes me feel like a ditz to be honest, I don't know why it just does.
I recently graduated from college so it's been harder to get out there. When I was in college though, all I really did socially was go to protests, go to open mics and cultural events. And usually at those types of events there weren't many guys my age.
Sometimes I'd like to be that pretty, confident magnetic girl but that's just not who I am.
But still, I see girls who are more or less similar to me personality and looks wise who still get guys to notice them.
Umm you are not reading what I am writing.
I didn't say to get all done up in dresses and heels. I
didn’t say act extra girly either. I clearly said - you need to look the best
YOU can look - wearing clothes that suit YOUR figure etc.
Looking your best
means working with what the good Lord gave you! Everybody can’t look like these
beautiful celibs, but EVERYBODY can look their personal best and look like they
take pride in their appearance. For a woman.. this is critical.
So … are you looking your PERSONAL BEST? Or are you
just taking a shower, brushing your teeth, running a comb through your hair,
pulling on any old boyish outfit and then stepping out in the world expecting
guys to ask you out? Come on now.
If you have small breasts, wear a padded bra, if you
have big hips wear clothes that flatter those curves instead of covering them
up. If you have thick eyebrows, see a pro and get them tamed such that they
flatter your face, if you have bad skin, see a doctor and get it cleared up ..
and the list goes on and on. This is what I mean by looking YOUR best … as averse
to comparing yourself to someone else.
This is because EVERY WOMAN has her own unique beauty.
Every woman has this – but sometimes she needs help bringing out.
Clothing – umm Tomboyish clothing WORKS for some girls
but does not work for other girls.
Natural hair - is something I am a huge fan of! Wore a
TWA for over 20 years. Dreadlocks? Love em, had em long and wore them feminine
looking – but no, every girl cannot walk around in dreadlocks or darn near bald
like I did and look good. I am not saying this to brag on myself .. I am saying this so that you understand
that it’s not a one size fits all world.
I have seen girls in natural hairstyle and though it
was neat .. the style did nothing to flatter her face. Nothing. That’s why I
said, you have to have nice, teeth, skin, hair … THAT SUIT YOU.
Now, if you wear
NO makeup and DON’T do your brows either and on top of that you wear tomboyish
clothes … ummm well now I get a better picture of how you look and maybe your
problem. Listen every girl cannot walking out of the house in tomboyish
clothes, natural hair, no makeup and no arch brows and look attractive to me.
Most girls will not in fact.
You say you felt you
were not pretty or feminine enough to wear things things? Well you have it in
reverse because these things MAKE you pretty and feminine. J I think what you mean is that you don’t
think makeup and getting your brows done .. would look good on you . You are
afraid this will make you look foolish .. so you have decided to not even try
and just to go natural completely.
I have met A LOT
of girls like this over the years. A LOT! The ones that would let me .. I would
come over with my tweezers etc and with a LITTLE shaping along with a LITTLE markup
applied tastefully.. I would create such beauties!!! A lot of Black women have
such natural beauty … it just has to be
So this tells me
you have a lack of self-confidence. Again, you have to cultivate this!.
You say you don’t
like being outgoing and smiling? Again, I did not say you had to do that extra
smiling thing, I really think you have been affected in some way to misconstrue
what I have written.
You mention that
on college you went to ‘was go to protests, go to open mics and
cultural events’? Snoooooze
fest babygirl! I am sorry but I am almost 58 and I spend my social time at the
salsa club, disco, the pub, roller skating, speed walking whatever and date much younger men so I WOULDN’T even go to those places at
my age! I think those places are for old folks and YOU ARE YOUNG! I think you
are wasting your time attending such events IF YOU ARE TRYING TO MEET A GUY.
you ‘see girls who are more or less similar to me personality and looks wise
who still get guys ..’ okay, but like I
said. It’s not a one size fits all construct.
girls that you say look and act something like you .. are ATTRACTING guys and
you are not attracting guys…clearly they are not looking and acting just like
you. There is something in their personalities, manner, confidence level etc .,
that OVERSHADOWS the look they have.)How do you walk and sit? Do you just clomp around like a dude and sit down with your legs open like a dude? Study how other girls carry themselves.
it is really hard to step outside yourself and see what trait they have that
you don’t have so you need to stop thinking that you are the same as them – you
you have got to step out of yourself NOW before you get much older and these
lifestyle habits become engrained in you such that even if you want to change –
you can’t. So then you will spend the rest of your life feeling bad because
guys don’t notice you and you can’t get dates, and it’s not fair because you
look just as good as person X and so on and so forth. Watse of time!
As you age
.. this will get worse and worse - it will take a toll on your character such
you become bitter and jealous and yeah – your love life will stay in the toilet.
Probably you will end up with a ratfink guy that will treat you poorly but you
will stay to avoid being alone again.
need to seriously consider my next points. Take them to heart.
most guys want a girl that is … A girl. That is - feminine. Period. If you are
not feminine looking .. you will be at a huge disadvantage. Huge. So you can wear your hair
natural, but find a feminine style that suits your face – ask your girlfriends,
look on line for hairstyle and EXPERIENT! Everyone has to start somewhere.
Look at it like this, if a guy was trying to talk to you and he had his
brows arched, was wearing a bit of lip gloss, combed his permed hair to the
side and put a bow in it, wore clear nail polish and wore jeans that were TIGHT
so that he had a small waist like as girl .. how ATTRACTIVE to you think he would be to the average girl?
I can tell you he would be like 0% attractive to the average girl, Why? Because
girls want a guy that is MASCULINE.
So why wouldn’t the average guy wants a girl that is FEMININE? Guy’s like
what they DON’T have. Femininity, soft skin, long lashes etc. study on this.
Men are visual creatures for the most part. This comes from a 10,000 years of men on the hunt (literary) in search of prey. Once they latch on to something visual they like ... that's it. They can't help it - it's in their DNA.
And other women are AWARE of this. That is why they take time to tend to their appearance .. so that they can attract one of these 'hunter's 'attention. (It took me years to figure out how to wear my makeup, do my nails, etc.) So .. you are in COMPETITION.
But you've got to be IN IT to WIN IT. So if you just throw up your hands and give up because it's too much trouble to work with what God gave you .. then surely you will continue to be passed over.
I said in my earlier post, you need to improve your appearance so that you can look
YOUR personal best. So drop the tomboy look – that’s for kids anyway and you
are a YOUNG LADY! Jeans are great! Get a pair that SUITS YOUR FIGURE whatever
it may be. Ask the sales lady to help you!
real bra that shows your breasts so that when you wear a REAL girls blouse -
you look like a girl. Get your brows done, start experimenting with makeup…
just a bit at first. Start with your eyes – just mascara. STUDY - don't be resentful of this process.
EARRINGS. Something small and pretty. You just need 1 pair so get your ears
pierced. This is 2013! J How
about a necklace or a ring on one finger?
wear jeans and a blouse .. WEAR HEELS! They can be sandals or whatever but
HEELS at least an inch or so high are designed you help a woman’s butt stick out a
bit. MEN DESIGNED HIGH HEELS! Think about that!!!
Hee hee! I can be quite direct so I am not trying to be hard on you but you
said that you do not meet guys and I am telling you why. Sure you can blow me
off and ignore what I am saying because you want to hold on to this adolescent idea of not doing anything
with yourself but …
Like the man said .. 'If you keep doing what you're doing … you will keep
GETTING WHAT YOU'RE GETTING!”
You need to correct this NOW while you are still young because this idea
of NOT doing anything with yourself becomes ENGRAINED then you will be STUCK
like this the rest of your life.
tell you a lot about this – but I don’t want to make it worse for you but bottom
line … it is up to you to take your appearance in HAND if you want to ATTRACT
THIS IS BASED on your level of self CONFIDENCE though. Confident women will
take this info, on board and sit down and start WORKING ON SELF IMPROVEMENT. If
you don’t have confidence - you need get some self-help books first.
Now once you ATTRACT guy .... that is is when THE GAME begins. Not being too available, making him work to see you etc.
It's a job but you are young .. get on with it!
Edited by Printer_Ink - May 18 2013 at 9:11am