| *braidbeauty* wrote:|
| Printer_Ink wrote:|
braidbeauty - sorry but there is NEVER a time to be optimistic about such a situtation. Never. A grown man knows how to ask a woman out. He does not need your assistance.
Girl sees/meets guy
Girl likes guy and tries to get his attention by looking attractive
Boy approaches girl if he is attracted to her and asks her out
Girl does NOT appear to be so impressed and says no, makes him struggle to get a date with her
Girl eventually agrees to a date.. has a nice time ... but keeps it cool
Boy pressures girl for sex early on and girl says no .. for a good 3 months or so .. until she figures out what kind of guy he is and if he is relationship material
Within those 3 months ... either he will stick around - because he is really interested or ... if will dissappear because really .. all he wanted was sex and since you are not gonna be 'easy' - he is off an easier more desparete prey.
If you do anything other than the above sequence of events (more or less) you will end up getting yor heart broken.
So .. if the guy can't even figure out a way to APPROACH you then either -
- he is not interested in you at all .. maybe just likes the attention
- he is interested but is married or involved ... but can't help give you attention but will never ask you out because he is faithful
- he is married or involved, not really interested.. but is willing have sex with you AND THEN dump you
- he is single.. but he is emotionally unavailable (most single guys fall into this category!) but yes, he needs sex from you or anyonre that will give him sex. If you just want sex too - okay, enjoy yourself .. but don't fool yourself into believing that he will want a real relationship with you after you have sex with him so soon.
Men are simple creatures ... IF he is interested in you (and you cannot force him to find you atrractive)
and IF is he emotionally or legally available
and IF he wants something real
all you have to is be yourself, be sweet, and DON'T SLEEP with him ... and you have a chance of having a real relationship.
Do not pursue or obviously flirt with a guy. Do not give him attention. IGNORE HIM. He has to approch you - if not MOVE ON - WRITE HIM OFF.
I understand where you are coming from. But I am not trying to pursue this guy. I only want to introduce myself to him to break the ice. I see him every now and then at work, so why not? It just seems like a friendly thing to do. I'm not asking him out. If I were to introduce myself and he didn't take any initiative from there, I would leave it at that. Can there really be harm in that? I have always been quite shy and played it safe like you are saying and I feel that limits me. My friend introduced herself to her now husband (she did not pursue him, only started a small, random conversation with him) and is now married to him with a baby and I am still single. So my approach doesn't seem to be working.
Okay, I understand. We ALL understand what you are saying. As a woman ..you think it is harmless to introduce yourself to a guy. Just to be friendly and break the ice etc ..no harm done. So then you think he will then feel free enough to take it further as 'friends' and maybe ... ask you out.
This all seems harmless ... but to a guy ... NO, you are tipping your hand! If you approach him ... YOU ARE PURSUING HIM!
(Do not base your situation on what happend with your friend. You don't know what was going on between the two of them before they actually met and connected. It is really a baddddd idea to repeat the actions of a friend on the off chance that things might work out out for you in a relationship. There are far too many factors involved when it comes to affairs of the heart.)
1) That guy ... believe it or not .. ALREADY KNOWS you like him. Yep, he knows it. If you are telling us all this about him on this forum .. then you have already sent out those 'I LIKE YOU' vibes toward that guy.
2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
All this has nothing to do with your LOOKS btw ...it's all about how you feel about yourself ON THE INSIDE!!
4)So when he does go out with you .. he will expect sex way too early and whether you do or not ... in the end he will likely dump you and you will be crushed. This is very common.
There is a lot to it - go on the internet and search on things like 'how to get a guy' and do your resesarch.
The BEST way you can spark this guys interest in you enough for HIM to approach YOU ... is if you completely IGNORE HIM! NO EYE CONTACT! Then, let nature it's course.
Men are not shy if they WANT you. That's what girls tell themselves when a guy does not approach them. He knows how to introduce himself to you IF HE WANTS YOU.
Sadly, you as a woman need to remain attractive and ATTRACT him to you ... that's it though. HE has to make the move. There are exceptions like with your friend but this NOT something you can count on!!!! Worse .. it can set up a lifetime habit of trying to get a guy to 'notice' you in a sly way ... so that he can ask you out - but then the game is over too soon .. do he's gone already.
Sit back, cool out, mind your own business and let him come to you. Period. Stop thinkng of clever little ways for him to notice you, or make it easier for him ask you out or any of that stuff. He's a man .. he's gotta figure it out and if he doesn't ... see my earlier list of all the reasons he does not approach you.
Edited by Printer_Ink - Feb 13 2013 at 6:23am