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Letting Go Of A Relationship (You Never Had)

 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote discreet. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 10 2013 at 10:15am
It just hurts so badly though.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dark&Lovely Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 10 2013 at 7:54pm
What about men who have trust issues, have been abused, or their parents died so they have commitment issues?

Is there ever a time to be compassionate and patient? I only say this because I have trust issues and I know I'm a good person but I need potential partner to be patient and "prove" themselves before I can give my all, so in a way I can't blame men who feel the same way.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 11 2013 at 5:45am
Guys and girls are not the same. Period.
 
If the guy has trust issues, has been abused etc ... that will have NOTHING TO DO with him approaching a woman and asking for her number etc. Men want sex. They are driven by this .. but women are not. This is a fundamental difference.
 
** If this is the case - he will likely turn things OUTWARD. He will act out his pain in the manner of aggression. This is why a lot of men ... rape women. So if a guy you want has been abused .. he needs treatment .. otherwise you really don't even want to get involved with him!
 
If a girl has trust issues, has been abused ... then when she is approached by a guy ... she can rebuff his attentions as long as she wants. He has to ask and ask until she feels comfortable enough to give him a chance. This is the way is it supposed to work between women and men ... all the time ..Hee hee! Regardless of whether she has been abused.
 
**If this is the case - she is likely to turn her pain INWARDS .. so these kinds of women end up with eating disorders, depression, - only acting outwards in terms of self destructive ways things like sleeping around.. and later turning to prostitition - which is pretty much the beginning of her end.
 
Once again .. men and women are different.
 
How many  abused men do you know that end up on the street selling their bodies, being beaten up by their pimps etc. No, those men (after they have hurt A LOT of people) end up in prison. It's women that end up in that life.
 
How many abused women have you heard of that attack (rape with foreign objects) men or are regular fights with men, and ending up in jail every other week? Not so common.
 
(I am not saying YOU have such problems ... just saying that men and women are different so their responses to their difficult enviornments are different.)
 
Back to the main topic - be smart about men and save your sellf a lot of heartache. Do not try to hit on guys - let them come to you. PERIOD.
 
And ... as you mature you will find that you don't feel so bad if a guy you like does not approach you. Why? Because you start to build your self esteem such that it's not SO IMPORTANT that that particular guy does not like you. It is the relationship that you have with yourself that is the most important relationship of all.
 
Wise up.
 
 


Edited by Printer_Ink - Feb 11 2013 at 5:49am
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Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:




braidbeauty - sorry but there is NEVER a time to be optimistic about such a situtation. Never. A grown man knows how to ask a woman out. He does not need your assistance.
 
Girl sees/meets guy
Girl likes guy and tries to get his attention by looking attractive
Boy approaches girl if he is attracted to her and asks her out
Girl does NOT appear to be so impressed and says no, makes him struggle to get a date with her
Girl eventually agrees to a date.. has a nice time ... but keeps it cool
Boy pressures girl for sex early on and girl says no .. for a good 3 months or so .. until she figures out what kind of guy he is and if he is relationship material
Within those 3 months ... either he will stick around - because he is really interested or ... if will dissappear because really .. all he wanted was sex and since you are not gonna be 'easy' - he is off an easier more desparete prey.
 
If you do anything other than the above sequence of events (more or less) you will end up getting yor heart broken.
 
So .. if the guy can't even figure out a way to APPROACH you then either -
- he is not interested in you at all .. maybe just likes the attention
- he is interested but is married or involved ... but can't help give you attention but will never ask you out because he is faithful
- he is married or involved, not really interested.. but is willing have sex with you AND THEN dump you
- he is single.. but he is emotionally unavailable (most single guys fall into this category!) but yes, he needs sex from you or anyonre that will give him sex. If you just want sex too - okay, enjoy yourself .. but don't fool yourself into believing that he will want a real relationship with you after you have sex with him so soon.
 
Men are simple creatures ... IF he is interested in you (and you cannot force him to find you atrractive)
                                     and IF is he emotionally or legally available
                                     and IF  he wants something real
                                     all you have to is be yourself, be sweet, and DON'T SLEEP with him ... and you have a chance of having a real relationship.
 
Do not pursue or  obviously flirt with a guy. Do not give him attention. IGNORE HIM. He has to approch you - if not MOVE ON - WRITE HIM OFF.



I understand where you are coming from. But I am not trying to pursue this guy. I only want to introduce myself to him to break the ice. I see him every now and then at work, so why not? It just seems like a friendly thing to do. I'm not asking him out. If I were to introduce myself and he didn't take any initiative from there, I would leave it at that. Can there really be harm in that? I have always been quite shy and played it safe like you are saying and I feel that limits me. My friend introduced herself to her now husband (she did not pursue him, only started a small, random conversation with him) and is now married to him with a baby and I am still single. So my approach doesn't seem to be working.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 13 2013 at 4:26am
Originally posted by *braidbeauty* *braidbeauty* wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:




braidbeauty - sorry but there is NEVER a time to be optimistic about such a situtation. Never. A grown man knows how to ask a woman out. He does not need your assistance.
 
Girl sees/meets guy
Girl likes guy and tries to get his attention by looking attractive
Boy approaches girl if he is attracted to her and asks her out
Girl does NOT appear to be so impressed and says no, makes him struggle to get a date with her
Girl eventually agrees to a date.. has a nice time ... but keeps it cool
Boy pressures girl for sex early on and girl says no .. for a good 3 months or so .. until she figures out what kind of guy he is and if he is relationship material
Within those 3 months ... either he will stick around - because he is really interested or ... if will dissappear because really .. all he wanted was sex and since you are not gonna be 'easy' - he is off an easier more desparete prey.
 
If you do anything other than the above sequence of events (more or less) you will end up getting yor heart broken.
 
So .. if the guy can't even figure out a way to APPROACH you then either -
- he is not interested in you at all .. maybe just likes the attention
- he is interested but is married or involved ... but can't help give you attention but will never ask you out because he is faithful
- he is married or involved, not really interested.. but is willing have sex with you AND THEN dump you
- he is single.. but he is emotionally unavailable (most single guys fall into this category!) but yes, he needs sex from you or anyonre that will give him sex. If you just want sex too - okay, enjoy yourself .. but don't fool yourself into believing that he will want a real relationship with you after you have sex with him so soon.
 
Men are simple creatures ... IF he is interested in you (and you cannot force him to find you atrractive)
                                     and IF is he emotionally or legally available
                                     and IF  he wants something real
                                     all you have to is be yourself, be sweet, and DON'T SLEEP with him ... and you have a chance of having a real relationship.
 
Do not pursue or  obviously flirt with a guy. Do not give him attention. IGNORE HIM. He has to approch you - if not MOVE ON - WRITE HIM OFF.



I understand where you are coming from. But I am not trying to pursue this guy. I only want to introduce myself to him to break the ice. I see him every now and then at work, so why not? It just seems like a friendly thing to do. I'm not asking him out. If I were to introduce myself and he didn't take any initiative from there, I would leave it at that. Can there really be harm in that? I have always been quite shy and played it safe like you are saying and I feel that limits me. My friend introduced herself to her now husband (she did not pursue him, only started a small, random conversation with him) and is now married to him with a baby and I am still single. So my approach doesn't seem to be working.
 
Okay, I understand. We ALL understand what you are saying. As a woman ..you think it is harmless to introduce yourself to a guy. Just to be friendly and break the ice etc ..no harm done. So then you think he will then feel free enough to take it further as 'friends' and maybe ... ask you out.
 
This all seems harmless ... but to a guy ... NO, you are tipping your hand! If you approach him ... YOU ARE PURSUING HIM!
 
(Do not base your situation on what happend with your friend. You don't know what was going on between the two of them before they actually met and connected. It is really a baddddd idea to repeat the actions of a friend on the off chance that things might work out out for you in a relationship. There are far too many factors involved when it comes to affairs of the heart.)
 
Your situation.
 
1) That guy ... believe it or not .. ALREADY KNOWS you like him. Yep, he knows it. If you are telling us all this about him on this forum .. then you have already sent out those 'I LIKE YOU' vibes toward that guy. Confused
 
2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 
All this has nothing to do with your LOOKS btw ...it's all about how you feel about yourself  ON THE INSIDE!!
 
4)So when he does go out with you .. he will expect sex way too early and whether you do or not ... in the end he will likely dump you and you will be crushed. This is very common.
 
There is a lot to it - go on the internet and search on things like 'how to get a guy' and do your resesarch.
 
The BEST way you can spark this guys interest in you enough for HIM to approach YOU ... is if you completely IGNORE HIM! NO EYE CONTACT! Then, let nature it's course.
 
Men are not shy if they WANT you. That's what girls tell themselves when a guy does not approach them. He knows how to introduce himself to you IF HE WANTS YOU.
 
Sadly, you as a woman need to remain attractive and ATTRACT him to you ... that's it though. HE has to make the move. There are exceptions like with your friend but this NOT something you can count on!!!! Worse .. it can set up a lifetime habit of trying to get a guy to 'notice' you in a sly way ... so that he can ask you out - but then the game is over too soon .. do he's gone already.
 
Sit back, cool out, mind your own business and let him come to you. Period. Stop thinkng of clever little ways for him to notice you, or make it easier for him ask you out or any of that stuff. He's a man .. he's gotta figure it out and if he doesn't ... see my earlier list of all the reasons he does not approach you.
 


Edited by Printer_Ink - Feb 13 2013 at 6:23am
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Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
 

2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 


This. God, perfect what you wrote!

But I find it hard to get asked out by a shy guy or someone who thinks I am out of his league and he won't make the move. I don't hit on men but I wish some would at least try to talk to me Angry
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote starliteboo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 18 2013 at 12:50pm
I so needed this thread today 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 18 2013 at 2:13pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
 

2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 


This. God, perfect what you wrote!

But I find it hard to get asked out by a shy guy or someone who thinks I am out of his league and he won't make the move. I don't hit on men but I wish some would at least try to talk to me Angry
 
If a guy is really too shy to ask you out because he thinks that .. you are out of his league. Well, you probably ARE out of his league. Shocked  I don't mean anything in terms of your looks (again it's not about how you look on the outside .. it who you are on the inside.) Maybe he is still too young or whatever but still .. don't waste your time.
 
What I mean is .. you do not want a weak man. Sorry to say it like that but ... life is hard and you want a guy that has enouigh self-esteem to approach any woman - no matter how she looks etc.
 
He HAS to grow a backbone on this basic area or when you do get together - you will have hitched your wagon to a guy that can't handle things in life ... in other ways which means ... YOU will have to carry HIM. So you are suck with a guy that is ... maladjusted.
 
Hey, if you are walking down the street with him and a strange man gets aggressive - don't you want to know that if anything should happen .... he would know how to fight and protect you from harm?
 
The guy has got to play .. 'the guy' so do not do his job for him ... unless you ALWAYS want to be the guy. Ouch So if that guy is to scared to talk to you he is a weak man so .. move on.
 
You are in the wrong company. Confused


Edited by Printer_Ink - Feb 18 2013 at 2:21pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote miraclebaby_91 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Feb 18 2013 at 2:49pm
I also want to add that one thing that I've learned recently is that you can train your brain to do ANYTHING.........moreso your subconscious mind which is the part of the brain that gives you dreams. If you find yourself obsessing over a man who doesn't like you or isn't pursuing you need to know that YOU HAVE THE MENTAL POWER TO REDIRECT YOUR ATTENTION ON ANOTHER MAN......I don't care if it's a stranger you may never see again that you find yourself fantasizing about........it's better to fantasize about dating or sexually being with a stranger you will possibly never see again or even a celebrity than to fantasize about a person you know and am around sometimes that will never pursue you or doesn't like you the way you like them. You can even fantasize about the men that have given you male attention and admiration in the past if you find them attractive is some way(even if it's just in a non-physical strictly characteristic way) I am training my brain right now as we speak to focus on the male attention and admiration I've gotten(even if the guys weren't necessarily my type I'm fantasizing on how good it felt to get it cuz some women struggle getting male attention and admiration) and on sexy strangers I see randomly in the streets that I know I may never see again and celebrities. Fantasizing about those 3 things(strangers, celebs, and previous male attention and admiration) will keep you SANE until a guy you want pursues you. Also IF YOU THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE ONE GUY DOESN'T LIKE YOU THAT NO OTHER GUYS YOU EVER LIKE WILL LIKE YOU YOU ARE SPEAKING THAT INTO YOUR EXISTENCE. That WILL become your reality cuz for a long time that was my reality after this one guy I wanted badly rejected me. FOCUS ON PREPARING YOURSELF TO BE A WIFE WHILE YOUR SINGLE.........NOT A GIRLFRIEND A WIFE. There are many books that teach you how to be wifey material and not girlfriend material.........besides let's keep it real most guys may not say this but they wanna girlfriend that they can eventually make their wife.......so they want wifey material for the most part unless their tryna you know........just freak every female they see. These are some books that I've been reading that have helped change my conditioning all of these are HIGHLY recommended btw: The Secret(sold instores and online), The Power of Your Subconscious Mind(sold instores and online), Chapter 11 out of the book: Think and Grow Rich(HIGHLY recommended sold instores and online), Get anyone to do anything(sold instores and online, How to make anyone fall in love with you(sold instores and online HIGHLY recommended but still use common sense with the techniques in this book) The Guide to Becoming The Sensuous Black Woman(I've read this book more than once LOVE IT HIGHLY recommended you can buy it off of Amazon.com since this book isn't sold in stores) The Power of the coochie: Get what you want from men(this book is only sold at Amazon.com beware it's blunt advice but it's exactly what alot of women need to hear) and The Power of WOW: A guide to unleashing the confident, sexy you(sold in stores and online....get this book seriously). I also bought the book that I highly recommend as well is: Make any man want you which can be found in stores and online
Also go on the www.thesecret.tv for inspirational stories about women(and men) finding love through using the Law of Attraction. People have also gotten their dream lives, homes, cars, etc. from using The Secret AKA the Law of Attraction.
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Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:


Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

 
 

2) It is NEVER a good thing for a guy to know that you like him FIRST. Why? That means he does not have to do anything to win you. You have f**** up the balance of POWER in a relationship when he knows that you like him. He does not have to CHASE you now because all he's got to do is crook his finger ... and you would come to you. BUT subconciously, a guy NEEDS to pursue you .. this biological .. they don't even know it themselves.
 
3) So if you make it EASY for him to get you ... somehow (no matter how pretty etc you are) your value to him .... will start to decline. I mean .... how can a girl that's all that ... just fall into his lap like that? Nooo girls that have GOT IT are not walking up to guys (any guy) and introducing themselves (after they have been sending out signals to him) ... noooo. This is what desparate girls do that don't feel so good about themselves. That guy ALREADY sees you. You don't have to do his job for him.
 




This. God, perfect what you wrote!

But I find it hard to get asked out by a shy guy or someone who thinks I am out of his league and he won't make the move. I don't hit on men but I wish some would at least try to talk to me Angry


Thanks for your advice. I have thought about it and come to the realization that my crush is not into me. I wouldn't mind striking up a conversation first if he showed signs of interest. But this guy shows zero interest so I therefore refuse to take a risk and make myself vulnerable with him. Besides I want someone who is eager and excited to get to know me, not someone who avoids making eye contact or smiling when he sees me. I'm tired of dealing with the stress of the thought of initiating the approach. He should be dealing with that The last person who I dated pursued me the way a man should, so I know how it should be and I'm not going to settle for anything less!
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