Sci-fi fan or not, there probably isn't a person on the planet who hasn't dreamed of having the ability to stop time like Zack Morris or Hiro from Heroes.
Hiro usually used the ability to get himself out of some
life-threatening situation, but let's face it: If you're reading
Cracked, chances are you don't want to use it as a life preserver so
much as to convince your friend that his apartment is haunted by
"Operation Put a Spider on Everyone has been completed. Unfreezing time in 5, 4 ..."
So What's the Problem?
For starters, boredom. You know what weakness computers, cars,
televisions, phones, and the Internet share? They all need time. That's
because anything electronic depends on electrons to function, and quick
as they may be, electrons still need some time to get from point A to point B.
So that puts most modern conveniences completely out of the picture --
when you stop time, you're effectively hurling yourself back into the
dark ages. So much for using your new superpower to catch up on all that
Internet PICS surfing you've been putting off.
"I should have just bought a goddamn Hustler."
But let's make up some rules of our own to get around that snag.
Let's say you can bring things with you -- anything you're touching when
you activate your power comes into stopped time with you, people and
objects alike. How confident are you that you'll never forget
anything? Because if you zap back into normal time and forget to bring
your stuff back with you, you're stranding it in stopped time. In the
seconds it takes you to realize what a dumbass you are, an eternity will
have passed in stopped time. By the time you get back, your stuff will
be a pile of dust. And if you show off your new power to friends and
forget to hold their hands when you come back, you've just sentenced
them to everlastingly plead with what they perceive as a frozen you to
come back for them ... until they die of starvation, that is.
If that's not enough to give you pause, keep in mind that every time
you use your power, you're basically pausing physics for everything
except you, effectively shortening your unstopped life. So you may get
all the naps and breaks you could possibly need, but you'll also have to
explain to your friends and family why you look 80 when you're only 45.
"I'll never live to see my children graduate, but at least I had plenty of time to spank it."