Black Hair Media Forum Homepage
BHM BHM BHM
Forum Home Forum Home > Lets Talk > Relationships
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - I have a crush on my manager(HELP)
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login
 

I have a crush on my manager(HELP)

 
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <123>




The Best Human Hair Available with No Service Match

Author
Printer_Ink View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Dec 29 2011
Status: Offline
Points: 19992
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 25 2013 at 5:28am
Originally posted by princesslola princesslola wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Well... he is management, so he should know the rules about dating someone that is not management.

- If the rules don't allow it ... you should not encourage his attentions. THIS IS YOUR JOB afterall. My mama always said 'don't sh** where you eat'. Meaning don't bring personal stuff like dating into the workplace because if it goes wrong .. you've still gotta work there!
Or ... you gotta find a new job if things go really wrong! That is why in general it's best to kee your lovelife and your worklife .. separate.

- If it is allowed within your comany rules to date management .. it's on HIM to ask you out. HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO - do not imagine that he does not. This flirting business makes me think he is married and/or he is not allowed to date you as he is management ... so basically he is trying to get into your panties. Then he will be gone.

A real man that is interested - would ask you out ..not sneak around like that.

Watch yourself. You are placing yourself in a very VUNERABLE position at your workplace.

And .. what do you mean when you say 'you need him'? This is badddddd. Why do you NEED his particular guy? Most guys can read 'NEEDFINESS' a mile away and will expoit this. He will use you girl. Be careful.


I actually dont know where the I need him part came from. I probably was typing something and stopped idk. Thats crazy. But I mean most jobs u dont supposed to date but come on now most people meet their partners while working. 


You said what you meant you said 'you need him' because that is what you feel ... you can back track on this. You are needy. You should admit this so you can deal with it before it ruins things with the next guy you meet.

Yes, people do meet partners at work .. but NOT when he is at the Manager level unless you sneak around or one of you leaves the job. Otherwise they meet someone at the same level and even that can be dicy.

I have been around a lot of workplace relationships. The best way is if you are only together outside of work. It's quiet. If it fails - fine you can still work at the company because no one knew. If it works you can just get married. But often ... it gets messy when everyone knows you are dating a guy in the workplace. People get gossiping about it. If a manager is involved .. it usually does not work out well for at least one of you. Typically, someone's gotta leave the company because of all the pressure. That's why I said ... be careful.

You asked for advice and so I have given you my advice. If you want to ask for advice and then only receive the answer you would like to hear - you have to qualify your question such that we only tell you what you want to hear.

I think you wanted to hear somwething like:

'Sure, he is probably crazy about you but he does not know what to do or how to ask you out. All you have to do take over his role by letting him know how you feel about him. Then likely he will be relieved say that he feels the same and then you can start dating - maybe this will be your husband!'

This is not realistic though.
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
iluvmihair View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Mar 09 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 4121
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote iluvmihair Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 25 2013 at 6:24am
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Originally posted by princesslola princesslola wrote:

Originally posted by iluvmihair iluvmihair wrote:

Maybe at an outside of work event? At our job, sometimes people go out for drinks after work or things like that (I don't lol), but maybe at a completely non work related event you can steal a private moment and tell him that you wish you could get to know him a little better... outside of work.. Idk, just see what he says and pay attention to his body language. If he says no or shuts you down in any way, as long as you don't change the way you act towards him at work, I don't see the harm.

Good luck and pray about it. Smile


Neither of us go to work events..we dont really care for our co workers lol. Thanks so much hunn.


I must make 1 comment here.

Nevvvvver pull a guy aside and 'tell him you want to get to know him better'. Never. This reads as your chasing him and this is a sure way for you to either scare him off or for him to stick around for the sex only.

A guy has GOT to pursue you. He has got to be the one that pulls YOU aside and says this .. otherwise you screw up of the balance of power and it will fall apart.

Do not approach men and do not be too easy for them.

I would usually agree, but I think as her manager, he is doing the most he can without being hit with a sexual harassment suit. I do think that on occasion the woman can make the first move, but you have to work it so that it's not the tone of the relationship. 

I gave my number to a waiter who was working at a restaurant I went to. Obviously the first move. When he contacted me, he invited me to a dinner and movie. He paid for everything. He was a complete gentleman and I let him be the man. We courted for a while and I made it clear we would not be having sex, so he couldn't of been sticking around for that. (It ended when he moved out of state a few months later)

Also, you don't have to make it seem like it's a "move." Girl, I would work it so well. See a private moment with him at some event and say "I wish we went to more events outside of work, I would love to pick your brain away from the office. I can tell you you have gotten to the place in your career that I'm trying to get to. And since you're handsome, I wouldn't mind being seen with you in public. *insert laugh*" He can take the bait, and if he doesn't then it's probably a no-go. Your "move" doesn't have to be raunchy or over the top. I'm in no way encouraging that.
Back to Top
Printer_Ink View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Dec 29 2011
Status: Offline
Points: 19992
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 25 2013 at 10:20am
Okay, I see your point. :)

My points:

- A waiter is not the same thing as a Manager at your job. Aside from that, I am not saying you won't be able to date a guy if you make the first move … it’s just that most likely he will not take you seriously. Like I said - either you will chase him off or he will want sex from you. This waiter had to leave town .. so you never found out how that would have turned out. :)

My point is ... the guy has got to pursue you .. and you have got to make him WORK for your attention. (Section 1 here)If you hit on him first - GAME OVER. He didn't have to chase you to get you to go out with him ... so he will move on to a move challenging target. It's not his fault ... it's in his DNA. LET the man chase you if you want it to have a chance of being a real relationship. The OP also said she needed him which is ANOTHER RED FLAG. Once a guy senses neediness in a woman .. GAME OVER.

This is why it is called 'The Dating Game'. It is .. a game.

With the OP and the Manager - the thing is he is not a waiter – he is a Manager which is an inherent imbalance of power and that is why companies don't like it when employees and Managers date. This guy is not her Manager but he is IN Management so he is privy to stuff she is not privy to.

- The fact that he is a Manager makes no difference in terms of who hits. Having the woman 'make the first move' on a guy ... ANY GUY is ... screwing up the balance of power (a woman's power over a man). In the end, if that Manager has a REAL interest in her (and it's against policy) he puts his job at risk by asking her out. Period. (ask your HR people). Because if it goes bad … either because he asked her out or because they dated and he DUMPED her … she can claim sexual harassment. This guy needs to stop flirting or in some way change jobs so that he can date her without putting his job at risk.

I'll bet other people will notice the OP and this guy make goo goo eyes. It just take 1 very perceptive person in the team .... to figure it out and start a rumor. I have seen it.

- Lastly .. I don’t think you understand how men think. If a girl says something like ' "I wish we went to more events outside of work, I would love to pick your brain away from the office. I can tell you you have gotten to the place in your career that I'm trying to get to. And since you're handsome, I wouldn't mind being seen with you in public. *insert laugh*"

... this is not bait. This is a MOVE. (and don’t tell a man he is handsome! Noooo let him tell you that you are beautiful!) Period. Do not compliment men! Refer to section 1 – do not chase the man.)

Any man will see this (or ANY such feeble attempts at a MOVE) for what it is - IT's A MOVE that a girl is making toward a guy ..trying to disguise it in a joke.

Noooo. Men are simple creatures truly! Hee hee! But even THEY can see through that one.

The OP has play the female role (be attractive) and the male has got to play the male role (make the move). Only is this case he is risking his job. Don't do nothing to GET THE GUY to go out with you. Noooo.

In the end ... HE’s the man so (shrugs)it is HIS PROBLEM to figure itout .. not hers.



Edited by Printer_Ink - Dec 25 2013 at 10:35am
Back to Top
princesslola View Drop Down
Junior Member
Junior Member


Joined: Sep 26 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 339
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote princesslola Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 25 2013 at 10:55am
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Originally posted by princesslola princesslola wrote:

Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

Well... he is management, so he should know the rules about dating someone that is not management.

- If the rules don't allow it ... you should not encourage his attentions. THIS IS YOUR JOB afterall. My mama always said 'don't sh** where you eat'. Meaning don't bring personal stuff like dating into the workplace because if it goes wrong .. you've still gotta work there!
Or ... you gotta find a new job if things go really wrong! That is why in general it's best to kee your lovelife and your worklife .. separate.

- If it is allowed within your comany rules to date management .. it's on HIM to ask you out. HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO - do not imagine that he does not. This flirting business makes me think he is married and/or he is not allowed to date you as he is management ... so basically he is trying to get into your panties. Then he will be gone.

A real man that is interested - would ask you out ..not sneak around like that.

Watch yourself. You are placing yourself in a very VUNERABLE position at your workplace.

And .. what do you mean when you say 'you need him'? This is badddddd. Why do you NEED his particular guy? Most guys can read 'NEEDFINESS' a mile away and will expoit this. He will use you girl. Be careful.


I actually dont know where the I need him part came from. I probably was typing something and stopped idk. Thats crazy. But I mean most jobs u dont supposed to date but come on now most people meet their partners while working. 


You said what you meant you said 'you need him' because that is what you feel ... you can back track on this. You are needy. You should admit this so you can deal with it before it ruins things with the next guy you meet.

Yes, people do meet partners at work .. but NOT when he is at the Manager level unless you sneak around or one of you leaves the job. Otherwise they meet someone at the same level and even that can be dicy.

I have been around a lot of workplace relationships. The best way is if you are only together outside of work. It's quiet. If it fails - fine you can still work at the company because no one knew. If it works you can just get married. But often ... it gets messy when everyone knows you are dating a guy in the workplace. People get gossiping about it. If a manager is involved .. it usually does not work out well for at least one of you. Typically, someone's gotta leave the company because of all the pressure. That's why I said ... be careful.

You asked for advice and so I have given you my advice. If you want to ask for advice and then only receive the answer you would like to hear - you have to qualify your question such that we only tell you what you want to hear.

I think you wanted to hear somwething like:

'Sure, he is probably crazy about you but he does not know what to do or how to ask you out. All you have to do take over his role by letting him know how you feel about him. Then likely he will be relieved say that he feels the same and then you can start dating - maybe this will be your husband!'

This is not realistic though.


I'm glad u think u know everything...no I am far from needy I dont need any man. Never did. And if you actually knew me you would have understood it was a typo. That's the funny thing.

Thanks for the advice but u really did go allll the way left..taking one thing and turning it into something totally different like I said I'm shy & would not ask him out or anything like that soo you can go somewhere with all of that. I'm a very private person so I would never date a person I work with and let everyone know that we're in a relationship. ..thats crazy.  And i most def wouldn't date someone who talks to everyone and tell all of their business. I dont think people at work need to know anything about anyones personal life. My aunt dated her manager for yeeearrss no one knew, they even got married while still at the same company and no one knew. It all depent on the people in the relationship, if u date someone thats loud and tell all of their business of course it will get messy in the work place. But the thing is I was never actually thinking omg im going to approach him, we're going to start dating and everything is going to be so perfect, no.

This post was really just me asking for help as far as letting him know it's okay..he can ask for my number the whole exchange of numbers thing in the workplace is difficult. Basically a conversation starter that will open the door for him to ask for my number because there was never a conversation (alone) for real that would open the door to that...well we have but someone may be there and im not going to be like "well here call me" and he's not going to be like well "what's your number". I guess those conversations come at the wrong time. 

Oh &It seem as though men can't flirt or approach a female anymore without the female thinking it's about sex.It's only so much you can do in the workplace, we all know that.


Back to Top
princesslola View Drop Down
Junior Member
Junior Member


Joined: Sep 26 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 339
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote princesslola Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 25 2013 at 11:13am
printer_ink are u a man?

If you're a female are u married or divorced? 

Where are you getting all of this info from? The book of rules on approaching&dating?? 

I think a female can approach a guy in a certain way...then let him take it from there...there's nothing wrong with that.

As far as him being management and hr...that's a whole different post.

U keeeeep on saying that I need him when I said it had to have been a typo. There's nothing I could possibly need him for.
Back to Top
Printer_Ink View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Dec 29 2011
Status: Offline
Points: 19992
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Printer_Ink Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 25 2013 at 1:03pm
As usual ... someone asks for help concerning a situation with a guy and when you tell them something they do not want to hear .. they get nasty.

I am trying to tell you the truth about men.

With men .. it's ALWAYS about sex in the end .. just gets down to how you handle yourself in terms of sex and dating IF you want a real relationship with a guy as adversed to just being a fling.

You will have to find out ... the hard way. :/
Back to Top
princesslola View Drop Down
Junior Member
Junior Member


Joined: Sep 26 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 339
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote princesslola Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 25 2013 at 1:43pm
Originally posted by Printer_Ink Printer_Ink wrote:

As usual ... someone asks for help concerning a situation with a guy and when you tell them something they do not want to hear .. they get nasty.

I am trying to tell you the truth about men.

With men .. it's ALWAYS about sex in the end .. just gets down to how you handle yourself in terms of sex and dating IF you want a real relationship with a guy as adversed to just being a fling.

You will have to find out ... the hard way. :/

You dont have to tell me what I want to hear. It just seem as u think u know everything and the intentions of others. And I'm just wondering what made you an expert on approaching/dating and men. You do not have to warn me at all hunn. I know the risks. U answered everything but what I wanted to know. If u didnt have the answer you couldve just kept everything else to yourself. Im steady making posts trying to explain myself but all u see is that im needy and he want sex. Lmao. 

Thank you but if I walk around bitter LIKE YOU thinking all men only want sex from me then wtf. I know men love sex but it's all up to the female if they give in or not. I know how to handle mine when it comes to that. I'm not a child it's been plenty of men I would date and they would think im going to send them pics and so on. Then i'd cut them off. The same will go for him if that's what he's looking for. Im just wondering about the..let's move this from the work place and communicate outside of it. 
Back to Top
Beauty620 View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: Oct 28 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 1272
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Beauty620 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 27 2013 at 7:54am
Well first you have to find out if he is married or single but currently dating. If he is single I would say to ask him out, that's prob the only way to really cut to the chase plus you'll find out from that point & forward if he's interested in you. If it doesn't go anywhere I'd say to cut the flirting out and put a lil distance...by avoiding him if you can, because that flirting stuff get's old.

Edited by Beauty620 - Dec 27 2013 at 7:58am
Back to Top
Twisted_Angel View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Jan 01 2010
Location: FL
Status: Offline
Points: 8747
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Twisted_Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 30 2013 at 2:59pm
I agree with printer..I'm old fashioned..I approached a guy once in 2nd grade I had a crush on(who later on down the line turns out to be my fiance)..but after that never again.

there are plenty of ways you can let a guy know that your interested without actually making a move. as a female you are blessed with this skill:)) and you work together..I'm sure he's trying to keep it professional.

I used to work with a guy that flirted with every girl at my job..not saying he's not interested but u never know with a man.

I think its weird when women approach men..I always thought it was a mans job to do the hunting..some guys don't even like to be approached by a woman.. but these are only my opinions..to each their own.

Edited by Twisted_Angel - Dec 30 2013 at 3:33pm
Back to Top
Twisted_Angel View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Jan 01 2010
Location: FL
Status: Offline
Points: 8747
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Twisted_Angel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 30 2013 at 3:08pm
just think about it..daddies teach their sons how to approach a woman..well good daddies anyways.

moms jus give u the menustration talk and to watch out for men with bad motivates..

but this new generation..is different. so Idk


I think OP didn't mean "need" she was probably at a loss for words..happens to me all the time..when I can't think of the word I want to use.

No fighting please..we are all ladies here..just conversation..nothing personal..gotta deal with the good and bad critism when you ask for advice.

Edited by Twisted_Angel - Dec 30 2013 at 3:13pm
Back to Top
Get Longer Healthier Faster Growing Hair
GreatGlam.com
Get Healthier Stronger Longer Hair
The Elite Hair Care Sorority
Electric Cherry Hair
Hair Extensions Wefted Hair Wigs and More
Human Hair Wigs
Wefting Training
Beautfiully Created Human Hair Extensions
The Haircare Solution for Locs and Twists
DHT Blocker System
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <123>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down