Added by Dr. Corey Guyton
on July 23, 2013
When I First Met Her!
When I met my wife, she was
everything I wanted in a woman. She was educated, Black, took great care
of herself, and had long flowy hair. As a youngster, I was always
encouraged by older men, my peers, and even some women to find a woman
who had “good hair”. Equipped with this advice, my wife’s hair was the
icing on the cake to complement her other wonderful qualities.
After dating for a while, my world got turned upside down as my wife
uttered these dreadful words…”I am thinking about going natural”. At
this point I thought, what is a man to do when his wife is thinking
about getting rid of the icing on the cake? Now, I had seen tons of
women who were natural and I admired their look (one of those women
being my mother), but for some reason I did not feel natural was for my
As the days went by, I progressively started researching as much as I
could about the entire natural process to figure out what in the heck
my wife was about to do to herself. As I learned more and more about the
process, my mind started playing tricks on me. The questions in my mind
began to transform from being about why my wife would want to be
natural to why did I want to keep her from being natural. This is the
point I started evaluating myself instead of my wife.
So the million dollar question is why did I want to keep my wife from embracing her natural hair?
The truth is that I was insecure. I was insecure in the fact that my
wife had to cut her hair. I was insecure in the fact that she would have
a TWA (Tiny Weeny Afro). And I was insecure in the fact that she could
possibly look different. The underlying issue was that I was not
comfortable in my own manhood, because subconsciously, I felt I would be
less of a man if my wife did not have long flowy hair. It was not about
her, it was about me and my insecurities.
I was blinded by so many things including Eurocentric values, the media, and my own people.
- Growing up in a country where the standards are based on Eurocentric
values, I fell into the trap of thinking that my definition of beauty
was supposed to be the same as their definition of beauty. This false
sense of understanding lead to me having the spirit of oppression
towards my beautiful Black sistas, including my wife. Sadly, I tried to
place those Eurocentric values on my Afrocentric queens.
- I was also blinded by the numerous images of “beauty” that were
portrayed in the media. Anytime I would see a Black woman who was in
movies, music videos, pageants, or on any day time television, she had
long flowy hair. This played into my psyche and caused me to think that
these women were the definition of beauty.
- Finally, I was blinded by my own people (including myself) who
constantly displayed self-hate. The men constantly spoke about how women
with short hair or non-straight hair were nappy headed and sistas put
tons of weave in their head for the purposes of “increasing their
beauty”. We created the thought that we were not beautiful the way God
This is Her Today (4 Years Later), Looking Spectacular
I am blessed to have a wife who challenged me by not giving in to my
insecurities. Her journey of rediscovering herself was a pivotal point
in my life because I also discovered myself through the process. I broke
free of oppression and am now one of the biggest advocates for my
beautiful sistas returning to their natural roots. Since the blinders
are off, I would not want my wife to be any way other than natural.
Moral of the article is brothers support our beautiful natural queens and sistas embrace your natural beauty!