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How to make friends?

 
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SoutherNtellect View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote SoutherNtellect Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2013 at 6:18pm
go out
look presentable if you cant look beautiful 
talk 
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Katrenia View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Katrenia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2013 at 6:19pm
Originally posted by sexyandfamous sexyandfamous wrote:

For years, I chose to be caught up in boyfriend problems, money issues, etc and either lost the friends I had, or they moved away, or we just don't have anything in common to talk about anymore.
I have taken salsa, hula dance, Spanish, yoga and belly dancing classes but haven't made a single friend.

So BHM ladies, how do you guys make friends? Tips please!


OP, I completely understand you. I'd had the same group of friends for years but I relocated and was alone.
I didn't make many friends in my new area and now, as I look back on that situation I know why I didn't make many new friends. I was focused on my life and issues and didn't let anyone get too close. 
Making new friends involves trust and sharing and I couldn't do that because I had (have) trust issues.
I would go out (Bay Area, Ca) to relax but I met more lesbians that I care to share. LOL
I kept a few of them "AS FRIENDS" 

All the places you've mentioned are body conscience situations and I'm not surprised you've found no friends there.

Most of the new friends who've entered my life were through mutual friends or church. 


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote HeyBeautiful18 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2013 at 6:21pm
Are you shy OP? Is that something holding you back?

One of the tips I learned was to ask questions. Even if you already know the answers. People love to talk about themself so that could spark other conversation topics and they'll branch off from there
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2013 at 6:53pm
Originally posted by Senior Detective Senior Detective wrote:

I'm getting selfish vibes from you. What do u mean you had money problems and then lost friends? Did u borrow from them and not pay them back or take too long to pay them back?


Sorry I took long to reply! I forgot about this thread and I am studying for finals!

Ok, no I did not borrow money from anyone. I was BROKE; I couldn't fathom the thought of going out to do ANYTHING because I could not afford it, didn't want to burden anyone with my poverty and talking about my problems so I ended up being alone.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2013 at 6:56pm
Originally posted by eanaj5 eanaj5 wrote:

lol if her friends ditched her for having to give her a ride all the time then they werent good friends in the first place. A ride is nothing if you  truly wanted to spend time with someone


I have a car. The friends who ditched me were the ones who as time passed had nothing in common with me anymore, be it that they have families now, or have a different sexual option than me (it happened with one good friend of high school; she discovered she was gay and everything changed after that because she only wanted to do things related to meeting gay women only), or simply we just don't have anything in common.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2013 at 6:59pm
Originally posted by JoliePoufiasse JoliePoufiasse wrote:

Originally posted by indiecat indiecat wrote:

I'm friendly, but have grown accustomed to being alone and I can seem cold because I am protecting myself from false friends.


I can relate to that. Just like in love, you have to protect your heart in friendship sometimes. I've been burned as well. It's just hard to strike a balance between opening your heart just enough and being to closed off and ending up all by yourself.


At first I only wanted to be friends with people from my country; but most that I met here were fake and only wanted to be ur friend if you drank a lot, partied a lot, and had some nice income, to afford stupid stuff.

I quit trying to be friends with only my compatriots and tried with people from everywhere here in the US but didn't have much luck.

I have got used to being alone, but I long for a real friendship, not some fake girls who wanted to be heard, go to parties and then forget about you until next party/problem in their life.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2013 at 7:02pm
Originally posted by HeyBeautiful18 HeyBeautiful18 wrote:

Maybe you give off a stand off-ish vibe

I know that's my problem sometimes. Its just hard for me to open up to some people.

I guess its a fear of being judged or getting used? I wish I wasn't like that but its easier said than done!


I am sure I give off the wrong vibe. I know I am doing something wrong because I have met people who makes friend so easily that I am left wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
I think since sometimes I am so absorbed in my own thoughts about whatever is happening in my mind, perhaps people sense me as too serious.

And to the one who asked about my personality, I would say I can be goofy but serious. I am also kind of a b!tch and I say what I think, which might be a problem.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2013 at 7:05pm
Originally posted by zolloh zolloh wrote:

Are you a girls' girl? Do you dump your girlfriends when there is a new dicc around? Like Melikey said, start with women in your family,they are built-in friendships (if they aint cray cray) and then network out to their friends.


I am! No, I don't dump friends due to men but when I met my ex I was lonely, so I didn't bother with making friends, but before the relationship ended, I had taken the classes I stated on my first post and had no luck.

The women in my family are my sisters, and I have a good relationship with them but I don't want to be friends with their friends. Just nothing in common with those girls besides my sisters.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2013 at 7:08pm
Originally posted by AmiliaCabral AmiliaCabral wrote:

Girl making friends is easy, especially with black women.

Compliment her hair and ask her how she does it. Black women can talk about hair forever.

Compliment her clothes, nails, jewelry, lipstick or whatever. But don't do "I like your makeup" unless she's wearing eyeshadow, cheeks, just all around face. Then it's okay. Avoid things that might be mistaken as shade

Then converse and exchange info. Now if you can't hold a conversation then I don't know what to tell you

The key is either compliment or make a joke, but everybody loves compliments.

If she seems unfriendly, fvck that ho and keep it moving.


Actually, most black women don't like me. When I first started my college, which has a high rate of blacks, black girls would stare at my hair in the elevator, double check my head if I was going upstairs on a floor beneath them, maybe to figure out if my hair was real or not. And I guess once they realized it was real, they didn't want to talk to meCry

I have complimented many girls on their clothes or acessories, especially because when I do I always want to know where they got it, but maybe I catch them at the wrong time because the convo doesn't evolve from that. Or they were unfriendly. Or they thought I was hitting on themOuch
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote BBpants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 08 2013 at 7:15pm
I'm puzzled...Why would they not talk to you after realizing your hair was real?
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