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how to approach a guy?

 
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Ashleyano View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ashleyano Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 10 2012 at 2:43pm
Originally posted by Becky Becky wrote:

Asleyano ... what I am trying to tell you is that EVERY generation believes the same thing - that in XXXX (year) things are different. I heard the same crap when I grew up (and that was a long time ago.) But in terms of what goes on between men and women ... things never change. They cannot change because it's pretty much ... biological.

Why are you hanging around the mall in hopes of running into him? He had his chance and he let you walk away. Take a clue.

And what do you mean ''you don't want him to forget your face'? DUH. 

Hey, a guy that is INTERESTED IN YOU ... is never gonna forget your face. Never.

You will surely get burned time and time again if you continue to take this stance with men.

With guys ... be attractive and flirt a bit .. and let him come to you. Period. If he does not come to you .. FORGET ABOUT HIM and move on! Period.

Otherwiise if you approach him ... you relinquish your 'power' early on,  you will nevvvver get it back in that relationship and it messes you up in terms of what you should do with other guys.

who said anything about me hanging around the mall? i would feel desperate if i did that. i've only been back once since that day and when i went i had no intention of seeing him, sooo...but thanks for the advice becky.
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Ashleyano View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Ashleyano Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 10 2012 at 2:46pm
update: i feel like too much time has passed since i last seen him so i "moved on"
but still thanks everyone
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 313chick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 10 2012 at 7:05pm
If I really want a guy really bad I would go for it... because if it doesn't work out atleast I know I tried. And I don't think a chick is desperate for approaching a guy or trying to know him because I usually have many options. Just because a guy approaches you does not mean you are going to be automatically be interested in him. That's when you want to take the initiative of trying to know a guy be his friend first and see where things go from there.

That's what I'm doing now actually. I approached this dude(hes 6'6) last semester and things did not work out. But when we return this school this semester the tables turned he started doing little things to try to get my attention. I left him alone because we were playing too many games with each other and our situation was drama filled since his best friends also had a crush on me. Do I regret approaching him? No because it wasn't meant to be. Not even a friendship since hes always nervous around me.

I moved on to his teammate because he was looking at me alot. I went up to the taller dude(6'11 and I'm 5"0) to start a convo and at the end we exchanged numbers. We don't talk or text everyday but we do make small talk whenever we see each other. I actually like to take things slow and be unpredictable. I never put my all into a guy I just met because you never know how long ya are going to last and my trust is usually earned not given. I usually just make myself known to my crush by just saying hi/smiling or even sitting front row at his basketball games to cheer him on.

Just follow your gut instinct because I should have listen to mines before I approached the 6"6 guy from last semester even though he did realize things were too late for him to make things better this semester.  


Edited by 313chick - Nov 10 2012 at 9:40pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Becky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 10 2012 at 8:25pm

Foolish. Foolish advice and foolish behavior. (shakes head)

And this thing with the 6.6 guy and later .. his teammate ah, is a MESS. You need to wash your hands of the both of them before they get together behind your back ... and start talking about you like you're a a tramp!

And what do you mean ... if you want a guy really bad ... anyway? Duh. A guy is supposed you really want YOU bad. There is NO OTHER path in which this can work out. Shocked

If a guys SEES you and you are friendly and available and he does not approach you there is nothing you can do to bring that relationship to fruition. If you want him before he wants you ... it will never work out. If a guys SEES you and you are friendly and he DOES approach you ... make him work for you .. don't be so easy or the game will be over before it's even begun and he will be gone. The more you say NO and the more you delay sex .. the more he will want you.

This is the behavior you must exhibit if you  really want a guy bad  BUT .. he has to make to be interested in you FIRST (or at least he has to believe as much)
Following your 'gut instincts' (aside from the fact that some people have bad instincts!) is reserved for other (often dangerous) situations in life.

For example, you are walking down the street at night and you feel uncomfortable with a guy following you. Your gut instinct should tell you to duck into the next store and tell the sales clerk or call for a ride etc.

If you drop your child off at soccer practice .. and something tells you she is gonna sneak off to see that rotten boy you dislike. Your gut instincts tells you to turn around and check it out.

These are appropriate times to follow your instincts (and you should).

But this has nothing to do with the dating game. Noooo.

You cannot approach or initiate contact with a guy period. This is the exact same thing as chasing a guy and they are supposed to be chasing YOU. Granted .. they aren't very bright creatures hee heee! but even they can sense when a woman is trying to hook up with them. They will definitely see this behaviour as weak and desparate regardless of whether or not you see this way.

How old are you? I hope you can at least use the excuse that you are young - like under 30.. because you should know this stuff by now. Never to late to learn though.

(shrugs) Do what you want though .. it will all end in tears. Just sayimg...

 

 



Edited by Becky - Nov 10 2012 at 8:31pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mixer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 10 2012 at 8:30pm
^Watch your mouth.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Becky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 10 2012 at 8:35pm
Originally posted by Ashleyano Ashleyano wrote:

Originally posted by Becky Becky wrote:

Asleyano ... what I am trying to tell you is that EVERY generation believes the same thing - that in XXXX (year) things are different. I heard the same crap when I grew up (and that was a long time ago.) But in terms of what goes on between men and women ... things never change. They cannot change because it's pretty much ... biological.

Why are you hanging around the mall in hopes of running into him? He had his chance and he let you walk away. Take a clue.

And what do you mean ''you don't want him to forget your face'? DUH. 

Hey, a guy that is INTERESTED IN YOU ... is never gonna forget your face. Never.

You will surely get burned time and time again if you continue to take this stance with men.

With guys ... be attractive and flirt a bit .. and let him come to you. Period. If he does not come to you .. FORGET ABOUT HIM and move on! Period.

Otherwiise if you approach him ... you relinquish your 'power' early on,  you will nevvvver get it back in that relationship and it messes you up in terms of what you should do with other guys.

who said anything about me hanging around the mall? i would feel desperate if i did that. i've only been back once since that day and when i went i had no intention of seeing him, sooo...but thanks for the advice becky.
 
You're welcome.
 
Just let guys come to you ... and you pick choose the best mate.
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote 313chick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 10 2012 at 9:37pm
Originally posted by Becky Becky wrote:

Foolish. Foolish advice and foolish behavior. (shakes head)

And this thing with the 6.6 guy and later .. his teammate ah, is a MESS. You need to wash your hands of the both of them before they get together behind your back ... and start talking about you like you're a a tramp!

And what do you mean ... if you want a guy really bad ... anyway? Duh. A guy is supposed you really want YOU bad. There is NO OTHER path in which this can work out. Shocked

If a guys SEES you and you are friendly and available and he does not approach you there is nothing you can do to bring that relationship to fruition. If you want him before he wants you ... it will never work out. If a guys SEES you and you are friendly and he DOES approach you ... make him work for you .. don't be so easy or the game will be over before it's even begun and he will be gone. The more you say NO and the more you delay sex .. the more he will want you.

This is the behavior you must exhibit if you  really want a guy bad  BUT .. he has to make to be interested in you FIRST (or at least he has to believe as much)
Following your 'gut instincts' (aside from the fact that some people have bad instincts!) is reserved for other (often dangerous) situations in life.

For example, you are walking down the street at night and you feel uncomfortable with a guy following you. Your gut instinct should tell you to duck into the next store and tell the sales clerk or call for a ride etc.

If you drop your child off at soccer practice .. and something tells you she is gonna sneak off to see that rotten boy you dislike. Your gut instincts tells you to turn around and check it out.

These are appropriate times to follow your instincts (and you should).

But this has nothing to do with the dating game. Noooo.

You cannot approach or initiate contact with a guy period. This is the exact same thing as chasing a guy and they are supposed to be chasing YOU. Granted .. they aren't very bright creatures hee heee! but even they can sense when a woman is trying to hook up with them. They will definitely see this behaviour as weak and desparate regardless of whether or not you see this way.

How old are you? I hope you can at least use the excuse that you are young - like under 30.. because you should know this stuff by now. Never to late to learn though.

(shrugs) Do what you want though .. it will all end in tears. Just sayimg...

 

 

It's no point of washing my hands if I never had sex with any of them... So who can call me a trampConfused? I can't help that guys on the same team are attracted to meSleepy.  What I'm telling OP that there is nothing wrong with going up to a dude to start a convo and then let things just flow without forcing . A guy DOESN'T have to approach you for ya'll to be friends because that's how most relationships start anyway.  And NOT all guys can sense when a woman is trying to hook up with them UNLESS she is throwing themselves at them which I don't do. Just the face the fact you are not always right because you don't personally know every guy in the US. Guys can run game either if they approach you or not. 

Being easy and desperate is when a chick is fast to give it up but not when you just want to start a convo with a guy to see where his mind atLOL 

And we are all 20.


Edited by 313chick - Nov 10 2012 at 9:43pm
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Becky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 5:21am
You are 20? I am 57 ... and I know of which I speak. Took me years to figure this out too .. and boy have I witnessed DISASTERIOUS relationships along the way. DISASTEROUS I tell you.
 
I am just trying to save you the heartache so that maybe you will find happiness with a decent guy one day.
Whenever I read one of these threads on this forum about a woman trapped in an abusive relationship ... I think 'she messed up' early on in many ways. Ouch But it does not have to get to be THAT bad of course. You can just spend your life dating the same ratfink guy .. over and over again .. different face but the same guy. Never realizing why it keeps going south. Confused You have to retrain yourself with regards to men. Go online and do your research.
First off...

Ummm it does not matter that you have not had sex with either of them.

You are giving the impression that you are on the make for BOTH of them and to a guy ... this is a precurser to sex. Yes, guys on the same team CAN be attacted to you sure you just can't play them (or show interest) in both of them .. or they will put you in the tramp category.

MEN TALK. Why are you so 'available' to both of these guys? Umm they will wonder who else you are available to. Nevvver a good thing. This lowers your value in their eyes because girls who are 'somebody' are NEVER so available. Never. You have to be very careful in how your comport yourself in the company of men. (Let those other girls show everything, chase men, sleep around and basically make fools out of themselves but you should requite more of yourself.)

Guys do not want a girl that is 'available' to a lot of guys. They want a girl that a lot of guys WANT ... but that only he can win! Clap

You are the prize and you should know it so ... be disinterested. Period.

Again ... these creatutres are slow .. but they are not THAT slow. If you spark a friendship .. they will figure out you are initiatiing this in the hopes that it will develop into more. Let him spark the flippen 'friendship'. He knows how to do this .. if he doesn't .. he ain't right in the head so forget him.

Sorry but you are very, very confused as to how to conduct yoursellf when you are around men that might be possible mates ... if you want to form a real relationship. (If you just want sex - go for it!)

- You go about your business. Pay him NO MIND

- Let him talk to you first

- Smile and be polite .. but be on your way.

- Let other guys be attracted but don't pay them any mind either! Shocked

- Do not show any untoward interest in him - just go about your business which is NOT flirting with other guys

- Soon enough... he will see you are NOT so anxious to get with him - so you know you've got something special (you are a quality item).. which will trigger his interest in you. You will pose a challenge to him which is what he most desires.

- Let him attempt something with you a several times .. before relenting and showing him some favor

- So now he will feel GOOD because he had to struggle and struggle but finally .. he is making some headway (They are like little puppies really!) LOL

- Date him in a slow fashion .. what's the rush? A girl that KNOWS she is desireable KNOWS she has options. (and this has NOTHING to do with how you look btw... it's how you FEEL about yourself.)

- Make him wait. That means he has to call/text you. (Not the other way around)

- Do not sleep with him until quite some time has gone by like 2 - 3 months of regular dating.

By then you know him lot better - his values, his beliefs - what he wants for the future etc. Hey you might have found out he does not pay his ex gf child support (the reason does not matter), he has 2 domestic violence reports on him, and ... it likes to kick the neighbor's dog for fun. Hee hee! So you dump him anyway ... move on.

If the guy is not really interested in you during the above (because basically he wants to use you for sex) he will lose interest and be gone - off to easier prey. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish! A LOT Aof guys are like this...

But the guy that sticks around ... IS interested in you for a real relationship. The cream always rises to the top in such matters. Clap

It goes on and on but basically if you want that guy ..

.....you have to chase him ... until he catches you. Wink (This is a play on words - but do understand the concept.)

This is why they call it 'The Dating Game' which has been around for about 100,000 years ...and it's never too late to learn it baby girl. (Of course, at your age .. you can learn this stuff EARLY and avoid being hurt.)

 


Edited by Becky - Nov 11 2012 at 6:00am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote 313chick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 11:49am
You are right when you say guys don't want a girl that is available to all dudes... because the 6"6 dude friends(one of them is another teammate) actually had a crush on me( and I turned them down)before he transferred to our school. That's why when he went back and told them they were all looking confused and shocked and he just didn't know how to react. 

The 6"11 just transferred to our school this semester. He doesn't have a problem being friends with me because we are from the same country and tribe so that automatically made us have this bond because it's not a lot of us in our university. He was the one that made sure he had my number in his phone by making me call his phone automatically so he can have my number saved. And all I did was spark a conversation and made him laugh by being myself.

I don't even talk to the 6"6 guy like that anymore even though he still looks at me and the last thing I told him was good game. He's now talking to another girl "he approached" but he still do little stuff to try to get my attention. He even flirted with me in front of the other girl's face by looking at me when she was talking to him and she was really mad. So he must be really in love with her because he approached her lol.

I still don't understand how I'm chasing a dude by starting a convo with him. My parents and older family members are the ones that told me to go talk the 6"11 dude to see what he's about it because they want me to get out of my shell.I only approached two guys in my life and that was them at separate times if the 6"6 dude is mad(which I am assuming because he always look at us when we talk to each other) then that is his problem. But he shouldn't be concerned about me anymore since he's talking to a girl he approached you know. 

I just got sick of all these wanna be rappers and men with no goals approaching me. That I decided should try something different and play by my own rules.

I know they talk because they on the same team but when I normally see them around each other when they are not on  the court they are usually hanging out in different groups. Now the 6"6 dude and his friends are really close that's why I'm happy I turned down his friends.

All I know is that I don't go by the Dating Game Rules because I don't like to play games when looking for somebody serious... but I do pray for God guidance and for him to help me make good decisions when it comes to men. God does not say don't randomly go up to a guy... I even have family members that approached their husbands but let them do the work after that. 

And Finally you are right when you said this "Guys do not want a girl that is 'available' to a lot of guys. They want a girl that a lot of guys WANT ... but that only he can win!" 
-Just because I went up to two dudes on campus do you think that guys will view me as thirsty? Being friendly and thirsty are two different things. People already know my reputation how I was turning dudes down my first two years at my uni. I'm attractive,smart, and normally stay to myself.
I can't help it that guys like that but I got sick of people thinking I was stuck up so I decided to open up and change people negative views. Every guy I meet does not have to boyfriend and I'm not the type that gets around either. So if I ever date a guy at my uni he will be grateful when he go around and ask people about my past.

And thank you for your advice because you did make some good points.



Edited by 313chick - Nov 11 2012 at 11:59am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Becky Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Nov 11 2012 at 4:51pm
You still don't get it.
 
Whatever.
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