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How long is too long to be engaged?

 
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jonesable View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:48am
Especially for arranged marriages
Those things could span years
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uppitynegroid View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote uppitynegroid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:49am
Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

I was listening to a discussion about this on the radio the other day.  A woman called in and said she dated a man for 3 yrs, he proposed and they have been living together and engaged for over 2 years.  Every time she brings up wedding planning he becomes elusive and difficult.  Her question was, "How long is too long to be engaged?"

I think she was asking that question a 2 years too late.  I seriously weep for my generation!  The entire point of becoming engaged is to formally announce and plan a wedding.  For the life of me, I don't understand how a woman winds up being someone's fiance for years. 

Thoughts?

I know women who are 30+ and NEVERRRRR been on a real date with a guy. 

that is sad. 


This is a couple of my friends.  Then when I tell them about a guy I'm dating they say, "you always get the good ones."  Confused  Its called having standards, smh.  I meet losers all the time, I just don't give them a chance.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote carolina cutie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:50am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

An engagement is a promise of marriage and the preparation time.
It's saying you're the one so let's prepare for our lifetime together.


I don't think an engagement should last forever but I don't think there is a precise time limit either

Whatever the ppl involved feel..
I'm going to go with this.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote uppitynegroid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:52am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Engagement is an intent to marry.
You're seriously making up the immediate future part bc engagements used to be very lengthy.



I'm not making up anything.  At the end of the day, people are speaking on their perspective.  In my culture engagement of over a year is impossible.  Your family, his, and everyone who knows you would just assume the wedding isn't going to happen.  I've never had a family member or friend engaged for longer than 1 yr aside from one person who had to postpone their plans due to a death in the family.  Its unheard of.

My culture aside, for most of U.S. history, the etiquette has been to marry within a year.  Even now, many people marry within that time frame, so I don't see what's "made up" about that.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:52am
That whole year and a day thing started with the Wiccans .
The Chinese typically were 2 years and Catholics about 6 months.

For those in arranged marriages like in India.
You could be engaged for years until you were a certain age then you would meet and marry and go through the ceremony.


Preparation of the dowry wasn't always quick and fast.



Edited by jonesable - Jun 19 2014 at 11:54am
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keepgrowing View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote keepgrowing Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:53am
If they are planning in those two years ok fine. But if he is getting agitated every time she brings up wedding plans and there is no date then ummmmmm........
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:55am
Yeah the issue here is even the time frame.
It's the man!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote uppitynegroid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:55am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

That whole year and a day thing started with the Wiccans.
The Chinese typically were 2 years and Catholics about 6 months.

For those in arranged marriages like in India.
You can be engaged for years until you were a certain age then you would meet and marry and go through the ceremony.


They are not engaged.  They are betrothed to each other, sometimes since childhood.  That's totally different from a man making a public declaration of his intent to marry you and not having any plans to actually do it 5 years down the line.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bunzaveli Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:56am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Yeah the issue here is even the time frame.
It's the man!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote goodm3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:56am
Originally posted by mizzsandra00 mizzsandra00 wrote:

Originally posted by goodm3 goodm3 wrote:

Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Decorum really alludes many young people nowadays.  I think what I've gotten from this thread is that some people see a marriage proposal as a romantic gesture.  That's just not the case.  Its not a "I would like to marry you some day."  A proposal is a big deal.  Its a formal declaration of  your intent to marry in the immediate future.  If both people are not ready for that, then they should stick to more informal gestures like romantic gifts. 


EXACTLY. 

i seems a lot of women only want to be called wifey rather than having a marriage license. 




When people actually get the proposal they really understand it.......until then its a case of if it was me but it aint you and daydreaming is easy


No shade......

I understand but I think a lot of women never set expectations for their relationships. there are women out there who seriously believe they will not ever get married so when a guy moves in...they think that's as good as it gets. 

Couples that really want to get married, do it. Whether its a court house wedding with a fancy ceremony/destination wedding later...either way, they make it official. 
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