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How long is too long to be engaged?

 
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_ConcreteRose_ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote _ConcreteRose_ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:13am
At the end of the day, everyone is different. If both people are happy then that's all that matters.
For me? It depends, but probably no longer than a year. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Az~Maverick Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:14am
Originally posted by iliveforbhm iliveforbhm wrote:

5 years keeps her mind that she is just one step from marriage and for me it's the barrier that allows me to keep evaluating if marriage is really for me while I get a home cooked meal and sex in the regular.


Yup. Basically, this is what it is.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:15am
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

An engagement is a promise of marriage and the preparation time.
It's saying you're the one so let's prepare for our lifetime together.


I don't think an engagement should last forever but I don't think there is a precise time limit either

Whatever the ppl involved feel..


Traditionally there has always been a precise time limit.  Engagement is a formal declaration of an intent to marry, and the manner of legitimizing that intent is to actually do something about it.  In most cultures across the board people are married within 1 yr of being engaged.



I'm speaking of money modern American culture...
That intention of marriage doesn't necessarily have an expiration date.

Especially today when couples are paying more for their own weddings or have a large share in it.
Not only that but women are having children later in age which was also one reason marriages were rushed.
Things change

Edited by jonesable - Jun 19 2014 at 11:16am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote niecy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:17am
Sounds like he must've proposed to her to get her out of his hair if he acts up everytime she brings up planning. If you've been engaged for two years and haven't made any attempts to even start trying to plan your wedding you don't need to be engaged.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (5) Thanks(5)   Quote uppitynegroid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:22am
Decorum really alludes many young people nowadays.  I think what I've gotten from this thread is that some people see a marriage proposal as a romantic gesture.  That's just not the case.  Its not a "I would like to marry you some day."  A proposal is a big deal.  Its a formal declaration of  your intent to marry in the immediate future.  If both people are not ready for that, then they should stick to more informal gestures like romantic gifts. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:23am
For me it's about a year.
I'll get married in the spring so it may be a little over or under a year
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:23am
I thought the commitment ceremony was bad

This is worse

That ring better not be diamond dust


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (4) Thanks(4)   Quote uppitynegroid Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:26am
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:



I'm speaking of money modern American culture...
That intention of marriage doesn't necessarily have an expiration date.

Especially today when couples are paying more for their own weddings or have a large share in it.
Not only that but women are having children later in age
which was also one reason marriages were rushed.
Things change


None of the reasons you post necessitate being engaged for a long period of time.  If you can't afford the marriage you want, then why are you proposing anything?  Having children later in life has no bearing on how long you are engaged to your husband.  The only thing that has changed is women having less respect for themselves and men ignoring the responsibilities attached to formally proposing marriage to someone.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:33am

so people shouldn't get engaged until they have saved up enough for their wedding (whatever it cost)?

they can't save in the meantime or pay as they go?

I think jones was getting at shotgun/shame weddings

back in the day, if a woman ended up pregnant....you married her, this didn't happen all the time, but it was what your family and society expected you to do so you did it

with birth control and women getting more degrees and staying in school longer, they can postpone when they have kids and when they want to get married (e.g., you may be engaged but want to finish school before you have to think about planning a wedding)

so it is possible that a couple can very much want to get married, get engaged and take more than a year or so to make it happen

as long as actual planning is happening and people are being paid I think a 12 month to 24 month engagement is reasonable
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote goodm3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 19 2014 at 11:35am
Originally posted by uppitynegroid uppitynegroid wrote:

I was listening to a discussion about this on the radio the other day.  A woman called in and said she dated a man for 3 yrs, he proposed and they have been living together and engaged for over 2 years.  Every time she brings up wedding planning he becomes elusive and difficult.  Her question was, "How long is too long to be engaged?"

I think she was asking that question a 2 years too late.  I seriously weep for my generation!  The entire point of becoming engaged is to formally announce and plan a wedding.  For the life of me, I don't understand how a woman winds up being someone's fiance for years. 

Thoughts?

I know women who are 30+ and NEVERRRRR been on a real date with a guy. 

that is sad. 
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