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iGotSunshine 
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 Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:16pm |
in marriage the rules are different there's always room for compromise (barring any ridiculous circumstances)
like naw man we sat up here and made these vows before God, ourselves and those who love us? we promised to be in this sh*t for life? well we are gonna sit down on somebody's couch and work it out.
im old school when it comes to marriage tho. marriage is like a gang to me. once you're in you're in for life  |
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nimkola
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:20pm |
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freedom76
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:20pm |
 maysay1 wrote:
It's clearly really difficult for people to even try to see this from another perspective. Maybe because in some ways it requires one to question the accepted norms for romantic relationship/marriage?
Everyone doesn't interact the same way. Just like some people can have sex once a season and be totally happy and others need to do it every day...that's just who they are and neither person is wrong or bad for being that way. And neither should they change. There really is no compromise when it comes to something like that because one person is going to be fundamentally unhappy.
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I agree with everything other than the bold. I think while compromise is definitely possible. See it isn't about turning more affectionate or even accepting less affection, it is more about understanding the needs and wants of your partner. Once you realize the other person NEEDS a bit more, and the other person doesn't WANT so much, a compromise is indeed important. When you love someone it isn't about selfishness. When you love someone, you want them to be happy. I hate me...me...meeeeee relationships.
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iGotSunshine
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:21pm |
nimkola wrote:
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i tried to do this one time my momma busted my ass so hard lmao
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SamoneLenior
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:21pm |
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I only mention her working to change because she may find out she actually likes being more outwardly affectionate therefore she will do it more because she wants to, not because she has to
She doesn't do it now because she honestly doesn't want to
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EPITOME
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:26pm |
freedom76 wrote:
maysay1 wrote:
It's clearly really difficult for people to even try to see this from another perspective. Maybe because in some ways it requires one to question the accepted norms for romantic relationship/marriage?
Everyone doesn't interact the same way. Just like some people can have sex once a season and be totally happy and others need to do it every day...that's just who they are and neither person is wrong or bad for being that way. And neither should they change. There really is no compromise when it comes to something like that because one person is going to be fundamentally unhappy.
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I agree with everything other than the bold. I think while compromise is definitely possible. See it isn't about turning more affectionate or even accepting less affection, it is more about understanding the needs and wants of your partner. Once you realize the other person NEEDS a bit more, and the other person doesn't WANT so much, a compromise is indeed important. When you love someone it isn't about selfishness. When you love someone, you want them to be happy. I hate me...me...meeeeee relationships. |
can you preach?!!! i just think this is interesting from people who claim that dating is difficult but are unwilling to compromise.
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nycdiva357
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:27pm |
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sorry.. I can't agree w/ that Maysay.
I'm like the woman in the OP. I'm not really into all the touchy/ feely shyt. Its just not in my personality.. but i know my SO is. so every now again.. when we are outside.. I hold his hand. i hug him etc. NOt b/c that shyt makes me happy...lol b/c it most definitely doesn't. But b/c I know it makes him happy-- I'm cool with it. and its more tolerable.
I give in my relationship.. as well as take. And i think thats the fundamental building structure of any relationship. As long as something isn't compromising my safety.. and my complete being.. I'm ok. hugging a guy wont kill me. I beleee dat. lol
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maysay1
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:34pm |
freedom76 wrote:
maysay1 wrote:
It's clearly really difficult for people to even try to see this from another perspective. Maybe because in some ways it requires one to question the accepted norms for romantic relationship/marriage?
Everyone doesn't interact the same way. Just like some people can have sex once a season and be totally happy and others need to do it every day...that's just who they are and neither person is wrong or bad for being that way. And neither should they change. There really is no compromise when it comes to something like that because one person is going to be fundamentally unhappy.
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I agree with everything other than the bold. I think while compromise is definitely possible. See it isn't about turning more affectionate or even accepting less affection, it is more about understanding the needs and wants of your partner. Once you realize the other person NEEDS a bit more, and the other person doesn't WANT so much, a compromise is indeed important. When you love someone it isn't about selfishness. When you love someone, you want them to be happy. I hate me...me...meeeeee relationships. |
The bold is exactly why I think it's unfair to compromise in this situation. When you love someone, you do want them to be happy. In a compromise, neither one of these people will be happy. WHy? Because meeting in the middle would require him to accept less affection than he wants (which he's already been doing for the last 15 years) and it would require her to give more affection than she wants to give. That definitely does not reflect love for your partner. A compromise at this point would only be a bandaid because it's obvious that neither one of their needs when it comes to affection have changed in 15 years.
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nycdiva357
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:46pm |
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may you are looking at this from a the cup is half empty perspective. lol
instead of seeing it as they are both unhappy they are not getting 100% of what they want...
why not see it as
him: im not getting all the affection i want-- but I'm getting more than the usual.. so im happy.
her: Im giving him a little more...but not the point where I'm selling my soul out for hugs n kisses-.and hes happier now-so im happy.
so while they are not getting exactly what they each want.. they are both winners in they got something.
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rickysrose
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:47pm |
I genuinely did not know a hug was this serious
And I mean this in the most shade free way possible
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