Black Hair Media Forum Homepage
BHM BHM BHM
Forum Home Forum Home > Lets Talk > Talk, Talk, and More Talk
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - How do you make it work?
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login
Angkor Cambodian Hair
 

How do you make it work?

 
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 1112131415 16>
It Always Begin With Beautiful Hair

Bootiful Cream



Author
 Rating: Topic Rating: 3 Votes, Average 2.67  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
iGotSunshine View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Nov 05 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 81884
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote iGotSunshine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:02pm
Originally posted by nycdiva357 nycdiva357 wrote:

 this thread is kinda disgusting--
when I think about all the other bhm threads where ppl talk about how marriages of today aren't shyt--
and how marriages of the past were great-- thats why they last so long.

it would be a different case if she was trying-- and they weren't getting anywhere- but she is not.

yet a lot of ppl are screaming divorce.

what happened to ppl compromising and meeting half way?

like I can't imagine being the lady that when asked why I am divorced.. my response is "well I couldn't attempt to hug him more"
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
maysay1 View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Jul 02 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 97487
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote maysay1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:09pm
It's clearly really difficult for people to even try to see this from another perspective. Maybe because in some ways it requires one to question the accepted norms for romantic relationship/marriage?

Everyone doesn't interact the same way. Just like some people can have sex once a season and be totally happy and others need to do it every day...that's just who they are and neither person is wrong or bad for being that way. And neither should they change. There really is no compromise when it comes to something like that because one person is going to be fundamentally unhappy.
Back to Top
nimkola View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Mar 20 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8541
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nimkola Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:11pm
Eh, I'm not really affectionate. Like I can hug people but long periods of cuddling bores me. I don't not like it though, there's just a limit. And I'd prefer to do it when I'm falling asleep or watching t.v. or something like that, otherwise it's like "Ermm go somewhere"
Back to Top
iGotSunshine View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Nov 05 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 81884
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote iGotSunshine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:16pm
in marriage the rules are different 
there's always room for compromise (barring any ridiculous circumstances) 

like naw man we sat up here and made these vows before God, ourselves and those who love us? 
we promised to be in this sh*t for life? well we are gonna sit down on somebody's couch and work it out. 

im old school when it comes to marriage tho.
marriage is like a gang to me. 
once you're in you're in for life LOL
Back to Top
nimkola View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Mar 20 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8541
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote nimkola Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:20pm
Back to Top
freedom76 View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Apr 23 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 45880
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote freedom76 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:20pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

It's clearly really difficult for people to even try to see this from another perspective. Maybe because in some ways it requires one to question the accepted norms for romantic relationship/marriage?

Everyone doesn't interact the same way. Just like some people can have sex once a season and be totally happy and others need to do it every day...that's just who they are and neither person is wrong or bad for being that way. And neither should they change. There really is no compromise when it comes to something like that because one person is going to be fundamentally unhappy.

I agree with everything other than the bold. I think while compromise is definitely possible. See it isn't about turning more affectionate or even accepting less affection, it is more about understanding the needs and wants of your partner. Once you realize the other person NEEDS a bit more, and the other person doesn't WANT so much, a compromise is indeed important. When you love someone it isn't about selfishness. When you love someone, you want them to be happy. I hate me...me...meeeeee relationships. 
Back to Top
iGotSunshine View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Nov 05 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 81884
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote iGotSunshine Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:21pm
Originally posted by nimkola nimkola wrote:


i tried to do this one time 
my momma busted my ass so hard lmao 
Back to Top
EPITOME View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar

Joined: Feb 08 2007
Location: Escarpin
Status: Online
Points: 458115
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EPITOME Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:26pm
Originally posted by freedom76 freedom76 wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

It's clearly really difficult for people to even try to see this from another perspective. Maybe because in some ways it requires one to question the accepted norms for romantic relationship/marriage?

Everyone doesn't interact the same way. Just like some people can have sex once a season and be totally happy and others need to do it every day...that's just who they are and neither person is wrong or bad for being that way. And neither should they change. There really is no compromise when it comes to something like that because one person is going to be fundamentally unhappy.

I agree with everything other than the bold. I think while compromise is definitely possible. See it isn't about turning more affectionate or even accepting less affection, it is more about understanding the needs and wants of your partner. Once you realize the other person NEEDS a bit more, and the other person doesn't WANT so much, a compromise is indeed important. When you love someone it isn't about selfishness. When you love someone, you want them to be happy. I hate me...me...meeeeee relationships. 


can you preach?!!! i just think this is interesting from people who claim that dating is difficult but are unwilling to compromise.
Back to Top
nycdiva357 View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar

Joined: Jun 06 2008
Location: ya daddys house
Status: Offline
Points: 160927
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote nycdiva357 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:27pm
sorry.. I can't agree w/ that Maysay.

I'm like the woman in the OP. I'm not really into all the touchy/ feely shyt. Its just not in my personality.. but i know my SO is. so every now again.. when we are outside.. I hold his hand. i hug him etc. NOt b/c that shyt makes me happy...lol b/c it most definitely doesn't. But b/c I know it makes him happy-- I'm cool with it. and its more tolerable.

I give in my relationship.. as well as take. And i think thats the fundamental building structure of any relationship. As long as something isn't compromising my safety.. and my complete being.. I'm ok. hugging a guy wont kill me. I beleee dat. lol
Back to Top
maysay1 View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Jul 02 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 97487
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote maysay1 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 12:34pm
Originally posted by freedom76 freedom76 wrote:

Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

It's clearly really difficult for people to even try to see this from another perspective. Maybe because in some ways it requires one to question the accepted norms for romantic relationship/marriage?

Everyone doesn't interact the same way. Just like some people can have sex once a season and be totally happy and others need to do it every day...that's just who they are and neither person is wrong or bad for being that way. And neither should they change. There really is no compromise when it comes to something like that because one person is going to be fundamentally unhappy.

I agree with everything other than the bold. I think while compromise is definitely possible. See it isn't about turning more affectionate or even accepting less affection, it is more about understanding the needs and wants of your partner. Once you realize the other person NEEDS a bit more, and the other person doesn't WANT so much, a compromise is indeed important. When you love someone it isn't about selfishness. When you love someone, you want them to be happy. I hate me...me...meeeeee relationships. 


The bold is exactly why I think it's unfair to compromise in this situation. When you love someone, you do want them to be happy. In a compromise, neither one of these people will be happy. WHy? Because meeting in the middle would require him to accept less affection than he wants (which he's already been doing for the last 15 years) and it would require her to give more affection than she wants to give. That definitely does not reflect love for your partner.

A compromise at this point would only be a bandaid because it's obvious that neither one of their needs when it comes to affection have changed in 15 years.
Back to Top
Get Longer Healthier Faster Growing Hair
Get Healthier Stronger Longer Hair
Glam Twinz
Weave Connection
Little Black Scarf
Human Hair Wigs
Wefting Training
Brazilian Hair
Brazilian Hair
Wig and Hair Extension on Amazon
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 1112131415 16>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down