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How do you make it work?

 
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freedom76 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote freedom76 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 10:22am
DH is much more affectionate than I am. He is also in need of more physical closeness ( I am not talking sexually). I can't really even walk past him without getting groped...and I mean groped. I love him to death, but it can get annoying at times. For him, it is how he shows affection, while I am more of a verbal person. Some times he really can go overboard, and I have to let him know. It does bother him when I do. BUT, he gets it. The same goes for me as well. I need more verbal stimulation. This is something I have to bring to his attention. It is a balancing act. I think they can work with some really deep understanding of their differences. Each will have to compromise. If the love is there, then the should be willing to put in the work.
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Wildfire View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Wildfire Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 10:27am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

again--embarrassing that you're considering divorce bc you won't hug a nig.g.a and say you want him to leave you alone and yet YOU turn into the clingy pressed one when he does. get your mind right and get your ish together.


ITA. madness



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote EPITOME Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 10:27am
Originally posted by freedom76 freedom76 wrote:

DH is much more affectionate than I am. He is also in need of more physical closeness ( I am not talking sexually). I can't really even walk past him without getting groped...and I mean groped. I love him to death, but it can get annoying at times. For him, it is how he shows affection, while I am more of a verbal person. Some times he really can go overboard, and I have to let him know. It does bother him when I do. BUT, he gets it. The same goes for me as well. I need more verbal stimulation. This is something I have to bring to his attention. It is a balancing act. I think they can work with some really deep understanding of their differences. Each will have to compromise. If the love is there, then the should be willing to put in the work.


and this is what love is.  nobody is 100% compatible in every sense of the word.  we all do things that maybe are not natural to us/might find annoying a little bit bc the other person enjoys it.


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ThoughtCouture View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 10:29am
yes free.  my thing is the same as he should have known she was not affectionate she should have known that he was.  someone is getting the short end of the stick and eventually it will become an issue.
 
i'm not really affectionate or overly emotional.  in fact, that is the one critsism that rings true with MOST of my exes feedback to me.  most men say i act like a man emotionally...Ermm  anyway, i wouldn't dare think an overly affectionate man is going to be ok for LIFE with me in my natural state lol.
 
i've compromised and will continue to do so when it was warranted...


Edited by ThoughtCouture - Jan 14 2013 at 10:29am
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Wildfire View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Wildfire Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 10:29am
Originally posted by ThoughtCouture ThoughtCouture wrote:

well...these people are in therapy trying to figure it out.    if HIS only issue is that he wants more affection and HER only issue is that she wants him to loose weight...giving up on 15 years of marriage seems rediculous imo.
 
BOTH OF THEM need to be willing to put in the work and effort to correct these minor issues...it's not rocket science...



seems like he's the one with the minor issue. If cold is really her personality, its going to be all hell trying to change or adjust.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 10:32am


is it possible that people like the OP and WF's friend are coming from a good place .. naturally people take recoiling as a negative reaction ... it is possible that it isn't?  

if it isn't ... how, why?  it could help people dealing with loved ones like this
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ThoughtCouture View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 10:32am
she can work on it.  but she will need to get to the root cause of her issues...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EPITOME Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 10:33am
i would hope it wouldn't take 15 years though
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 10:33am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


you don't become more affectionate (and mean it) over night
 
she needs intense therapy...imo.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote EPITOME Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 10:34am
it is not natural to RECOIL from the touch of your mate.  that is such a strong term and evokes much more than just mere avoidance. 
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