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How do you make it work?

 
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khivey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:03am
He isn't laying wood properly. Sex feeling like a chore means sex is feeling not so good and/or the sexual attraction is not there. I believe she loves him and misses him, but more as her partner/friend..she doesn't view him as her lover...
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rickysrose View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:06am

can you guys go into more detail than "it just is"

I still don't see why a hug, kiss, a kind word is hard, especially when the other person is asking for it and would happily receive it 

strangers I can see but I'm not getting how this is hard for a spouse that you love and loves you

I am asking what is the mindset behind it?


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:19am
no I don't think everyone should be as affectionate as me

but because I'm affectionate, I don't quite understand the mindset of refusing to hug or kiss or say something nice to someone that I've known and lived with for 15 years

I'm really asking a question ... what is the mindset, why would she NOT hug him


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:42am


I can be cold and aloof with strangers and warm and affectionate with loved ones ... it never occurred to me to also be cold and aloof with loved ones

but this isn't about me or what I need ... I never said anything about my physical affection needs, I spoke about what I would give not receive

In the OP, it doesn't look like she is hugging anyone once a day ... once a day might actually help


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Wildfire Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:46am
Originally posted by ms_wonderland ms_wonderland wrote:

He should get a college mistress. She's not going to change and neither is he.



*nods*
they are incompatible.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Wildfire Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:48am
Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:



I can be cold and aloof with strangers and warm and affectionate with loved ones ... it never occurred to me to also be cold and aloof with loved ones



a former friend of mine was cold in all his romantic relationships --cold to the point of cruel, selfish and hung up on just about everything....but he was the total opposite with his kids and older sister
. I could never understand it.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Wildfire Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:51am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


she may show how feels in other ways


I wonder how?, since she doesnt show affection, by nature. How else? I cant imagine her even saying something affectionate since she cant show it.
Confused
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:52am
I never said or insinuated that people should be like me

I asked for insight on how other people think


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Wildfire Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:54am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:

Originally posted by Wildfire Wildfire wrote:


Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:





I can be cold and aloof with strangers and warm and affectionate with loved ones ... it never occurred to me to also be cold and aloof with loved ones



a former friend of mine was cold in all his romantic relationships --cold to the point of cruel, selfish and hung up on just about everything....but he was the total opposite with his kids and older sister
. I could never understand it.


I can

the relationship with his sister and children is not the same as the relationship with is so

all relationships are not held in the same light


Im sorry, but this is effed up. Its the reason everyone has essentially now turned their back on him. He cant maintain any sort of relationship or friendship because of his coldness. It eventually turns people off.
How on earth can you be totally cold to someone youve sharing yourself with for years? As well as people you call your friends? Makes no sense.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:57am
Originally posted by SamoneLenior SamoneLenior wrote:


he is clingy

she is not the most affectionate person and isn't that sexually attracted to him anymore

but they have been doing this for over 15 years, I don't see either changing without therapy

they co parent and are roommates at this point
 
i would actually buy this if she didn't become anxious when he is off doing something that doesn't involve her.  maybe he isn't clingy at all...
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