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How do you make it work?

 
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SamoneLenior View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 7:04am
Originally posted by **Sk!TtLeS B** **Sk!TtLeS B** wrote:


Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

my unresolved childhood trauma comment was in regards to the husband.





I know. 

Ricky didnt understand how people couldnt be naturally affectionate. I took it as her thinking there's something wrong with these people, instead of them just being different.


not sure why that is hard to understand
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 7:43am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

damn---id be embarrassed to say im getting divorced bc i wont hug my dh. 
 
epecially if i was also saying he needed to go find some bizness yet seemingly obsessing (getting anxious) when he does.  she needs to work that out....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Junior Jr Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 7:55am
a rare case of mommy issues....intradesting
 
jr.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 8:42am
nicca said rare case

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote khivey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:03am
He isn't laying wood properly. Sex feeling like a chore means sex is feeling not so good and/or the sexual attraction is not there. I believe she loves him and misses him, but more as her partner/friend..she doesn't view him as her lover...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:06am

can you guys go into more detail than "it just is"

I still don't see why a hug, kiss, a kind word is hard, especially when the other person is asking for it and would happily receive it 

strangers I can see but I'm not getting how this is hard for a spouse that you love and loves you

I am asking what is the mindset behind it?


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SamoneLenior View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:07am

he is clingy

she is not the most affectionate person and isn't that sexually attracted to him anymore

but they have been doing this for over 15 years, I don't see either changing without therapy

they co parent and are roommates at this point
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SamoneLenior View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:08am

do you think everyone should be as affectionate as you?
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SamoneLenior View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote SamoneLenior Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:15am

she may show how feels in other ways

some people are not comfortable with a lot hugging and such

if they want to work on that for themselves, they will

I think if she changes only for him, the change will be short lived

she has to want to hug and kiss more for her own sake

otherwise it will be forced
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 9:19am
no I don't think everyone should be as affectionate as me

but because I'm affectionate, I don't quite understand the mindset of refusing to hug or kiss or say something nice to someone that I've known and lived with for 15 years

I'm really asking a question ... what is the mindset, why would she NOT hug him


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