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How do you make it work?

 
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Derri View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Derri Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:19am
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

Originally posted by BBpants BBpants wrote:

I love a man that shows me lots of attention and affection. He can marry me. Smile

Me too.
Every night my SO and I cuddle. I sleep in his arms. He comes into the kitchen when I'm cooking and kiss me up. Couldn't be with a man who wasn't affectionate.




And you couldn't just change from being the type of person who wants affection shown often to being the type of person who wants it rarely, if at all. It's just who you are.

I think it's unfair (and ridiculous) to expect either one of these people to change their natures. In this case, the mistake is his because he went into thinking she was going to change a fundamental part of herself.



Totally agree.
If I were her, I'd try (as compromise to acknowledge my husband's needs and to try to make him happier)  but there is no guarantee that I could keep it up forever.


Edited by Derri - Jan 14 2013 at 2:21am
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**Sk!TtLeS B** View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote **Sk!TtLeS B** Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:22am
Originally posted by Derri Derri wrote:

my unresolved childhood trauma comment was in regards to the husband.


I know. 

Ricky didnt understand how people couldnt be naturally affectionate. I took it as her thinking there's something wrong with these people, instead of them just being different.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:27am
I'm sure the problem didnt just show up overnight.
It's probably something he complained about constantly or it caused a rift before so I don't really blame him.
He proposed knowing it was an issue and she accepted his hand and marriage knowing they weren't compatible in that way but loved each other anyway.

Ok but the problem is still here and it's not an easy problem to fix.
Compromise do it bc he likes kisses and hugs and he has to calm down and try to not be clingy.
Nope it's not easy but I don't see any other fix to a forced match except divorce.

So suck it up I guess
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:35am
probably has her own play thing

you're right jonsie people just dont shut down overnight
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (3) Thanks(3)   Quote EPITOME Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:38am
damn---id be embarrassed to say im getting divorced bc i wont hug my dh. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Prazol60 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:53am
It can work if both can learn to work together to each other what they want. Ok, he gained weight so if the two of them can find some time then work out together or do a sport like tennis. This way they are spending time together and he might then get that extra affectation he desires. Working out will release some hormonse that will make her feel more loving to him.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:54am
Originally posted by **Sk!TtLeS B** **Sk!TtLeS B** wrote:



Originally posted by rickysrose rickysrose wrote:





it should be okay to be clingy with spouse ... who else would you cling to?

recoiling at a loved one's touch (she does say she loves him) ... seems like she either doesn't love him or has some post traumatic stress syndrome symptoms

I think I have some ptsd symptoms as well ... I'm very jumpy and I startle easily


Some people dont like clingy, because clingy can go from cute to annoying real quick. But like Gkisses said, the alternative isnt to ignore them. 

Of course I would want affection, but a clingy SO would drive me insane. If he's up under her 24/7, when he wants to have sex with her she's probably already burnt out and annoyed.

His mistake was marrying someone who wasnt as affectionate as he'd like and hoping she would change. Her mistake was marrying someone who was more affectionate than she'd like and (Im assuming) hoping it would lessen over time. I think they can make it work, if they're both willing to compromise and come to a healthy medium. 



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote ThoughtCouture Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 7:43am
Originally posted by EPITOME EPITOME wrote:

damn---id be embarrassed to say im getting divorced bc i wont hug my dh. 
 
epecially if i was also saying he needed to go find some bizness yet seemingly obsessing (getting anxious) when he does.  she needs to work that out....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Junior Jr Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 7:55am
a rare case of mommy issues....intradesting
 
jr.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote afrokock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 8:42am
nicca said rare case

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