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maysay1 
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 Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 1:22am |
 **Sk!TtLeS B** wrote:
rickysrose wrote:
as an affectionate person I can't imagine a hug, kiss, smile, encouraging words, etc being hard or taxing
I think that may have been his issue ... not realizing that it is much deeper than that for some people
I think people just assume there's a power play or mean spiritedness involved
can someone explain the other side ... how/why it's hard to be affectionate?
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It just is. Some people just arent affectionate. That doesnt mean that anything is wrong with them, nor does it mean that they have some unresolved childhood trauma. Some people are just receivers while others are givers. |
Yup. You know how some couples, if they're in a room together, they have to be touching or in close proximity. And other couples you might never see them touch at all. Both styles work for those couples. But if you took one from the touchy couple and put them with one from the non-touchy couple, it wouldn't work. Neither of them needs to change...they just need to be with the right partner.
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EPITOME
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 1:55am |
creole booty wrote:
Kind of sounds like she's just not that into him. He was the safe option. |
now that is a thread. make it girl 
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Derri
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:17am |
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my unresolved childhood trauma comment was in regards to the husband.
He has some issues with his mother, and took it into his marriage.
Edited by Derri - Jan 14 2013 at 2:20am
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Derri
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:19am |
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**Sk!TtLeS B**
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:22am |
Derri wrote:
my unresolved childhood trauma comment was in regards to the husband.
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I know.
Ricky didnt understand how people couldnt be naturally affectionate. I took it as her thinking there's something wrong with these people, instead of them just being different.
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jonesable
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:27am |
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I'm sure the problem didnt just show up overnight.
It's probably something he complained about constantly or it caused a rift before so I don't really blame him.
He proposed knowing it was an issue and she accepted his hand and marriage knowing they weren't compatible in that way but loved each other anyway.
Ok but the problem is still here and it's not an easy problem to fix.
Compromise do it bc he likes kisses and hugs and he has to calm down and try to not be clingy.
Nope it's not easy but I don't see any other fix to a forced match except divorce.
So suck it up I guess
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afrokock
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:35am |
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probably has her own play thing
you're right jonsie people just dont shut down overnight
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EPITOME
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:38am |
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damn---id be embarrassed to say im getting divorced bc i wont hug my dh.
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Prazol60
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:53am |
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It can work if both can learn to work together to each other what they want. Ok, he gained weight so if the two of them can find some time then work out together or do a sport like tennis. This way they are spending time together and he might then get that extra affectation he desires. Working out will release some hormonse that will make her feel more loving to him.
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afrokock
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Posted: Jan 14 2013 at 2:54am |
**Sk!TtLeS B** wrote:
rickysrose wrote:
it should be okay to be clingy with spouse ... who else would you cling to?
recoiling at a loved one's touch (she does say she loves him) ... seems like she either doesn't love him or has some post traumatic stress syndrome symptoms
I think I have some ptsd symptoms as well ... I'm very jumpy and I startle easily |
Some people dont like clingy, because clingy can go from cute to annoying real quick. But like Gkisses said, the alternative isnt to ignore them.
Of course I would want affection, but a clingy SO would drive me insane. If he's up under her 24/7, when he wants to have sex with her she's probably already burnt out and annoyed.
His mistake was marrying someone who wasnt as affectionate as he'd like and hoping she would change. Her mistake was marrying someone who was more affectionate than she'd like and (Im assuming) hoping it would lessen over time. I think they can make it work, if they're both willing to compromise and come to a healthy medium.
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