| Printer_Ink wrote:|
How to tell if he is real .. and not just interested in sex?
First off 80 - 90% of single guys are NOT available for a real relationship at any given time. They have stuff they are dealing with ... however, those same men WILL be available to have (just) sex with you. You should keep this in mind.
- He does not pressure or guilt or in some way try to compel you into sex. He has to wait a good 2 - 3 months if not longer to get sex from you. The longer he has to wait ... the more he will value you and want you. If you sleep with him before you know him very well - either he will be gone or he will stay. However, bit by bit you will see who he REALLY is and if he has a bad character, lying, cheating, stealing, borrows money, has no where to stay, kicks a stray dog when he walks by hee hee ... you will already be too bonded to him by sex to dump him - even though you know he's no good. :(
Whereas if you had waited you would have still found out all this stuff about him ... but there would be no bond .. so you would have dumped him and moved on to a decent guy.
If you sleep with him too early and he's a good guy that wants something real ... well, you were too easy .. maybe he will be okay with this or maybe he will move on to someone that challenges him more. (He might even think you are cheap and not marriage material.)
All in all if you delay sex ... for several reasons .. things kind of work themselves out.
- He does what he says. He does not have you waiting on him for a date. If he will be late - he will call you.
- He does not go hot and cold. Like he calls you every other day ... and then nothing for 2 weeks but then he has an excuse when he does calls. Something ain't right.
- He operates in a way such that you can trust what he says. He says he will take off work and go to bed early with a headache/cold .. and you can trust that he is doing just that and not off with some other chick such you 'think' you see him .. in an odd part of town.
- How much time does he want to spend with you? Does he want to spend a hour on a Wedesday evening all the time and then he's gotta bounce? Or does he call you a week in advance to see you for the whole evening on a Friday or Saturday night? These are the PRIME nights when everyone wants to be out and about. But if he is always seeing you on week nights ... um you are lower on his list.
Later on .. does he wanna spend the whole day with you .. like drive 2 hours to an event at a XXX that lasts all day - where you can eat and talk?
If that guy has gotta 'bounce' away from you all the time .. umm something ain't right about him. Normal men are ... what's the word now - STABLE.
- When he is with you he is checking out every other girl in the room? Lots of guys think if they show attention to other females .. that will make you jealous and want to compete for his attention etc. Manipulator. Dump him.
- He pays your way. Doesn't mean you guys go to some 5 star restaurant that gonna break the bank .. but (based on your age and his income) some place with normal prices - like an Applebees. (when youy become a couple .. you can start pitching in if you want). (Don't take advantage and try to get him to buy you the best place or you will be on his list on what kind of girls to avoid. He will think you are using him for his money. :) )
- He wants you to know his full name, where he lives, where he works etc. He wants you to meet his friends. This is a BIG one because a lot of guys are lying about who they are until they can get sex out of you and then move on!
- He talks about his dreams with you. If he works as a Playwriter - maybe he tells you that in 7 years .. he's gonna start Production of his own!
- He treats you in a respectful way - like he's looking out for you when you are in his company. It's raining when you come out of the movies ... but he tells you to wait there while he pulls the car around. That way you don't have to get wet too and mess up your hair etc. Men CAN get wet ... but he shouldn't be okay with letting his date get wet. :(
- He does not tell you what to do. Like if you order a drink or dinner or whatever .. he shouldn't try to superimpose HIS wishes .. on to you. When this happens you are dealing with the early stages of a controlling relationship. This will never come to a good end.
- Lastly .. is he a kind man? Really KIND and not just to you but to EVERYBODY. Makes a BIG difference.
There are other signs .. this will just get you going.