how do you deal with death

This made me laugh as well.  I try to vision him just being out of town but I know its not true. 

I have a scarf I took from him in October. I remember I had to force him to give it me lmao It was so cold that morning and I was like I need a scarf.  He dead tried to give a thin string of a scarf. lmao I miss him so much. So I do have things to remember him by. I have a video of the day we first met. He didn't have much Facebook pictures but the ones he has up are mainly in this shirt I brought him for his birthday a few years ago. & I remember he tagged me in a pic earlier this year after we broke up with the lighter I brought him for Christmas the year prior to let me know he still had it. It was engraved with his name. 

I am really thinking of seeing a therapist or just going to church again because as much as I laughed and smiled by sharing that personal info just now. I just started crying. 

We had planned a future together and although I was years younger than him he never made me forget it. He always told me that no matter what I was gonna be his girl and we always would have love for each other. Although we were over he was always there for me. I was always there for him. We were more than just lovers he was my friend a true genuine person. 

I kinda wish I called him earlier than I did on the day all the terrible happened because maybe just maybe he could have still been here. I wish I could have helped him. I wish I could have been there for him instead people practically let him die. 

I'm mad because I feel he was set up and was left to die. but that's my personal thoughts and I wont get into that. I just wish he never left his house that day. 

 

Yall, we have been together for almost 20 years and always knew that we would face these things in our lifetime...but until you actually go through it, you can not truly understand. If nothing else, these experiences are helping me become a better mother, daughter, friend, human. I do believe time helps to heal, but when someone close passes on, can you fully heal. My husband asked me the other day, how long it would hurt. He said he misses his parents so much. He wasn't a mama's boy, but he and his sibblings truly have a close family.