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Cocoa View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: How do I redeem myself???
    Posted: Jan 25 2006 at 5:39am

ladies please help.  Last year i broke up with my boyfriend of 4 1/2 years after finding out he was cheating.  We remained friends and up until this las Monday was saying how he wants me back. After the break up we still talked almost everyday and saw eachother at least 4x a week.  I never wanted to get together with him,

On Sunday a mutual friend of her's and mine, told me that These guys have been together all this time since we broke up and that everytime I call and they are together he tells her that i'm just so desperate to get him back and i dont understand no means no. erytime she found something of mine at his house, he would tell her that im just psycho and deliberately plant things in his house or car so they can break up.  What kind of S##T is that.  And now she's going around town tellilng people that im tryin to break them up and that i want him back.  Im soooooo gutted coz i feel like there is nothing i can do to redeem myself. Imnot that kind of person.  Once he called me shouting saying that i must stop calling him and im bugging. He hung up and didnt give me a chance to call.  He called later saying he was calling his neighbour who was buggin him and he accidently dialed the wrong number.  Now i Know that he was putting on a show for his other girl.

Iknow they say looking good and doin good is the best revenge, but it wont work coz she is absolutely gorgeous, with legs from here to heaven, got her own business and is studying for her masters.  I can see why he's down. but he took it too far with the lies and blackening my name.  Ladies what do I do?? men  will never wanna date me now.

Oh, and by the way I havn't spoken to that N***a since i found out.  How do i redeem myself

 

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fancy112 View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 25 2006 at 8:23am

Redeeming yourself would impy that you did something wwrong, I really do not see any wrong doing on your part at this time. You were lied to and your ex has been playing games.  Unfortunately he wasn't able to handle himself as a mature man and took advantage of your friendship.

Here's how I read into your ex, he's insecure about himself so much so that he needs to impress the other female with lies (i.e. "im such a good man she just can't leave me alone) and doesn't necessarily want to let go of a sure thing (you) just in case the female he is with now opens her eyes and sees him for who he really is.

That being said this female has to be somewhat insecure as well, you mean to tell me she's gorgeous, has her own business and so much going for her but she has nothing better to do than go around town talking about her boyfriends ex, come on now would that really be an issue if everything was as good as they appear to be?

Men will want to date you I have no question in my mind that that, will happen however you need to expand your circle im guessing that there are some people who don't know about your situation in your town and im also certain there are people who could care less also.  If you all run with the same people all the time its going to be a little harder to distance yourself from the situation but you definetly need to. The best revenge in this situation is not looking good and doing good but rather going on with your life so that you show that ni**a didn't phase you. I bet if they see and here your going out with other people it will drive that fact home.

Who knows how many lies or games this boy (sorry I can't call him a man, his actions are not that of a man) played with you in your relationship to manipulate things into his favor, you need to take this as a blessing , and remove the drama from your life.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 25 2006 at 8:30am
By the way you all broke up do to him cheating, why did you stay friends with him? He obviously did not value you in your relationship (and disrespected you then) so you stay friends with him so he can continue to disrespect you? I know this might seem a little harsh and I don't mean it this way but YOU need to stop enabling his Bull spit.  I'm serious too many times guys we as females let guys run us ragged and then act surprised when they do things that hurt us, cut him off he is not a friend he has betrayed your trust too many times for you to even want to be bothered.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 25 2006 at 9:03am

Thanks fancy,  I know your right but its so hard for my logic and reason to overpower my emotions.  It was soooooo STUPID for me to remain friends with him.  I guess cutting myself off from someone who knows me so well (my best friend) so suddenly was hard for me to deal with at the time. I just hope i get over this hurt and betrayal very soon. coz right now everytime i think about it i wanna cry. I dont want to give him the satitisfaction of knowing that im crushed by this.  He's already smug about knowing he was my first "Everything".  Its so hard, one minute your best friends talking for hours on end and the next, he is out of my life.  Anyway, im sure ill get over it eventually. Thanks fancy

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 25 2006 at 9:24am

Cocoa , im sorry I didn't know that you were his best friend, and im sure that that is going to be a very tough pill to swallow, but he is not being a best friend to you, not now and not then when he cheated on you.  It really does appear that he is taking the value of your friendship seriously and you need to reevaluate your friendship. I hope you have other (true) friends or family you can lean on right now, I know him being your first makes it that much harder but girl, he's definetly not your last and it's time for you to take a moment lick your wounds and then move on, it will get better with time.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 25 2006 at 1:36pm
Originally posted by Cocoa Cocoa wrote:

Iknow they say looking good and doin good is the best revenge, but it wont work coz she is absolutely gorgeous, with legs from here to heaven, got her own business and is studying for her masters.  I can see why he's down. but he took it too far with the lies and blackening my name.  Ladies what do I do?? men  will never wanna date me now.

Oh, and by the way I havn't spoken to that N***a since i found out.  How do i redeem myself

 



Girl thats messed up, but I agree with Fancy you dont need to redeem yourself you did nothing wrong. He is the one thats trifling. I would just move on and forget about both of them. He knows the real truth.
I dont believe men wont date you because of this, if any man listens to this BS and then dont want to date you because of that then they are not worth your time. Real men dont listen to gossip anyway, they are going to take the time to get to know you for themselves. You've heard that song when a man loves a woman she can do no wrong. 
As far as how she looks,girl beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. What is gorgeous in another man's eyes is just plain jane to another. Do not be intimidated by her looks, real men dont judge women on just looks either. Halle Barry is one of the most beautiful women in the world and so far she has had a lot of heartbreak with men just like the rest of us regular women. On top of that, you should always regard yourself as the most beautiful woman in the world. I do
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 25 2006 at 3:06pm
Fancy, Henny thanks.  It was really hard for me to come to the forum because i keep my relationships very private. I know i need to open up because even my girlfriends never know whats going on.  All they know is that im with him or i aint.  I spent the whole day in sweats watching cable moping and having small outbursts of Tourette's "MOFO, Bich!!!!!" but now i feel a bit better.  Ill take it a day at a time and hope i dont run into them anytime soon until im stronger inside. Thanks again ladies.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 27 2006 at 11:22pm

I guess I'm confused as to why and how the "mutual" friend contacted you and her the purpose for this contact.  Was it to verify the status of you and his relationship?

We as women have to learn that when a relationship dissolves, there is no need to remain friends unless you have children in common.  Other than that, close and finish that chapter of your life and start living the next chapter.   Trust me if you had cheated on him, he would have quit speaking to you the day he found out you betrayed his trust.  He would no longer consider you his best friend but a "cheating ho" who lied to him regardless of the past experience. With men no matter how good the relationship had been, you treating trumps ya'll being friends.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 27 2006 at 11:26pm

Originally posted by Cocoa Cocoa wrote:

How do i redeem myself?

Why are you sitting at home, moping, and watching cable? I'm assured that he's not and is doing his thing and being seen while doing it.   Sitting in your house being closed off from the world let's him know he's got the best of you.  If you let your face and presence be known that you aren't fazed by this "little issue".

The best revenge/redeeming is to get off the couch but some clothes on and start "stepping out".  Call your friendgirls--go to the movies, the club, the mall. the gym or wherever.  Start hanging out and enjoying yourself.    I can gaurantee you the word will get out that Cocoa was looking good the other night and he'll hear about it.

If anybody asks or inquiry about the issues always be ladylike "Things just didn't work about between us, we had different goals, ambitions, and needed changes. I'm enjoying life and see what more it has to offer."  Don't mention his new girl, him cheating, ect then you'll end up sounding like bitter Shar Jackson.

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jan 28 2006 at 3:54am
Thanks Queen Bee
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