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Honouring thy mother and father?

 
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Chey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 30 2011 at 12:13pm
lol nobody talking bout hate! I dont hate anyone
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mizqtpye View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote mizqtpye Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 30 2011 at 7:21pm

Chey, I’m sorry to hear about your tumultuous relationship with your mother and I pray that this post can help you find refuge in the scripture! 

Originally posted by Chey Chey wrote:

I am beyond the age in which obedience is needed- i am not a teen, I am in my 20's.
But I have a question.. I know in the bible it says to honour your parents and obey them, but is this possible when they do not respect you etc?

Do we have the right perspective?

Sure it’s possible to honor disrespectful parents when you have the right perspective on this command.  You honor and obey your parents first and foremost because God commanded this of you – obey your parents “for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1) and “pleasing to the Lord ” (Colossians 3:20).  But aside from the fact that God in His Sovereign Providence wanted the family relationship set up this way, a primary reason God commands children to obey their parents is to teach them to honor and submit to His authority.  This is why Paul writes, “obey your parents in the Lord” (Ephesians 6:1); he was making clear that when we obey our parents we are actually serving, pleasing, honoring, obeying, and worshiping the Lord.  Additionally, since we Christians look to Christ as an example of how to live in a way that is pleasing to the Father, we should strive to model Christ’s total obedience to God the Father (see Matthew 26:39) and to His earthly parents (see Luke 2:51).  But of course, if our parents’ commands are counter to God’s Word, you “must obey God rather than men” (see Acts 5:29).

What about parents who don’t deserve our honor/respect?

I don’t want to gloss over your concern about your mother's disrespect because it is important.  Of course it would be easier to honor and obey our parents if they are believers who model such obedience and honor, but just because our parents don’t deserve obedience and honor doesn’t mean the Lord doesn’t deserve our obedience and honor.  Believe me, I know obeying and honoring ones parents is complicated when they don't deserve it, but even then we should strive to obey God because He is our Heavenly Father who is Above All and Forever Righteous.  And what's more, He lovingly sent us His Holy Spirit to help us keep His commandments in even the most difficult of situations (see e.g., John 16:13, Romans 8:26Gal. 4:65:22-23).  Because of this, I can confidently say that you need not worry Chey, because I have no doubt that with continued prayer and a genuine desire to do God’s will, honoring your mother will become easier especially when you realize it’s actually your way of honoring and obeying the Lord.

Ways we can honor our parents despite their shortcomings!

While it’s true that you are no longer under your parent’s control as a 20-something year old, you must remember that the command to honor them is nevertheless life-long.  However realizing that honoring is not the same as having an emotional attachment like love should help because honoring your mother could be as simple as (this is not an exhaustive list):

  • Learning to respect the position God gave her (i.e., being the vehicle that God used to bring you here, being your caregiver as a child) and thanking God for that
  • Honoring her as apart of God's creation
  • Wanting what's best for her and praying that God has mercy on her
  • Refraining from needlessly talking negatively about her to others
  • Helping her when needed and when your able 
  • Forgiving and reaching out to her when you’re spiritually mature enough to handle it

Originally posted by Chey Chey wrote:

Its easy for many christians to say, "well they brought you into this world so you got to love them" but is this true? 

Im just wondering, does this hinder my relationship with God? Do I need to force myself to love her?

As other’s have said, I think what will hinder a relationship with God in this situation is an inability to forgive.  When one can’t forgive, they eventually allow bitterness to set in.  When bitterness of any kind is allowed to fester it will eventually rot and hinder your sanctification (not your salvation/justification), which is the process by which the Holy Spirit makes us more like Christ in all that we do, think, and say.  But keep in mind that sanctification is a lifelong process, so you need not feel bad - just continue to pray that the Lord, through His Holy Spirit, helps you be more like Christ in this and all situations.  

In regards to loving your mother, I encourage you to separate emotional love (which is always conditional and fails) from the love that Christ displayed and commands of all believers (which is unconditional and never fails). 

We are not only commanded to love other Christians, but everyone!

  • Matthew 5:43-48: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.  For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?  Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?  Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
  • Matthew 22:39: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

What kind of love is commanded?

  • 1 Corinthians 13:5-8: "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away."

Why this kind of Merciful Love?

  • Matthew 5:7: "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy."
  • John 13:35: “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
  • 2 Corinthians 8:21: “for we have regard for what is honorable, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men.”
  • James 2:13: "For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment."


Originally posted by Chey Chey wrote:

She doesn't look out for me for my wellbeing. She never has.
We had issues when I was a teen but i guess its stretched out till now.
Ive had a sit down with her, where we sort of talked about it, but the issues lay deeper than what it seems on the surface. Unsupportive, intentionally rude, and just never happy for me, its not easy to say I love my mom. 
To be honest I dont. Its easy for many christians to say, "well they brought you into this world so you got to love them" but is this true? 
She looks down on me more than any other persons mother I personally know. It hurts,  but it doesn't bother me because I put God over her anyway. 

My personal application as an example:

As a baby my drug-addicted mother left me in a hotel room, which consequentially led to ~ 17 years in foster care enduring all kinds of mental, physical, and sexual abuse.  I was beaten repeatedly with belts, wire hangers, and wooden sticks among other things and sometimes I was even put in steaming hot water so the welts that formed from the beating would sting even more; I was told I was dumb, stupid, good-for-nothing, ugly, etc. on a daily basis; I was treated like a maid/servant; I was raped and sexually victimized by a few different men; I was locked in basements and even make to sleep outside; and the list goes on and on and on. 

Now while I’ve never met my mother or my father, I can tell you that I don’t feel any ill will towards her (or him); and if I ever did meet her, I wouldn’t throw in her face what her unrighteousness actions lead to in my life.  What I would do is thank her for ultimately letting me go, because it is only by the life that I’ve lived that I am now more convinced than ever that I am only here today because God Himself kept me.  I remember as a child/teen I would sing this song to myself when I was scared [which was often] – “I love you, I love you, I love you Lord today, because you cared for me, in such a special way . . .” – and I would immediately feel safe and comforted.  I thank God that He let me know through that song that everything would be all right because He was caring for me in a special way. 

I only have to look at the fact that I am here today, self-sufficient and happy, to know that my God is real.  In fact, anytime I think about my mother and my life, I can do nothing but thank God that in His Divine Providence, He allowed me to escape the terrible statistics that face foster youth and other minority youth in my community.  Then on top of all of these earthly mercies, God graciously sent His only son to atone for my sins 2000 years ago so that I could dwell eternally with Him in the future.  What a Mighty and Merciful God I serve, and because of all that He’s done for me, the least I can do is obey Him by honoring and loving my mother in the way that Christ commanded and taught me (see e.g., Luke 23:34): by praying that God, within His Will, has Mercy on her just as He has had mercy on me.

See how God ultimately and rightly always gets the glory Wink HTHs.

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mizqtpye View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mizqtpye Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 30 2011 at 7:36pm
Originally posted by purpulicious01 purpulicious01 wrote:

*In my faith, the role of the mother is respected and valued moreso than the father. Both parents are to be respected and treated with care and kindness, but its obvious a mother goes through things fathers do not. I know this thread was directed toward Christian and biblical scripture, but just wanted to offer 'our' perspective. *

@ Purp - it's funny that you should share this.  I recently visited an all Muslim country and one of the things I definitely noticed and thought was tremendously sweet was how people, especially the men, revered and loved their mothers.  And not just their own mothers, but all the mother figures in their lives!  I sure hope I have children like them LOL
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Chey View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chey Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 30 2011 at 7:50pm
Wow mizqtpye, your post really touched me. its definitely something i am saving for future reference.
Seeing it from another perspective made me think , really what good am I doing to myself by not liking her?
Your right, I do not have to have the emotional attachment, in fact, had it never have been for the way she treated me which led to several things, I may have not have looked to God. So maybe the situation in itself is a blessing in disguise.
I appreciate your mini-testimony.
Sometimes i feel like people wont understand because they haven't gone through what I have, but its great to know someone has been through something similar. 
your truly blessed, God has already used you in so many ways. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cocopuffs Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 30 2011 at 7:58pm
Mizqtpye-
Your testimony is truly amazing. I have no other words but truly amazing! I had to respond and let you know how deep and meaningful what you wrote is. This has application to many circumstances and situations for many people. Chey and Mizqtpye, God bless you both. Hug
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mizqtpye Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 31 2011 at 12:29am
Thanks Chey & cocopuffs, I'm glad that my testimony was able to strike a cord with you.  I look at my life, the good and the bad, for exactly what it is - a testimony to God's mercy and kindness!!!  

@ Chey, to God be the glory for the revelations He has shown you!  Indeed it is truly a blessing that you can be comforted by the fact that, despite and because of this situation, you've been brought into God's saving Grace through a relationship with His Son Jesus Christ.  This is undoubtedly the most important element for both our earthly and eternal lives.  I encourage you to keep that revelation near and dear to your heart - it'll help you endure and find perspective in the little things that bother us here on earth. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote daydai Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 31 2011 at 10:07pm
My mother is not right either. She never really has been and Im an only child. Shes not right with God like she should be and THAT is why I do not hate/dislike her. I love her. Eventhough she doesnt always have my best interest at heart, even though she puts others before me sometimes, even though she always has something negative to say. I love her because I think she is being tormented by Satan(shes depressed and always stressed about LITTLE PETTY THINGS) and the hurtful things she does I can forgive them and move on.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sweet karma 4me Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Jun 03 2011 at 12:09am
mizqtpye...wow...wow...im lost for words. May God continue to bless you..
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sexyandfamous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 13 2014 at 4:18pm
Originally posted by mizqtpye mizqtpye wrote:

but just because our parents don’t deserve obedience and honor doesn’t mean the Lord doesn’t deserve our obedience and honor.  Believe me, I know obeying and honoring ones parents is complicated when they don't deserve it, but even then we should strive to obey God because He is our Heavenly Father who is Above All and Forever Righteous. 


I encourage you to separate emotional love (which is always conditional and fails) from the love that Christ displayed and commands of all believers (which is unconditional and never fails). 

We are not only commanded to love other Christians, but everyone!

What kind of love is commanded?

  • 1 Corinthians 13:5-8: "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away."


My personal application as an example:

As a baby my drug-addicted mother left me in a hotel room, which consequentially led to ~ 17 years in foster care enduring all kinds of mental, physical, and sexual abuse. 

only by the life that I’ve lived that I am now more convinced than ever that I am only here today because God Himself kept me.  I remember as a child/teen I would sing this song to myself when I was scared [which was often] – “I love you, I love you, I love you Lord today, because you cared for me, in such a special way . . .” – and I would immediately feel safe and comforted.  I thank God that He let me know through that song that everything would be all right because He was caring for me in a special way. 



Your testimony is amazing - after all you went through, you carry no hatred or blame towards anyone AND you still love God.Heart
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Physiqque Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: May 16 2014 at 11:00pm
Yea MzQ, that takes a big person and kind heart to hold no hatred. Kudos to you! 
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