Black Hair Media Forum Homepage
BHM BHM BHM
Summer Hair Takeover Specials
Forum Home Forum Home > Lets Talk > Talk, Talk, and More Talk
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Honest advice needed please!
  FAQ FAQ  Forum Search   Register Register  Login Login
 

Honest advice needed please!

 
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 2345>




The Best Human Hair Available with No Service Match

Author
 Rating: Topic Rating: 2 Votes, Average 1.00  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Cali naps View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 28 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8056
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:44pm
Originally posted by maysay1 maysay1 wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

He didn't spank me. He was either one extreme or the other. Either he wouldn't touch mr or he would choke me until and i blacked out or he'd slap and shake me.  Thanks so much. I think i might pm because I'm having a lot of trouble trying to get over this

This is coming from someone who grew up with a mentally ill/absuive/addict mother who allowed other people to abuse me as well.

This is not something you just "get over". You are not overreacting and this will take TIME. I'm assuming you don't live with them anymore. That's the first hurdle because you are not physically or financially dependent upon them. If you are financially dependent in any way (like you need their tax info for school aid or you are on their health insurance)...do the bare minimum you need to do to keep a civil relationship until you are no longer dependent. That is going to mean a lot of pretending but do it if you have to.

At the same time, you need to take care of you. If you have access to counseling/therapy through school or a community program, get in it. If you don't, then start journaling and seeking out help from free sources (honestly really captainawkward has helped me a lot, especially with all the links to good books to read about relationships and dealing with these issues).

You have to recognize that you've experienced a lot of trauma. And the emotional scars from physical abuse plus the fact that your mother did not protect you are going to be deep and ugly and take a long time to heal. And each time you engage with her it's like reopening the wound. At the same time you have to allow yourself to grieve what you have lost (a loving, good parent-child relationship).

Like I said, this is not something to just "get over". It will take time, and work, and accepting that they will probably never change. You can only change you and heal yourself. And build your own family (friends, spouse, mentors, people who are totally 100% team you). 
I really don't know what to say. I really appreciate you taking the time to help
Back to Top
Sponsored Links


Back to Top
Cali naps View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 28 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8056
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:46pm
Originally posted by FarraFace FarraFace wrote:

Cali, it's natural for a daughter to want to have a relationship with her mother. However, your anger and resentment about

Quote After she said that I listed things she let him do to me “out of anger”


her guilt about the above blue and/or refusal to accept that she is, in fact a shytty parent

= You always being the one to blame when your anger and resentment leads to arguments. 


Quote and asked if she thought her husband was worth sacrificing one of her daughters and she had no answer.

You have a list of things she let him do to you. She answered that question a long time ago sweetheart. Hug



ouch
Back to Top
rickysrose View Drop Down
Platinum Member
Platinum Member
Avatar

Joined: Jun 28 2006
Status: Offline
Points: 211483
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rickysrose Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:46pm
I agree with this relationship needing professional help

and since your 19, Im not sure how much resources you have to put towards therapy and the reality is I doubt your parents would go for it

so until you can get professional help, limit your contact, build up your own psyche and your own relationships, making yourself aware of negativity from your childhood that might impact your future decisions, relationships, perceptions etc.  

By limit, keep it light and short and over the phone


Back to Top
princesshoneybee View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Mar 08 2012
Location: shutup town
Status: Offline
Points: 16547
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote princesshoneybee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:52pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this

How old are you cali?
19
 

Yikes.Do you still live at home?
No. I left when I was 16
 

You're parents let you leave the house when you were 16! that's not even legal. You're parents sound like horrid people and this is NOT your fault. I don't think that you should ever contact them at all ever again. You need to focus right now on making something out of your life. Do you go to school? Get your butt enrolled and study hard and become someone important in life. When you are successful, you can surrond yourself with quality people and form good friendships, sometimes a good friend can be better than family. True story.
Back to Top
jonesable View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Oct 12 2010
Location: SC
Status: Online
Points: 279935
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jonesable Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 10:55pm
Are you in school?

They usually provide counseling and therapy
Back to Top
Cali naps View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 28 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8056
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:01pm
Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by princesshoneybee princesshoneybee wrote:

Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

NO! How does that seem like im trolling? My mom broke up with my dad after she got pregnant with me but she moved in with him when I was eight and thats when all this started happening. She wasn't always like this

How old are you cali?
19
 

Yikes.Do you still live at home?
No. I left when I was 16
 

You're parents let you leave the house when you were 16! that's not even legal. You're parents sound like horrid people and this is NOT your fault. I don't think that you should ever contact them at all ever again. You need to focus right now on making something out of your life. Do you go to school? Get your butt enrolled and study hard and become someone important in life. When you are successful, you can surrond yourself with quality people and form good friendships, sometimes a good friend can be better than family. True story.
My mom just gave up and my dad didn't care so I moved in with some friends. All my family is really just all my close friends. I don't have any blood I can rely on. I'm not in school but I want to go. I did super good in HS and everything but school isn't exactly my top priority right now.
Back to Top
Cali naps View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 28 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8056
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:02pm
Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Are you in school?

They usually provide counseling and therapy
no. I tried counseling before and it didn't really do much tbh
Back to Top
Lady ICE View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Jun 07 2007
Location: Gotham City
Status: Online
Points: 268482
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Lady ICE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:04pm
i would say good bye and not look back. theyre going to make you insane if you keep going back and then having 2 ppl gang up on you. no real mother would let anyone do anything to her daughter cause he's angry. wtf?

anyways i know you really wanna get back with your mom, but sounds like she and dad have their own set of issues...and are blaming you. just get on with your life. make it a good one.


i wish i would be cookin somebodys dinner and they start a fight...madea and the grits..thats all imma say lmao. im sleepy op so i might be rambling, not sure, but seriously just carry on with your life...dont go back.

Back to Top
princesshoneybee View Drop Down
Elite Member
Elite Member
Avatar

Joined: Mar 08 2012
Location: shutup town
Status: Offline
Points: 16547
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote princesshoneybee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:06pm
Originally posted by Cali naps Cali naps wrote:

Originally posted by jonesable jonesable wrote:

Are you in school?

They usually provide counseling and therapy
no. I tried counseling before and it didn't really do much tbh
 

You probably went to that "free counseling" that doesn't help. Perhaps you are depressed and need medication. It's ok if you do its nothing to be ashamed of. I take something from my doctor.
Back to Top
Cali naps View Drop Down
VIP Member
VIP Member
Avatar

Joined: Aug 28 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 8056
Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Cali naps Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Dec 07 2012 at 11:08pm
Originally posted by Lady ICE Lady ICE wrote:

i would say good bye and not look back. theyre going to make you insane if you keep going back and then having 2 ppl gang up on you. no real mother would let anyone do anything to her daughter cause he's angry. wtf?

anyways i know you really wanna get back with your mom, but sounds like she and dad have their own set of issues...and are blaming you. just get on with your life. make it a good one.


i wish i would be cookin somebodys dinner and they start a fight...madea and the grits..thats all imma say lmao. im sleepy op so i might be rambling, not sure, but seriously just carry on with your life...dont go back.

LOL Trust me I was ready to let him know. My tears weren't sad tears they were I'm so pist that I cant hurt you right now tears. I would have done something but I do not need NO type of attention from the law.
Back to Top
Get Longer Healthier Faster Growing Hair
Get Healthier Stronger Longer Hair
The Elite Hair Care Sorority
Electric Cherry Hair
Hair Extensions Wefted Hair Wigs and More
Human Hair Wigs
Wefting Training
FAB Hair Premium Hair Extensions
DivaWigs.com
Premium Quality Human Hair Extensions and Closures
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 2345>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down